Latest news with #Bipolar1
Refinery29
04-06-2025
- Business
- Refinery29
Money Diary: A Communications Freelancer On £17,500
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last penny. Our Money Diaries submission process has changed. If you would like to submit a diary, please use our new form here. This week:"I'm a 46-year-old Marketing Manager/Communications Freelancer working in the charity and arts sector in the North West of England and Wales. This is great for me as I have farming family in Wales and I get to have country breaks with them to decompress. I've been with my partner, A, for 21 years. He is an amazing man who has supported me so much. My partner would have loved kids and would be an amazing dad, but I don't think my fragile mental health would cope with parenthood. I have Bipolar 1, which has really impacted my earning power over the years, whilst, conversely, triggering some quite incredible spending. I was looking at a yacht at one point. During the last big episode in 2018, I had psychosis because of a horribly pressurised job where I headed up a team. I decided it was a great idea to book a £4,000 yoga retreat in Portugal. I don't even like yoga. One of my team had to get on the phone to the retreat and cancel it. Above and beyond his job description! I've now left all thoughts of high-powered jobs behind as that style of work isn't for me. I'm well at the moment, but stress can trigger relapses, so I avoid it all costs. I'm a saver these days, manage money well, but I do treat myself too." Occupation: Marketing Manager/Freelancer Industry: Arts/Charity Age: 46 Location: Manchester Salary: £9,600, plus variable freelance earnings (last year it was about £8,000). With this, I use my savings for treats and holidays and pay for household repairs and the boring stuff. Paycheque Amount: £800 Number of housemates: One, A, my partner of 21 years. Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing costs: I give £300 for mortgage and bills, which goes to A as he manages household accounts. I concentrate on managing my money. Our mortgage is £112 a month, with seven years to go. We know how fortunate we are to be in this situation. Loan payments: 0. Savings: £17,973.97 ISA, £150 rainy day account, £448 holiday account, £1,000 easy access savings, £8,747.93 Offset account for the mortgage. This is my contribution, hence our low mortgage. I overpay from freelance earnings when I can. A chips in, too. He has a fixed income, but it's not huge as he works for a charity. Pension? I'm going to be very poor. I have two university pensions, but I have no idea how much. I need to check. I was feckless with money due to mental health when I was younger and didn't think a pension was 'useful'. I stand to inherit some money, I've got some money in trust and A has a good pension. I'm aware this is not a good situation. Utilities: Covered under £300 to A. All other monthly payments: £10.33 SIM only, £25 credit card payment. My credit card debt is £673.13 at a 0% rate until 2026. I throw spare freelance money at it all the time to top it up. Subscriptions: £6.99 Netflix, £0.99 Apple storage, £11.45 prescription, £12.99 Readlly for my newspaper/magazine habit. Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? I got a good maintenance grant, my folks helped me out now and again and I had a very low student loan of about £3,000, which is paid off. I worked every university holiday and in term time. I earned between £3 - £3.50 an hour for factory work, bar work and working at a cinema. At my 'elite' university, all my friends had a lot of money. Working during term time wasn't 'allowed' without your tutor's permission, which was frankly ridiculous and this didn't acknowledge people from poorer backgrounds. I still grind my teeth about this. Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? We were lower middle class. Money was tight, but my parents prioritised getting a biggish house for four kids and camping holidays in France. They were very savvy about money, whilst I spent money like water and did not listen to advice. If you have, when did you move out of your parents/guardians house? I was 19. I had a breakdown just before my third year when I was 22 and went home for a year. It wasn't a great time. At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life? I was 24 when I finally completed my degree. My partner and I have taken turns supporting each other — when I've been ill, when he was a mature student and when we've been between jobs. It's worked out well and has strengthened our relationship. What was your first job and why did you get it? I had a pub job in my local when I was 16, collecting glasses. I then got 'promoted' to bar work when I was 18 for £2.50 an hour. I wanted money to spend on clothes, records, and gigs. Do you worry about money now? Yes. The worry is caused by bipolar, as it can affect my ability to work. I was £60,000 in debt due to bipolar spending (which is common), but I paid it off, thanks to my friend J. She organised my (many) debt repayments and gave me £70 spending money a month, for which I'm eternally grateful. I now have savings and an excellent credit record. Our outgoings are low and we still manage to get weekends away and foreign holidays each year, which is good for my mental health. I count my blessings. