Latest news with #BestofLateNight
New York Times
9 hours ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Doesn't Recommend Trying to Convert Your Co-Workers
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. This Sermon Could Have Been an Email On Monday, the Trump administration issued a reminder that federal employees' religious expression in the workplace is protected activity, including attempts to convert co-workers. Stephen Colbert's mention of the memo was met with boos from his 'Late Show' audience. 'Of course, converting people to your religion is always very chill. That's why all those people died in the Spanish Gentle Suggestion.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'No, no. Absolutely not. If you're going to approach me at work and ask, 'Have you heard the good news?' it better mean there are doughnuts in the break room, otherwise, keep it moving, Zachariah.' — DESI LYDIC 'Can you imagine how humiliating it would be to have your fundamental worldview changed by Susan from accounting?' — DESI LYDIC 'I don't even feel comfortable telling my co-worker she should get bangs.' — DESI LYDIC The Punchiest Punchlines (Golf of America Edition) 'Trump is in Scotland right now, seeing as his favorite island destination has been shut down.' — DESI LYDIC, referring to Jeffrey Epstein's island 'The stated purpose was to negotiate trade golf over his golf tariffs with the European golf, 'cause he went there to play golf.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Now, to be clear, Trump was not just wasting time playing golf, he was also wasting time profiting off golf.' — DESI LYDIC 'Just a reminder, this man is still the president of the United States. There's a lot going on in the world, and he's at a ribbon-cutting ceremony to promote his golf course? Is this his side hustle, or is America his side hustle?' — DESI LYDIC The Bits Worth Watching Hannah Berner and Paige DeSorbo, the co-authors of 'How to Giggle,' were special guest announcers on 'The Tonight Show.' What We're Excited About on Wednesday Night Pamela Anderson will discuss her new role in 'The Naked Gun' on 'Late Night.' Also, Check This Out The new British hospital documentary series 'Critical: Between Life and Death' is an unsparing look at the fragility and vulnerability of life.
New York Times
5 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
For Late Night, Epstein-Trump Is the Comedy Gift That Keeps On Giving
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. The Hits Keep Coming New footage of Jeffrey Epstein being questioned by the government in 2010 emerged this week — 'and you'll never guess whose name came up,' Josh Johnson said on Thursday. 'Go ahead — guess.' In the video, the multimillionaire financier and convicted sex offender is asked if he'd ever 'socialized with Donald Trump in the presence of females under the age of 18,' and responds by asserting his Fifth, Sixth and 14th Amendment rights. 'I'm going to put that down as a 'yes,'' Johnson said. 'I'll be honest, I've never heard anybody plead anything other than the Fifth before. But this guy's so guilty, he's calling out every amendment he can think of, like, 'No, no, no, what's the one with the women voting? Uh, 19th? Throw that in, too.'' — JOSH JOHNSON 'Wow. Not a great sign when the pedophile is being asked if you're doing a pervert ride-along, and their response is, 'I'd like to invoke the entire Constitution, the Magna Carta, the Napoleonic Code, and just to cover my bases, let's throw in the entire Cheesecake Factory menu.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'So, we don't know if he was doin' the creepy crimin', but we do have a cover-up. And just like the cover-up on his face, it is patchy, and there's something really ugly under there.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Jeffrey Epstein died back in 2019, but not since Tupac Shakur has a dead man dropped so many bangers.' — JOSH JOHNSON Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
New York Times
18-07-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Stephen Colbert Laments the Loss of ‘The Late Show'
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. End of an Era At the top of Thursday's 'Late Night,' Stephen Colbert announced that CBS will bring the show to an end in May. The network says the cancellation was 'purely a financial decision,' but there's speculation that Colbert's recent criticism of CBS's parent company, Paramount, was a factor. Colbert kept the announcement brief and light. When the audience booed the news, he responded with a smile, 'Yeah, I share your feelings. It's not just the end of our show, but it's the end of 'The Late Show' on CBS. I'm not being replaced. This is all just going away.' 'I do want to say that the folks at CBS have been great partners. I'm so grateful to the Tiffany network for giving me this chair and this beautiful theater to call home. And of course I'm grateful to you, the audience, who have joined us every night in here, out there, all around the world, Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. I'm grateful to share the stage with this band, these artists over here every night. And I am extraordinarily, deeply grateful to the 200 people who work here.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'We get to do this show — we get to do this show for each other every day, all day, and I've had the pleasure and the responsibility of sharing what we do every day with you in front of this camera for the last 10 years. And let me tell you, it is a fantastic job. I wish somebody else was getting it. And it's a job that I'm looking forward to doing with this usual gang of idiots for another 10 months. It's going to be fun. Y'all ready?' — STEPHEN COLBERT The Punchiest Punchlines (Epstein Edition) 'Well, guys, President Trump's handling of the Epstein files continues to dominate the news. Yeah, I wonder if we're ever going to see the Epstein files. At this point, our best chance is if Coldplay shows them on the Jumbotron.' — JIMMY FALLON 'Yeah, the Epstein files won't go away. Trump is so stressed, he's like, 'I need a vacation. What was the name of that fun island I used to go to?'' — JIMMY FALLON 'President Trump said yesterday that he would rather talk about the success of his administration than the Jeffrey Epstein files. Yeah, I'm sure you would. That's like Diddy saying he'd rather talk about his V.M.A.s — you don't get to pick.' — SETH MEYERS 'I swear, we're like a day away from Trump claiming Jeffrey Epstein was never even a real person.' — SETH MEYERS 'MAGA is furious because they think Trump is refusing to release the Epstein files. In response, Trump has been saying there are no credible files, and if there are, they're really boring, and also, Obama made them up. That part is true. That part is true, and you can read them on Obama's annual 'Summer Epstein Client List.'' — STEPHEN COLBERT The Bits Worth Watching Reggie Watts, the former 'Late Late Show' bandleader, promoted his new stand-up comedy tour on Thursday's 'Daily Show.' Also, Check This Out The filmmaker Reid Davenport raises tough questions about how the option of medically assisted death is presented to disabled people in a new documentary, 'Life After.'
