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Egad, I am now so old I remember hat sizes
Egad, I am now so old I remember hat sizes

New Statesman​

time11-06-2025

  • General
  • New Statesman​

Egad, I am now so old I remember hat sizes

I had another one of those birthdays the other day. It was a small and pleasant affair, held as per usual in the garden of the Battle of Trafalgar. Two of the children came down from London (the third is in the Far East, so he has an excuse) and the evening was made quorate by a posse of most of my Brighton friends. One of them has moved to Hebden Bridge and was much missed, for she tends to turn up with a bunch of young poetry students and this always amuses me because my children become outraged that they are not the youngest people there. Of course, having youngsters around puts my own advanced age into sharp relief, but on the whole I like them because for some reason the young like me. I used to think I didn't like kids until the time I went on holiday to Canada – good God, imagine having enough money to fly to Canada – and went on a weekend with our host's sister and nephew, an eight-year-old child who kept asking questions I didn't find irritating, which for reasons to this day I do not understand. They were largely historical in nature and despite not having even an O-level in the subject I answered them well enough, certainly to his satisfaction, and he coined the nickname for me of 'Mr History', which I found incredibly gratifying. (Even more gratifyingly, he grew up and attained a doctorate in the stuff, which I suppose makes him Doctor History.) But no youngsters this time, and as my eldest is now 30, I can't even call my kids young any more. When I was my youngest child's age, I had already moved in with his mother-to-be, and by the time I was my eldest's age, I had got round to marrying her, and had had a party which entered legend and nearly resulted in my former director of studies losing his tenure, it was that debauched. And, by an irony of fate, yesterday I posted the last bit of paperwork that is needed in order to get a divorce. So yes, nearly 18 years after we separated. We could have inserted a child now of voting age into that gap. Anyway ladies, I am now on the market again, although actually I am not. I have done the thought experiment of sliding into a relationship again and I just can't see it working out. I have gone too feral, if someone who is mostly in bed all day can be called feral. I am too set in my ways now and I can be fun for an evening or two, but as a permanent houseguest maybe not so much. I do not mind this at all, although right now I am in the second day of an illness whose symptoms are vaguely to do with feeling nauseated and trembly but for once have nothing to do with a hangover. It is probably something to do with my great age, or ancience, as I have decided to start calling it. 'Ancience' is a word I invented the other night and I really think it ought to exist, in the way that we get 'patience' from 'patient'. Why is 'ancience' not a word until now, and can I claim copyright on it, as I did with the concept of a TV show based on Bark in the Park last week? But leaving all that aside, it would be nice to have someone bringing me cups of tea and maybe a plate of Hobnobs and take me to the doctors' if things get worse. Actually the doctors have been trying to get hold of me, because they are very keen on seeing how my chronic obstructive pulmonary disease is holding up. Very well, thank you: my COPD is thriving. So much so that when I lost my steroid inhaler, I had to call them up for an emergency replacement. Of course, as soon as I arranged this it turned up again, and I had to explain what had happened. I was groping for a metaphor and was about to say it's like how you light a fag in order to make the bus come sooner, but then thought better of it as it's not the most appropriate circumstance to think of when your lungs are shot and you're talking to your GP's receptionist. But egad, I am getting old. I use the word 'egad' for a start. I remember hat sizes, for goodness sake. Does anyone use them any more? They're all adjustable these days unless you're getting a proper one and I'm not doing that in a hurry unless I want to remind people of George Galloway. I remember peering into my school cap and wondering whether 7 1/8 was good or bad, and what bearing it had on reality. My shoe sizes never went into eighths. Subscribe to The New Statesman today from only £8.99 per month Subscribe I wonder whether this current malady is the harbinger of a deeper disaster. Unusually, my second day of illness has been worse than my first, and this could be a sign of the beginning of the end, all the result of my 60-odd winters on this planet. 'Ah, no; the years O!/How the sick leaves reel down in throngs!' as Thomas Hardy put it in 'During Wind and Rain', and I wonder if he was younger than me when he wrote it. Everyone's younger than me these days. I see photos on social media platforms under titles like 'Scenes from Britain's Unimaginable Past' and I think: Christ, I was alive then. So it would seem that I am now, in a very literal sense of the term, Mr History. Go on, ask me anything. [See also: Reform needs Zia Yusuf] Related