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? I got £7,000 from my aunt. My cousin didn't want any money from her abusive mother and gave it to me, which was so generous of her. I put the money into our mortgage and a holiday. I received £3,000 from my grandmother. I wasted that. There's some money in trust which is £15,000 from my dad. I have no idea when I will get my hands on that (when my mum dies, I think). A also received £17,000 from his mum. Day One 8:30 a.m. — Wake up and faff. Last week, I had a horrible working week when a colleague screamed at me. It's cast a big shadow and I feel weird and I'm not sleeping, which is a big no-no for bipolar. But we're going out today to an Irish Festival as A is Irish. 10:30 a.m. — Get the bus into town, I pay for us both, £4. 11 a.m. — Grab some coffee beans from The Mexican Coffee Company. A pays. 12 p.m. — Head to Selfridges. Buy a beautiful Penhaligons' perfume atomiser, which the lovely assistant fills up with perfume. Perfume is my thing and guaranteed to give me a lift after last week's dreadful working week. A offers to pay, but I pay, £35. 12:30 p.m. — Head to the pub and get two rounds of Guinness Zero. I pay,£20. 2:30 p.m. — Watch the parade. 3 p.m. — Have a carafe of wine in an amazing wine bar. A pays. 5 p.m. — Get Thai for lunch and split the bill. We get some doggy bags at the end to take home and my share comes to £43.95. 7 p.m. — Back to the wine bar. I pay for two glasses of lush wine, £18. 8 p.m. — Uber home. A pays. 8:30 p.m. — Turn on Netflix and watch some terribly forgettable films. 10:30 p.m. — Lights out. Sleep. Total: £120.95 Day Two 8 a.m. — Up. I still feel bad about last week. I make coffee with my lockdown coffee machine, Luigi. The Mexican coffee beans are gorgeous (and we drink a lot of coffee). 8:15 a.m. — I open my bank App. Ouch. I spent a lot of money yesterday. I check my account every day, which is a good habit. 9 a.m. — I reluctantly start work. There is so much to do. I work two days a week for pay well below my grade, but it's easy. 1:45 p.m. — This job is vile. I eat a sandwich at my desk whilst reading a report. 2 p.m. — Lie on the bed with an audiobook — Small Fires — which I got on the free library app, BorrowBox. 3 p.m. — My friend K phones. I was broken last week, but we end up screaming with laughter. We should be on the stage. It would be a good side hustle. 4 p.m. — Write my bit of a funding bid for a client. 6 p.m. — Cook lentil and potato curry with naans and samosas from the cupboard. We're trying to eat healthily and cheaply. 7 p.m. — Head to my bed with more audiobook. 9 p.m. — It is a false economy with audiobooks. I fall asleep and miss the story, meaning I am bound to buy the Kindle book in the AM (boo, Amazon). Sleep again. Day Three 8 a.m. — Listen to the news. I pull the duvet over my head in horror. I don't buy the book. Winning. 9 a.m. — I do my accounts as I'm determined to get a handle on my tax for this year. 10 a.m. — Self-care with a bath and Woman's Hour. Rage at misogyny. 12 p.m. — I fire up the laptop. I'm doing a freelance theatre job with a producer, L, who is one ace woman. In between planning a marketing campaign, booking ads, liaising with venues and writing copy, I'm texting with my friend J. He's also having a bad time at work. How difficult is it to be civilised in the workplace? 6:30 p.m. — It was a productive day. It is great working with L, who lives by the motto 'work hard and be nice to people'. 7 p.m. — A cooks ravioli, garlic bread and salad from the fridge. Watch the news. The world has gone mad. 8 p.m. — Watch The Leopard on Netflix, a sublime sub-titled Italian costume drama. 10 p.m. — Bed. Scroll through Italian holidays. In years past, I would have booked something pricey within 10 minutes. I manage to sleep, but I toss and turn all night. Day Four 6:15 a.m. — Three hours sleep. This is not good. Sleep is imperative to me. I'm still dealing with the aftermath of last week. I'm fretting a lot. 7 a.m. — Shower and then have a fantastic coffee from the Mexican beans, plus two yellow stickered hot cross buns (of course). 7:45 a.m. — Enjoy a sunshine-filled walk to the bus stop which cheers me up. Get the bus to see my charity client, £2. 8:45 a.m. — Nip to B&M and buy two Spice Tailor curry kits for £1.87. 9 a.m. — The senior managers are away, but the young project team, B, M, and S, are in, so there's a lot of laughter. They view me as Yoda (full of wisdom), which is daft but funny. I'm working on a new website for them. 12:45 p.m. — Lunch of last night's leftovers. Full marks. 3 p.m. — I crumble and nip to the cafe next door for lemon drizzle cake, latte and biscuits for the gang, £6.50. 