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Daily Mail
16 minutes ago
- Daily Mail
FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My parents made terrible money decisions and now I'm the one paying the price
Dear Vanessa, I'm 57 and never imagined this would be my life. Six months ago, my elderly parents moved in with us after losing their home. My dad had been gambling for years but we didn't realise how bad it was until everything collapsed. They had no savings, no pension worth mentioning, and no plan. There was no choice but for them to move in with us. I still have two adult children at home - one is studying, the other is in between jobs, and now our once-quiet house is packed. I love my parents deeply, but I'm stretched to my limit. My mum is showing early signs of dementia and needs constant care. My husband is supportive, but we're both working full-time and barely keeping our heads above water. We've put our own retirement plans on hold, and I feel like I've lost any space to breathe. I swing between guilt, frustration, and sadness. I don't want to turn my back on my parents, but I also don't know how long I can keep going like this. How do I even begin to navigate something so emotionally and financially complicated? Melissa. Melissa, what you're facing is incredibly tough and, sadly, more common than people talk about. Many people in midlife are part of what's called the 'sandwich generation' - caring for elderly parents while still supporting adult children. It's a huge emotional and financial load to carry, especially when the situation stems from poor decisions like gambling. That brings up a complicated mix of guilt, love, and frustration. You're clearly doing your best, but it's okay to admit this isn't sustainable and to start putting steps in place that protect you and your future. Here are a few things to consider: 1. Talk to a financial professional about your own plans. Even one session can help you see where you stand and what your options are - especially when your finances are under pressure. If you don't know where to start, I offer a free referral service to connect you with someone trusted. 2. Look into care and community support options available in your region. There are often services that help with aged care, home assistance, and respite for carers. It's worth exploring - you don't have to do everything alone. 3. Have the hard conversations. With your children, talk about contributing or becoming more independent. With your partner, discuss your shared priorities. And with your parents, while they're still able, about their care preferences and planning ahead. It's loving to step in when your family needs you - but that doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own future. Setting boundaries isn't selfish. It's how you survive. You're carrying a lot, but you're not alone. Asking for help is the first step in lightening the load. I wish you all the best,
Times
28 minutes ago
- Times
Andrew Malkinson: ‘What do you think a false rape conviction does to a man's mind?'
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Times
28 minutes ago
- Times
British Steel to be ‘left in limbo' as Chinese pursue £1bn payout
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