
Why do we curse and swear: #!@*&% ?
SBS Audio
29/05/2025 32:36
Host: Rune Pedersen joined by Stefan Delatovic
Producers: Rune Pedersen, Stefan Delatovic
Writers: Rune Pedersen and Stefan Delatovic
Artwork: Wendy Tang
Post production and sound design: Dom Evans and James Coster at EARSAY
SBS Audio team: Joel Supple, Max Gosford, Bernadette Phương Nam Nguyễn
Guests: Professor Kate Burridge Stefan: How Humans Talk is an SBS podcast recorded on Wurundjeri country. We pay our respects to the custodians of this land, which has been shaped by stories and language and love for generations. The following episode contains swearing and bad language. So if you're listening with children, family, or friends, make sure they listen closely because studies show swearing might be good for your health and optimise your performance. Rune: But if you rather skip any coarse language. This might be a good episode to miss. Although we think you might miss out. Stefan: That little Danish. That's fun. What does that mean? Rune: Ah, it's just, uh, some, some friendly banter, like Aussie style banter. Oh, cool. What does it translate into? I think it's something like, um, you disgusting dick face. Stefan: Oh my God. Why would you call me that? Rune: I don't know. It's just like the, just what we say here, right? Like just. You dick face. Stefan: Oh, you are thinking of dickhead. Rune: Isn't that the same? Stefan: It's uh, similar. I dunno, for some reason when you call me a disgusting dick face, it feels more offensive than dickhead. But maybe that's just because I, I say dickhead all the time. Rune: Well, the head and the face is kind of connected. I don't quite get Aussie swear words are really, really confusing. But I, I'm so like intrigued and I wanna, I wanna Stefan: just learn them. Yeah. Okay. I mean, there's probably some safer ones. If you want to just sprinkle them in to sort of Aussie chat, please. Uh, there's some classics like Struth or Crikey. Yeah, those are some of the all time classics. You've got my all time favorite Fuckwit. My mom used to love that one. And that leads to, we got a lot of sort of sex ones, like, uh oh, bugger me or get rooted, or, oh, you're soft cock. And then obviously there's the C word, but, um, you know, a handle with care. Like, like what do you mean? Like, crap? No, no, not that one. But you just said cock, was it, is it cock? No, no, it's not cock like creepy cock. No, no. Not creepy Cock. Uh, I, yeah, I wouldn't feel comfortable saying it. Well, Rune: well what, what is it? Stefan: It's, uh, look, I actually think I'm not qualified to be teaching you this stuff. I think we need to find someone else. Rune: You. Creepy cock. Creepy cock is so upsetting. So off I went. On my merry way to meet none other than Kate Burridge, distinguished linguist professor at Monash University and a professional swearer. For someone like yourself who deals with language every day, what's your take on using language as a means of cursing? Kate: Well, it's the fallout of taboo, really. It's all part and parcel of it. Yes. These things that go bump in the nighters as sometimes describe it for society, whatever they be, uh, we, you know, I'm incredibly powerful and uh, Kate: I think even today, words have this power. Rune: Why do you think that? Kate: Oh, that's a, that's a really good question. Why? Why? Why is it? I think in the case of taboo, taboo words, people really do behave as if there is a very real connection between what the word means and how it sounds, you know? Linguist, bang on about the arbitrary nature of language, the fact that there's no necessary or natural connection between, I don't know, table, um, you know, what I'm looking at now and the word table. But in the case of taboo words, it's very, very different. People talk about these as, you know, ugly sounding and. Dirty words and parents even wash kids' mouths out with soap, you know, when they utter one of these words. Uh, so they, I think that is where the power comes from. And this, you know, is also power that's attached to names. Look at, you know, Rumpelstiltskin , which I think has parallels in many different, uh, cultures where, you know, learning the, the name of the little villain, uh, stripped him of his power, you know, so there's all sorts of examples of that. Rune: So it's, it's what humans attach to it. Hmm. It's the energy we put into it. Kate: Yes. I mean, when you think about it, these words are just assemblages of vowels and consonants. Uh, and they can easily be stripped of their power, and they are often over time. But, uh, people just have this. Reaction, and people talk about them as sort of raising goose flesh. And, and then there are scientific experiments to show that they do, uh, bring on, you know, larger, stronger galvanic skin responses. Uh, they, there's evidence that they're, if they're not stored differently in their brain, they're at least access differently. Some people lose all ability to, you know, to use language, accept the ability to use dirty words or swear words. This is. Fascinating. Really? Mm. Rune: So that's a different part of the brain. Kate: And that would only be possible if these words were well, if not stored differently, then certainly accessed differently. And people often, you know, I've heard a number of people describe the very distressing situation where, you know, older relatives. Experience this, and they, they suddenly start to, you know, swear like a trooper and they've never sworn all their life. So there are, there's something very special about these words. Rune: Yeah. So have we been able to then figure out if it's the intent and meaning of the words or if it's the sounds of the words or if it's a combination of both? Kate: Combination of both. I think. Because I think they're tied closely together. Yes. Some last for centuries and retain their slangs or their power, uh, others, peter out. And so what is it that allows these words to survive so well? Uh, so, and, and the sound, the aesthetics of words. That's a big part of it. Rune: Yeah. They feel good in your mouth. Rune: And I think it's interesting also being a, a non-native English speaking person, um, I'm very fond of saying, uh, the F word. Mm-hmm. Um, and I don't attach a great big deal to it. Kate: No. And that's the interesting thing because there have