'Cheating happens after too many beers - but I paid ultimate price'

Daily Mirror

24-04-2025

As Nottingham is declared the cheating capital of Britain, Mirror reporter Sanjeeta Bains hit the streets of Notts to ask locals their thoughts on the new city status and whether it's all true
Famous as the home of Robin Hood, Nottingham has now earned a new crown sure to make even the outlaw's beloved Maid Marian blush … as cheating capital of the UK.
Forty one per cent of people in the city admit to doing the dirty on their other half, according to a new survey.
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Least surprised are adultery experts at Illicit Encounters, the website for extramarital relationships, which reports a huge 17% rise in active users of the site in Nottingham already this year.
'Between January 1 2025 and March 31 we saw a 17% rise in sign-ups in Nottingham, compared to the same period last year, which is huge,' reveals IIlicitEncounters.com spokeswoman Jessica Leoni. 'We've seen consistent numbers from Nottingham on IllicitEncounters.com over the years – people here are some of our most active users.'
When I drive down Maid Marian Way and enter the city's buzzing Old Market Square to find out what locals think of their city being dubbed a hotbed of adultery, one woman enjoying a drink in the Slug and Lettuce pub tells me: 'There's an old saying that there are three women to every man in Nottingham. But have you heard the one about it being known as 'Bed and Breakfast?'
'Used to be what the city was called, because if blokes came to Nottingham, they were guaranteed a bed for the night - a girl would always put them up. Blokes knew their luck was in when they came here.'
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The Mirror investigation into sex in the city comes after a Netflix-commissioned survey of 2,000 adults, ahead of its new show Cheat: Unfinished Business, which starts on Wednesday.
A revealing 33% of Brits admitted to getting away with adultery, with Nottingham rating highest in the infidelity stakes, as 41% of those surveyed confessed to cheating - compared to loyal locals in Sunderland, where 83% of people said they had never strayed.
Tony Tilley, 59, told The Mirror he has been happily married for 24 years - but that his previous relationship ended after his cheating.
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He said, thoughtfully: 'Cheating happens when you've had too many beers.'
Filled with regret concerning his own adultery, he continued: 'It was heartbreaking, because I lost my family. I couldn't see my son after we split up. I didn't see him for 20 years.'
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Thankfully, they were eventually reunited, thanks to a bizarre coincidence.
'I was going on holiday to Greece and it turns out he was on the same flight,' said Tony. 'Someone told me he was on the flight—I wouldn't have recognised him otherwise.
'We met for the first time in 20 years in Greece. Luckily, he was keen to catch up, so we did a lot on holiday.
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'I'm grateful for that, but I lost that time with him - because I betrayed his mother and our relationship ended.
"I think cheating is very common. It happens everywhere - not just in Nottingham.'
Reiterating his initial words of wisdom, he added: 'It happens when you've had too many beers. Clear thinking and having a clear conscience goes out the window.'
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Curtis Russell, 39, confessed that in the past, like Tony, he was a Nottingham love rat.
Curtis, who spoke to me during his lunch break, said: 'We're in the cheating capital of the country, so I have experience of that. I've experienced a lot by this age.
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'I've been the cheater when I was younger - and I've been the cheated on.
"When I cheated, my girlfriend was able to forgive me and we tried, initially, to make it work - but our relationship was different afterwards and we broke up.
'These days it's very easy to cheat. Social media means we all have a lot of options at our fingertips. "
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But, for anyone who decides to start a Facebook fling, or have a DM dalliance, remember, it could all end in tears.
Despite his own betrayal, Curtis was 'devastated' when someone cheated on him.
'I was heartbroken,' he admitted. 'In all relationships, whether they are going great or not, you have expectations and my expectation was not met.
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'I forgave the person, but as far as the relationship goes, it was more just recognising how I am (after infidelity). It wasn't going to work. The trust has gone.
'Love and trust are two different things. You have to have some empathy and understanding. But cheating is a choice.'
Back in the Slug and Lettuce, Suzanne Gilbert, 45, took a break from her lunch, to tell me about how she was betrayed by a previous partner. They had been together eight years, when he cheated on her with a policewoman.
Suzanne who is in now happy ten year relationship says: "I found out later. He wouldn't admit it to me.
'She was a policewoman who had pulled him over for speeding. They had exchanged numbers. I heard they had a thing later on, but it didn't last. We were living together at the time and I was heartbroken. We split, but it was good riddance.
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"The signs were there. You just come to the realisation later on."
Relate sex and relationship therapist Ammanda Major says infidelity is a very common reason for couples seeking counselling.
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"Sometimes the adultery is the sole reason they have come to me - or sometimes there are long-term problems in the relationship, which has ultimately led one or both of them to seek support, love and affection from someone else.
'Couples do survive affairs but it can take a long time for the trust to rebuild and for the sense of betrayal to diminish."
But cheating doesn't always mean there are big problems in the relationship, according to Ammanda.
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"Sometimes it can be a one-off drunken one night stand,' she says. 'Having one too many drinks can make people behave in a way that they would not ordinarily do.
'What is very real though is the devastation and upset and sense of betrayal and loss that come with finding out your partner has cheated - whether it was a one-off or something that has gone for months or years.
"And the definition of cheating can be different for different people.
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'For example, somebody on social media contacting other people might be seen by one partner as breaking the trust and almost like an affair. But that's not how the other person sees it - because it doesn't involve sex.'
At the other extreme, however, Ammanda says cheating can revitalise a relationship.
She says: 'The wake up call of an affair sometimes does mean that they're able to resume their relationship further down the line and make changes - so their relationship is happier and stronger than it was before."
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Outside in the pretty Old Market Square, with its fountains and majestic council houses, flanked by lion statues, I spotted couples strolling hand-in-hand and couldn't help wondering if any of them were love cheats.
But one couple who would never stray are Garry Hendrie, 62, and his wife Stephanie, 61, who are heading towards their sapphire wedding anniversary.
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Speaking in The Joseph Else pub, Stephanie told me: 'We've been married for 42 years, together for 45 years and neither of us has had any experience of playing away.'
So, what is the secret to marital happiness?
'A relationship is about making time for each other,' says Garry. 'We make sure we go out once a week for dinner or a drink together.'
But Jessica, of Illicit Encounters, says of the city with a world famous outlaw: 'There's certainly something about Nottingham's energy that seems to fuel romantic risk-taking. It's a city full of confidence, charm and a decent dose of rebellion.
'We're talking about the home of Robin Hood, after all.'