'I go to bed hungry so my children can eat - I feel like a failure'

Daily Mirror

2 days ago

Hundreds of thousands of parents and carers are going without food to ensure their children have enough to eat, a shocking new has found
Half of all UK parents and carers of disabled and seriously ill children are so hard-up they are skipping meals and reducing their portion sizes so they can feed their kids, says a shocking new report.
If essential items like beds and washing machines break, they cannot afford to replace them, as 87% have zero savings.
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The Cost of Caring 2025 report, released today by national charity Family Fund, also found that 41% of lone parent carers struggle to afford food and heating.
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One mum of four said: 'Last week, I literally had 41p in my bank.'
The charity, which provides essential grants and services to low-income families raising disabled or seriously ill children or young people, surveyed 2,300 families for the report.
It found that 46% of carers cannot afford necessary dental treatment, with respondents saying 68% of their children are negatively affected by the family's financial situation.
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With 33% of those surveyed too poor to keep their homes warm, 28% say they are clinically depressed and only 7% can work as much as they would like to, because of caring responsibilities.
Now Family Fund, which gave more than 200,000 grants to families in 2024/25 compared to 150,000 the previous year, says the government must recognise the additional costs of disability when considering support for families.
Calling on Keir Starmer to prioritise the wellbeing of carers, chief executive Cheryl Ward CBE says: 'As caring costs increase for families, barriers to paid work as a route out of poverty remain unchanged.
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'We're supporting rising numbers of families each year with basic items like washing machines, beds, clothing and equipment. Parent carers are going to huge lengths to do the best for their children, regularly sacrificing their own wellbeing in the process.
'Families raising disabled children are at the sharpest edge of income instability. The Child Poverty Strategy provides an unmissable opportunity to listen to what families have to say and tackle the very real and pressing issues they face every day.'
'I can't remember the last time I ate an evening meal'
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Single mum to five children, including triplets with SEND (special educational needs and disabilities), Kimberly Robb also cares for her 74-year-old mum, Christine Robb, who has lung disease.
A carer to five-year-olds Elsie, Addison and Emmy, Kimberley, 42, of Portsmouth, spends £200 a week on food for her family, which also includes daughter Tilly, 15, and son Owen, 20.
'I've had to put back essential items because we haven't got the money,' she tells The Mirror.
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'We have a couple of weeks of the month where we don't have any money. My bills are paid and we've got a roof over our head and that's the main thing for me.
'But there are times, like last week, when I literally had 41p in my bank. I couldn't even afford to go and get a pint of milk.
'I skip meals. I don't have a meal at the end of the day. I can't remember the last time I had an evening meal because I think, 'Some of the kids can have that tomorrow.'"
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Born premature at 30 weeks, the triplets - who are all still in nappies - spent five weeks in NICU. Emmy is non-verbal autistic and has global development delay, together with challenging behaviours such as headbanging and attends a specialist school.
Addison was diagnosed with autism, aged three, while Elsie has suspected autism spectrum disorder and anxiety, but is awaiting a diagnosis. Both attend mainstream school with 1:1 support, but the Education Health Care Plan (EHCP) the school is trying to get for Elsie may not be possible under new government proposals.
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Until last month, Kimberly was a hotel manager, and her parents helped out. But her mum's lung disease diagnosis changed everything and made it impossible for her to work.
She explains: 'Mum can't get up the stairs anymore. She only leaves the house for medical appointments. I take her and keep her company because she gets lonely now she doesn't go out.
'Raising triplets is full-on and expensive - even more so when they have disabilities - and it's very hard to split yourself in three.
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'When they were born, it was three cots, a triple buggy. Now that they are older it's things like three pairs of shoes, three lots of school uniform. Having three children with SEND has definitely impacted my mental health, too. I feel lonely and isolated. I want to be able to give my kids everything they need and I can't.'
Kimberly has applied for respite for Emmy – but there is a waiting list until next year.
Luckily, Family Fund have provided a climbing frame and trampoline for the children. 'It's a massive help for us, for the six week summer holidays, with not having a lot of money," says Kimberly.
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Kimberly's monthly costs
Salary: £2,000 (includes child benefit)
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Emmy's DLA: £480 (a lot gets spent on bedding as this gets soiled or destroyed)
Total: £2,480
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Food: £800
Electricity and gas: £220
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Sensory toys/equipment: £200
Water: Approximately £100
Clothes: £150 a month
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Nappies: £100 a month
Total: £2,420
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'I go to bed hungry so my children can eat - I feel like a failure'
Skipping evening meals has become normal for single mum Julia Davies, who has a grown-up daughter, a son and a teenager with complex needs.
She lives in Barry, South Wales, with Iestyn, 12, and Carys, 16, who has drug-resistant epilepsy, learning disabilities and is awaiting an autism diagnosis. Although Julia works full-time in a specialist school, she struggles financially.
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'I work full time, but I live on pennies a lot of the time. There isn't enough money coming in and we are barely surviving," says Julia, whose 23-year-old daughter lives nearby.
'The bills keep adding up. I've been without an oven for six months because I can't afford to buy one. We went two months without a washing machine and had to use the laundrette and we haven't had a car for a year, which makes it hard to get to medical appointments.
'The heating is on constantly because Carys can't get cold, as it makes her ache. It's a never-ending vicious cycle.'
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As well as skipping evening meals, she sometimes struggles to put together a packed lunch to take to work.
'It's really difficult to afford the food we need,' she says. 'I plan and budget for all our meals. But the children are hungry when they come home from school and fix themselves a sandwich or grab a piece of fruit. I don't want them going hungry or worrying, so I go without.
'In the evening, the kids usually have beans on toast or pasta with tomato sauce. Or they have 'what ifs' - which means if it's in the house, it's in the pot. They eat whatever needs using up.
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'I have to make sure the kids are eating, because they are growing. I don't have a proper evening meal – I can get by with a piece of toast and go to bed.
'My weekly food bill used to be £85 a few years ago, but now, if it's £150 it's a good week,' says Julia, who also has a number of loans and credit card debts.
'I'm always thinking, 'Where can I make cuts? Where can I find the extra money?'
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'I shouldn't be getting into debt to feed my children. My kids go to bed every night with full bellies and knowing their worth, but I still feel like a failure. I want to be able to give them the things they desperately want, but I can't because then we wouldn't eat for the week.'
Unable to save, Julia doesn't qualify for carers' allowance because she works.
Fortunately, Family Fund bought her a dining table, so she can do arts and crafts with Carys, and gave them vouchers for a couple of days' holiday.
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'It meant the world to us to have a few days of normality,' she says.
But, where the government is concerned, Julia adds: 'Families like mine are not seen.'
Julia's monthly costs
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Salary: £1,580
Universal credit: £1,568
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Child benefit: £173
TOTAL: £3,879
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Rent: £850
Transport: Approx £150
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Food: £600
Gas and electricity: £200
Council tax: £145
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Water: £55
Loans: £900
Credit cards: £300
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Phones: £100
TV/Broadband: £75
School dinners: £50
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Fidgets, art and crafts: £50
Clothes: £100
Miscellaneous: £250