Gen Z Is Returning to Religion. Why?
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Business Insider
a day ago
- Business Insider
'Fawning' is Gen Z's new fight-or-flight response
Meg Josephson grew up as a people-pleaser. Raised in a home she describes as volatile, she remembers monitoring her father's reactions, desperately trying to smooth tensions over. "Being a perfectionist and being kind of always on was very protective for me," Josephson told Business Insider. "It was the one thing in my control to kind of keep my dad's moods at bay." Once she left home, however, she realized that people-pleasing was her default response, even when no one was actually mad at her. It was when she started going to therapy herself that she learned how much she relied on the fawn response to fear — placating instead of entering fight, flight, or freeze. Healing from her fawning inspired her to become a therapist. Now, she said, many of her Gen Z clients and social media followers seem to especially struggle with people-pleasing. "Social media and digital communication have played a huge, huge, huge role in the Gen Z fawn response," Josephson said. Online life magnifies rejection and makes it so much easier to seek validation, meaning Gen Zers with people-pleasing tendencies can get stuck in a never-ending, approval-hunting loop, she said. Josephson titled her upcoming book " Are You Mad at Me?", out August 5, because she hears it so often in everyday conversations. Luckily, being a people-pleaser isn't a fixed trait, she said. Even Gen Zers can shed that identity — if they're willing to let it go. Warpspeed rejection The classic precursor for people-pleasing is if you were If being raised in a dysfunctional environment s or by emotionally immature parents. contributes to people-pleasing behavior, That wouldn't make Gen Zers are not a unique generation. Reactive or abusive parents have existed forever. Still, it's the online world Gen Zers grew up in that primes them to feel abandoned more often, triggering a need for reassurance that their relationships are stable. "There are so many ways to connect now, and because of that, there are so many ways to feel forgotten," Josephson said. While past generations were limited to in-person interactions, letters, or phone calls, Gen Zers can feel validated — or rejected by — so much more. Their best friend not "liking" their Instagram photo. A crush leaving their DM on read. A group of their friends posting a Snapchat without them. This can lead them to fawning, which Josephson considers "almost a more modernized threat response" compared to fight or flight. An unanswered text may not be frightening enough to trigger physically running away, but it can pressure someone to send more clarifying texts in the frantic hope that their friend isn't upset with them. The fawn response, at its core, is "I need this external validation to know that I'm safe," she said. To complicate matters even more, online life is both rife with posts about how people should behave and opportunities to be misunderstood. "We don't hold a lot of room for nuance because we want digestible, short, snappy information," Josephson said. She said one of the first steps to healing is realizing that we're all inundated with high expectations, heightening "this ridiculous standard that we hold ourselves to internally." An endless supply of reassurance Perpetual people-pleasers might fall into a common trap: rampant reassurance-seeking. It can look like texting "Are you mad at me?" to a friend or asking your partner if they're still into the relationship. Validation-seeking can become a cycle because "we're getting this relief for a split second," Josephson said. But done in excess, it can strain relationships, she said. Disorders like relationship OCD, for example, can manifest as constantly needing positive feedback from a romantic partner — an ultimately unsustainable dynamic. Some people ask the group chats to weigh in on their Hinge date, post about their friends in anonymous forums, or even consult ChatGPT. Still, Josephson said that too much outsourcing is a bad idea. AI, in particular, is a dangerous crutch. ChatGPT "does have the intelligence to validate, but because it's not a real relationship with a real person, there's a limitation," Josephson said. The chatbot may empathetically respond with all the reasons your friend probably isn't mad at you, but probably won't tell you that you're asking that question way too often. There are over 140 million TikTok posts about being a people-pleaser. While social media posts can help identify and relate to a problem, they can also nudge people into viewing their people-pleasing as a permanent personality trait. Josephson said that she works with clients to move away from labels that can keep them stuck. "It's not an identity, but rather it's a self-protective pattern," she said. "It's this younger part of you that has learned to be on high alert to manage people's moods as a way to protect you, but that doesn't mean you always need protecting now." One of the best starting points is pausing — putting the phone down or taking a beat in the middle of a heated conversation. A moment of mindfulness, "even if it's just for 10 seconds," can help you acknowledge the fear without immediately reacting to it, Josephson said. "If you're oversharing because you want to feel understood, pause. What do you actually want to say, versus what's coming from a place of fawning?" Done consistently, this practice becomes the stepping stone for other habits, like tolerating discomfort in a conflict or setting boundaries. You might still end that pause in the same place — worrying that you've unknowingly angered someone. The difference is in what you'll do next.
