When being solo doesn't mean living alone

Korea Herald

12-04-2025

More Koreans than ever are living alone — and choosing to stay that way.
As this number climbs, so too does the number of books documenting a new way of living — one that doesn't revolve around marriage, children, or even shared bloodlines.
'Aging Solo: How Those Who Chose to Be Alone Grow Older ' by Kim Kyung-hee (Dongasia, 2023)
'Two Women Are Living Together: The Birth of an Assembled Family, Neither Alone Nor Married' by Kim Ha-na and Hwang Sun-woo (Storyseller, 2019)
'Life as a Two-Woman Household: A Project for Two Unmarried Women to Grow Old Together — Safely and Happily' by Tokki and Hotdog (txt.kcal, 2021)
'When Three Women Get Together, the House Grows Bigger: A Surprisingly Perfect Communal Life' by Kim Eun-ha (Sustain, 2024)
'Raising Children Without Marriage or Childbirth' by Baek Ji-seon (2022, Another Universe)
'Preparing for a Solitary Death: On the Courage and Freedom to Face Life Alone' by Choi-Chul-joo (Joongang Books, 2024)
These are just a few of the titles (directly translated from the Korean) that have appeared on bookstore shelves in recent years, catching the attention of a demographic that is large in numbers but still marginalized in public perception.
As of 2023, single-person households number 7.93 million or 35.5 percent of all households, up from 7.16 million in 2021. And the number is projected to surpass 40 percent of all households here by 2052, according to Statistics Korea's projection.
Yet South Korea's policies and public discourse around single-person households have long been reduced to a familiar narrative: Young adults are unmarried, people in midlife are divorced, and older people are widowed — according to Kim Hee-kyung, author of 'Aging Solo' and former deputy minister of the Ministry of Gender Equality and Family (2019–2020).
Celebrating single lifestyles
Perhaps in response to this narrow framing, a growing number of people exploring living arrangements beyond marriage or traditional roommate setups are beginning to raise their voices.
Several books have emerged that celebrate life outside of traditional married coupledom, such as 'I Can't Help but Live Well on My Own' by Seen Aromi, published in February last year.
While Seen's book drew particular attention, it was preceded and followed by others that explored similar paths.
As Seen points out, choosing to live alone isn't a rejection of marriage forever. It's about recognizing that there are other ways to live — paths beyond marriage and raising children that are increasingly accepted by society. It's about expanding the range of life choices beyond traditional expectations.
Voices with Experience
While confident voices celebrating single lifestyles are most often heard from people in their 20s and 30s, stories of middle-aged individuals living alone are less common — yet increasingly vital. This demographic is projected to grow significantly in the near future, making their experiences essential to the broader conversation.
'Aging Solo' and 'The Women Are Living Together' and "Raising Children Without Marriage or Childbirth' share enduring stories that resonate beyond trends.
'The Women Are Living Together' tells the story of a group of women who decided to buy an apartment together in 2016, formalizing a chosen family built on friendship. Published in 2019, the book by Hwang Sun-woo and Kim Ha-na sparked a wave of similar publications, reflecting a growing interest in alternative domestic arrangements — ones grounded in care, companionship and autonomy, rather than marriage.
One of the key motivations behind Kim Eun-ha's 2024 book "When Three Women Get Together, the House Grows Bigger" was the desire to escape cramped living conditions. The book tells the story of three women who move in together, pooling their resources to secure a more spacious apartment — in the process, forming a family bound not by blood, but by trust and shared intention.
For many young Koreans, moving out of the family home typically means renting a small 'one-room' apartment — a temporary solution often seen as a stopgap before eventually 'settling down' through marriage or more conventional housing.
In 'Aging Solo,' the author — who has lived alone for over two decades — interviewed 19 women aged between 40 and 64 starting in fall 2021, aiming to fill a gap in the predominant narratives.
"Unmarried people do not live alone," the author writes, introducing how those who chose to live alone form support networks with siblings, friends and their local communities — forming relationships in which they both give and receive help.
With in-depth interviews, the book demystifies the realities of women in midlife and older living alone, dismantling stereotypes of isolation and vulnerability often associated with aging solo. Instead, it reveals a wide spectrum of experiences — women who have built rich, meaningful lives through chosen communities, intergenerational networks and intentional self-reliance.
Baek Ji-seon, the author of 'Raising Children Without Marriage or Childbirth,' adopted two children in 2010 and 2013, becoming a single parent by choice. Without a spouse, she built a caregiving community with her mother and siblings, effectively creating a modern version of a matriarchal society. Her choice was bold, made in a country where single parenthood is particularly stigmatized.
'Once, a rather unfriendly moving company employee stared at my children's faces and asked — almost maliciously — why they looked so different from each other. I just let it go. Of course, he probably wasn't thinking they were adopted; he was likely pointing out that the two children must have different fathers,' Baek writes.
It wasn't until Dec. 30, 2006, that a revision to the enforcement rules of the Special Adoption Act enabled single individuals to adopt children who had been separated from their birth parents and designated for state protection. Later, on Nov. 9, 2021, amendments to the Civil Act and the Family Litigation Act further expanded adoption rights by allowing single individuals to adopt through private agreements — such as in the widely publicized case of celebrity Hong Seok-cheon, who adopted his niece. Together, these legal changes granted single individuals the full rights and responsibilities of legal parenthood.
Although the book recounts her everyday life, it challenges deep-rooted norms around parenting, gender roles and what defines a 'proper' household. It offers readers the confidence to build a family on their own terms, rather than conforming to the structures prescribed by society.
Lack of men's narratives
Among these books, one stands out in many ways: 'Preparing for a Solitary Death: On the Courage and Freedom to Face Life Alone' by Choi Chul-joo.
Written by a man — a rare voice in this genre — the book offers a deeply personal reflection on solitude following the loss of both his wife and daughter to cancer. One anecdote captures his quiet vulnerability: He once missed the low-battery warning on his digital door lock due to fading hearing and ended up locked out of his own home.
Yet, his story stands out precisely because similar narratives from younger Korean men are so rare. This absence raises questions that are partially answered by "Aging Solo."
The author of 'Aging Solo' gave up looking for a male interviewee. She interviewed two men but ended up not including in her book.
"In South Korean society, where patriarchy remains deeply entrenched, a man's unmarried status has little to no impact on his masculinity and the experiences of unmarried men differ greatly from those of unmarried women. The life challenges they perceive as most pressing are fundamentally different, making it difficult to weave their stories into a single, cohesive narrative,' the author writes.
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