6 Signs Someone Is Using You, According to a Psychologist
6 Signs Someone Is Using You, According to a Psychologist originally appeared on Parade.
It isn't always easy to tell when someone is using you. Once you do realize that's the case, however, it's never a pleasant feeling. Whether someone is ghosting you, you're noticing some red flags in your relationship or you feel like they're trying to control you, trauma psychologist and spiritual integration expert says that there are always signs to look out for. "Many of us are familiar with the usual signs of exploitation such as a pattern of one-sided effort, manipulative guilt and disregard for boundaries,' she explains. "Accessing one's deep inner wisdom through honest soul check-ins can bring clarity and relief. If you recognize any of the following signs, you may want to explore the relationship, and most importantly, deep dive into your relationship with yourself." To create healthier interpersonal relationships and strengthen your boundaries, consider this list of six signs someone is using you as a surefire guide to avoiding it. Ahead, Dr. Harrison also shares commonly used manipulation tactics you should look out for, the impact being used can have on your mental health and how to further protect yourself from being a target.Related:
This cue is subtle but important. If someone is using you, you might find yourself constantly waiting for the next request or feeling like you can't relax because you're accustomed to stretching your boundaries for that person. "[It's] a sign that your nervous system is picking up cues and is on high alert," says Dr. Harrison. "While you may not be consciously aware... [they] have put you on hyper-alert status and this fight-or-flight signal is priming you to take notice. While many givers are pros at overriding their internal awareness, your soul is begging you to take notice and recalibrate how much energy you can actually afford to expend on this person."
Most "users" thrive on using their charming nature to exploit those around them. If you find yourself constantly needing to please or wanting to feel validated by a specific person, then this could be a sign they're using you. "One of the most cunning aspects of a user's personality is their ability to use their intuition to turn you against yourself and make you completely dependent upon their approval," Dr. Harrison explains. "This disavowal of self occurs because the giver has grown so accustomed to abdicating their personal power in the service of others." She says that if this was in a "humanitarian context," your actions might be considered "pure gold." But when it comes to being used, it's "wasted currency." Giving to someone who constantly expects from you will make you feel worse and worse in the long run."Not only do you have the right to put yourself first and to be affirmed for being the uniquely beautiful heart that you are, but you also need to know that your limitless capacity for giving is being validated. Just not by whom you think," she shares.Related:
If you feel like your relationship is constantly one-sided and your needs aren't being addressed at all, Dr. Harrison says this could be a sign that someone doesn't have your best interests at heart. "Users are famous for disappearing and only reappearing when they want something from you,' she explains. "They groom you into being at their beck and call at a moment's notice and then react to your needs with indifference at best and ghosting, at worst. All the while, you conveniently forget about numerous disappointments and times they have let you down." Relationships should be a give-and-take situation, with equal parts on both sides. So she shares that practicing generosity "shouldn't leave you feeling drained" and you shouldn't feel "selfish for having a need" or "less important." If you feel "generally depleted" by giving into your user's needs but never having yours met, this is a sign you're being exploited.Related:
This is another subtle sign that you're investing too much time in a user. If you find that you're making less time for other important relationships in your life in favor of one single person, they're using too much of your energy. And they absolutely know they're doing this to you too."Users follow a common playbook," Dr. Harrisons says. "It's actually uncanny how they seem to learn the same script."So because there is an innate "need" in us to "keep trying harder until we 'get it right,'" users know this and prey on it. "The inordinate time and energy investment demanded from users puts the rest of our relationships out of balance," she explains. "The abuser knows this and uses it to their advantage when they see you make them a larger part of your world—effectively eclipsing the [inner] voice that has your well-being and mental health [in mind]. This allows the abuser to become one of your main sources of support which, ironically, flips the entire notion of support on its head."Related:
We all deal with some degree of negative self-talk at times, but if you notice that you're more self-critical than usual and feeling off balance, it may be a sign someone in your life isn't good for you. "When our boundaries are violated and we feel shut down, we [sometimes] engage in more numbing or self-destructive behaviors," Dr. Harrison explains. "[You may also] feel the internal stagnation which manifests as depression, anxiety and panic. Doubting our most beautiful attributes and exchanging those wonderful qualities for self-loathing and deprecation is an insult to our essence. Lowering your self-worth only empowers the user."There is no cure-all, but a few "antidotes" to help with this include "self-reflection [and] engaging in powerful moments of healthy connection and hope and faith in the future." Looking forward to something in the distance, and telling yourself there's good to come helps with the damage users do."This future-striving fuels post-traumatic growth and is in direct contrast with the future-faking and trail of broken promises that users excel at making," she explains.Related:
This may be more of a subconscious thing, but Dr. Harrison says that this is a key sign your relationship with someone isn't on solid ground."In a last-ditch attempt for emotional survival, your internal cues will protest through passive resistance by making you almost amnestic to any ties to the user,' she says. "This is a form of 'magical thinking,' like a child pretending to be an ostrich by burying his head in a pile of blankets. The most problematic aspect of this approach is that cues are ubiquitous and trying to avoid them means avoiding most other aspects of your life as well. Understandably, the user then intensifies their efforts to be seen."Related:
Dr. Harrison explains that users often rely on manipulation, excessive flattery and praise to get someone to emotionally invest in them. They will often become angry if you refuse to do something for them, employing tactics like guilt-tripping, twisting facts and gaslighting to keep you under their thumb. Users also often play the victim to elicit sympathy and will take advantage of your kindness and willingness to help.Related:
While there are many reasons why people use others, Dr. Harrison shares a couple of the most common.