been many studies done on. Bilingual multilingual speakers. Um, and yes, certainly swear words in, let's say both languages. If we think of bilingual speakers, will, um, raise goose flesh if I put it loosely like that. So they will have a greater emotional reaction to, you know, the swear words in, in, um, in both languages. But, um, you know, in the first language, it's always much stronger in fact. Bilinguals often report that, you know, say the F word as you've just said, does nothing. It'll depend on, you know, when the second language was acquired. But it has to do with the very early experience. It has to, uh, swear words. I mean, kids learn the power of these words really very early on. Uh, you know, I've spoken to many traumatized Australians who have had their mouths washed out by soap. Usually older Australians now. Really? Yeah. Very traumatic experience for them. So. These, these, um, words will, will kind of enter the brain with a kind of linguistic health warning as, uh, the psycho linguist Timothy J put it, you know, these words come with with rewards. You know, kid drops one of these words and they get, you know, all the attention in the world. I. Uh, they also come with penalties, washing your mouth out with soap, uh, sent off to your room, whatever. Uh, so, and if you learn it later in life, you know, a swear word, then it's not going to have the same kind of cultural imprint of the forbidden. So it's, it's just not gonna have that sort of power. Rune: A lot of us had to adopt English as a second language. Um, there is this sort of. For lack of a better way of defining it, and maybe you can help me out here, but there's this sort of blue collar, larrikin Australian identity in terms of how we talk. Is that the case? Kate: Most certainly. And I think it goes back to the very early appearance of English in this country. And when you think of the, what went into that linguistic melting pot, it was, you know, the slang and cant of sailors and whalers and gold diggers and convicts of course. So a lot of underworld slang at that time, uh, there was a lot of early commentary around the fact that Australian English speakers swore a lot. Interestingly, and this goes to what you were saying, uh, a number of people commented that, you know, and nothing was meant much by this. So it's this idea of kind of solidarity. So yes, I think, uh, and that is a marked difference, I believe with Australian. English swearing and swearing elsewhere. You know, and Australians might be disappointed to know that. Uh, we're not the top when it comes to vulgarity. Uh, we are third in fact, behind the US and behind the uk. But the big difference is that we wear these swear words. Uh. Along with the kind of nicknames and the shortenings and the insults, a bit like emblems on a t-shirt. You know, they define us, they're important part of our Australian ness, the kind of mythic friendliness and you know, that's how we like to imagine ourselves anyway, the larrikin. Rune: And so, so from someone who's coming to Australia and also want to, to fit in, like how can I navigate, how can I navigate swearing to a degree where I fit in? Um, but I also don't offend. Kate: Hmm. 'cause 'cause these words still can offend. Of course they can. Yeah. Rune: And I, I know it's context based of course. Right. But yes. Is that the, is that the answer to it? I think the, the Kate: only thing to do is to watch and learn, which is obviously what you've been doing. Uh, there are always, um. Camouflage words, remodelings, linguistic fig leaves to use. Uh, you know, society recognizes that you might have the inner urge to swear, but it may not be appropriate. So you've got this out in the way of these kind of remodeled swear words. And Australian English is full of those two, like crikey and cripes and all those, you Butte Aussie lingo words from way back, uh, they still trotted out. Uh, so yeah, there's, there's a way, but it is a very hard part to learn. I mean, it's a bit like the, those what are sometimes called discourse markers, the little words that we pop in our conversations like the, your nose and the likes. And I mean, and I think, and yeah, no, and. Uh, they're hard, but they take a long time. But they are important part of full competence of a language like the swearing. I mean, there are some key expressions and bloody would be one of them. You know, the so-called great Australian adjective. I mean, it isn't an adjective, as I'm sure you probably aware, adjectives will describe nouns. You know, the, the bloody door would be a door that has blood smeared all over it, but, you know, shut the bloody door. That bloody there just smears the sentiment all over the entire sentence. Mm. Uh but it's, um, that's an important part of Australian English, you know? 'cause we just love the vernacular language. Uh, so little words like that are important probably. Yeah. Two years Rune: I think. So. I think, uh, it's a. Because you stand out when you use them incorrectly. Mm-hmm. Um, Kate: and they are complex. I mean, you know, depending on the li the, the situation, depending on the linguistic context, what's the bloody, you know, nestled up against a whole lot of different meanings. Rune: Could you help us define what makes a swear word? Kate: I suppose we still have the earlier understanding of swearing, you know, um, where you make a solemn oath, I swear by almighty God to tell the truth, et cetera. That's the sort of early understanding of swearing. So profane, swearing in that early period would've been irreligious language. So language that's not respectful of the deity. And then I. From there, it just broadened to encompass whatever was taboo at the time. So these days you could think of swearing as being the emotional use of. Of a taboo word? Well, for a number of purposes, it could be to let off steam. It could be to insult somebody. It could be to show surprise or excitement. It could be as a bit of verbal cuddling, you know, to show your good mates, uh, whole lot of different functions for swearing. And it's, I think, important to think of those different functions. Rune: And how is wearing then different than saying other taboo words? Uh, taboo phenomenons like a euphemism. Kate: Uh, so yes. So it won't learn. I mean, if I, if I can use a swear word, shit, for