BBC Antiques Roadshow expert booed over joke after Lord Nelson letter valuation
BBC Antiques Roadshow expert booed over joke after Lord Nelson letter valuation

Daily Record

time06-06-2025

  • Entertainment
  • Daily Record

BBC Antiques Roadshow expert booed over joke after Lord Nelson letter valuation

Viewers couldn't help but laugh as an expert made a quirky sheep related joke which fell flat, sparking a chorus of boos from the audience. The Antiques Roadshow audience couldn't help but burst into laughter and then a chrous of boos after expert Mathtew Haley's sheep related joke fell flat. The scene unfolded on the BBC show as Matthew assessed the value of a one-of-a-kind handwritten letter. He began sharing its unusual story in a picturesque countryside setting. He quipped: "So here we are today with some sheep over the moat from us and you've brought us a letter about sheep. Tell us all about it." ‌ The letter's owner delved into its history as reported by the Mirror: "So this is a letter that was given to my step-father's great-great-great grandfather who was the farmer in question, given the sheep by Captain Bainton. Captain Bainton was the captain of HMS Leviathan at the Battle of Trafalgar, and Nelson gave him the sheep." ‌ They added: "The sheep survived the Battle of Trafalgar, and when Captain Bainton returned to the UK, he gave the sheep and the letter to William Raymond, and this is the letter." Reacting to the tale, the BBC expert said: "Absolutely bizarre. It certainly is the first Nelson that I've come across that talks about sheep. "And here he is, writing from HMS Victory in June 1805, a few months before the Battle of Trafalgar. He's gone to the West Indies and he says 'I don't know how you're doing for stock but all I got in the West Indies was one sheep I can give you. And the sheep went on board and it went to the Battle of Trafalgar.'" The owner of the item elaborated: "Well somehow it survived, came back and William Raymond the farmer who was given the sheep, crossed it with some south Devon sheep and said it had really good progeny, was well known for its beauty and fleece. "So the sheep won a medal. Really, really fantastic," Haley expressed with enthusiasm. "This is what we think of as a Nelson left-handed letter, because he obviously lost his right arm so you see two different handwritings from Nelson." ‌ "Very much a left-handed letter, very, very collectible really. The sheep interest can only add to it", he observed. When it came to the valuation, Haley anticipated: "At auction, I would see it making certainly in excess of £5,000." ‌ The owner couldn't hide their astonishment at the valuation, exclaiming with a delighted "Wowza's!". Keeping up with the light-hearted atmosphere, the BBC expert delivered a pun, quipping: "Not much of a baa-gain", accompanied by an imitation of a sheep's bleat. Despite the audience's groans at his jest, the guest laughed, retorting: "Low blow." A brief moment of silence followed as the chuckles died down, after which Haley courteously thanked the guest for bringing in the historical letter.

BBC Antiques Roadshow guest grins awkwardly at expert joke
BBC Antiques Roadshow guest grins awkwardly at expert joke

