Unlike sex-starved Gwynnie, my sex drive was IRREPRESSIBLE in my 50s after my ex slept with me just TWICE in 8 years

The Sun

09-05-2025

THE woman who brought us candles smelling like her vagina and favourite sex toys is now bemoaning a lack of sex drive.
Yes, that's right, Gwyneth ­Paltrow says she feels 'grief' over her lack of sexuality.
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Speaking on an episode of her Goop podcast, the 52-year-old described going through 'hardcore perimenopause', which was having an impact on her libido.
For years, we've had to listen to the actress bang on about titillating sex sessions and her highly charged drive while the majority of women are ­living in a veritable sexual drought.
She once described how her A-lister ex Ben Affleck was 'technically excellent' in bed and, only four years ago, shared how she was ­having the 'best sex' of her life with new-ish husband Brad Falchuk.
Now she says her 'pleasure all around is just dulled'.
That might have the rest of us mere mortals reaching for the tiniest violins, because Gwynnie's never been shy about sharing how much action she is getting.
Swinging from chandelier
And yes, I know. Guilty as charged.
I, myself, have written extensively about how I revved up my sexual engine at the age of 51 following a marriage that was akin to death by sex deprivation.
We had sex twice in eight years and that just wasn't cutting it.
Little surprise then that I emerged from that long, barren relationship with my spark plugs replaced and firing on all cylinders — I was a thirsty girl. My sex drive was ­irrepressible.
At times, I struggled to think about anything else and, remarkably for a 'relationship person', I had a lot of unattached, guiltless, empowering encounters.
It's like I had the lyrics by Queen 'Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time . . . ' playing wherever I went. And I loved it. And I needed it.
While some people were cheering me on from the sidelines, there were just as many telling me to shut the front door, because it reflected badly on their own fruitless, domestic situations.
I was swinging from the chandelier as many women the same age barely had the will to change the light bulb.
I accept I've been that annoying person.
I'm sure I've ground the gears of many people in the past few years as I've been extolling the joys of my newfound sexual revolution in my fifties.
It must be irritating as hell to read about someone else's carnal feast when the rest are living through a sexual famine.
My other defence is that, as well as living for nearly eight years with only two sexual encounters, I also never did any of it when I was in my twenties either.
I chose a career over canoodling, so I hope you can cut me some slack for inadvertently saving it for the autumn of my life.
But, of course, for many women this period of their lives is tricky.
At 52, Gwynneth is six years my junior and lagging a tad behind, but I certainly know where she's coming from. Or not coming from.
Just when us gals think we've been freed from the bondage of child- rearing and all that comes with that, Mother Nature hits us with the menopause, which is not unlike being slapped in the face with a 13lb carp while you're dressed in all your finery on your way to the My Life's Sorted Awards.
Hormones attack every aspect of your life like an unsuspecting sniper. Body parts start to head south.
Gwynnie once described how Ben Affleck was 'technically excellent' in bed and four years ago she said she was having 'best sex' ever with hubby Brad Falchuk
Energy levels disappear quicker than a rabbit up a magician's sleeve and brain fog smothers your thinking so you can barely remember your own name.
And that's without mentioning the fact that your 'honeymoon passage' dries up like a Californian raisin.
Sounds like this is what Gwyneth is going through and suddenly, like so many women around this age, she's starting to question who she really is.
Without her lively libido, what does she enjoy?
She shared: 'My sexuality was such a huge and important part of who I was . . . ' And we know Gwynnie loves to share because sharing is caring. She says she's got a touch of 'anhedonia'.
No, me neither. Apparently, it's the inability to feel pleasure.
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I've only just added 'consciously uncoupling' to my vocab and now I can use anhedonia.
Joking apart, I hear you, Gwynnie and so will women across the world — whether they've had kids or not — married or single.
It may sound a tad dramatic that she refers to this change in her life — this diminishing sexual pleasure — as a form of 'grief' but I don't think it's that much of an exaggeration or too far-fetched.
As women, we go through stages of our lives and when new, unwelcome ones push out some of the best times of our years, it's perfectly natural to feel sad about it.
We wave goodbye to our adolescence; our carefree twenties; our interesting thirties and our rejuvenating forties.
Embarking on our ­fifties is a whole new ball game and life is not a linear process.
I've calmed
'Man plans and God laughs,' as the saying goes.
While sex will always be an integral part of my relationships, I feel like I've now entered a different one.
Some might say I have calmed down, which might be attributed to ten months of sobriety, but I think I'm just more content in myself.
In fact, the menopause isn't all doom and gloom once you hop on the HRT train and take a ride to Peace-ville.
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For women, life no longer becomes about fertility and cycles.
Kids have probably nearly all moved out, but — like a bad smell — often keep returning.
And if you're single like me, you don't have an annoying husband or boyfriend who blinks too loudly, snores, or argues about who should empty the dishwasher.
I'm free to do my own thing. Tied down only by a bulldog.
Of course, it might be nice to be tied down by a bloke once in a while, but I feel that I need a man about as much as a fish needs a bicycle.
And Gwynnie sounds like she might be embracing some of that newfound freedom, too, saying on her podcast: 'I've noticed for myself that bumping up against menopause, there is a kind of not giving a sh*t that I find really, deeply relaxing in my bones, because I don't care. I don't even brush my hair any more.'
I hear that, sister.
Don't get me wrong. Intimacy is important — and having it regularly would be welcome in my life.
I want someone to share the best moments with, someone to give and receive love from, but then to leave me alone to my garden, my peculiar habits and guilty pleasures.
I'm really loving this phase of my life right now. I know inner peace.
I don't base my self-worth on the amount of sex I'm having or how many matches I have on online dating sites.
Even if you took offence at Gwyneth's previous smugness and even if she was as irritating as a mosquito with her constant advice on steaming your undercarriage and the importance of orgasms, I reckon she will garner a fair bit of empathy from women with this latest confession because so many will identify.
Who knew that Oscar -winning actresses were only human, too?
So I say to Gwyneth, what's ­happening to you is quite, quite normal.
You are one of us — except you have a shedload more money.
But if you really want to relight the fires of passion, you could try steaming your vagina again.