New York Times
03-06-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Mines Laughs From Trump's Outlandish Biden Replacement Theory
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Joe-boCop? On Saturday night, President Trump amplified a conspiracy theory on social media about former President Joe Biden that posited falsely that the former president had been replaced by a robot clone. While mindful to note that this was likely meant 'to distract us,' as Jon Stewart said on 'The Daily Show,' late night hosts couldn't help but tackle the topic like the sci-fi movie it needs to be — with incredulity. 'You're saying that the Joe Biden who doesn't even know where he is, is actually an incredibly advanced cloned robot? How much ketamine are you on?' — JON STEWART 'You can't be a robot and a clone, OK?' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'How is this not on the front page of everything? The president of the United States is spreading deranged stories about his predecessor being a robot.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'It was a perfect plan with only one flaw: The Joe Bot couldn't recognize George Clooney.' — STEPHEN COLBERT 'Hey, Republicans. Remember when you were very concerned Joe might not have the mental acuity to be president? Come get your guy, because he thinks Biden was executed and replaced by a clone, a 'robotic clone.' I mean, if your dad was saying stuff like this, you'd start looking for an assisted-living facility.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'The media needs to stop being polite when they report this stuff. This is the headline from NBC: 'Trump Shares Unfounded Conspiracy Theory Claiming Biden Was 'Executed' in 2020.' Never mind 'unfounded,' this is not even a theory. That headline should be 'Convicted Felon Posts Insane Fairy Tale About Cancer Patient While Constipated on Toilet.'' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'And, by the way, whoever built that Joe Biden robot is very bad at building robots. I mean, if anyone was replaced by a robotic clone, it's Melania, right?' — JIMMY KIMMEL The Punchiest Punchlines (Side Effects Edition) 'Trump was effusive in his praise for Musk. He thanked him for working 'tirelessly.' Well, yeah, of course he was working tirelessly. They say he was gobbling down 20 different kinds of uppers every day when he was there.' — JIMMY KIMMEL 'Over the weekend, The New York Times published a crazy story about Elon Musk, claiming, among other things, that he was taking ecstasy, psychedelic mushrooms, pills believed to be Adderall, and so much ketamine it was affecting his bladder control, which is a delightful detail. Between him and Trump, that Oval Office has got to smell like an abandoned nursing home.' — JIMMY KIMMEL Want all of The Times? Subscribe.
New York Times
20-05-2025
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Late Night Is Concerned About (the Truth Behind) Biden's Health
Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night's highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now. Our Sympathies, but … The news that former President Joseph R. Biden Jr. had been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer naturally spurred late-night discussion on Monday. On 'The Daily Show,' Jon Stewart mocked those professing sympathy for Biden while at the same time using his condition to score political points. 'They used to say it's not the crime, it's the cover-up, but it's starting to feel like politics is all cover-up,' Stewart said. The Punchiest Punchlines (Games We Play Edition) The Bits Worth Watching John Oliver dissected the ways in which President Trump shapes coverage of his presidency, including using lawsuits and the F.C.C. as leverage, on Sunday's 'Last Week Tonight.' What We're Excited About on Tuesday Night Amid conspiracy theories circling about his photo of seashells appearing to be a threat against the president, the former F.B.I director James Comey will surely set the record straight on 'The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.' Also, Check This Out Now that the 50th season of 'Saturday Night Live' is at an end, here are its most memorable moments, from political satire to straight-up silliness. Domingo!