Daily Mirror

time06-06-2025

  • Entertainment
  • Daily Mirror

BBC Antiques Roadshow guest grins awkwardly at expert joke

An Antiques Roadshow expert was booed by the crowd after he told a joke to a guest following the valuation of their handwritten letter that had an unusual backstory. Antiques Roadshow viewers were left chuckling after an expert's sheep-related quip fell flat, prompting a chorus of boos from the audience. BBC's Mathew Haley was evaluating a unique handwritten letter with a quirky tale when he attempted to make light of the situation. ‌ Standing amidst a pastoral setting, Haley remarked: "So here we are today with some sheep over the moat from us and you've brought us a letter about sheep. Tell us all about it." ‌ The owner of the letter shared its history: "So this is a letter that was given to my step-father's great-great-great grandfather who was the farmer in question, given the sheep by Captain Bainton. "He was the captain of HMS Leviathan at the Battle of Trafalgar and Nelson gave Captain Bainton a sheep. "The sheep was in the Battle of Trafalgar, survived the Battle of Trafalgar and then when Captain Bainton came back to the UK, he then gave the sheep and the letter to William Raymond and this is the letter." Haley responded: "Absolutely bizarre. It certainly is the first Nelson that I've come across that talks about sheep. "And here he is, writing from HMS Victory in June 1805, a few months before the Battle of Trafalgar. ‌ "He's gone to the West Indies and he says 'I don't know how you're doing for stock but all I got in the West Indies was one sheep I can give you. And the sheep went on board and it went to the Battle of Trafalgar.'". The item's owner continued: "Well somehow it survived, came back and William Raymond the farmer who was given the sheep, crossed it with some south Devon sheep and said it had really good progeny, was well known for its beauty and fleece. "So the sheep won a medal. Really, really fantastic," Haley enthused. ‌ "This is what we think of as a Nelson left-handed letter, because he obviously lost his right arm so you see two different handwritings from Nelson. "Very much a left-handed letter, very, very collectible really. The sheep interest can only add to it", he remarked. ‌ It was then time for the valuation as Haley predicted: "At auction, I would see it making certainly in excess of £5,000." The owner was visibly surprised by the estimate, responding with an excited "Wowza's!" Following through with the jovial mood, Haley cracked a pun, cheekily stating: "Not much of a baa-gain", complete with a sheep sound effect. Although the audience booed his joke, the guest chuckled, replying: "Low blow." A slight awkward silence befell as the laughter tapered off, before Haley gracefully thanked the guest for presenting the historic letter.

Antiques Roadshow expert pulls face at awkwardness after guest says 'low blow'
Antiques Roadshow expert pulls face at awkwardness after guest says 'low blow'

Edinburgh Live

time06-06-2025

  • Entertainment
  • Edinburgh Live

Antiques Roadshow expert pulls face at awkwardness after guest says 'low blow'

Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners. You can check out at any time. More info WARNING: This article contains spoilers from Antiques Roadshow. An Antiques Roadshow guest exclaimed "wowza" as her inherited Lord Nelson received a top valuation. BBC expert Mathew Haley encountered a guest who had in their possession a handwritten letter featuring quite the quirky tale. In the picturesque surroundings of their filming location, Haley quipped: "So here we are today with some sheep over the moat from us and you've brought us a letter about sheep. Tell us all about it." The owner of the letter revealed its fascinating history: "So this is a letter that was given to my step-father's great-great-great grandfather who was the farmer in question, given the sheep by Captain Bainton. "He was the captain of HMS Leviathan at the Battle of Trafalgar and Nelson gave Captain Bainton a sheep. "The sheep was in the Battle of Trafalgar, survived the Battle of Trafalgar and then when Captain Bainton came back to the UK, he then gave the sheep and the letter to William Raymond and this is the letter." In response, Haley expressed his amazement: "Absolutely bizarre. It certainly is the first Nelson that I've come across that talks about sheep. (Image: BBC) "And here he is, writing from HMS Victory in June 1805, a few months before the Battle of Trafalgar. "He's gone to the West Indies and he says 'I don't know how you're doing for stock but all I got in the West Indies was one sheep I can give you. And the sheep went on board and it went to the Battle of Trafalgar.'" The specialist detailed how, back in the day, the Royal Navy would transport farm animals to provide sustenance for the crew and then highlighted a medal awarded to a sheep. The owner revealed: "Well somehow it survived, came back and William Raymond the farmer who was given the sheep, crossed it with some south Devon sheep and said it had really good progeny, was well known for its beauty and fleece." "So the sheep won a medal. Really, really fantastic," Haley commented. "This is what we think of as a Nelson left-handed letter, because he obviously lost his right arm so you see two different handwritings from Nelson. (Image: BBC) "Very much a left-handed letter, very, very collectible really. The sheep interest can only add to it." When it came to valuing the item, the expert estimated: "At auction, I would see it making certainly in excess of £5,000." The guest couldn't hide their surprise, responding with an astonished "Wowza's!" upon hearing the valuation. Haley couldn't resist throwing in a pun, joking: "Not much of a baa-gain", imitating a sheep's bleat for comedic effect on the word "bargain". The pun was met with groans from the crowd, prompting boos, while the guest chuckled: "Low blow." A brief, uncomfortable silence fell as the laughter from the expert, guest, and audience faded, after which Haley expressed his gratitude to the owner for presenting the letter. Antiques Roadshow is available to watch on BBC One and the BBC iPlayer.