5:30 p.m. — Get the bus home, £2. 6:15 p.m. — A cooks ravioli from the fridge. Convinced he has shares in that particular pasta company. 7 p.m. — We watch the news. We rant at the friendly newsreader on the TV. Poor lady. 8 p.m. — I mistakenly read an email from my toxic workplace and read it to A. A never swears. He swears. 9 p.m. — Go to bed. Mulling over the work situation. I need to stay in the role as I need the regular money. But my trust is gone. Sleep. Total: £12.37 Day Five 9 a.m. — The most excellent sleep. Have two hot cross buns from the stash (the stash is now finished). Gutted. 10 a.m. — I do some life admin of looking at any financial savings I can make, plus browse for a holiday for later in the year. A & I split holidays, although in the past I've bought them outright when I've felt flush. Then we always do a kitty together on Revolut for spending. 1 p.m. — K phones. Epic rant interspersed by hysterical laughter. She's been researching bipolar in the workplace and my rights. Legend. 2 p.m. — Do some more work on the funding bid. 4 p.m. — Get up, scrub up with a full face of make-up and actual clothes, as I'm going to the theatre show I've been working on. The performer, E, name-checked me in a radio interview yesterday. I daydream about a Hollywood career as a hotshot PR. LA house, the Oscars, swimming pool etc. Park that idea. 5:30 p.m. — Get the bus into Manchester, £2. 8 p.m. — Meet friend K. Buy a large wine pre-show, £7. Watch the show. 9:30 p.m. — Drinks and laughs with the team. There's quite a few drinks and it is £38 for my round. 10:30 p.m. — Uber home. Woman penalty. Public transport where I live is rubbish and not always that safe, £7.81. 11 a.m. — Debrief with A. Working on the show has been a roller coaster. Creative people are wonderful but not always easy to work with… 12 p.m. — Sleep. Total: £54.81 Day Six 9 a.m. — I get a lie-in with a proper sleep and wake up, perky. Air punch. I listen to the news on the radio, swig Mexican coffee, crave hot cross buns (the cupboard is bare), but settle for cereal. Read the newspaper on Readlly. The world HAS gone mad. 11 a.m. — Invoicing and freelance accounts. I will get ahead of myself for year-end. 1 p.m. — Get the bus, £2. 1:30 p.m. — Meet my friend K at the local hospital where she's having some treatment. I buy us coffee and cakes, £10.75. 3 p.m. — K drives us to our fave pub. 3:30 p.m. — We are here for the legendary cheese and onion pie. We are Northerners, after all. I buy two craft lagers she gets 2 x 0% Heinekens. She's in recovery and is amazing. The nights out we used to have…I draw a veil. I'm aware of how I drink sometimes to manage my mood, so I try to rein it in these days. My share is £24 for food and drinks. 6 p.m. — K drives me home. 7 p.m. — Watch TV with A. 10 p.m. — Reflect that I am indeed an adult, as I will attend an event for my 'bad job' tomorrow. I'm also networking to meet potential clients as my exit strategy. 10:30 p.m. — Sleep. Total: £36.75 Day Seven 9 a.m. — I check my bank app. There is a loyalty payment of £50 from Nationwide. Hurrah. This cheers me up. I advise anyone to shop around for the rewards you can get for moving your current account around. It's easy money. I move some money into my credit card on top of my minimum payment. 11:30 a.m. — Get the bus to an event in a nearby town. I pay for A too, £4. 12:30 p.m. — A is riding shotgun with me in case the shouty colleague will be there. She won't be. Working Saturday is 'too much'. Right-o. 1:30 p.m. — The event is a beautiful celebration of young people. I talk to the artists and see the exhibition in the gallery. I'm very conscious that this is a poor town with poverty all around me. Count my financial good fortune. Get coffee for A & I. He pays. 5:15 p.m. — Head to lunch at our favourite Italian restaurant. Arancini, for starters and then he has a steak as big as his hand. I have spinach ravioli, a Campari spritz and we share a bottle of fab wine. My share is £52.87. 8 p.m. — TV with a reward of some wine from our wine rack. More of The Leopard. 11 p.m. — Sleep. Total: £65.62 The Breakdown Conclusion "That was an expensive week for me. Roughly a quarter of my salary. Eeek. The rest of the month is going to be low-spend! I may top up with some money coming in from a freelance project. I did go out a record-breaking number of four times, which is a lot for me these days, as I am no longer the 'madcap party girl' who was out seven nights a week. I need to get back to the habit of using the notes app on my phone to track my spending and then to work out what's left at the end of the month. Sometimes, when it's a good month, I have some money left and it's very satisfying to put that (however small the amount) into my credit card or savings. I get a buzz out of being better with money. Having a couple of years out of work due to my illness, it's essential that I have a financial cushion if I get ill again, which is always possible."
