4 days ago
You're not alone if you're frequently angry. But you should try and stop, for your health.
You're not alone if you're frequently angry. But you should try and stop, for your health.
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Though a lot of us think of anger as a limiting or mostly negative emotion, there are times it can be useful. "Anger can be helpful when it signals that something isn't right or needs to change," says Raymond Chip Tafrate, a clinical psychologist and professor at Central Connecticut State University and the co-author of "Anger Management for Everyone: 10 Proven Strategies to Help You Control Anger and Live a Happier Life."
Anger can reveal a problem that needs to be solved, motivate you to make a needed change or push you to have a tough conversation. Think becoming mad at a health condition like obesity and deciding to tackle it, participating in a public protest to affect social change or getting the courage to approach a friend or colleague to insist their treatment of you or others improve.
At the same time, "anger can become a problem if it happens too often, is too intense or lasts too long," says Tafrate. And there's a big difference between anger helping motivate you to have a hard conversation in the first place and approaching someone in a state of anger instead of with measured words or behaviors.
So what might it mean if you feel angry all the time and how can you go about managing the emotion to lead to more productive outcomes?
What is anger?
Anger is a common and often intense emotion that is characterized by feelings of frustration, friction, annoyance or conflict with another person, event or situation. It's an emotion that Tafrate says evolved as part of the body's fight -or-flight response to help our ancient ancestors survive a challenge or threatening situation. Today, though, "most of the things that make us angry aren't life-threatening situations," he says. Instead, we get upset about injustices in the world, poor treatment toward ourselves or others, the stressors of everyday life or concerns over one's social, physical or financial standing.
Another perspective is that "anger is an emotion we experience when our view of what is right versus wrong has been violated and there's an opportunity for us to rectify the situation," offers Ethan Kross, a professor of psychology and the director of the self-control and emotion laboratory at University of Michigan.
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Why am I always angry? What causes anger?
It's because of this that some of the people who feel angry often are the ones more focused on these perceived violations or injustices – sometimes because they are surrounded by more of them in their day-to-day life and sometimes because they learn of them in the news or on social media.
Other times, people commonly experience anger because they are in a profession or a family where they frequently feel attacked, treated unfairly or powerless.
One might also experience anger more often because it was modeled as a go-to response in their childhood home or other environment.
Anger can also be amplified by people or groups that use the emotion as a tool to energize or motivate others. "And various organizations and cultures have different standards for when and how it is acceptable or unacceptable to express anger," explains Heather Lench, professor of psychological and brain sciences at Texas A&M University – so some people may simply be more comfortable with confrontation or expressing anger than other people.
Genetics may also play a role. Many people are born with a more reactive nervous system that can make them more prone to respond negatively to perceived threats, says Tafrate. Genes can also affect how we manage our emotional responses more generally, says Kross.
Lack of sleep, a sickness or disease, drugs or alcohol, mental illness, and stress related to work, finances and relationships can also make some people more frequently prone to feeling anger or more likely to react to a situation angrily.
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How to manage anger issues
No matter what's causing you to feel angry, learning to control and manage it can help you avoid hurting yourself and others and keep you out of trouble and embarrassing situations. Shouting, name-calling or using violence against another person or property, for instance, are all surefire ways to make an already intense situation even worse. It's also not good for your body to too often experience the flood of stress hormones associated with anger.
While there are "no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to managing anger," says Kross, "there are lots of tools you can use." For instance, learning to wait until emotions calm down or distancing yourself from the source of frustration until you are ready to approach them thoughtfully is a great way to avoid problems.
"Anger typically subsides with the passing of time," says Kross, so it can be helpful to do something else until it does. Running your hands under cold water, counting backwards from 10, taking deep breaths, going for a run, repeating an uplifting mantra, stepping outside, distracting yourself with an engaging task, venting to a friend or listening to calming music are all proven options.
Another option to feel less angry is to change your mindset toward a person or situation. It can also be helpful, when possible, to avoid the person or situations that frequently cause you to feel angry, whether that's a friend or colleague who rubs you the wrong way, news stories or doomscrolling on social media.
And because anger is more likely to arise when you're overwhelmed, offers Tafrate, "prioritize self-care by getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, exercising regularly and avoiding excessive substances like alcohol or caffeine."
