Latest news with #AreWeDatingTheSameGuy
The Guardian
7 days ago
- The Guardian
Met arrested woman after Facebook posts about ex-partner
A woman was arrested by police, who sent a riot van to her door at dawn, after she posted about her ex-partner, a serving Metropolitan police officer, on Facebook. Sarah* had been alerted by a friend to a post about her former partner that had been made in a local Facebook group linked to 'Are we dating the same guy?'. The group is part of a global network of similar Facebook pages used by women to seek information about their partners, and warn others of 'red flags' from men they have dated. Sarah commented on the original post, saying she and her ex-boyfriend were together for almost five years, 'and then he cheated on me and gaslit me saying I was wrong'. She then made her own post in the group, warning other women about her ex-partner. 'I was basically just saying that I just want to warn other women,' she said. Through the group, she said, she found out more information about her ex-partner's behaviour while they were together, and sent him two messages. In one she called him a 'pussy', and then blocked his number. 'I messaged him and just basically said, the audacity of you to blame me for the breakdown of our relationship,' she said. 'I thought nothing of it until 13 May, when I got a knock on my door, well, banging on my door, at 4.45 in the morning.' Sarah opened the door to three police officers, who told her they were there to arrest her for alleged harassment. 'I knew instantly that it was him,' she said. 'They took me in, they took my phone, they took my computer, they put me in the back of a van,' she added. She spent about 12 hours in custody, where she was questioned about the messages and Facebook posts. During questioning, Sarah said, she did not dispute any of the evidence police officers put before her. 'I've got nothing to hide. I'm not ashamed of what I've done. I'm doing it to protect women, and if I can just save one woman going through what I've gone through, then I've done something,' she said. She said police asked her if it was true she had called her ex 'a pussy'. 'I was like, yeah, you can't arrest me for calling someone a pussy, that's ridiculous.' After questioning, she was released without charge. The duty solicitor, Sarah said, told her that in his opinion, 'this wouldn't have happened if [her ex] wasn't a police officer'. After her release, a police officer came to Sarah's house and served her with civil court papers, with her ex-partner seeking a non-molestation order. The court rejected his application, saying that expressing concern about 'the applicant's abuse of power in respect of the respondent being arrested at 4.45am by three police officers and a riot van attending the respondent's property, [and] the applicant's request for a detective to personally serve the respondent'. Dismissing his application, court papers said it 'related to one Facebook post on 6 May 2024 and no other allegations had been raised by the applicant in support of a non-molestation order'. Sarah made a formal complaint, claiming her former partner had abused his position as a police officer by seeking her arrest, but this was rejected after nine months. As part of the investigation, her ex-partner said he had reported her behaviour because she posted details of the police station he worked at. In a letter, an inspector told Sarah that 'the service provided [was] acceptable', and 'I do not consider unsatisfactory performance procedures are appropriate in respect of any officers.' 'Financially, if I had all the money in the world, I would push and push and push to take this further with lawyers behind our backs,' Sarah said. 'But unfortunately, we don't have the financing to do that.' She said the experience had 'changed her whole life', and that she sometimes had panic attacks when she saw police officers in the street. 'I'm struggling to go out and just enjoy myself for the fear that he's going to be there and he's going to think that I'm following him,' she added. A Metropolitan police spokesperson said: 'In May 2024 officers arrested a 39-year-old woman on suspicion of harassment. After an interview under caution, she was released without further action. 'Subsequently, allegations were made relating to an abuse of power by a serving Met officer. These were formally investigated and found to be unsubstantiated. 'The action taken in this case was considered to be necessary, proportionate and compliant with the Police and Criminal Evidence Act as officers need to conduct prompt and effective investigations.' *Name has been changed.
New York Times
02-08-2025
- New York Times
Women Have Always Looked Out for One Another. It's Never Been Risk-Free.
