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Try this simple 3-step process to overcome self-doubt at work

Try this simple 3-step process to overcome self-doubt at work

Fast Company2 days ago
I've spent over two decades on stages around the world as a charity auctioneer. Even in the earliest years of my career, my job exposed me to titans of industry and people at the highest levels of business. But even as I became more experienced in my career, I always had the same thought: W hat am I doing here? Everyone here knows so much more than I do.
Any comments or thoughts I planned to share remained exactly that—thoughts—because when I opened my mouth, I worried everyone would remember I wasn't supposed to be at the table in the first place. What started as a feeling that stopped me from speaking followed me in my career. That feeling stopped me from putting my hand up for a promotion, a raise, or for anything at all. It made me feel like I wasn't supposed to be sitting in the boardroom—or anywhere near the building, for that matter.
Talk to any woman who has been in the working world or in a leadership position in the past two decades, and she can tell you all about imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is a feeling that stops many of us, particularly women, in our tracks. It keeps many of us from getting into the room where we would have the chance to fail.
As you ascend the corporate ladder, no matter how deserving you are of a new title, a raise, a new position, you may never truly believe you deserve any of it. When you look around a room of your peers, there's a little voice inside telling you that you're lucky to be in that room. Sound familiar?
It's time to surmount the syndrome. Start with this simple three-step process so you can focus on the thing that matters: you.
1. STOP THE SPIRAL
Tell me if this sounds familiar. You're having a conversation with someone in your life—a friend, someone senior in your office, or someone whose opinion you care deeply about. They mention they are so glad that they get to see you now that your children are getting older and you can be in the office more. The comment stops you cold. Now you're spiraling, your mind filling in a narrative. I've been out of the game for years. Everyone here thinks I don't work hard enough, that I'm not here enough, that I don't do a good job. I need to show them I do care. I'll start working on the weekends, do extra work… On and on you go with a spiral of self-doubt and insecurity about everything that you have ever felt about your job performance.
What did this person actually say? 'It's great to see you in the office more now that your children are getting older.' Period.
Your answer? 'Thanks!'
End scene.
2. CONTROL THE NARRATIVE
Believe in yourself enough to believe that other people are thinking the best of you, not the worst. To really slam that imposter syndrome, would write your own story.
Let's go back and rewrite that scene, shall we?
What did that person say? 'It's great to see you in the office more now that your children are getting older.'
Here's what I want you to hear: 'You are such a valuable member of this team, it's really great to have your positive energy in this office. You must be an incredible multitasker to be raising kids at home and crushing it at work, too. What a role model for the people around you. We are lucky to have you.'
End scene. Cue applause.
3. ACCEPT THERE ARE NO GOLD STARS IN LIFE
Never forget there are no gold stars given out when you are an adult. No one gives you a gold star for showing up to work, just like no one gives you a gold star for making your bed when you get up in the morning. You are responsible for everything that happens in your life and your response to it. Once you stop looking for affirmation from those around you and seek it from yourself, you can realize you have had the power all along.
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13 Differences Between Romantic Partners That Can't Be Fixed
13 Differences Between Romantic Partners That Can't Be Fixed

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13 Differences Between Romantic Partners That Can't Be Fixed

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You shouldn't have to defend or explain your values to your partner constantly. A relationship should be a safe place where your core beliefs are respected and understood. When this isn't the case, it can make you feel isolated even when you're together. It's worth considering how these fundamental differences impact your daily life and long-term happiness. 4. You Don't Trust Each Other Trust is not just important; it's everything. When trust is broken, rebuilding it is an uphill battle that not everyone can climb. If you're constantly second-guessing your partner's actions or motives, that's a heavy anchor to drag through a relationship. Without trust, every interaction becomes fraught with doubt and suspicion, turning love into a game of constant verification. It's exhausting and unsustainable over the long haul. In such a scenario, the emotional energy spent on worrying about betrayals or deceit can overshadow any joy the relationship might bring. 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Want To Lead Better? Start With Intentional Ambition
Want To Lead Better? Start With Intentional Ambition

Forbes

time2 days ago

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Want To Lead Better? Start With Intentional Ambition

