Marriage Diaries: I love doing DIY but it's making my husband feel emasculated
My husband has never been very practical. Nor, I thought, was I. When we met, in our late 30s, we each had our own house.
We also had busy jobs with little spare time. Consequently, we had both been used to employing other people to do DIY jobs. When we got married, I sold my house and used the money to buy a holiday cottage in the Lakes. We put both properties in our joint names.
I'm glad to say our marriage is a great success, apart from one thing. I have become addicted to DIY and it's making him feel emasculated.
It started when I began to work from home. Without my long commute, I had more time. So, prompted by a magazine article, I signed up for a DIY class at the local college.
To my surprise, I loved it! It felt like a real achievement to drill a nail in the wall without making a hash of it or painting a door. My latest achievement is making a small bookcase.
At first, my husband seemed quite impressed. But then some friends came to dinner and asked if I'd make them a bookcase too. One of the husbands made a snide comment to mine along the lines of 'Isn't this men's work?' I staunchly defended him by saying that nowadays, DIY is for everyone. However, my husband went very quiet.
Not long afterwards, one of the bath tap washers went. I knew exactly what to do from my course. However, he insisted on doing it himself. Frankly, he made a bodge job, and the tap is still leaking. When I suggested redoing it, he went into a sulk and said it was 'fine as it is'.
As a result, I restricted my DIY passion to our holiday cottage, which I often go to on my own. I even replaced the kitchen cupboard doors! But when he joined me for the weekend, he didn't even comment on the makeover, even though I'm sure he must have noticed.
Then he announced he wanted to join my class! Our project was to put a hinge on a door. My husband was paired with the tutor who gave him, what I thought, was good advice. However, my husband took it as criticism. On the way home, he said he never wanted to go again and that he was surprised I still bothered since I was now a 'pro'. I pointed out that you could never learn enough, to which he retorted that perhaps I should become a professional 'odd job' woman.
I know this makes him sound jealous, but he isn't like this in other aspects of our marriage. I love him and I know he loves me. But I've got a feeling that I'm going to have to stop what has become quite a passion. Otherwise, I fear I might lose his passion in another department…
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