Until last week's data breach at Tea, an app for women seeking to warn one another about disreputable men in the dating scene, the people with the biggest ax to grind with such platforms were, well, men. But calling out bad behavior usually entails some risk of retaliation. So when thousands of user-submitted images — including photos of users' ID cards — were hacked and circulated online, women were handed a sharp reminder of the personal risks of participating in a familiar practice: protecting other women from cheaters and abusers. Women have always relied on their friends for details about the men they've dated. Could a data breach, threats of lawsuits and growing outrage be enough to thwart this age-old practice online? The internet boom of the early 2000s enabled women to amplify what had previously been informal whisper networks among girlfriends. Almost overnight, one woman was able to warn hundreds of others about certain men in an area, or she could seek information about men she was considering going on a date with. Two decades later, the practice has expanded into anonymous forums, apps and even spreadsheets that are shared across the internet. 'Are We Dating the Same Guy?' Facebook groups, in which women expose men while sharing stories of infidelity and abuse, exist in hundreds of cities around the world. And content creators on #DatingTok delight in sharing details of their failed dates, sometimes even going so far as naming the men in question. One of the more famous public pile-ons came in 2022, when a 25-year-old man nicknamed 'West Elm Caleb' was accused by several women on TikTok of love-bombing them. Some of these networks focused on specific industries, like the 2017 crowdsourced spreadsheet that allowed women to anonymously accuse men in the media industry of sexual misconduct. In a matter of hours, dozens of names were added, some prominent, with the claims ranging from 'weird lunch dates' to accusations of sexual assault and stalking. Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
Sky News
25-07-2025
- Sky News
What is Tea - the women-only app with millions of users?
Millions of women in the US have downloaded a "dating advice" app that claims it catches catfish, checks for hidden marriages and keeps them safe from men online. According to App Store tracker Tea Dating Advice has become the most popular free app in America and is the number one lifestyle download. It also claimed earlier this week to have recently gained close to a million new users, and said on Instagram it has more than four million women "in our community". However, the women-only app has come under fire for being "anti-men" and for a data breach which saw 13,000 user photos leaked. But what is Tea? And why has it proved controversial? What is the app? Tea Dating Advice is a women-only app that allows users to anonymously post about men they are dating in the US. The app's website says it was launched "to give women the tools they need to date safely" - and offers AI-powered reverse image searching to catch catfish using fake images on dating profiles. It also offers phone number searching to check if men have "hidden marriages" and background checks to check for criminal records, and has a map of registered sex offenders. While these features aren't unique to Tea - with most being publicly accessible and the premise being similar to Facebook pages like Are We Dating The Same Guy? - the app offers them in one package. Tea also touts that it has "the largest women's group chat in the US, where users share experiences, anonymous dating reviews, and support". Sean Cook, a Bay Area tech executive, founded and self-funded the app in 2023 because his mother was catfished and talked to men with criminal records while dating online, according to its website. Also attached is Daniella Szetela, Tea's social media director. She's best known for her Instagram account Relatable Girl Talk, where she gives dating advice to around 284,000 followers. Who can use it? Only women can use the app, which requires users to register by creating a username including location, birth date, a photo and official identification. Tea says it deletes all photos after a review, where moderators approve or deny applications and verify if new users are women. All users who get accepted are promised anonymity outside of the usernames they choose, and taking screenshots of what's in the app is also blocked. Once approved, users can leave comments describing specific men as a "red flag" or "green flag," and share other information about them. Comments on Tea's Instagram show that applications aren't that straightforward however, with a number of people saying it takes days to be approved. While men cannot use the app, Tea says any takedown requests should be emailed to their support desk with their name, location, as much information as possible about the content in question, and a photo. What are the concerns? Tea has drawn heavy backlash, with The Times calling it a "man-shaming" app and a post in the MensRights subreddit saying it "must be deleted". Much like the Facebook pages it resembles, the app has also been criticised for devolving into places for gossip or for spreading possible misinformation about people. Sky's US partner network NBC News reported that judges in Illinois and California dismissed two defamation lawsuits filed by men who were posted in such Facebook groups. Writing for the culture website Dazed, Serena Swift said it's "clear how an app like Tea could be abused", noting doxxing - where private information about someone is shared online with malicious intent - and concerns about men "who aren't abusers" having their information published. Speaking to Fox 2, lawyer William Barnwell said men could have civil legal recourse if the posts affect their work, family life, or reputation as defamation might apply. A male-only version of the app - Cheeky - has also been launched, offering anonymous chats about dating. It says on it's official Instagram that it's "our response to the Tea App". However, NBC News reported the creator of Teaborn - a previous men-only alternative that climbed to number three in the free apps chart - had condemned its users for allegedly sharing revenge porn on that app. What happened with the Tea data breach? NBC News reported that thousands of accounts were leaked after a hacker managed to breach the company's database. Tea has confirmed the leak to Sky News, and said it had identified "unauthorised access to one of their systems and immediately launched a full investigation to assess the scope and impact". In preliminary findings, the company said the incident involved a legacy data storage system containing information from prior to February 2024. It is estimated that around 72,000 images - including approximately 13,000 images of selfies or selfies featuring a photo identification submitted during account verification and 59,000 images publicly viewable in the app from posts, comments and direct messages - were accessed. "Protecting Tea users' privacy and data is their highest priority," it said. "Tea is taking every necessary step to ensure the security of the platform and prevent further exposure."