example. Uh, it's not gonna cut it. If you say excrement, if you use a, uh, a Latin based. Euphemistic term. Um, of course, you know, Latin and French have been deodorizing English for a long time and we have a vast array. And what you will find with taboo is that you'll typically get a incredible richness of vocabulary. As of course, euphemisms wear out and become themselves taboo or just simply disappear and then have to be replaced. So they just don't cut it. They don't, 'cause what gives you that emotional release is the breaking of the taboo. So. You might think, well, there have been studies done, for example, to show how swearing will alleviate pain. Famous experiment by Professor Stevens. In England and uh, participants were had to plunge their arm into ice cold water and they were given a swear word of their choice and then they had to do it again. I'm not sure how we got ethics approval for this. It's not very nice. Plunging your arm into ice cold water. But anyway, then they were, had to repeat the experiment with, uh, just an ordinary word, like table or whatever. And of course they could keep their. In the water longer, um, with a swear word. Kate: Um, than without. So, you know, there's pretty robust evidence. There are plenty of other experimental, um, or other experimental evidence to show that swearing can alleviate pain. It has that power to do that. Only, you know, plenty of studies coming out of maternity wards to, to see, you know, the air blue with language and it does help to, so, you know, it shares that with other, I suppose. Mostly involuntary. Um. Noises that we make, like laughter, like screaming, like, um, those sorts of crying, you know, that, that it will help you cope with a stressful, painful situation. It will help you to focus, uh, it'll make you feel better. There's always something good about bad language, whatever that bad language is. And of course, you know, there's a whole lot of things that people will brand with the label. Bad language, you know? Yeah. Whether we're talking about pronunciation features or lousy grammar or whatever Rune: we often call swearing. Bad language. Bad, bad thing to do, but yeah. And you kind of answered it now, but can swearing be good? Kate: Yes. Absolutely. I shouldn't use the word. Absolutely. I'm sure many people would brand that, that emphatic use of absolutely as a swear word, as probably more so than bugger or shit. But anyway, I'll stop using. Absolutely. Most certainly indeed. Uh, it, uh, it has, uh, a lot of therapeutic benefits. So alleviating pain, Stevens went on to do another. Well, a number of experiments. In fact, one, to show that, uh, people who sort of curse their way through a half a minute bike exercise on a, on an exercise bike could, I think it was, raise their power. I think something like 24 watts or something like that. Mm-hmm. Uh, a hand grip, uh, exercise and gripping this, I quite can't, there is a term for it. I can't think of it now. Um, their strength was increased by over two kilos if they were allowed to swear. There have been studies where people have been put in stressful situations and been told they can't swear. I mean, I think there is good evidence that swearers will lead less stressful, you know, lives. Kate: But I should add to this, and this will again, interest you because of the power of words. Uh, the effects in all areas as far as I know, will diminish if you're an habitual swearer. Kate: of these words will diminish with use. Rune: Okay. That's good advice then. Yes. Kate: So if, yeah, so don't overdo it Rune: Now. Choose your swear words Kate: carefully. Mm-hmm. Gordon Ramsey would be well advised to. Uh, in fact, I often think that there's a lot in common between language and food. You know, that, uh, as my cookbook, I've got one cookbook that says, you know, a flavor repeated too often, it becomes tiresome. And what is interesting too is that many studies, and these are studies going back to the 1930s, show that when things get really, really stressful, the swearing cuts out. There was a study done by the, um, Australian lexicographer. Partridge, Eric Partridge of swearing amongst World War I soldiers. And again, when things got really stressful, the swearing diminished. Uh, it was a study, one of the very famous early studies done in 1960. A woman looked at, um, swearing amongst zoologists in the Norwegian arctic periods of, you know, total darkness. And again, when things got very stressful, swearing diminished. Psychiatric Ward sa, same study. I've looked at black boxes from, you know, when aircraft crashes. Awful stuff, swearing while it's, you know, dreadful things are happening. But as soon as it's clear that the plane is gonna crash, then the swear words cut out. Kate: I'm not sure to be honest why, why that is, why that would be why. You know, when things get really, really ful, well, there's often just silence. I think people are literally lost for words. Rune: You're getting closer to a a almost, if you're in that belief system. Mm-hmm. If you believe of something like that, then you're getting close to it. Then it's really quite interesting. Mm-hmm. That if we, if we say that swearing in its initial form was. Uh, cussing off, you know, the deity. Rune: Then when we are now getting really close to it in a serious situation, we actually stopped doing it. There's something there that's giving me actual goosebumps. Interesting. Yes, yes, Rune: And I know this is just me speculating, right. But of course, if you've been in a really tragic situation, you also just know you're lost for words. Kate: Yes, exactly. It could be as simple as that. So you kind of wonder whether, uh, one of these remodeled swear words would have the same effect as. Sort of like fiddle fat or that's a cute one, but you know, there are sugar, shoot, shucks, all these, there, there are hundreds of these remodel swear words. Would they have the same effect? I suspect not because the effects comes from that, you know, violating a taboo that's gives you the emotional release. Rune: Could you, yeah. Could you expand on that for me? What it means to, to violate the taboo or to break the taboo? I. Kate: By actually saying the taboo word. Kate: So if you use one of these linguistic fig leaves, you're not actually saying the word. And yes, it will give you. The