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Cosmopolitan
23-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
Homemade sex toys — DIY sex toys to (safely) use at home
The idea of homemade sex toys and DIY sex toys can be kinda scary — especially if you've read some truly awful stories about people using household items during sex and suffering the consequences. And, TBF, some of these fears are justified: good quality sex toys need to be made from body-safe materials, so that you and your vulva are kept in tip top condition. But that doesn't mean DIY and homemade sex toys are totally out of the question. Stephanie Alys, sex expert and founder of MysteryVibe, explains there are some safe items you can fashion and use as sex toys. 'Recently we've seen the use of homemade sex toys and DIY sex toys rise, as people look for things to increase the intimacy and get sexy at home,' she says. 'Cucumbers, hair brushes, mobile phones… these are all things people have experimented with during masturbation. Firstly, I don't think any of us really want our mobile phone stuck inside us! Secondly — and most importantly — this is very dangerous. Inserting objects like this can upset the natural balances of your vagina and cause all sorts of infections.' That's not to say there aren't things at home that you can use to enhance your sex life. 'DIY toys can be especially fun for engaging in sensation play and kink,' says Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist and resident intimacy expert at dating app, 3Fun. 'A wooden spoon can be great for spanking, ice cubes can provide different temperatures on the body, and a t-shirt can make a great blindfold.' She continues: 'DIY kink toys can be an interesting and budget-friendly way to explore more expansive sex with your partner. If you find something you really like, you can always invest in gear later. For example, if that wooden spoon gets you going like a train engine, you can always go out and buy a flogger or paddle later.' But with any DIY toys, it's important to consider the materials you're using. 'Wood, plastic, cotton (clothing), or ice are all all safe to use on the skin and body,' explains Engle. 'Essentially, it's just about using common sense. DIY toys won't be body safe for internal use, so this is something to keep in mind when you're looking to use them.' If you're looking for more than external sensation play, then, it's important to stick to body-safe sex toys from reputable brands (FYI: not Shein). So, how can you tell which toys are body-safe? 'When shopping for sex toys you want a toy that is made from body-safe or medical-grade silicone, ABS plastic, or stainless steel,' continues Engle. 'You also want to consider buying toys that are USB rechargeable and waterproof. These toys are generally better quality and will last you a long time. Consider what kind of sensations you're looking to explore: Clit stimulation? Penis stimulation? G-spot? Dual stimulation? Knowing what you're trying to achieve with the toy can lead the way for what you want to buy.' Okay, now that's all cleared up, below Alys shares seven household items that can be used safely in sex — just remember: external play only! 'Tease and titillate your partner with the soft, delicate touch of a feather,' Alys suggests. 'Using feathers during sex is a great way to build anticipation and leave your partner gasping for your touch. Trace your lover's body with the feather to heighten their sensations, leaving nerve-endings tingling from head-to-toe.' Alys also says that if it's more intense pleasure you're after, you can try using a vibrator while your partner teases your neck, nipples, and inner thighs with a feather. Temperature play can be a really fun way to try out new sensations and increase sensitivity. 'Use an ice cube during oral sex, to tease nipples and create light puddles you can both lick off each other's bodies,' says Alys. 'Start by sucking an ice cube, before taking it out and giving your partner oral sex. At the same time, you can use that same ice cube to trace along their inner thighs. This mixture of hot and cold can really blow their mind.' Don't forget to take it in turns because trust us, being on the receiving end is amazing. If you don't have an old tie knocking around, you could also try a ribbon or a piece of fabric to use as a blindfold. 'Shutting one of your senses naturally intensifies the others, which means you'll be extra receptive to your partner's touch,' Alys says. Blindfolds are a great way to explore power during sex, giving you both a chance to play the dominant role. For lots of us, not being able to see also reduces inhibitions, which means you'll be less focused on your 'O face' and more focused on every movement your partner makes. 'Start by kissing their neck before nibbling their nipples and licking every inch of their body,' continues Alys. 