Business Mayor
05-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Business Mayor
Game veteran Warren Spector raises awareness about working with bipolar condition
Few game developers have been as successful and well known as Warren Spector. But in a recent LinkedIn post, Spector didn't talk about his successes. Instead, he shared something more human and acknowledged for the first time to his peers that he is bipolar. 'What I'm about to tell you isn't about games or game development. Not directly, anyway. Let me cut to the chase: I'm bipolar – Bipolar Disorder 2, not the more seriously life-affecting Bipolar 1. You might be more familiar with the term 'manic-depression,' a term which, for reasons I don't understand, isn't used much, if at all, anymore. To me it seems more descriptive than 'bipolar,' but what do I know? Bipolar it is…' Spector said he resisted the diagnosis for years, and sometimes he still does. But he noted that three therapists, two psychiatrists and his wife all independently came to the same conclusion. So he acknowledged that the private diagnosis was real. On top of that, he told the whole world in a LinkedIn post. He said, 'So I've got it and I want to talk about it. Bipolar 2 may generally be less of an impediment to day-to-day living than Bipolar 1 but being bipolar at all has been both a curse and a blessing for me.' Spector said the condition has caused him some problems over the years, but surprisingly, he added, 'I truly think it's also partly responsible for whatever success I've achieved. And I certainly wouldn't trade my 'condition' for a more 'normal life. This is who I am and, mostly, most of the time, I'm pretty happy with that.' This revelation may be helpful to other people, and that's one reason he has decided to speak about it at our GamesBeat Summit 2025 event in Los Angeles on May 19 to May 20, 2025. Kelli Dunlap, a clinical psychologist with Take This, the mental health nonprofit for game developers, will moderate the talk. In preparation for this session, I interviewed Spector and Dunlap together. The reaction to the post Warren Spector spoke at the DevGamm event in Cascais, Portugal. In our interview, Spector said it was a good time to do the post and he was really pleased with the response to it. It was liberating to talk about it. 'The most gratifying thing is people are comfortable talking about their their own issues. Lots of people coming forward and telling the world about what they're they're dealing with, and I've gotten a lot of private messages too, which is pretty incredible,' he said. But he wants to hit a wider group of people, and it's why he wants to speak at our GamesBeat Summit 2025 event. 'The big thing for me is just raising awareness that it is, in fact, a problem,' he said. 'The number of people who responded and openly said it is important is the most gratifying thing to me. He noted that many people take care of their physical health, but not everyone does the same for their mental health. He noted that the support of the parent company of Otherside Entertainment has been 'astonishing.' He expected some pushback but didn't receive it. 'I expected pushback because it was the reason I kept this quiet for so long was, I mean, frankly, it, I'm at the point where I'm old enough, and at the point in my career where if people don't want to work with me, that's OK. I'm all right with that. And then, so I just want to raise awareness. Maybe suggest to the companies out there that have been ignoring this for the last 40 years — maybe they shouldn't ignore it, because there are lots of people they employ who are dealing with it,' he said. 'I bring this up because over the last year or so I've heard from co-workers, friends and even strangers about difficulties they're having dealing with emotional upheavals brought on by a variety of factors other than the 'norms' of development — they talk about layoff anxiety… burgeoning budgets and growing team sizes… constraints on creativity due to risk aversion… Covid isolation… even brain chemistry,' Spector wrote. 'I've been lucky on all of these fronts except the last one. That brain chemistry thing is something I can't control, something I've kept secret for years. But recent events have encouraged me to do what I've wanted to do for a long time. I've wanted to go public for years but haven't felt comfortable — or safe — doing so.' Over the years, Spector said he looked around silently and saw colleagues who are dealing with mental health issues but don't seek help that might alleviate some of their embarrassment and pain. He said he has worked with people who think differently in ways that aren't understood or accommodated by employers with a narrow view of what constitutes 'normal.' He said he has seen friends and coworkers suffering from anxiety and depression brought on by the difficulties of development and the lack of security in the business they (mostly) love. Spector acknowledged he was afraid speaking up would affect his ability to raise funding or even to get work at all. He is still worried about that, but he said 'keeping silent isn't an option anymore.' Given layoffs and the chaotic situation in the world, he said he believes too many people need help. He's more comfortable about where he is in his life, and he can handle what comes his way. 