"There are myriad unmet needs which cause some people to use or exploit others," she explains. "Some of the more overt psychological explanations include adverse early attachment failures and disruptions—especially during separation-individuation phases of childhood development." Related:
In a similar vein, Dr. Harrison says that instability can really mess up children and lead to someone becoming a user as an adult."Critical caregiving which would impart security, stability and consistent reliability was replaced with inconsistency and conditionality," she explains. "These fundamental needs, which were misattuned to, express themselves in deep insecurity and a false self [that 's] built on grandiosity and self-importance." Despite that, there is hope in trying to reform someone who grew into a person who uses others."Becoming open and aware by learning from insight-oriented experiences can help get the user more in touch with the origins of their taking behavior," she says. "But by adulthood, they have often created a relationship style around getting these unmet needs met through endlessly-giving individuals. The problem is, unless this healing is attempted in professional settings accompanied by a deep desire to grow and re-align, it becomes an exercise in futility on both parts."Related:
Being used, especially in a long-term setting, can deeply impact your mental health. Dr. Harrison says it's easy to start beating yourself up for allowing yourself to be used which can lead to more negative self-talk down the line—even after breaking free from the user."The meaning we ascribe to our suffering makes all the difference in our ability to re-frame and handle whatever occurs," she says. "When one has repeatedly been a cheerful giver and the taking by others never seems to have an end, those with a self-preservative bias might say, 'Fool me once, but not again' whereas another might respond by happily turning the other cheek. The actual response is idiosyncratic; it varies greatly [from] person to person."As with many things, it's all about what you do with your situation. "The important aspect is the attribution or meaning we give our behavior," she says. "The challenge becomes in stringing the events together to start to notice a pattern. We can then decide whether this pattern is in the service of our well-being and personal growth or not."
Being aware of the above signs is the first step in avoiding a user. Using your inner compass and looking out for the common tactics users employ to get you on the hook are key here. Dr. Harrison says there are truly no hard and fast rules in the process, but she has a few tips."It all starts with knowing your personal setpoint and listening to your deep soul signaling," she shares. "We are sometimes in the habit of overriding our intuition and allowing others to transgress our boundaries. It is part of the give and take, ebb and flow of sorting a new relationship." She explains that for some people, it can be hard to "understand and grasp" the fact that constantly putting others first (at your own expense) saps their energy and harms them in the long run. On the flip side, she notes that "becoming reflexively self-preservative crowds out room for growth." "Both interfere with the process of becoming the highest version of oneself," Dr. Harrison shares. "Becoming aware of your personal patterns and establishing boundaries which preserve your core starts with awareness and a strict belief that you matter first."Up Next:Dr. Kirsten Viola Harrison, trauma psychologist and spiritual integration expert
6 Signs Someone Is Using You, According to a Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jun 4, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 4, 2025, where it first appeared.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
7 Things Elementary-Age Kids Worry About the Most, According to a Child Psychologist
7 Things Elementary-Age Kids Worry About the Most, According to a Child Psychologist originally appeared on Parade. Think back to when you were in elementary school. Between the fun stuff, like recess, field trips and sleepovers, you likely worried about things from time to time, right? Back then, just like today, there were also bullies and friendship dynamics to navigate. Because kids interact with each other daily, often dealing with certain issues for the first time, any child can get stressed out. But what do elementary-age kids the most today?As it turns out, younger generations are more worried and anxious than previous ones, with research pointing to this fact, as reported by a 2011 American Journal of Orthopsychiatry study. Data from the National Survey of Children's Health also found that the prevalence of children diagnosed with anxiety rose from 9.5% in 2020 to over 11% in 2022 among children aged 6 to 11. With the rise of social media, reality TV and the pressure to achieve so much, it makes sense that kids are more anxious than are those the only things elementary-age kids worry about these days? How can parents support them? And when does worry become indicative of something larger, like an anxiety disorder? Parade reached out to a child psychologist to get some of these answers to help out kids and parents Like adults, children naturally worry. Child psychologist Jacque Cutillo, Ph.D., LLP, LPC, LMHC, Director of Specialized Operations at Youth Villages, says that at the elementary school stage, kids are figuring out their place in the world, testing their beliefs and managing increased responsibilities at home and at school. Additionally, they're navigating peer relationships, gaining independence and exploring interests. 