What if leading better wasn't about doing more but about leading with intentional ambition? For too long, ambition has been synonymous with overwork and self-sacrifice. Many of us were taught that we weren't doing enough if we weren't over-extended and exhausted. But ambition that burns you out is not enduring leadership. I used to believe I had to be tireless to over deliver and prove my worth. That resilience meant pushing through, no matter the cost. Then I burned out — burnt crispy. And I realized: ambition without replenishment and intention is just burnout in a different outfit. And I'm not alone. More leaders are asking, "How do I keep going without losing myself?" In her new book Intentional Ambition, career coach and cultural innovator Rha Goddess offers a powerful reframe. She argues that ambition should be defined not by fear and sacrifice, but by how fully we live and contribute. 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Rha doesn't just challenge the myth that constant busyness equals worth, she reframes ambition entirely, grounding it in joy, alignment, and purpose. 'So much of our global culture supports this ethos,' she told me. 'If we're 'uber busy,' it means 'we're up to something,' which ultimately translates into 'we are somebody.' Our value becomes defined by how many points we can put on the board.' But for her, fulfillment isn't about doing or having it all. 'It's about being someone you actually love and respect. It's living a life you feel grateful for. It's about work that engages your highest ideals, greatest passions, talents and gifts.' Still, many smart, capable people ignore the signs of burnout. I did, time and again. We're conditioned to survive systems that reward overextension and equate value with output. Walking away can feel like failure, even when staying causes more harm for individuals and the organizations that depend on them. Rha learned this the hard way. 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A New Leadership Playbook: Intentional Ambition Ambition isn't the problem. But how we practice it is overdue for a reset. The ambition we need now starts with self-awareness and purpose, and scales with clarity, care, and courage. As Rha puts it: 'If you want to know whether something is good for you — pay attention to your energy. Your body and spirit will always tell you the truth.' If you manage others, your ambition sets the tone. Model what thriving looks like. Here's what it looks like in practice: Too often, leaders set ambitious goals without understanding if their teams are ready to carry them. As Rha puts it: 'Where are they? Are they excited? Confused? Fatigued? Do you even know? To what degree have you been able to address their pain before you pile on more?' Before setting direction, pause to check in with yourself and your team: Don't just perform ambition — practice it. Try using emotional shorthands to name tensions without blame. Give your team ways to say, 'This is messy,' 'We're stuck,' or 'Let's regroup' without setting off alarms. When people feel heard and included in the process, they stay motivated, even in the messiest moments. 'Striking that balance between accountability and well-being,' Rha says, 'only comes from dialogue that puts everyone's expectations on the table.' She also challenges leaders to redefine growth itself: 'Can you set KPIs that inspire people to grow their capacity in a healthy way?' It's easy to call out what's not working. The hard part — the truly ambitious part — is doing something different. Not bigger, faster, shinier. But better. Rebuilding ambition for today's workplace means: This isn't the kind of ambition that gets headlines. But it's the kind that builds trust, inspires loyalty, and makes sustainable success possible. It's messy. It's slow. And it's where real meaning and real leadership live. This new leadership playbook requires us to move differently, less from fear and performance, more from presence and intention. In Burnt Out to Lit Up, I draw on research-backed tools and expert guidance that center capacity building and emotional awareness as leadership essentials. They're also how we build intentional ambition in the modern workplace. Belonging Is The Soil Of Intentional Ambition Sustainable ambition doesn't grow in isolation. It thrives in cultures of belonging. 'Belonging comes from feeling seen, heard, known, and appreciated,' Rha told me. 'It's cultivated through acknowledging common ground and appreciating diverse perspectives. It comes from being able to offer praise, foster accountability, and provide compassionately rigorous feedback.' In practice, that looks like leaders who: 'When people's nervous systems can relax even in the face of real challenges,' Rha added, 'when people can genuinely focus on what they are here to bring in service to the mission — then you know you've achieved it.' That's the higher-order state we crave at work: where people feel safe to stretch, supported to succeed, and seen to contribute their best work. The Future Of Organizational Ambition Boards and executives who want transformation can't keep choosing the same leadership mold. 'You've got to be willing to extend your comfort zone — your known circles — beyond your normal 'go-tos,'' Rha says. 'You can't wait until you're in crisis to fill a role.' She sees promise in Gen Z and second — and third — act professionals rethinking and reimagining their relationship to work. They want to do it differently, and they're not afraid to ask: What really matters now? Data backs this shift and it's reshaping how we define success and collaboration at work. Together, she says, these groups can co-create 'a different landscape for collaboration.' Intentional Ambition That Lasts The future of ambition isn't smaller. It's smarter. More intentional. More human. When we lead from alignment instead of ego, we unlock something powerful in ourselves, our teams, organizations, and communities. If every reader made just one shift, Rha says, it would be this: 'Renegotiate your relationship with work in a way that supports great joy, freedom, and fulfillment.' So before you chase the next thing, pause and ask: What am I chasing and who am I becoming in the process? Make sure your answer reflects intentional ambition — the kind that lights you up, not burns you out.

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