NBC News
25-07-2025
- Entertainment
- NBC News
Women are anonymously spilling tea about men in their cities on viral app
When Cid Walker opens the Tea app, she's greeted by a barrage of posts about men and their apparent "red" and "green" "flags." 'He's a cheater,' Walker said, reading some of the comments on one post out loud. "What clubs does he go to?" another person asked on a different post. "He's cute." The app, which appears to have been advertising itself online since at least last fall, allows users to solicit feedback about specific men they're dating. Walker, 22, is among the 4 million users on the women-only safety app, which this week became the No. 1 free app in the Apple App Store. It picked up viral traction in the last month after some people began talking about it online on Reddit and TikTok. The app gained more than 900,000 new signups in the last few days, Tea said on social media. Getting off the waitlist can now take days, an inconvenience many new users complained about in comments on the app's Instagram posts. Upon opening Tea, users are presented with local men whose photos have been uploaded, along with their first names. For each of the men, other women on the app can report whether they deem him a 'red flag' or a 'green flag' and leave comments about him, such as those recounting negative date experiences or vouching for him as a friend. 'I've seen so many people I know on the app, it's crazy,' said Walker, a Cleveland-area user who joined the app last week after having seen multiple viral posts about it. 'Like, oh my God, I would never think all this stuff about them.' App users can look up individual names in the search bar or create custom alerts for specific men. The app also offers functions that let users run background checks, search for criminal histories and reverse-search photos to check whether a man is catfishing by using someone else's photos on his dating profile. The woman-only app was created by a man, Sean Cook, who said on Tea's website that he was inspired after he watched his mother's 'terrifying experience with online dating,' including being catfished and unknowingly dating men with criminal records. Cook's profile on LinkedIn lists him as the founder of Tea since 2022. The description under his role says, 'Tea was self-funded by Sean.' Cook did not respond to a request for comment. A representative for Tea said the app isn't offering interviews at this time. Tea's mission mirrors similar efforts that have gained popularity in other online forums, such as 'Are We Dating The Same Guy?,' a Facebook community with millions of members across the country in localized offshoots. While the communities have stated that their mission is to keep women safe, they have also faced backlash from men online who say they fear being misrepresented or doxxed on the platforms. The Facebook groups, which advertise themselves as spaces for women to warn other women about 'liars, cheaters, abusers, or anyone who exhibits any type of toxic or dangerous behavior,' have for years been criticized online for devolving into places for gossip or for spreading possible misinformation about people. Last year, judges dismissed two defamation lawsuits filed in Illinois and California by men who were posted in the groups. With Tea, some men have posted in forums asking for others to report the app in hope of getting it shut down, and others have expressed interest in a men-only equivalent on which they could discuss and mock women. One app has already tried to offer that. The Teaborn app climbed to No. 3 in the free apps chart Wednesday before it disappeared from the App Store. Shortly ahead of its removal, the app had rolled out an update with 'enhanced content moderation and reporting tools' after its creator condemned users for allegedly sharing revenge porn on the platform. Teaborn told NBC News in a social media statement: 'Apple just removed us yesterday because Tea app doesn't like competition, but we are working to go back with a new brand!' Apple didn't respond to a request for comment. Despite finding apps like Tea entertaining, users like Walker have expressed discomfort with the idea of allowing so many people to anonymously speak negatively about others online. Signing up for Tea requires users to take selfies, which the app says are deleted after review, to prove they are women. All users who get accepted are anonymous outside of the usernames they choose. Screenshots are also blocked. On its website, Tea describes itself as 'more than an app; it's a sisterhood.' The app claims it donates 10% of its profits to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. A spokesperson for the hotline didn't immediately respond to a request for comment Thursday. 'Together, we're redefining modern dating,' the app says. Walker said that she has noticed many users focus more on gossip than real safety concerns but that she believes some people have found Tea useful for exposing serious issues like abuse. 'I feel like if people were to use the app how it's supposed to be used, this could actually save a lot of women from being hurt or harmed,' Walker said. 'But at this point, I think it's like a joke to everybody and just like cyberbullying.'