'They develop flexible thinking, considering more 'gray' options instead of just black and white,' Cutillo remarks. 'And navigating the gray can bring new challenges in determining right and wrong.' Related: Have a Nervous Child in the Doctor's Office? Here's How to Ease Shot Anxiety in Your Kids As is the case with adults, yes, some kids are just predisposed to worry more. 'Some children do worry more than others, but there are both biological and environmental components to consider,' Cutillo says. For instance, some children have a lower tolerance when managing stressful events, or they might have higher standards they hold themselves to, which can result in increased worry. Also, as Cutillo points out, children's worries can fluctuate from day to day depending on the stressors they are facing. Finally, children are often mirroring how their parents navigate worries. As Cutillo says, if adults can navigate through stressful situations or tolerate levels of unknowns in their daily interactions, children will observe that modeled behavior and develop their own strategies for similar situations. Related: At times, kids can worry about adult concerns like housing, finances and adult relationships. 'Adults are sharing more about things that impact their family with their children. Children are more frequently privy to family concerns at an earlier stage of navigating the concern before adults have a plan to solve the issue,' Cutillo says. Calling them 'macro-level concerns,' Cutillo says that modern-day issues such as politics and immigration can be top of mind for children. 'Children are far more observant now about local, national and international issues because of increased exposure,' she explains. Peer concerns, such as feeling included, fitting in and navigating relationships can be a big source of worry. Cutillo says that kids compare themselves to their peers, from what snacks they bring to lunch to how they perform on a test. 'Competition and performance have become hallmarks in conversations, and needing to keep up continues to increase stressors to maintain relevancy and remain involved in peer groups,' she observes. Labeling it as social media 'infatuation,' Cutillo says that this state has become more common among children, even from a young age. 'Part of this is modeled behavior from caregivers who use their phone or other device to engage in social media usage or technology devices to distract and decompress,' she explains. 'Additionally, technology is everywhere, and a lot of social interaction happens over technology.' Related: Children may worry when trying to meet their own expectations, the expectations of the adults in their lives or simply by media that can influence them. 'Our children want to be good at things and want to have the skills to succeed," Cutillo says. "Children are doing the best they can with the skills they have, and some have developed the need to be perfect at everything they try.' Transitional experiences in life—both small and substantial—can create a lot of worry for a child. As Cutillo notes, it can be something as simple as a change in routine or a new activity, or it can be something larger, such as moving or experiencing loss. 'Changes in daily living result in worry for most people—it is not surprising that children experience the same feelings,' she says. Just like work worries for adults, kids get anxious about school as well. 'Many children experience worries about school performance,' Cutillo says. 'This may be regarding classroom activities, maintaining behavioral norms, standardized tests or public speaking.' Related: If Your Parents or Grandparents Did These 7 Things When You Were a Kid, You're Probably an Anxious Adult Cutillo says that parents can support their children by discussing their feelings openly, addressing daily worries and noticing changes in mood and behavior. 'Even small worries should be taken seriously, as they may be significant to the child,' she cautions. 'Engaging in problem-solving and discussing physiological symptoms helps model good skills and supports emotional development.' She also advises using age-appropriate language and monitoring the information your children are consuming (i.e. through social media). Limiting screen time and trying to avoid sensitive news topics can be beneficial when it comes to their a parent, you'll also want to be aware of how you're modeling healthy habits to your children. Cutillo also recommends answering children's questions honestly and appropriately, seeking answers together if needed. This can be addressed through kid-friendly resources like books, shows or podcasts. Lastly, you can work together to create a 'worry box,' something that can help kids manage their worries, and they can make it unique to them. She suggests using a shoebox or another small box with a lid, decorating it and having your kids place their worries inside for safekeeping, perhaps written on slips of Child Psychologists Are Begging Parents and Grandparents To Stop Asking These 10 Questions 'When worries grow large and seem to be impacting daily activities or relationships, that is a time to seek further support to help your child navigate their worries,' says Cutillo. 