same release. You know, let's say you hit your thumb with a hammer, uh, you can say ow or you can say a whole lot of much stronger words. Mm. I don't know yet of a study that's done comparing those. I think that would be very, very interesting. Rune: Can you, in a short amount of time, take a word and then make it into a swear word even without it being a taboo? Kate: Now it has to arise out of those things that are difficult for society, you know? So ma, in an early times it was, you know, God and supernatural and. Body parts, particularly the body, body parts, the, sometimes it was dangerous animals, sometimes, you know, uh, bodily functions. And these days, you know what really packs a punch, of course, is what my colleague Keith Allen describes is Easter language. So racist, sexist, ageist, religionist. Language, you know, language that's deemed discriminatory in some way. Mm. They, so these have legal restraints now, whereas, you know, the, the legal restraints around other types of swearing have been lifted. And what is also interesting is that whenever there have been, you know, periods of censorship or oppression, it doesn't matter whether it's just social niceties or whether it's been in a full-blown laws. I mean, the first laws in English were in the Renaissance period. It was laws against, um, blasphemous language on the stage. Did people stop using that language? Well, no. They just got really inventive, and that's where you got some of these curious remodelings, like Zunes or Zs as sometimes pronounced God's wounds, swot. Every part of God's anatomy was sworn upon, but always in heavy disguise. Mm-hmm. You know, and again, when you come to the Vic. Victorian era. There was all this squeamishness about sex and body parts and bodily flu and bodily functions. And anyway, did they, you know, periods of great social nicety swearing didn't stop. Of course it didn't. And it was a Victorian era that gave us these great dictionaries of vulgar language. They, they came outta that time. Um, Rune: yeah, it's funny. It's almost like it's, it's, it's almost a futile exercise. Kate: It is a futile, so it's, you know, it's, it's not like trying to get people to stop biting their nails or stop smoking, you know, there's something, and it. Goes to this idea that there is always something good about bad language. Our brain swear for, for very, very good reasons. I always love that image of, um, Shakespeare's, you know, the worm in the bud. It's as if you've got this kind of offensive little worm feeding on the sort of bud, the rose bud of social nicety. Kate: It's, it just seems to, any sort of periods of, of repression seem to bring about even greater creativity of swearing. Kate: I've greater flourishing of it anyway, so I've probably gone off on tangents. I feed that you Rune: can kind of, I'm feeding you. Yeah, Kate: you are feeding me, uh, you are leading me down the garden pathway, right? Yeah, exactly. Rune: Yeah. Um, imagine me being a little, little thick worm. Is there a, this is quite linguistic question, but is there like a consistent linguistic formula that makes a word a taboo? Or is it purely the sort of the cultural context? Kate: Um, I love the description once of a, a mother of a child who had Tourette syndrome and she said, as she put it, society shapes the noise that is made. So she made the point that if I think if wish whistling the national anthem was the greatest obscenity, her daughter would be doing it there as a tick. Is how she put it. So, and, but I thought her description of society shaping the noise that is made is, is perfect because it is exactly that, you know, so you will find that taboo is dynamic. Uh, it will change over time. It will change from place to place. Uh, it will change, you know, even within the different English speaking communities. If I give an example, like, screw you or fuck you, or something like that. These are probably the only structures that my students of English grammar will remember, because we looked at the interesting grammar around these. So you look at screw you, you think, okay, what is that verb? You know who, who, what's the subject of that verb? It doesn't make sense. It's not a command. It's who's, who's the subject. Then when you look at earlier expressions like, damn you, or Bless you, if it could be something positive, of course there's God, God damn, you. Um, and God gets deleted because of euphemistic reasons. So it's just damn you. And then you just put it with the modern idiom. Mm-hmm. Um, screw you the more sexually, physically based verb. So it's a bit like, you know, new wine in old bottles. So you've got the linguistic bottle and you, you just put the modern idiom. Into that bottle. Rune: Wow. So, so, so the, so the sort of, the, the, the blasphemy energy is retained in that structure? Rune: But we, we just use new words. Rune: That's fascinating. Kate: And presumably that will change again, and you see it also the way that. Taboos will change. Is that in that curious expression? Pot calling Kettle black in English. So you know where you um, say someone is guilty of doing whatever they're accusing. Someone else of doing pot calling Kettle Black. You know that used to be pot calling Kettle black ass. In the Victorian era. So you've gotta think of kettles and pots on a fire and they're black and bottoms from the fire. And the kettle is saying to the pot, you've got a black ass just like I have. Mm. You know? And then of course the Victorians got a bit queasy about ass. So Ass was dropped. Pot calling Kettle Black. These days there's a lot of discussion on the internet about the racist nature of that word. So what happens now is that black gets dropped and so it's pot calling Kettle. It's all about pots and kettles. I've heard someone say so that that model, that that expression just kind of adapts as it Yeah. Moves through time. Rune: Okay. Interesting. Yeah. 'cause I. Uh, we don't have the same expression in, in Danish, but I've, uh, I heard it in English and understand it, but I always just like imagine, oh, I guess, I guess all puddles and ke kettles were black, but I never thought it was the actual burnt bottom. Kate: Burnt bottom. