7 days ago
I just became a mom — after 20 years of marriage: Amy Correa Bell on her long path to parenthood with Ricky Bell
"Everyone's wondering why we waited so long."
Actress, singer, songwriter and model Amy Correa Bell married singer Ricky Bell (of New Edition and Bel Biv Devoe fame) in 2004. It would be another 15 years before the couple started thinking about having a child, followed by a few more years spent trying to conceive. This past May 13, more than 20 years after their wedding, Correa Bell, 43, gave birth to their first baby, a girl named Mercy Mae. The new mom announced the birth in a Father's Day post paying tribute to Bell, a first-time dad at 57. In this interview with Yahoo's Maressa Brown, she opens up about her journey to motherhood, the ways in which welcoming their daughter has changed her marriage and how she's getting to know a whole new version of herself.
When we got married, I was 22 and Ricky was 36. We wanted to enjoy having a fun time as a married couple. We were supporting one another's careers and taking time away to travel. We were like, 'Hey, let's just enjoy this first part of our marriage without the extra responsibility,' so we weren't trying to have children for a long time. We did have two cats we raised for 15 years, so at the time, those were our babies.
When I was growing up in the early 2000s, a lot of managers at the time — as well as different people in our life — convinced me that having a child would stop my creativity or stop my career. So when we first got married, we thought, Hey, if it happens naturally, cool, but let's not try for a while — until we're both ready. It wasn't until 2019 that we decided to actually start trying.
After trying to conceive for three years, I realized I had to start taking better care of myself
I've always felt like I was a mom — we've had children in our life and are cat parents — but I began to feel strongly that I wanted my own child. For the first three years of trying, I thought I could do all the things I used to do — going from auditions to the recording studio and back again, running around, always busy — and just get pregnant. But in the entertainment industry, everything moves really fast, and it's very stressful. There are really high ups and really low lows. I think in order to get pregnant, you have to be very chill, at peace and not have a lot of things that are causing stress. That's so hard to do in this industry.
Finally, when I turned 40, I was like, 'I have to slow down.' Life got a lot more serious, and my health and how I took care of myself — what I put into my body — really mattered. [I stopped] eating things that were not healthy for me [and started] cutting out alcohol, cutting out any form of smoking — anything like that was off the table. I just focused more on being a happy and chill person.
Looking back, I really wish someone had told me in my 20s, 'I know you guys aren't ready yet, but why don't you freeze your eggs?' It has been quite a journey. We have had some setbacks and heartbreaks leading up to me actually getting pregnant that really took us out and took us some time to get over.
The timing of our pregnancy felt fated
Last year, right around our 20th wedding anniversary, which is also Ricky's birthday, we found out we were expecting. It was a birthday present and an anniversary present — it was like God's perfect timing.
When I got pregnant, I felt a new hope and excitement about love, about the unknown. I had a new confidence that I could do this.
At the same time I also had a fear of something going wrong, because it was my first time being pregnant. [It feels like] you can't even share that you're pregnant until you're past the four- or five-month mark, because you go to a [doctor's] appointment, and they're like, 'Oh, let's make sure your baby has all the right bones,' and 'Let's make sure they're growing right.' That led to having a different awareness and caution with everything I was doing, including who I was hanging out with, what I was eating, the music I was listening to, the shows I was watching on TV. I usually like scary movies, but when I was pregnant, I was like, Nope, can't do it.
I'm also normally a very social, extroverted person, but when I got pregnant, I loved being alone. I thought I was going to be sharing my baby bump every month and hanging out with friends, and I just was like, I don't want to be around anyone. I don't want to share this. This is private. I got off social media for the first time in my life. And I told Ricky, 'This must be the personality of our baby. She's a little more personal and quiet.'
Since welcoming our daughter, I feel like a different person
When we had the baby (Mercy Mae — her middle name is the same as Ricky's late mother), the things that I used to care about and worry about in regards to my future did not matter to me anymore. I found a new sense of purpose and destiny. The people who truly care about me will make time, and the things that are really important to me will come at me in an honoring way. My boundaries became very clear, and I have a new respect for myself and a new value of what I bring to the table in life and in my friendships. I don't really settle for anything less than what I feel is right for me and my family.
What I didn't realize about motherhood was that my entire personality and character were going to change. I feel like there's a new Amy here, like I didn't exist before this. I am not Amy from three months ago, or even from before I was pregnant. I changed once I got pregnant, and then I had another life change once I had her.
Now, I know that having a kid enhances your abilities and your career, because it brings you more depth, and it gives you a different sense of purpose. Now I'm more motivated to do music. I'm inspired, and I have way more things to talk about. And any time I have away from my daughter now, like to do music, I really cherish it. I'm just like, Oh my God, I have two hours to make a song, whereas I took it for granted before.
I'm also loving breastfeeding, which is something I wasn't expecting to be able to do or even enjoy. That's been a beautiful journey.
Parenthood has also transformed my marriage to Ricky
There's a new love — a new connection — between Ricky and me now as well. After having been married for over 20 years, we have our rhythm, so it's been a little bit of an adjustment. But we're in a new era of our relationship. When you're with someone for that long, you're not the same people you were when you met. You keep evolving, so it's kind of like I have a new husband right now.
Beyond being married, we're best friends, and we've been able to just accept each other and each other's flaws, and we're open to learning who we are today and not having all these expectations to be perfect. In the midst of the pregnancy and welcoming Mercy, we both gave each other grace to have our moments.
Now we're accomplishing so much being parents. I'm more in love with him today than I was a year ago, because seeing him as a dad is definitely a turn-on. He's the best dad ever. He's so sweet, he's so caring, and even when he has to travel, he helps out so much with the baby. He definitely wants to be present for every moment. The difficult part is having time just for us. We have to schedule that and plan that now, whether we want to have a date night, time to cuddle or to just hang out.
I now understand why we had to wait so long
It's been wild, because our relationship is in the public eye, and everyone's wondering why we waited so long, and we're so old. But we feel like it wasn't up to us. It's just God, and we're so grateful. We were always meant to become parents at this time. Rick and I both have been through so much in our individual lives. We've grown a lot spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and we're in a place now where our priorities are very clear.
Mercy is the most important thing in our lives right now. Not how much money we're making, not what job is coming next. Our only concern is just being great parents. If it had happened sooner, would we have had the same mindset? I don't know.
A lot of people say that when you have a baby, everything moves fast. So I've been really enjoying every day, and trying to make time go slow. I'm enjoying seeing Mercy just grow up. How's she going to be at 1? How's she going to be at 3, at 5? What about the first time she laughs, and what's the first word she's going to say?
And I never thought I'd say this, but I'm open to having one more. I'm curious to see if God will bless us in that way where she'll have a sibling. Either way it goes, I'll be grateful, but I'm excited about the unknown.
This has been edited for length and clarity.
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