'The teasing will drive them wild.' This one might sound as cliché as using your electric toothbrush, but ye olde shower head is much safer. 'There's a reason why masturbating in the bath or shower is so popular. Firstly, you're already naked… you're wet and slippery, you're relaxed and you have some time to yourself,' Alys says. 'Take the shower head and press it against your clitoris starting from cold to warm. If you have a fancy shower head with different intensity settings — now's your chance to finally try them out.' If you have a waterproof vibrator, you can also use this alongside the shower head for double the sensations. BTW: if your shower head is a little on the old side and you're thinking of upgrading it, might we recommend Womanizer's Wave? This may look like your average shower head, but it's actually a discreetly disguised clitoral stimulator, with a few (strategically placed) jets to offer pinpoint pressure — and pleasure. Want to know more? You can read our full review here. A scarf is an item of many talents, apparently. 'Ask your partner to tie your wrists together, or to your headboard, and try your own power play scenario,' suggests Alys. 'With your hands (and even your feet) tied, you won't have any say in where your partner touches or squeezes. This will leave you feeling exhilarated, begging them for more.' Just be sure to establish your boundaries and safe words before you start playing. 'The flexible design of a spatula makes for a very handy spanking tool,' Alys says. 'Simply bend over your partner's lap, or ask them to bend over you, and bite your lip as you prepare for the satisfying sensation of the spatula spanking your bottom.' 'If you want to be extra naughty, try using your favourite vibrator at the same time. This combination of pleasurable pain and your pulsating clitoris will quickly become a new favourite.' Some food cupboard and fridge items that you may have can work really well incorporated into your sexual experimentation. 'Honey, whipped cream, and melted chocolate can give you a completely new experience and, although it's messy, it engages all of your five senses,' Alys says. 'Remember that too much sugar around your vagina can encourage yeast, so keep the food play centred around your lips, nipples, tongue, neck, belly button, toes — whatever you're into.'
New York Post
12-05-2025
- General
- New York Post
These poly-parents say the lifestyle has made them better moms and days
For Nichole Gonzalez, giving birth to her now one-year-old daughter in late 2023 was a family affair. As she pushed, her husband, Frank, held her left leg — while their girlfriend, Sasha, held the right. 'It was important to have both of my partners in the delivery room,' Gonzalez, 29, a stay-at-home mama of two from northern New Jersey, told The Post. Advertisement As a polyamorous parent to both her little girl and a nine-year-old son, she's in the growing number of mothers and fathers exploring consensual non-monogamy (CNM). It's an unrestrictive relationship style that allows couples to pursue sexual and romantic connections beyond the confines of a two-person partnership. The avant-garde arrangement is an everyday setup for roughly one in five adults in both the U.S. and Canada, per a 2024 report from the University of Quebec, which noted, 'Among those who practice CNM, many have children.' Advertisement 12 The threesome tells The Post that their friends, family members and neighbors treat them with respect and kindness, despite their nonconformist family structure. Stefano Giovannini Investigators interviewed 18 children of polyamorous parents to find that 'these children generally appreciated their parents' partners.' 'These adults were seen by our participants as someone who contributed positively to their lives,' wrote study authors, adding that the kids enjoyed fun, fuller lives with mom and/or dad's supplemental sweetie. However, recent data via Cornell University, notes, '…Polyamorous families can exert positive and negative impacts on their children.' Advertisement 12 Gonzalez told The Post she and her partners are poly-parenting for keeps. Courtesy Nichole Gonzalez The findings indicate that pups raised in polyamorous families are susceptible to a number of disadvantages, including 'the potential loss of [an] adult partner relationships once a romantic relationship terminates and societal stigmatization.' But Gonzalez told The Post she and her partners are poly-parenting for keeps. The holistic healer, said her brood — whose names she chose to omit for privacy — even considers Sasha, 29, a third parent. Advertisement 12 Gonzalez says husband Frank welcomed the idea of adding another partner and parenting into their home, and found Sasha on the 3Fun app. Stefano Giovannini 12 The trio became an official throuple in late 2023. Stefano Giovannini 12 Gonzalez tells The Post she encouraged her son to call Sasha 'mom' after the boy expressed interest in embracing her as his third parent. Stefano Giovannini 'My son said, 'I like her name, but I'd like to call her mom,'' Gonzalez remembered. The tike was seven when she and Frank found Sasha on 3Fun, a dating app for polyamorous people. And in the two years since becoming throuple, Gonzalez's family has been made whole. 