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Rune: Okay. Because I'm just like, oh, it's cast iron because, so knowing that swearing can be actually good sometimes, can swearing also connect people? Kate: That's the most usual function for swearing in. All the studies will show that, that it's the social. Social side of swearing, the, the use of swearing for friendly banter or to show mateship or solidarity or, you know, particularly when directed against outsiders, you know, it's kind of defines the gang. Kate: So that's where you might use a, a swear word, but not with any hostility. And then, you know, it might be thrown back at you. I could, I could call you a silly bugger and you. Hurler, you know, an insult back at me. But it's, it's all meant, you know, it's all signaling great friendship. Uh, and, and this has been the case for a long, long time. In fact, if you go back early enough in English, and you certainly get this in the Scandinavian languages, there's something called flighting, which is what, what was it defined as? The fine art of the savage insult. This is basically where the players, and we are looking at, you know, we're thinking of old Norse literature here. So it's embedded in exquisite literature of the time where the players will hurl abuse terms at each other. You know, really offensive terms, and it comes as quite a shock when you encounter these, um, examples. But it's, it's, um, it's not meant to be negative. It can turn nasty, but, and it, it's some, you know, that I suppose you get echoes of flighting as it's called in, um, in the kind of modern rap battles where you exchange these insults with rap. So, you know, it does have its modern appearances as well. Rune: Yeah, yeah. But it is Kate: something called flighting, Rune: and this is a really sensitive topic. Then when we are navigating all, a lot of people living together with different beliefs as well because it's like, how do you navigate this Kate: language? It's like anything in life, you know, you wouldn't use a knife to eat peas, um, because it's not the right tool and it's the same with language. Kate: There's a time and a place, you know. There's no point in washing kids' mouths out with soap. You're just giving those words extra power and fascination for kids. But it's good to have a good discussion with kids about these words. Rune: Yeah. It's quite interesting that action in itself is empowering the word. Kate: Mm. I mean, it's a, it's a striking, a literal, you know, that dirt metaphor? Uh, we talk about them as dirty words. I mean, they're poor little things. They're just words. Rune: Is there a common myth about swearing you would like to debunk? Kate: I suppose the idea that you can stamp it out well, that I would like to get that message across for all bad language, really, uh, that it's not intrinsically bad, uh, and there are positive aspects to it, and that indeed, as I've mentioned earlier. History shows that periods of censorship and repression just simply coincide with a, a greater flourishing of swear words. Mm. It just seems to provide more fertile soil for the swear words to thrive. Uh, so that was, you know, I, I think that's right. Rune: Okay. So last question. What does swearing say about how humans communicate? Kate: What's wearing says for me, and I suppose it's vernacular language generally, or what it drives home to me, is just this extraordinary creativity of ordinary language users. You know, the sorts of poetic language metaphors that. That come up in this sort of language are, are, are amazing. And you see it also in the remodelings, we talked about the remodel swear words. So you know everything from sort of holy moly to drought, to suffering, sache to yes, just having fun really. Stefan: So swearing feels good because it let us play around with taboos. Yeah. And like everything we're looking at, it's got all this sort of unexamined importance baked into it. Like Kate, I thought. I had a really great point about how you can use swearing to find the sore points in a culture like. It used to be blasphemy and now it's the stuff that people say that's really cooked is all about prejudice and inequality and those current preoccupations and you know, still sex stuff. Rune: Still sex stuff. So when we try to hold this down, right, like we try stopping people from swearing, it just gets stronger and it just builds and we can't really stop it. And I thought that was such an important point. Swearing still feels like blasphemy, but I thought it was so interesting that when we are truly looking at guard and we are meeting a daily and we're in a desperate situation, humans just stop swearing and it's just funny how that all binds us together. Yeah. Wow. Kate was really smart. Very smart. We should find a way of recognizing her. Could we make a new swear word in her honor? Yeah. Like what? So what's the recipe then for creating a good swear word Kate: sound? I. Mm. And shortness if it's gonna be a good expletive. I think so. Thinking of the, oh, no second, where you, you know, where you think of pressing that key and dispatching the email to your work, the entire workplace instead of your mate, what word bubbles up then? It's usually a short, sharp, for English anyway. Word. And Rune: I guess that depends then on the phonetics of a particular link, which, what's Kate: yes. Yes. I think in the case of swear words, you've got, um, in English anyway, the sort of recipe would be single syllable, low vowel and stopped consonants. So like, shit, you know, ends in a, a strong stopped consonant. Fuck. Interestingly, they're the same characteristics of the quintessential male name in, in English like Jack, you know? Kate: But I mean, it doesn't go across the board, and that's always the way with sound symbolism. So my own name, Kate, ought to be a very good swear word, but Rune: maybe that will be the new swear word. Kate: that's right. That's Rune: right. Thank you very much, Kate. I really appreciate it. That's my pleasure. Rune: you. Ah, okay, so that's the recipe for, for a good swear word. What do we, what do, what should we do? I. I Stefan: dunno, what should we do? You're sick, Kate. Rune: How Humans Talk is produced and written by Stefan Delatovic and by me Rune Pedersen from Onomato People. Post-production and sound design for the series was done by Dom Evans and James Coster at EARSAY. The SBS team is Joel Supple and Max Gosford, and our artwork is by Wendy Tang.
