I answered an advert to help a boomer with his phone and now we're best friends

Telegraph

2 days ago

A century ago, being friends with someone much older or younger than you was nothing unusual. Close-knit communities, multigenerational households and shared social spaces, from churches to village pubs, naturally fostered connections across age groups. Social life was lived out in the open, with village fêtes and local dances welcoming young and old, and chats over garden fences.
Now, the different generations seem worlds apart. Divided by politics and technology, they're often pitted against each other across social media, with older boomers a figure of fun rather than respect.
But while our communal structure has faded, eroded by urbanisation, globalisation and digital culture, there's a growing recognition of the value that intergenerational friendships bring – not just for emotional well-being, but for building empathy in an increasingly polarised world.
While romantic age-gap relationships often grab the headlines, platonic bonds across the generations are far more common than we might think, with nearly four in 10 adults (37 per cent) having a close friend at least 15 years older or younger.
But why do these connections matter? Irene S Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert, says these relationships can be uniquely enriching, particularly in tumultuous times: 'Younger generations bring vitality and energy to their friendships, while older ones enable young people to foreshadow their older years and learn from a mentor,' she explains.
Here, we meet three sets of friends who have forged lasting bonds despite their 20-plus-year age gaps.
'Susie doesn't see me as some old fart she has to babysit'
Susie Flory, 28, and Janie Deal, 72, from Hampshire, bonded over their love of cooking and now have a shared Instagram account together
When Susie, then 16, wandered into Janie's kitchen in Hampshire looking for a catering job, neither of them knew it would spark a friendship that would span more than a decade. 'She had hair rollers in,' Susie recalls. 'From the minute we first met, there was just this good vibe. We were both smiley, chatty and full of energy.'
Janie, now 72, remembers Susie as a 'gorgeous, tall young girl' with an unexpectedly refined palate, something she clocked from the very first mango yogurt Susie made for her. 'It was spot on,' she says. 'I employed her for the odd job that summer and our relationship just grew from there.'
Twelve years later, the two cooks are inseparable despite more than 40 years' age difference between them. They walk Janie's dogs, attend events, make reels for their shared Instagram account and dissect former Made in Chelsea cast members Jamie Laing and Sophie Habboo's NewlyWeds podcast together.
The pair talk about everything from herbs to mental health to sex. 'Susie talks to me the way she talks to her girlfriends,' Janie says. 'Not like I'm some old fart she has to babysit.' Susie agrees: 'We literally talk about the same s--- I talk about with my 28-year-old mates.'
Although they first connected over a love of food, their bond is rooted in mutual respect and a shared appetite for life. Janie credits her young-at-heart mindset to an unorthodox path: 'I got married late, had a baby before I got married – and not with the man I eventually married. I suppose that made me modern, early on.' She sees a grounded maturity in Susie beyond her years, while Susie describes herself as 'a bit of an old soul'.
Their friendship is refreshingly unfiltered. 'We're very honest with each other,' Janie says. 'You [Susie] can tell if something's annoyed me, but it's so nice to have that level of openness.' Susie, who has chronic ADHD and admits to a 'last-minute.com' way of living, credits Janie with teaching her the power of structure and forward planning. 'She changed my life,' Susie says. 'She showed me you can do all the hard stuff before the [cooking] job and still have time to get your nails done.'
But the learning goes both ways. 'Susie's made me more daring – with spices and with life,' Janie smiles. 'She's the rock star of the condiment world. I've become more confident, less anxious. I've always had a spring in my step, but it's even bigger now since becoming friends with Susie. She's made me feel more whole.'
Susie also credits Janie with reshaping how she thinks about ageing. 'She's shown me you don't have to slow down. Janie's got more energy than most 20-year-olds. She's made me unafraid of ageing by showing me that I have loads of time to do the stuff I love.'
Janie, in turn, says Susie has helped her relax about life: 'Her 'just sort it out, fix it' approach has rubbed off on me and made me much more chilled. I used to panic if I was late; now, I just know it'll all be fine.'
What truly anchors their friendship, though, is a shared love of life's simple pleasures: 'Whether it's a sunny day or a glass of wine, we go nuts for it,' Susie says. 'For both of us, happiness really does come from the little things.'
'We bonded over shared losses'
Adele Walton, 25, met Tony Woodcock, 90, from East Sussex, when she answered his ad for help with his phone
If a 90-year-old Brexiteer and a 25-year-old Left-wing activist walked into a pub together, you'd assume they had little in common. But in the case of Tony and Adele, you'd be quite wrong. On paper, they couldn't be more different: Adele can't stand classical music or poetry, both of which Tony adores. While he finds it difficult to get out and about, she fills her days with aerial yoga and has just finished writing her first book.
Yet they have bonded over a shared love of literature and charity shops. Both are Sally Rooney fans, though unimpressed by her latest, and Tony has watched Normal People no fewer than 50 times. Adele, meanwhile, delights in rummaging through his latest charity shop hauls.
'Despite our differences, we've got a friendship grounded in shared values and interests,' Adele says. 'Social media tells us we can only be friends with people who are just like us. But actually, that's not true at all. Tony and I couldn't be more different, and that's exactly why it works.'
The two first met three years ago after Tony, who was struggling to understand how to use his smartphone, placed an advertisement in the local newspaper that read 'intelligent pensioner requires smartphone tuition'.