'When worries become a problem, caregivers may notice a change in their child's mood or behavior. A typically energetic and outgoing child may withdraw or appear more subdued.'You might notice a change in tone or attitude if your child is experiencing stressors, as well. You should also watch for changes in physiological presentation as well, including difficulty falling or staying asleep, changes in appetite and reports of head or stomachaches, as she explains. Related: There's a chance that these everyday worries may indicate a clinical anxiety disorder. Cutillo says that these characteristics can include excessive worry about a variety of topics over a significant amount of time or a fixation around a specific phobia, social event or even being separated from a primary should you do if these are things you're noticing? 'Caregivers should reach out to their child's pediatrician or school support for further assessment and intervention,' Cutillo says. 'If you notice unsafe behaviors, such as self-harm or suicidal comments or behaviors, seek immediate support from a professional.' Up Next:Jacque Cutillo, Ph.D., LLP, LPC, LMHC, child psychologist and Director of Specialized Operations at Youth Villages 7 Things Elementary-Age Kids Worry About the Most, According to a Child Psychologist first appeared on Parade on Jun 7, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 7, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
6 hours ago
- Yahoo
I'm a Cardiologist, and This 'Relaxing' Habit Is Actually Harming Your Heart Health
I'm a Cardiologist, and This 'Relaxing' Habit Is Actually Harming Your Heart Health originally appeared on Parade. Real talk: We all desperately need to unwind. There's a lot going on these days! But cardiologists are ringing alarm bells that one particular habit that many of us mistakenly believe is relaxing can do serious harm to our heart health—and chances are, it's not what you now, you know the risks of smoking, vaping, drinking alcohol and even of eating your feelings, but there's another habit that, for some, can border on addiction and do similar damage to our bodies and brains alike. 🩺 SIGN UP for tips to stay healthy & fit with the top moves, clean eats, health trends & more delivered right to your inbox twice a week 💊 We hate to be the ones to break this to you, because you literally may be doing it right now—but scrolling endlessly on your phone may be wreaking havoc not just on your mental health, but also on your physical wellbeing, cardiologists Doomscrolling is especially dangerous if it's how you start your day. "When you check your phone first thing, you're essentially outsourcing your focus—and often to things that spike anxiety or comparison," , cardiothoracic surgeon at Southern California Surgical, tells Parade. "That quick scroll can delay movement, cut into time you'd use for intentional routines, and push you into a reactive state. It's not neutral." Miami-based cardiologist , agrees. "Scrolling through your feed can cause anxiety, which promotes your fight or flight hormones and an increase in your blood pressure," Dr. Pianko told us. "High blood pressure can force your heart to work harder, which can raise your risk of coronary heart disease." Related: You know those times when you start scrolling through reels and TikTok videos and then realize you've been falling down rabbit holes for an hour or two (or more)? That's real, and it can do a number on your health."Excessive internet use and screen time can negatively affect heart health by increasing sedentary behavior," , board-certified interventional cardiologist and medical director of the Structural Heart Program at MemorialCare Saddleback Medical Center in Laguna Hills, California, advises. "This can then increase the risks of cardiometabolic conditions such as diabetes, hypertension and obesity." So, scrolling first thing in the morning is bad news. What about before bed? (Oh come on, you know what we're about to tell you.) "Doomscrolling before bedtime can cause poor sleep," Dr. Chen reminds us. "If your sleep is disrupted and you start scrolling, it could further impact your sleep. Lack of sleep can raise your risk of heart disease." Related: Dr. Kharazi has a loud and clear warning about doomscrolling: It's bad for you. And there's one over-arching reason why it can impact heart health: "Over time, scrolling becomes a pattern of neglecting habits that do protect your heart—like exercise, sleep hygiene and stress regulation." According to Dr. Kharazi, making scrolling a habit can also mean: You're less likely to get up and move. You might eat while scrolling, which disconnects you from hunger and fullness cues. You're more likely to absorb misinformation about diet, supplements or quick fixes from non-credible sources—especially on social media. Chronic low-level stress from doomscrolling or comparisons may create a perfect storm for long-term vascular damage. Related: Knowing the risks of doomscrolling and endless scrolling on our heart health is half the battle. Now, how can we win the war? "From a cardiovascular