Rune: And just to be clear, any swearing in this episode was done with a lot of love. But if we raised your goose flesh, tell us off wherever you found this podcast.
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- SBS Australia
Love, warmth, 'gentle smacks'. Ben says his parenting method helps his children flourish
How are parents raising resilient kids in an age of constant judgement and conflicting advice? Insight hears from parents navigating generational differences, social pressures and childhood baggage. Watch Insight episode Modern Parenting Tuesday 19 August 8.30PM on SBS or live on SBS On Demand . Ben Smart, 32, says he has felt like an outlier since becoming a dad at 22. The evangelical pastor remembers attending an antenatal class and thinking: "Am I the only guy in this room that doesn't have any grey hair?" Ben and his wife had three children when they were in their early 20s — a decision he says was strongly influenced by their Christian faith. When it comes to his parenting approach, Ben says he aims for a balance between high love and high discipline. "A lot of affirmation and love and warmth, but also those firm boundaries that actually help them have guardrails — within which they can flourish," he told Insight. Ben and his wife with their three children. Source: Supplied Ben says he has smacked his children as a form of discipline, but "never in anger, and as part of a conversation". "When we say no, we actually are going to follow through on that..." he said. Corporal punishment is not legal within schools or educational settings within Australia; but remains legal in most states and territories if it is given by a parent but only if the force used is 'reasonable'. Ben says that in their family, a "gentle smack" is followed by a conversation, prayer, then reconciliation. "Our children can trust us when we say: 'you can do this', 'you can't do that'. They know what the consequence is," he said. "And so, within those frameworks, it gives them a lot of freedom and trust to be able to live." Ben also places strong emphasis on developing his kids' independence and believes building resilience starts from a young age. "I think it's certainly been increasingly widely recognised that we do live in an increasingly kind of helicopter parenting mode. And there's a lot of hyper attention on our children," he said. "Recognising actually our kids are capable of a lot more than we think they are ... We're trying to give them more and more freedom outside the home." Millennials are parenting differently Amy Molloy says that discipline can be a "minefield" and for her, is the most difficult aspect of parenting to navigate. She says millennial parents, like herself, were told not to smack or yell but weren't given clear alternatives. "It does feel a little bit like we had all our tools taken away, without giving a replacement," Amy told Insight. "No naughty corner, no taking things away from them if they've done something 'wrong'. But, what are we doing instead?" She feels this is what is missing from conversations surrounding more 'conscious' and 'gentle' models of parenting. Amy, who was raised in a strict Catholic household, also believes her generation is making the conscious decision to parent differently to how they were parented. For her, this involves taking an approach more aligned with 'gentle parenting', which prioritises connection, empathy and positive discipline. "My kids are wild. I always say they're like outdoor cats. They are not indoor cats ... [They] don't even sit at a table to eat dinner," she said. Rather than demanding obedience, Amy embraces a parenting style that encourages freedom and autonomy. "We don't ask [obedience] of them. It's not in my values. I love that they are self-expressive and really know themselves." Bribes and rewards Gen Muir is an obstetric social worker and parent educator who says that many millennial parents were raised with harsh styles of discipline. "Most of us were raised with the sticks — so threats, punishments, smacking, time outs," she said. "Many millennial parents are ... using bribes and distraction, and reward charts on the fridge, and sort of hoping for the best ... " Muir says: "When we go to the threats and the punishments, our kids' cortisol goes up and usually behaviour gets worse. It doesn't work, and it creates a disconnect with the bribes and the rewards. It can work, but not when our kids are dysregulated." Gen Muir is a parenting educator and has four kids of her own. Source: Supplied Muir is also the mother of four adolescent boys. While there are many different parenting techniques and approaches, one Muir finds helpful — in constructively setting boundaries — is the "empathy sandwich". "It's basically like: 'I really hear what you wish or want was going to happen right now, and I can hear that you want the biscuit. That's really hard. My answer is no.' And that's quite clear," she said. "We follow that with empathy: 'You're allowed to be upset about it'." Muir says this is a method with which parents can learn to set limits with their children. She says her approach is to be really firm about the boundary but to deliver it with kindness and empathy. Muir also notes modern parenting comes with a lot of pressure, particularly with conflicting information and opinions online available. She encourages parents to remember self-compassion and balance. "I apply the information that I teach 30 per cent of the time — not 100 per cent of the time — because none of us are meant to parent sitting on the floor, welcoming every feeling our child has 100 per cent of the time." "It is not what kids need and it's a recipe for burnout for parents." 'A lack of accountability for students' Cath Lorenz says she regrets not being stricter with her two now-adult children, and admires how her parents raised her — with firm boundaries and expectations. "I don't feel I've had that strength or consistency with my own children ... I wish I had been a little bit more consistent, with potential consequences for overstepping those boundaries," she said. Cath was a teacher for 25 years and says she observed significant changes in students' behaviour throughout that time. "There's a real difference in the concept of respect, and there seems to be, these days, a lack of accountability for students," she said. Cath left her teaching career due to feeling there was a lack of support in managing students' behaviour. "If there was a student who was dysregulated or having trouble, for whatever reason, it was back on me. It was 'my fault, I wasn't trying hard enough'." "When I used to spend so much of my time worrying about my students outside of my school time that I wasn't giving my enough time to my own children — and that had to stop." Cath left the teaching profession due to feeling there was a lack of support in managing pupils' behaviour. Source: Supplied Building resilience early Ben recognises it can be hard to "let them have some independence and not be watched all the time" in city settings. But living in a suburban area, he and his wife now encourage their children to go down to the local shops to pick up the odd grocery item. "And so we say to the three kids: 'Hey, here's a $10 note'. "Go down, pick up some milk, you can have a dollar worth of lollies each." He said this provides a bit of incentive and excites the kids and they look forward to it. "Our oldest is like: 'Oh my goodness, this is really scary. I'm anxious.' "And yet she did it. And she was so proud of herself."