'If you're bringing the right person into your family, your kids have more love,' she said, 'that's the best thing a kid could have.' 12 Gonzalez says she's the more nurturing parent, while Frank fulfills the role of 'fun' dad and Sasha serves as the structured homemaker mom. Stefano Giovannini Gigi Engle, a certified sex and relationship psychotherapist, agreed. She told The Post, 'When raising a child inside of a polyamorous unit, you actually have more caretakers for your child.' Advertisement 'You have more hands, more guidance and more love to give the kids,' said Engle, an intimacy expert at 3Fun. 'It can really be a great thing.' 12 Gigi Engle, an intimacy expert at 3Fun, said polyamory has benefits for parents. Penske Media via Getty Images Courtney Boyers, a poly, self-described 'soccer mom' of three from Seattle, however, is happy keeping her boyfriends separate from the kiddos — and her monogamous husband, Nathan. Unless, of course, the family expresses an interest in getting to know her men. Advertisement 12 Courtney Boyers Courtesy Courtney Boyer 'None of them wanted to meet [my ex] except for my oldest and my husband,' said Courtney, 42, a relationship coach. 'It was the first time Nathan met any of my partners, and he actually really liked the guy. He was sad it didn't work out between us.' But Nathan wasn't always keen on his wife of 20 years having other men in her life. 'When Courtney came out as poly, it really made me reexamine what I wanted as a parent, partner and husband,' Nathan said, crediting therapy with helping him embrace her polyamory. Advertisement 12 Courtney and Nathan Boyers Courtesy Courtney Boyer Courtney, a once pious traditionalist, expressed her desire to date other guys during their 17th anniversary dinner. It was a hard pill for Nathan, a military man and doctor, to swallow. 'It wasn't easy, and there was a lot of hurt and pain to deal with, but we decided to stay married and to make each other better,' he said. 'I've become more supportive and loving.' Courtney, who meets most of her partners on Hinge, has become more liberated since coming out to her children in June 2023. Advertisement 12 Courtney and Nathan Boyers Courtesy Courtney Boyer 'I was terrified they'd think of me as a monster or disgusting,' said the mom, admitting she engaged in several casual 'hookups' with men who made her feel 'disposable' during her polyamory infancy — dalliances she 'really f- -king hated.' She's since refocused her sights on more meaningful relationships. And her kids couldn't be happier for her. 'They said, 'We love you. We don't care,'' a tearful Courtney recalled. 'It was the most beautiful thing.' Honesty has transformed Courtney's parenting. 'I take each of my kids out for one-on-one dates each month,' she said. 'If I can make time to go on dates with men I don't know, I can do the same with my kids — we go to a restaurant and talk about everything.' 12 Barrett and his wives tell The Post that they are all happily cohabitating, and considering adding a sixth woman into their blended home. Jam Press/@nextgenbarrett For Los Angeleno Jame Barrett, his five wives and their 11 kids, there wasn't much discussion about moving into a 5500 sq. ft., six-bedroom house as one big poly family. Barrett, 30, simply proposed the idea to his tribe of brides — Reda, 28, Cameron, 29, Gabriela, 30, Diana, 30, and Jessica, 31— in a group text. 'It was a shock when he sent the text,' said Jessica, a mother of two, who's currently expecting. 12 (From left) Reda, Gabriela, Jame Barrett, Diana, Jessica and Cameron enjoying a cowboy-themed family outing. Courtesy Jame Barrett She and Diana, the mother of the polycule's oldest kids, sons ages 13 and 11, are due to give birth on the same week in September. Cameron, Barrett's only legal wife, is also pregnant and due on June 30. 'But now, my children are living under the same roof as their dad,' Jessica continued. 'It's what I've always wanted.' All the women tell The Post they're happily monogamous to the Left Coast real estate pro, who says polyamory's made him a better father. 'I get to be there for my sons and daughters — I'm not missing out,' he said. 'I'm their first example of love.' But he's not pushing polyamory on the pack. 'I joke around with my three older sons and ask, 'How many wives are you gonna have?,' laughed Barrett. 'They're like, 'One!''