Time ball to drop again from top Edinburgh monument
Time ball to drop again from top Edinburgh monument

Scotsman

time05-06-2025

  • General
  • Scotsman

Time ball to drop again from top Edinburgh monument

The time ball has returned to Calton Hill. Sign up to our History and Heritage newsletter Sign up Thank you for signing up! Did you know with a Digital Subscription to The Scotsman, you can get unlimited access to the website including our premium content, as well as benefiting from fewer ads, loyalty rewards and much more. Learn More Sorry, there seem to be some issues. Please try again later. Submitting... A 19th century time ball that helped seafarers set their clocks for decades is due to drop from the top of one of Edinburgh's great monuments once more. The 90kg time ball was fitted to the Nelson Monument on Calton Hill in 1852 and dropped every day at 1pm to assist sailors in the Firth of Forth with timekeeping and navigation. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad Made from wood and zinc, the time ball was taken down last year for restoration. From next month, it will keep time once again after Edinburgh City Council spent £500,000 on repairs to the timepiece and the part of the monument which supports it. Karl Chapman, City of Edinburgh Council's head of heritage, culture, museums and galleries, said: ''Now we have GPS and phones but back in the day this was modern technology. ''People are still fascinated by this today which is why it's important we maintain the time ball and the Nelson Monument - it's a fascinating piece of history and mechanism.'' Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad The Nelson Monument stands at the highest point of Calton Hill, built in honour of Admiral Lord Nelson, who died at the Battle of Trafalgar during the Napoleonic Wars in 1805. The battle was a victory for the Royal Navy, but Nelson was fatally wounded. When the news reached Edinburgh, a group of subscribers banded together to raise funds for a monument as a tribute to Nelson. The design, by Robert Burn, was modelled on an upturned telescope. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad The monument's prominent position made it useful for sending messages across the city, but in 1852 it took on new importance when a time ball was installed at the top of the tower. Professor Charles Piazzi Smith, the Astronomer Royal in Scotland, proposed the time ball to assist with ship's navigation. The ball would drop at exactly one o'clock as a signal to ships moored in the Firth of Forth, enabling captains to check the accuracy of their chronometers and correctly calculate their longitude at sea – a tradition that continues even though technological progress means it is no longer vital to safe seafaring. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad After its installation, Piazzi Smyth continued to work out the time and triggered the ball drop himself. He even devised an automatic system to drop the ball, and nine years later in 1861 the 1 o'clock gun fire from Edinburgh Castle was added on foggy days. The latest restoration work on the timeball was carried out by the Cumbria Clock Company. The entire mechanism of the time ball has now been automated, with the timber mast replaced and lightening protection renewed. Some stonework has also been replaced and repaired. Margaret Graham, City of Edinburgh Council's culture and communities convener, said: ''Half a million pounds sounds like a lot of money but in the scheme of things, in our heritage buildings, it's not a lot. "It's a lot of specialist work that needs to be done.''

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