ABC News
5 hours ago
- ABC News
Contaminated foam returns to central-west NSW river, more potent than ever
Fresh mounds of contaminated foam have been discovered on a central-west NSW river, with laboratory tests showing it contains the highest amount of the forever chemical PFOS yet. The foam's reappearance on the Belubula River near Blayney comes a year after a group of concerned landholders first called in the Environment Protection Authority (EPA) over foam blanketing the river they rely on for irrigation. Appearing in similar locations to last year, tests show the new foam banks contain 540,000 nanograms per litre of PFOS — 67,500 times the latest recommended drinking water guidelines. PFOS is among the thousands of poly and perfluroalkyl chemicals collectively known as PFAS, and has a wide range of industrial uses. The foam was tested at a Sydney lab after scientist Ian Wright collected a sample to help the community gather data. Cattle farmer Frances Retallack, who made last year's foam discovery, also advised the EPA of the most recent pollution event. "After last year's events, we've monitored [the river] closely," Ms Rettalack said. Ms Retallack recorded video of carp in the Belubula River gulping mouthfuls of the foam. "If you look closely, it's full of dead bugs," she said. A spokesperson for the EPA confirmed it had been made aware of the foam's reappearance. "We have contacted the community to seek more information about this latest report of foam … and will work with water scientists on any further investigations," a spokesperson said. The agency said it had conducted an "extensive surface water monitoring program in the Belubula River" since the initial discovery of foam in May 2024. "We measure pollutants across a range of conditions and seasons to capture any variability in results," a spokesperson said in a statement. Part of the regulatory response also imposed new licence conditions relating to PFAS monitoring upon nearby gold mine Cadia Valley Operations, landscape supplier Australian Native Landscapes and Blayney council landfill whose operations are part of the Belubula catchment. The watchdog said its own test results indicated the foam wasn't wholly PFAS and that it was likely "coming from some other source containing a mixture of surfactants". Impacted landholders have pushed back on the EPA's findings to date, saying its testing program wasn't "robust science" and have alleged information was "left out". "The reports made no attempt to look at the toxicity of the foam, its locations on the river, the volume of [river] flow or the toxic fish [we found]," Ms Retallack said. In a letter to the community, the regulator rejected those allegations. An Australian-first scientific paper on the subject established how the 2024 foam was created. Written by Ian Wright, an associate professor at the University of Western Sydney, alongside Helen Nice and Amy- Marie Gilpin, the study used data collected while assisting affected communities along the Belubula River with research support. The paper established background levels of PFOS in the Belubula River were enough to create significant amounts of foam, once water was aerated in colder temperatures. The foam "hyper-concentrated" the amount of PFOS in the river, with one sample showing levels 18,750 times that of the river water. "It's a steep river so there's lots of turbulence, lots of rapids and very small waterfalls," Dr Wright said. His research was also able to establish the Belubula foam was gathering heavy metals at "hazardous concentrations". "It was often a really strange combination of metals, including cadmium and mercury, copper and lead," Dr Wright said. Dr Wright said the process occurring in the Belubula River was something scientists called "foam fractionation". "As bubbles rise through a liquid, some dissolved metals, PFOS, other substances in the water actually stick to the bubbles." Newcastle University's professor Ravi Naidu established the Cooperative Research Centre for Contamination Assessment and Remediation of the Environment, known as crcCARE. He described Dr Wright's findings as "important and novel". He suggested the paper would have benefited from a clearer breakdown as to how the foam was processed for analysis given its delicate form, but that further investigation would be beneficial. "Future studies should include the assessment of likely real exposures: platypus, livestock or humans, together with PFAS fingerprinting," Professor Naidu said. This year, the National Health and Medical Research Council released revised drinking water guidelines for the four types of PFAS most commonly found in the Australian population and environment — PFOS, PFOA, PFBS and PFHxS. The new guidelines for PFOS, which appears to be the main PFAS pollutant in the Belubula, were slashed from 70 nanograms to just 8. Dr Wright said PFOS levels in the Belubula River water creating the foam averaged around 20 nanograms per litre — more than double the revised drinking water limit. There are no guidelines for livestock or irrigation, however PFOS levels in the Belubula exceed the EPA's ecological threshold by 86 times. "The Belubula River is an endangered ecological community," Dr Wright said. "These concentrations just in the river are bad." So far, the EPA has resisted seeing the foam as an indicator of river health or a risk to human health. "Foams in water can collect and concentrate chemicals from the surrounding environment to much higher levels," a spokesperson said. "Higher levels of a chemical contaminant in a foam compared to the level in the surrounding water does not necessarily result in additional risk to human health, if contact is avoided." But Dr Wright describes the foam as being "concentrated patches of pollution", which he says raises serious questions about exposure pathways. "There is nothing stopping livestock wading out or [people] pumping it from the river for irrigation for watering livestock. "I think there should be targeted warnings issued for all users of the waterway in the area. The Belubula's foam problem is now on the radar of those further down the river. Winemaker Sam Statham heads up the Belubula River Users Group, representing landholders between Mandurama and the town of Canowindra. He says irrigators downstream of the foam banks were starting to take an interest. "I raised it at the AGM last week and we agreed the issue should be taken to Lachlan Valley Water," Mr Statham said. Mr Statham will host a community event in September, which he hopes will raise awareness of the issue among the downstream community and give people the opportunity to share knowledge. "Someone might get some reassurance from [meeting up]. Someone else might realise there's a problem. "I'm definitely concerned — I don't want PFAS in my wine."

