Parenting in the age of social media: Tips to stay connected without controlling

Time of India

a day ago

Watch out for this parenting mistake that is driving kids to secret social media lives (Image: Pexels)
We are bringing up kids in a world where social media is no longer just a place to scroll for fun. It has become a space where identities are shaped. Our children, especially Gen Z, grow up comparing their faces, homes, friends and milestones to strangers and influencers.
Their mood, confidence and sense of self can be swayed by a single post or a count of likes.
It is not about guarding them from the world but guiding them through it. Trade control for conversation and fear for friendship because in this digital era, genuine connection will always outshine control. The digital landscape has dramatically shifted how children interact, learn and even form identities. Today's parents are navigating uncharted waters, raising children in an age where screens often speak louder than voices and social validation is only a click away.
Here is the thing though, they are not clueless. These kids are quick, curious and tech smart. They seem to learn new apps before we have even downloaded them. They do not need tutorials on swiping and clicking. They need guidance on living well while doing it.
The challenge?
In a research done by University of Central Florida (UCF), the authors Arup Kumar Ghosh (doctoral student) and Pamela Wisniewski (Assistant Professor), University of Central Florida, found that authoritarian parents using control apps saw higher — not lower — teen exposure to online risks.
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Almost 80% of teen app reviews were negative, citing lack of trust and privacy. The study suggested that empowering teens, not restricting them, fosters better digital safety.
You're trying to protect your kids online but are you pushing them away instead? (Image: ET)
A recent study by Turkish researchers Mehmet Toran, Taibe Kulaksız and Bülent Özden published in
Children and Youth Services Review (2024)
focussed on how digital parental awareness i.e. a parent's habits, modelling and understanding of digital risks, can make or break their relationship with their child, especially those between 3–6 years old.
Using data from 285 parents of young children, the researchers discovered something powerful: it is not just the time you spend with your child that matters but how you spend it digitally.
Science confirms that regular outdoor exposure, unstructured play and time in nature boost emotional balance and reduce anxiety even in teens. Research shows that parent-child connectedness is one of the strongest protective factors against online risk.
Children mimic what they observe. If you are glued to your phone, replying to emails at dinner or doomscrolling late into the night, your child absorbs that as normal.
So, what works instead?
According to the researchers, "Parents who manage their own tech use well and involve their children in discussions around digital media create a more trusting, respectful and connected relationship." In essence, your awareness and behaviour around technology mediate the emotional quality of your relationship as it is not enough to just 'limit screen time.'
Children are watching us and they learn more from what we do than what we say.
Learn to stay involved in your child's digital world without becoming controlling or disconnected. According to the study
Parental Monitoring of Early Adolescent Social Technology Use in the US,
published in the
Journal of Child and Family Studies (2024)
, restrictive monitoring is linked to higher adolescent problematic internet use.
In contrast, active and deference monitoring that is rooted in trust and closeness, correlate with healthier family relationships and better online behaviour.
The more you monitor, the more they hide: How to actually parent in the digital age (Image: TOI)
Traditional parental control is limited hence, a shift is advised toward community-driven models, where trusted members can support teens collectively, promoting autonomy, granular privacy and reciprocal engagement.
You are then not controlling the behaviour, you are shaping discernment. According to the research paper,
Supportive Parenting and Adolescents' Digital Citizenship Behaviors
, published in the journal -
Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace
, parental autonomy support directly promotes online civic engagement, while structured parenting supports self-regulation.
Both contribute to stronger digital citizenship in teens.
Want to connect more deeply with your child in a digital-first world? Start with yourself.
Put the phone down during play or meals.
Co-watch their favourite shows and ask questions.
Discuss online risks as a team, not as a punishment.
Let them see you unplug, read, cook or just be present.
When children feel seen, heard and valued offline, they are less likely to seek excessive validation online. According to studies, the most effective approach to digital parenting is active, supportive engagement — not restrictive control. Tools and strategies that foster dialogue, transparency and autonomy help teens navigate online spaces wisely and confidently.