perspective, we are still in the early phases of understanding the adverse impacts of endless scrolling or 'doomscrolling,'" , cardiologist and professor of medicine at Burnett School of Medicine at Texas Christian University, tells us. "However, these activities have been linked to increases in anxiety, depression, insomnia and psychological stress." We know that these conditions increase the risk of cardiovascular disease, he explains—specifically, the risk of a heart attack or developing heart failure. "In addition, endless scrolling distracts us from engaging in heart-healthy activities such as exercise, which we know are so positively impactful on the human body. So setting boundaries on endless scrolling such as time limits, avoiding social media right before we go to bed and curating our feeds to minimize negativity is critically important."Related: Whether it's when you first wake up or when you're turning down to sleep, it's going to mess up your day (or your next day). "Your phone isn't the enemy. But your heart was never built for constant alerts, infinite scroll or waking up to 27 things demanding your attention," Dr. Kharazi says. "Guard your mornings. Guard your mind. Your heart will thank you."Related: "Replace the morning scroll with movement or sunlight," Dr. Kharazi suggests. You can also stack your habits instead of cutting them out completely—so feel free to scroll a bit in the morning, but only while you're on the elliptical or your Peloton. Combining something you enjoy (like laughing at silly TikTok dances) with something that feels like a chore (getting your steps in) can be a good "To reduce the impact of excessive internet use on our health, it is best to set boundaries and limits on our screen time," Dr. Chen says. "Instead, this time could be replaced by healthy alternatives such as exercising or spending face-to-face time with family and friends."Related: "Eat undistracted. Scrolling while eating disengages your brain from your body, which affects digestion and weight regulation—two key factors in heart health," Dr. Kharazi says. (Plus, if you're dining with others, it's just rude!) Up Next:Dr. Paul Bhella, MD, FACC, FAHA, FASE Dr. Cheng-Han Chen, MD Dr. Alexandra Kharazi, MD, FACS Dr. Leonard Pianko, MD I'm a Cardiologist, and This 'Relaxing' Habit Is Actually Harming Your Heart Health first appeared on Parade on Jun 7, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 7, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
a day ago
- Yahoo
A Nationwide Recall Affecting Thousands of Pounds of Beef Tallow Was Just Issued—Here's What to Know
A Nationwide Recall Affecting Thousands of Pounds of Beef Tallow Was Just Issued—Here's What to Know originally appeared on Parade. Beef tallow becoming the hottest food trend was not on my 2025 bingo card, but here we are. Everywhere you look these days, the byproduct of cooked cow's kidney and loin meat is being touted as a miracle fat worthy of both frying the best French fries you've ever had and slathering on your face as part of a game-changing skincare routine. Restaurants are switching to using it in favor of seed oils, and there are even protein bars chock-full of the stuff, but how did we get here? Can it really hydrate your skin better than Tatcha's The Dewy Skin Cream, and is it really better than using seed oils? 😋😋SIGN UP to get delicious recipes, handy kitchen hacks & more in our daily Pop Kitchen newsletter🍳🍔 The jury's still out on both of those claims, but that hasn't stopped influencers and government officials alike from singing its praises as the equivalent of this century's gold rush. Never mind the fact that beef tallow was heavily abandoned during the early 90s due to its high concentration of saturated fat, or the fact that there is no real scientific evidence that suggests that beef tallow has any actual benefits for your skin. Sure, everything is fine in moderation, and you can bet it'll make for some finger-licking good fries, but it probably won't cure your hyperpigmentation, will, however, make you smell like a burger, and if that sounds like a plus, by all means, you do you. Of course, you might second-guess reaching for that giant tub of beef fat when you see that the FDA has issued a nationwide recall on beef tallow and pork lard products due to claims that products distributed across the country were not inspected by the USDA. Sulu Organics, LLC., a distributor in Illinois, issued a recall on 6,166 pounds of its products after several consumer complaints were made to FSIS claiming that the products did not bear the USDA inspection mark. Upon further investigation, FSIS determined that the distributor purchased the products from a regulated facility and repackaged the products into smaller containers that were relabeled without FSIS inspections. Although there have been no reports of illness or adverse reactions, consumers are urged to discard any affected products or return them to the point of purchase for a full refund. You can find the complete list of items affected by the recall here. We think we'll just stick to olive oil.A Nationwide Recall Affecting Thousands of Pounds of Beef Tallow Was Just Issued—Here's What to Know first appeared on Parade on Jun 6, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 6, 2025, where it first appeared.