Adele, newly arrived in Lewes, spotted the 'bold and funny' ad and left him a voicemail. Soon, she was at his flat, guiding him through apps and video calls. Since then, Tony has been diagnosed with Parkinson's disease, meaning they've had to return to the basics, but as he puts it with a smile, 'It keeps her coming and I mean, who wouldn't want a girl like Adele visiting every week?'
Over the years, the pair have celebrated birthdays together, seen in the new year with Adele's family, gone out for coffee and enjoyed watching the football at Tony's sheltered accommodation.
In that time, both have also experienced profound loss. Adele lost her sister to online harm; Tony, his ex-wife, his dog Kiki and his stepdaughter. Many of their conversations have turned to death, grief and ageing. 'Talking to Tony about loss has been incredibly eye-opening,' Adele says. 'It's made me far less afraid of death. Our conversations are definitely enriched by our age difference.'
Tony adds: 'We'd already bonded before those losses, but they've brought us closer because we have both suffered during the same period.'
Their friendship is also a source of encouragement. 'Tony motivates me to live life to the fullest and to see every opportunity as exciting and a privilege rather than a stressful burden,' Adele says.
Tony proudly reads out sections of Adele's book, Logging Off: The Human Cost of Our Digital World, at coffee mornings in his sheltered community. 'Adele's book has enabled my group to connect on a more serious level and has helped us to understand a wider section of humanity. She's also made me realise I must go back to university because I'm very envious of her first-class degree.'
'There's nothing we can't discuss'
Sonica Beckmann, 38, and Merrill April, 60, from London, met at work and have become best friends
Sonica and Merrill met 15 years ago at a law firm in Bristol, where Sonica was a trainee solicitor and Merrill was a training partner. From the outset, they formed a natural connection, and what began as a professional relationship quickly blossomed into a deep and lasting friendship.
Sonica thought Merrill was 'really cool', while Merrill was drawn to Sonica's authentic, friendly nature – a 'breath of fresh air' in their formal, hierarchical workplace. Merrill, a devoted fan of Diana, Princess of Wales, lives by her words: 'Life is mostly froth and bubble; two things stand like stone: kindness in another's trouble, courage in our own.'
Meeting Sonica felt like finding a kindred spirit who shared those values. For them, it was never about age but a shared sense of purpose and like-mindedness.
Just six weeks into her training contract, Sonica lost her father. 'It was a devastating time, and Merrill took me under her wing with compassion and grace,' Sonica explains. 'Since then, she has remained one of my greatest champions, offering guidance, encouragement and unwavering support throughout every chapter of my life.
'My children adore her and proudly call her Auntie Merrill. The kids were even the first on the dance floor at her wedding, which speaks volumes about how close we are.'
Despite Sonica spending 10 years abroad as an expat, their friendship never faltered. Merrill flew out to visit Sonica in Kuwait and they have 'shared countless meals, far too much tequila, late-night conversations and hilarious nights out since'. Sonica recently had the joy of organising Merrill's hen party.
'There is nothing we cannot discuss, from politics and dating to the deeper questions of life,' explains Sonica. 'She gives me steady, thoughtful advice, while I help keep her in tune with younger generational perspectives and encourage mischief.'
Their friendship is a two-way street of learning and inspiration. Sonica has taught Merrill not to let others judge or pigeonhole her, describing her as 'eternally optimistic'. 'She just keeps going and never lets anything get her down,' Merrill says. Meanwhile, Merrill has helped Sonica adopt a healthier lifestyle. 'I've struggled with depression and anxiety, and Merrill showed me how exercise, especially CrossFit, can help clear my mental fog,' Sonica explains.
Though they share core values, their different life experiences bring fresh perspectives. Merrill reflects, 'We're at different phases of life. Sometimes, one of us is up while the other is down, whether it's relationships, finances, or parenting. That difference allows us to support and learn from each other. When I was younger, I panicked about how things would turn out in my career, but I can reassure Sonica now, having been there and done that.'
Sonica adds with a smile, 'A nice thing about the age gap is that we're not competing. There's no rivalry, just mutual support.'
Five tips for forming intergenerational friendships
Irene S Levine, PhD, is a psychologist and friendship expert. She is the producer of The Friendship Blog and author of the seminal book on female friendship 'Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with Your Best Friend'. Here's her advice:
1. Embrace people who are different
Recognise that not all your friends must be 'just like you', in terms of age, gender, social status, lifestyle and so on. If you do not, you limit the universe of potential friends. There is much to be gained by expanding your circle to people who are different. They can add breadth to our lives.
2. Take part in social activities
Place yourself in situations where you can meet friends based on shared interests. Join a community group, religious group or gym, or take a class or engage in a hobby, where you can meet the same people on a regular basis and see who might be 'friend-worthy' to you. For example, mah-jong (popular in the 1950s and 1960s) now engages people of all ages because the game is social.
3. Mine your neighbourhood
Proximity makes it easy to form friendships and convenient to nurture them. An older or younger neighbour may welcome your friendship, companionship or help. Get outdoors. Walk in a local park or around your area and initiate a smile, hello, and begin a brief conversation.
4. Look for friends at work
Working people spend a good amount of time with their colleagues, whether in the office or remotely. Since workers already have something in common, it's an organic way to make friendships with people of different ages and life circumstances.
5. Be open to change
Don't succumb to the myth that everyone already has their friends. Friendships at every age are dynamic and change over time. People come and go in our lives as their interests and life circumstances change.