The Sun
26-05-2025
- The Sun
Dark side of ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy' Facebook groups where ‘cheaters' are unmasked – but who are the REAL victims?
DOZENS of groups using a variation of the name 'Are We Dating the Same Guy' have been popping up on social media in recent years. Initially a US invention starting on Facebook, private and public versions have been emerging across the world, including in the UK since 2022 - but they could pose major legal issues, experts warn. 9 9 9 They say some of the content has led to a surge in legal claims, with 'victims' seeking compensation. The initial purpose was for women to post photos of men they're currently dating or talking to, and allow for others in their local area to raise any potential red flags. Perhaps the man is already seeing someone else, has lied about being married - or worse, has a criminal record for domestic abuse. While many of the groups still serve an important purpose - a barrier to protect women - the posting of unproven allegations is continuing to cause issues. The Sun has seen posts showing men's photos, names and rough location, alongside unverified claims they've previously been in trouble with police, have cheated or are generally of bad character - but there is not accountability. One man - who did not wish to be named - told us his life has been turned upside down with vicious trolls targeting him on X (formally Twitter) after he was posted about on his local Are We Dating page. Seen by The Sun, his face and name were posted in a private group with over 56,000 members, with the anonymous poster asking if they were any red flags she should be aware of. They claimed to have been dating him for a few weeks - though he says he's actually been single for months. An anonymous responder told them he was "abusive", while another advised they apply for Clare's Law. Clare's Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, is a policy which affords people the right to know if their current partner or ex has any previous history of violence or abuse. A string of anonymous comments - possibly all made by one person - then made further damaging allegations, none of which included any proof. Some included how they'd met him on a dating app, and he'd stopped messaging them, with the implication he must be steered clear of because of it. The next day the original poster then claimed she'd "done a Clare's law", adding: "Turns out he's very dangerous, abusive, harassing and threatening." She added he also said he had a current wife and kids. He told the Sun: "It's impossible to get a Clare's Law done in 24 hours for a start, so I know it's a lie." He said he also does not have a criminal record - which the scheme would flag up rather than simply claims of him being "dangerous" or his marital status. He does, however, have an ex-wife and kids from a previous relationship. He said: "It's causing me massive amounts of anxiety at the moment, I can't get the post taken down, I've been to the police and told them who I think it might be. I think it's one of two ex-girlfriends over the last few months. "Because it's posted anonymously they can't do anything about it. It's caused me huge stress, people are out there spreading lies about me." 9 9 Referring to the breakdown of relationships, he said: "There's a very good chance that both of you have been hurt by each other as well." He added: "Those groups are designed to protect women and keep women safe. But at the moment, I fear it's at the detriment of the safety of men. We have got emotions as well, and feelings, and it does impact us." He said he's had multiple video calls with police who are taking no further action. "The police officer told me the force is having hundreds of calls about this from men having this sort of information shared about them online, often it's either misinformation or completely false," he said. "It's just a hate crime, it's done out of malice." The Sun contacted the police force, asking whether it had received a surge in reports but has not had a response. 'This group is dangerous' In a comment on one of the groups, which is public and has over 600,000 members, a female user posted: "How do I block this group? "I didn't join it but it shows up constantly. The way yall violate the privacy of total strangers is so completely creepy." Another woman said: "This group is DANGEROUS. The fact people can post in this group anonymously and hide their identity is the most dangerous." The Sun has spoken to a number of digital and legal experts about the popularity of such groups and the possibility of poster's being at risk of legal action. Joe Davies, digital expert at fatjoe, said: "The growing popularity of 'Are We Dating the Same Guy?' Facebook groups reflects a significant shift in how people use social media for crowd-sourced vetting and accountability in dating. "These communities are often formed with the intention of protecting women from deceitful or harmful dating experiences by sharing warnings and comparing notes. "However, while the motivation may be rooted in safety, the execution raises serious legal and ethical concerns. "Posting identifiable photos and accusations about someone's behaviour, without evidence or consent, can open the door to defamation claims, particularly if the information shared is false or misleading. "We've seen a notable uptick in men filing police reports, citing reputational damage, harassment, and emotional distress as consequences of