I'm TV's hotel inspector – here are eight red flags you've booked a bad room from poached eggs test to hot tub
With more than two decades in the game and her own successful hotel chain, the 53-year-old star knows exactly what makes a stay memorable, and what turns it into a nightmare.
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Right now, she admits, the industry is going through a difficult period, and it's hitting the guest experience directly.
'It's miserable at the moment,' she says. 'The challenges facing hoteliers are enormous. I wake up every day and wonder why I'm still doing it.
'But there are small things they can do to make a big difference. Many people go into this industry with no experience.
'They will not survive without taking their heads out of the sand and taking a look around them at what works and what doesn't.'
Here Alex — whose new series of The Hotel Inspector returns to our screens this week — reveals her top red flags, the subtle clues that scream that your hotel room is secretly not up to scratch.
1. IT'S A 'BOUTIQUE' HOTEL
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THIS word is bandied around so much now and has become completely meaningless. Hoteliers use words like 'sumptuous' and 'luxury' in a bid to lure in customers.
But most customers know you aren't getting luxury for a few quid. Ignore fancy descriptions. Instead look at the photos and the facilities on offer.
Watch out for the type of place where every surface is covered with fake cacti and there are bits and bobs everywhere. It's untidy and potentially unhygienic. Clear, clean surfaces are best.
2. LANDLORD IS LAZY
YOU need energy and enthusiasm to run a hotel. If the landlord looks slovenly and won't show you to your room, it's a red flag. One hotel landlord in Dartmoor from this series was so lazy.
Some people think, once they've got their own business, they can lie about on the sofa all day. Actually you are now chief cook and bottle washer as well.
The day never ends. If they won't show you to your room, what else are they not doing?
The Hotel Inspector's Alex Polizzi reveals the struggle she's had with a hotel owner over a restaurant interior
3. BAD EGG
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THE true test of a hotel kitchen is the poached egg. So many hotel chefs can't cook decent ones. I always order them as the ultimate test of what is going on behind closed doors.
If they can't do a decent job of this, I wouldn't expect much from the food on offer and would find somewhere else to eat.
4. THEY HAVE A HOT TUB
THERE'S a huge trend for hot tubs right now. Every crappy hotel I go to has one and hopes it will make them a profit. They don't.
And hoteliers either spend all day keeping them clean, or they are dirty. I am not someone who would get into a hot tub.
They are a breeding ground for germs — repulsive things.
Incidentally, beware places that advertise that they have a spa, when what they actually have is an eight-person hot tub.
5. COFFEE OUT OF ORDER
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THE first thing that greeted me at The Railway Rambler's Rest in Dartmoor was a broken coffee machine.
If it doesn't work, why not just throw it out?
If that's out of order, it's likely there's a ton of other stuff inside the hotel that won't be fit for purpose. It gives a bad first impression.
6. CIGS OUTSIDE FRONT DOOR
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FIRST impressions count. Dirty entrance halls and dirty windows with peeling stickers on them. Fag butts outside the front door.
If I arrive and see this stuff, I panic and think: 'Here we go again'. Socks under the bed are also a red flag, as you'll wonder when was the last time the place was hoovered.
We need cheap hotels, but why can't they be cheap AND clean?
7. TOWEL ON THE BED
WHO started the trend of towels on the bed? It's not a good idea.
You need one in the bathroom.
It's no good having a shower and then having to walk dripping wet through to the bedroom to pick up your towel.
It shows poor thought and design. You never see a towel on the bed at a five-star hotel. It's only acceptable in Disneyland, where the staff make the towels into fabulous animal shapes for the children. That's fun.
8. LOO LABEL LUNACY
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MANY cheap hotels have a cover over the loo to tell you it has been sanitised. I should hope so!
You don't need to tell me. I take it for granted that it has been cleaned. If they have to tell me, I'd immediately start worrying about hygiene in the rest of the bedroom.
It's the same with making the pointy bit at the end of the loo roll. I don't want someone touching my loo paper, especially the end I'm going to use.
The latest series of The Hotel Inspector begins tomorrow on Channel 5 at 8pm. Episodes will be available to stream on My5.
How to bag a hidden hotel gem for a bargain price
CONSUMER expert Helen Dewdney, known as The Complaining Cow, shares her tips for getting a cheaper night away.
WEEKEND DEALS AND MIDWEEK STEALS: Business travellers will generally cancel and amend reservations by Tuesday. This means platforms may reduce prices on this day to try to fill rooms.
CANCELLATION CELEBRATION: If you can be flexible, book at short notice. Many hotels and websites operate cancellation window policies of 24 to 48 hours so if people cancel close to the date, the hotel would rather sell the room for less, than leave it empty.
DITCH THE MIDDLEMAN, GRAB A BARGAIN: Use comparison sites to get an idea of prices but do not forget to look at booking direct with the hotel. The place itself may offer a deal or cheaper price as they are not paying travel agency commission fees.
PERK UP YOUR STAY: Try your luck at grabbing a free perk or upgrade. Wear your best smile and simply ask at the desk if there are any free upgrades going. Mention if it is a special event such as a birthday or anniversary. You've nothing to lose simply by asking.
DEMAND YOUR RIGHTS: Under the Consumer Rights Act 2015 you are entitled to services to be carried out with reasonable skill and care. So, if your room isn't up to scratch or the service you receive is poor then you deserve redress. The percentage you should expect will depend on the level of service and how quickly they put matters right.
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