News.com.au
5 hours ago
- News.com.au
Content creator reveals life with consuming skin condition
A 25-year-old woman has revealed why she chose to go topless in order to help other people just like her who suffer with an all-consuming skin condition. Rosie Daniels, who is one half of content creator couple Rosie and Harry, first found signs of psoriasis on her scalp when she was between 10 and 12 years old. From the moment she was diagnosed, an overwhelming feeling of shame and self consciousness clouded her every thought. 'I think my first ever memories of having psoriasis was always being super self conscious if I had to tie my hair up at school,' Rosie told 'I'd always go to school with my hair down just to be able to cover it up. As soon as I had to tie it up for cooking or P.E. I'd be very hesitant and embarrassed. 'I remember saying to my mum that I was so scared that if I found a boyfriend, I don't think I could tell him I had psoriasis on my scalp. I always used to ask her how I was supposed to cover it up for the rest of my life.' As Rosie got older, the psoriasis began to appear in patches on her arms, stomach and legs. But it was so small that it took her a while to even notice. From that point, it just kept spreading. The 25-year-old said her psoriasis is one of the most chronic and severe types, and will always be present in some form on her body. She said the last five years have been dominated by the skin condition. 'It ruined my life completely,' she said. The young woman explained that at one point, she didn't understand how she could ever feel positive in her body. She'd compare herself to other women with clear, tanned skin and felt 'unworthy of love'. 'I thought that Harry shouldn't be with me, and I should be alone until I was able to look a certain way,' she said. 'It was horrible. I felt like the most unattractive person in the entire world, and everybody else was above me. I thought I was disgusting.' Rosie said she couldn't get past the way it looked, revealing she didn't want to leave the house or wear certain types of clothing that didn't cover up the auto-immune condition. She couldn't go to the gym, sleep properly or ever feel comfortable being naked in front of her fiance, Harry. It also had an impact on her mental health, making her feel incredibly low. But, over the last year, Rosie has been able to look at her skin in a new light — something she never thought was possible. She is now proud of how unique she is, saying she now focuses on how she is physically feeling within her body — rather than how her body appears to others. 'It just got to the point where I had looked at it in a certain way for so long that I had reached a point of acceptance,' she said. 'I genuinely think that it's just about time, surrounding yourself with the right people and looking at the right things on social media.' Rosie said even now, she avoids watching shows such as Love Island. She said even though she loves the series, and admires the way the women look, and she compares herself to them. 'That's why Harry and I produce content that is so real and relatable, because it's what I wish I could have consumed five years ago because it would have made my journey a million times easier,' she said. Rosie and Harry met seven years ago, at a pub in London, and she said she doesn't remember having a conversation with Harry about the fact she had psoriasis, adding it was like it was 'accepted and known from day one'. During their relationship, Harry has been a huge support system for Rosie, helping to wash her hair, making sure their house was filled with non-toxic products and helping her maintain a diet that didn't anger her skin. However, the main thing Harry has done is constantly reassure Rosie that she always has his support. The pair have a public platform — boasting 712,000 followers on their joint Instagram account — and Rosie said Harry was the one who helped encourage her to show her skin on social media. 'Back in 2020, I would post photos on Instagram and use Face Tune to edit out psoriasis patches on my stomach. If I was wearing jeans and a top, I would zoom in and actually edit out the patches and recover them with 'normal colour skin',' she said. 'And I remember one day Harry saw me doing it, and he was like 'Why don't you not edit it out one day and post it, and see what happens'.' He said he didn't think anyone would say anything, so Rosie trusted him completely and posted an unedited bikini picture. Positive support from fans instantly flooded in, ultimately encouraging the young social media star to use her platform to speak about psoriasis. This includes a recent Instagram video, posted on @rosieandharry, featuring Rosie having every patch of psoriasis on her back turned into a flower to prove that it was always a 'masterpiece' and never something to be ashamed of. For others out there who may be going through the same thing, Rosie said the way that you look doesn't determine your life path or how people view you — it's the person who you are underneath that does that. She said confidence isn't something that people are born with but a skill that you need to spend time learning. Rosie is sharing her story as part of Psoriasis Awareness Month. 'I genuinely feel from the bottom of my heart that my purpose and calling in life is to help other people learn to love the body and skin their in,' she said. 'Whether they have a skin condition or struggle with something else, I feel like my purpose is to help people love the skin their in so with every video I put out or interview I do, I hope it helps one person feel better and what they have is completely normal.'