being named in these groups. "From a social media governance perspective, platforms like Facebook face increasing pressure to balance free expression with safeguarding individuals from targeted abuse. "These groups often operate in grey areas administered by private users with varying moderation standards, which makes consistency and accountability difficult to enforce. "While these groups may provide a sense of community and vigilance, they can also fuel digital vigilantism and reputational harm. "Users must be cautious about what they post, and administrators should enforce strict guidelines to prevent potential legal repercussions. "The line between support and slander is thin, and without proper oversight, these groups risk doing more harm than good." These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging Rory LynchGateley Legal Rory Lynch, of Gateley Legal, agreed: 'These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging. "Under English defamation law, the claimant (who, in this case, would be the subject of the post in question) could sue the author if they can prove that the post has caused them to suffer 'serious harm'. "This may be where the author has made a false allegation that is of a serious criminal nature, which has then been shared and viewed widely (i.e. 'gone viral'). "Users of these sites cannot rely on an anonymous profile for protection either, as it is often possible for specialist cyber firms to identify the author. Unless the author is confident that they can prove what they are saying is true, it is safer to avoid using such sites altogether." Kishan Pattni, of law firm Freeths, added: "A breach of libel and privacy will depend on what is said exactly and the size of the Facebook audience. "If a serious allegation in the group, say sexual assault, is factually put to a lot of people but cannot be proven, that could expose the discloser to a libel claim because it will have caused serious harm to her date's reputation." Libel and slander are the written and spoken forms of defamation, a broad legal term referring to false statement's that harm a person's reputation. Privacy damages refer to the financial compensation a person can claim for harm caused by a breach of their privacy, which can include loss of control over their information, distress, and other forms of harm. Put simply, if such false or non-provable claims are made in a group and are seen by enough people then the poster could be successfully sued. Mr Pattni said: "In libel especially, the compensation will help to vindicate an injured reputation but for the date who sues and loses, that reputation could be irreparably damaged under the glare of a public court process." Mark Hodgson, a seasoned private investigator who heads Tremark, warned those using such groups must "tread carefully", adding: "Not every post is credible. 'Misinformation can spread like wildfire in online communities. It's crucial to verify claims and think twice before jumping to conclusions. "Remember, you have no idea what drives other posters; their motives are often shrouded in mystery. "Some might be venting their frustrations, while others could be spreading rumours without a shred of evidence. "This kind of sensationalism can spark unnecessary drama and lead to misunderstandings in your own relationship. While these groups may seem helpful, always take their advice with a grain of salt and keep the lines of communication open with your partner." If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123. Bailyn Fields, Registered Nurse, Boomer Benefits, also spoke to us about the impact such misinformation can have on someone's mental health. She said: "Being wrongly accused or targeted in online groups can obviously seriously affect a man's mental health. "It can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and helplessness, especially since information like this spreads quickly and publicly. "Men may find it hard to speak out due to stigma, which can worsen isolation and stress - and if they do speak out about this kind of thing, it's unlikely that people will believe them. "This kind of online harassment can also impact sleep, concentration, and overall wellbeing. "It's important that men know support is available, whether through counselling, trusted friends, or mental health services that understand the specific pressures caused by online reputational attacks. "Addressing these issues openly can help reduce stigma and encourage men to seek help sooner." The Sun contacted the National Police Chief's Council, asking for a comment on whether UK forces are receiving reports about such groups. A spokesperson said: "We don't have have any national data to show this as an issue and I think each report would require individual assessment as to whether it constitutes a crime." We have also contacted Facebook owner Meta for comment. You're Not Alone EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers. It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes. And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women. Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now. That is why The Sun launched the You're Not Alone campaign. The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives. Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You're Not Alone. If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support: CALM, 0800 585 858 Heads Together, HUMEN Mind, 0300 123 3393 Papyrus, 0800 068 41 41 Samaritans, 116 123 9 9 9
