She was diagnosed with prosopagnosia – also known as face blindness
For decades, she had no idea.
On today's episode of the Love Letters podcast, Dingfelder explains how she was diagnosed, with help from experts in Boston. She also explains how learning about her brain changed her understanding of herself – and her marriage.
Enjoy this funny and sweet story about how everyone sees the world differently.
Find the Love Letters podcasts
Meredith Goldstein can be reached at Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com. Send a relationship question to Love Letters by
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Boston Globe
3 days ago
- Boston Globe
Retiree feels obligated to always go see friends' new band
I love these people and feel like I have to start going to their gigs. I can tell them how great they sounded. And I know the whole time I will be wishing I was home. Get Love Letters: The Newsletter A weekly dispatch with all the best relationship content and commentary – plus exclusive content for fans of Love Letters, Dinner With Cupid, weddings, therapy talk, and more. Enter Email Sign Up Any advice on how to proceed? Advertisement FRIEND OF THE BAND A. Good on you for trying to show up and support your friends, and good on you, in advance, for advocating for what you need and staying home when it suits you. When giving a performance, or running a marathon, or really anything that would be enriched by an audience, it's important to right-size the expectation around support. Some friends and members are very willing to show up whenever and wherever to cheer us on. And that's great. Others, like you, might find that they're just not the right audience. And it's fine to give what you can — attendance at a few gigs — without overextending yourself. Advertisement Your friends presumably formed the band for the joy of playing. And part of that joy comes from being seen. It's healthy for them to remember that not everyone they love or care about will be their target audience. And that people can cheer them on from home. In the past, when I've written to people who've felt an obligation to support a loved one's creative endeavors (or written to a loved one who is feeling unsupported), some readers have responded that it's always our duty to show up and support. After decades of public performances in other areas of my life, I see support as more multifaceted. I want to perform for people who want to be there, and I understand if it's not the right gig, venue, or even day for someone else. Try to address the pressure you're feeling head on, in a non-charged way. 'I'm excited you found this, and I think your music is really great. Coming to live shows is hard for me, but I hope you know that it doesn't diminish how proud I am!' And even if you don't show, the best advertisement is word-of-mouth, so tell someone else who would really enjoy a night out. Q. I would add something to your good response to Beleaguered Mom. Her daughter went through substance abuse and self-destructive behaviors as a teen. In her early 20s she was close with her adoptive Mom. Things went 'sideways' shortly after Mom and Dad left to sail around the world. I worked in treatment foster care for 12 years as a social worker and program director. Sadly, it is not uncommon for adoptees to struggle to come to grips with why their biological parents couldn't or wouldn't care for them, or ask 'Who am I really?' or 'Will I end up like them?' Advertisement Mom's reference to the daughter's biological parents' 'history of mental illness and substance abuse' is a red herring. Despite extensive research, geneticists cannot point to any genes — singly or in combination — that significantly correlate with 'mental illness.' Mary's behavior is better explained by her struggles with adoption than by genetics. A clear thread appears to run through Mom's account: Mary struggles as a teen with adoption issues; she recovers with Mom's support; Mom, having become very close with Mary, literally goes 'to the other side of the world' and Mary lashes out at her for removing a crucial part of her support system, just when she finally felt secure. No wonder Mary exploded at Mom for her bland suggestion that she see a therapist. What Mary really wants is closeness with an essential part of her support system that helped her emerge from the other side of her drug and self-destruction crisis. Mom could, as you suggested, use therapy. Grasping how important she truly is to her daughter could help her to deal with Mary's outbursts, and to find ways to reassure her daughter that she will always be there for her. FAMILY CARE A. Thank you for this insight. The inner workings of a family system can be so complicated. We impact each other in ways of which we're often quite unaware. R. Eric Thomas can be reached at .
Boston Globe
6 days ago
- Boston Globe
Is sunscreen toxic? The UV truthers on the Internet sure think so.
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Use it, and you'll end up deficient in Vitamin D (most people reportedly don't put on enough for this to be a problem). A 2024 Advertisement Brigham and Women's Hospital dermatologist She learned that firsthand, in 2023, when she posted a TikTok video with what seemed like basic, if perhaps even dull, advice: wear sunscreen on exposed skin and reapply it regularly. The vitriolic responses, and there were hundreds, had a theme: She was a shill for big pharma. She was propagating the lie that sunscreen protects against skin cancer. She was saying this to … somehow … get more patients. 'I had no idea that this was a public sentiment,' she said. 'It had never been discussed in medical school or any of my training.' But the misconception that it's harmful is so common that even educated people believe it, she said. 'I went to play tennis yesterday, and my coach was like, 'I'm not putting chemicals on my body.' He's an engineer.' The skepticism has its roots in reality, if only very tangentially, said Timothy Rebbeck, a professor of cancer prevention at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, whose research focuses in part on false claims connected to cancer. 'This is a phenomenon we see in a lot of cancer misinformation,' he said. 'There is a kernel of truth to a story.' For example, he said: a study is done in a test tube or an animal that shows a compound found in microscopic levels in sunscreen, when exposed to ultraviolet light, could cause DNA damage. Advertisement That result, taken out of context, makes its way to social media, where it's sensationalized and amplified. 'By the time it gets to your social media feed, it doesn't resemble the original piece of information,' he said. 'No one goes back to the original paper and sees that it was in mice.' Even if sunscreen raised your risk for skin cancer — which it doesn't, he emphasized — its well-established cancer-fighting benefits would outweigh any risk. 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It would take an individual 277 years of sunscreen use to achieve the equivalent systemic dose that produced effects in these rat studies…' Advertisement But what's Harvard Health Publishing compared to the wisdom, or at least the reach, of social media star and 'Anytime I do an interview, I get a lot of s*** when I admit that I don't [wear sunscreen],' she said in a viral 2024 episode of her 'Let's Be Honest' podcast, before prompting her guest to talk 'about the health benefits of the sun and why we maybe don't need sunscreen.' 'We've literally spent our whole existence as humans under the sun all day, until the last, like, 100 years or so, and now we're like shut-ins … and that's really bad for a lot of reasons,' her guest replied. At Castle Island on a recent weekday, the weather app was showing a UV rating of 5, high enough for the website of the National Weather Service to recommend use of a sunscreen of at least SPF-30. But Catherine Civitella, who was hanging out with a friend from college, wasn't wearing any, as she considers it 'toxic.' She formed that opinion from 'the internet,' she said, and also by observing people in Florida, where she used to live. There, she noticed that the better people ate, and the more time they spent in the sun, sans sunscreen, the better their skin looked. 'What you put in your body is more important than what you put on your body,' she said. Over on the beach, Maria Turolska, a Dorchester grandmother watching her 18-month-old grandson, both fair-skinned, said she wouldn't use sunscreen on herself or the little boy, even though his parents wanted her to. Asked if she thought sunscreen could cause cancer, she reflected the widespread skepticism about basically everything these days: 'The companies who sell the products want you to think this, but it's hard to know if it is good or not good.' Advertisement Alas, as is too often the case, you may be doomed no matter what you do. Studies have found that people who use sunscreen tend to stay out in the sun longer, according to Harvard Health Publishing, 'and thus may actually increase their risk of skin cancer.' Beth Teitell can be reached at
Boston Globe
6 days ago
- Boston Globe
Exercise boosts survival rates in cancer patients, study shows
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