The one mistake people keep making when visiting moms who just gave birth
For many of us, visiting a brand-new mom feels like an instinctive moment of celebration—cooing over the baby, offering a helping hand, and maybe even saying something like, 'Let me take the baby so you can rest.' But one mom's viral Instagram video is flipping that script—and reminding visitors what actually helps during postpartum.
The reel, originally posted by South Carolina mom Chelsey Cox (@thechelseydream), was featured by TODAY and has since sparked emotional responses from new moms across the country.
'By offering to take my child, you're putting me in 'fight or flight' mode,' Cox told Today.
In her video, Cox clearly and lovingly delivers the message: 'When you are going to a new mother's house, do not offer to take the baby,' she says. Don't offer to babysit. Don't offer to let her get some sleep while you watch the baby. Don't, don't, don't.', while her five-month-old son sleeps peacefully on her chest.
Instead? Cox lists off what would actually feel supportive—things like doing the dishes, bringing food, sweeping the floor, or simply being a quiet presence.
'You can wash these dishes, you can bring me something to eat … bake me a cake,' she adds. 'Don't offer to take this baby, because she is probably not going to let you do that until he is 19. And even then.'
The comments on her video were filled with laughter, solidarity, and deep understanding.
@itsmechi_chi: 'Please offer to take the husband instead. Me and the baby are doing just fine.'
@emiiiily_m: 'Holding my baby is not helping.'
@Pretti__maine1728: 'I barely want you to touch her, let alone out of my eyesight.'
@_margueritetherese_: 'This gives me so much anxiety when people say this because, 'Why do you want to take my baby away from me??''
Behind the humor is something serious: for many new mothers, early postpartum is a time of intense bonding, vulnerability, and recovery. And the best thing loved ones can do? Let her lead.
Related: 'It's so scary': Meghan Markle shares her postpartum preeclampsia story—and the pressure to show up anyway
Cox told TODAY that her son was born with specific health challenges, which make her especially mindful of his needs. But even without that added layer, she says, the instinct to protect her baby runs deep.
'Let me keep my baby — I grew him, he's mine — and you can assist me with other things.'
Her advice for loved ones wanting to help is beautifully simple:
'Bring me a meal. Clean my house for me. Do a load of laundry … Some soup. A foot rub. Not snatch the baby.'
And she's quick to note that support can still include holding the baby—but only when asked.
Cox says her mother-in-law gets it right by asking questions like, 'Do you need or want something?' and 'Can I send you anything?' It's about consent, comfort, and consideration.
'I want women to feel comfortable … to say, 'Ask me what I need and I'll tell you,'' Cox says. 'Don't assume what I need.'
Related: Texts between postpartum moms go viral—because no one talks about this enough
In the flurry of joy, excitement, and tiny clothes, it's easy to forget that postpartum isn't just a celebration—it's a recovery. Moms don't need guests who swoop in and disrupt that delicate transition. They need respectful, practical, and heartfelt help.
So next time you visit a new mom? Don't reach for the baby. Reach for the broom—or better yet, the snack bag.
Because as Cox says: 'There are other ways to show that you're here for me and my baby.'
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