Axios
2 days ago
- Axios
Ga. State to demolish nearly 100-year-old building in MLK Historic District
More than two months after a tense public hearing on a proposal to demolish a nearly 100-year-old building for its campus expansion project, Georgia State University will move ahead with tearing down the building. Why it matters: The old substation at 148 Edgewood Ave. is within the local Martin Luther King Jr. Historic District, and preservationists say demolishing such structures will make it harder to tell Atlanta's history through those spaces. The latest: The university confirmed to Axios that "after careful evaluation and public input," it will tear down the "long-vacant" building to construct what it calls a Fraternity and Sorority Life Plaza. The plaza will serve as greenspace for students who reside in its Greek life housing development. A mural will also be installed to honor the history of the building and celebrate Greek groups on campus, GSU said. What they're saying: GSU added it will salvage the brickwork from 148 Edgewood and incorporate it into the new space "as a tribute to its legacy." It also said the $12 million estimate to renovate 148 Edgewood for reuse "outweighs its limited ability to benefit students and faculty." The other side: David Y. Mitchell, executive director of the Atlanta Preservation Center and an opponent of GSU's plan, said in a statement to Axios that his organization hoped GSU would have given the building "the respect it has both earned and been recognized with." "Destroying this building will remove yet one more of the structures that somehow survived and visually represents how we became Atlanta." Catch up quick: Residents and historic preservationists began raising concerns about GSU's plans last year and created a petition to raise awareness. A contentious public hearing and open house was held May 28 where GSU officials and Greek life students debated with residents and other stakeholders whether to reuse or demolish 148 Edgewood. Zoom out: Demolishing the old substation, as well as Sparks Hall at 33 Gilmer St., is part of GSU's larger, long-range plan to create a " true college town downtown." A Panther Quad, which will rise in place of Sparks Hall, will feature additional greenspace that will connect to the campus' existing greenway. Gilmer Street will be transformed into a car-free zone to improve connectivity with Hurt Park, GSU officials previously told Axios. Flashback: The 148 Edgewood building was constructed as a substation in 1926 by the company now known as Georgia Power to supply electricity to Downtown, Kyle Kessler, a resident who opposes the demolition, told Axios last year.
Axios
2 days ago
- Axios
The do's and don't of dog throwing away poop
If you throw your bagged dog poop into a neighbor's trash cart, there's a good chance you've made them mad — perhaps enough to get a tongue lashing or worse: a reciprocal bag on your doorsteps. Why it matters: We take etiquette seriously here at Axios Twin Cities, digging deep into the biggest wedge issues in Minnesota, like shoes at house parties, free sampling of ice cream, how early is too early to mow your lawn and merging onto I-94. Friction point: The question we posed last week about dog waste really got people fired up. We received nearly 100 reader responses to this one. It's easy to see why it's such an issue. A 2022 city study found that Minneapolis' population of 112,000 dogs generates 15,340 tons of waste annually. Extrapolate those figures to the metro area, which has 8.7 times more people (and likely dogs), and we're talking about 133,500 tons of poo per year. This stuff has to go somewhere. The big picture: A majority of you said dumping it in a neighbor's bin is disrespectful and makes for a stinky cart. But a sizable number also said they're OK if someone's bagged dog poop ends up in their bin, especially if it's out on the curb on trash day, before the garbage truck arrives. Threat level: A City of Minneapolis spokesperson tells Axios that putting any kind of trash in someone else's cart is considered illegal dumping. And pet waste in your own bin is required to be double-bagged to protect garbage workers. Here's what readers say about the issue: If Bob A. from Mahtomedi can't find a public can, "I use anyone's trash can that is close to the road that I am walking on. My trash container is welcome to everyone ... better there than on the ground!" Max L. used to live in Chicago, and he said it was the norm to throw your bag into the first can you saw (our Axios Chicago colleague Carrie Shepherd confirmed this). But when Max and his wife did it here in Minneapolis, an irate neighbor came out of their house screaming. It was even worse for Bronson L. of St. Paul, whose husband once threw a tightly tied bag of dog poop into a stranger's can. A man who saw him do it followed Bronson home, and a few weeks later, threw a bag of poop onto his front steps. Ellen P. does what many Minnesotans do: bottles up her frustration, even when seven days' worth of poop bags pile up in her St. Paul can. "I am just passive aggressive and complained about it and now I am sharing the story with Axios." Oren S. grew up in St. Louis Park but lives in Toronto, where he says public garbage cans are everywhere, providing convenient places to deposit the bags. "Minneapolis needs to invest in more public trash bins!"