'From now on, I'd like to advocate in whatever ways I can for paying more attention to mental health issues in game development…. I want to use whatever soapbox I have to make it okay for others who think and feel differently to be open about their situations. I'm not ashamed and neither should anyone else be,' Spector said. Warren Spector has given a lot of talks over the years. Spector noted he can't speak for others. But he said most of the time he is fine and his mood is at a center line. But he's not there all of the time. 'If you've been on the receiving end of strange behavior on my part, I apologize. I'm usually pretty calm – at least I try to be – but there are times when I feel both invulnerable and angry and I get a little out of control,' Spector wrote. 'A few of you may have seen me at my manic worst or, more accurately, my hypo-manic worst. (If I've had a full-blown manic episode, I can't really say. I don't think so.) What happens to me is I get all agitated in a way that expresses itself in ways that are to say the least, counter-productive.' On the positive side, he can come up with ideas energetically at all hours of the day. There's a side to his condition where he feels invulnerable. He can stay up late and get up early. Sometimes he is awakened by a dozen ideas — plans for everything from new game designs or systems, to books he will write, to ways to reorganize his boardgame room, to songs he is going to write, and more. The ideas sometimes come out all at once that his mouth can't keep up with his mind. He thinks of this crazy energy as a positive benefit, where he needs little sleep and has intense creativity. But the flip side is feeling the negative aspect of mania, which is still about crazy energy and little need for sleep. But it is also accompanied by extreme agitation, anxiety, sometimes anger and still with feelings of invulnerability. Read More Cities: Skylines 2: release date, trailers, gameplay, and more 'Needless to say, that doesn't feel so hot. And, as I said, it can get me in trouble,' he wrote. Then he makes an effort to slow down, usually successful. But sometimes he isn't and that takes a toll on others. The mania lasts a few days to a week and isn't frequent. 'Interestingly, unlike many bipolar people, who experience mania and depression seasonally, my manic cycles can also be triggered by events — a few days at a conference can set me off… visits from friends… even design discussions. But sometimes they just come for no reason at all. It's unpredictable, even crazy,' Spector wrote. The depression part of the bipolar disorder doesn't have an upside. 'If you've interacted with me and found me dull, low energy, and speaking slowly, you've caught me in a depressive cycle,' he said. 'You may not have noticed because I've become pretty good at acting not-depressed. At times, it's an effort to get out of bed and exhausting to pretend to be happy and remain productive. Sadly, my depressive cycles last a lot longer than my manic ones — often weeks at a time.' Those episodes are tough and scary, he said. Depression tends to hit him out of nowhere and there isn't much he can do to stop it. He tries to push through. Sometimes the cycle goes fast, and that isn't enjoyable either, he said. 'Whether high or low, manic or depressed, or something in between, I just have to hope I don't do something stupid. And I have to hope those around me understand and, yes, indulge me, even if they don't know why I'm acting strangely,' he wrote. Spector said he was diagnosed late in life and has been in therapy off and on, weekly, for about 15 years. Most of the time, his therapy is pretty ordinary. 'I talk about what's going on in my life, how I became the person I am today, problems I've had and am having… Sometimes, when I'm especially high or low, my therapist helps talk me down (or up) and provides support I need to keep from doing the stupid things I said earlier I hope I won't do,' he wrote.. In addition to a therapist, he has seen a psychiatrist for maybe 10 years — a 'psychopharmacologist' (which is just a fancy way of saying they talk a little and prescribe a lot of meds.) He takes a couple of mood stabilizers, but also the occasional anti-anxiety and sleep medication. The mood stabilizers make my brain a little fuzzier than he would like, which isn't good for being creative. But his wife believes they help with his actual mood. He said he developed a tremor from one of the medications and it won't go away. 'My hope is that if you think or feel differently , you accept who you are, even revel in it, as I do. Most of the time,' he wrote. 'If you can't, if you need help, as I do, some of the time, I hope I can encourage you to get it, one way or another, privately or publicly – however you feel comfortable doing so.' If you know someone who needs help, he said he hopes you can help them see that there's strength in asking for that help and encourage them to get it. And if you employ people who need help, he hopes you'll support them and help them find it, taking mental health as seriously as you do the physical health of your staffers. Insurance can help, but so can internal programs in mindfulness and well-being. 'The situation of those in game development who are suffering or even just living with difference can only benefit from public discussion. If you feel comfortable joining in a public discussion, welcome aboard. If you don't, that's okay, too. I get it. But take care of yourself,' he said. Spector said he wants to do research and find more ways to support those who need help. 'I want to advocate for mental health issues in game development, and for myself, frankly, in whatever ways I can. I hope you'll come along with me on this journey of life-long learning, self-acceptance, and self-care,' he concluded. Kelli Dunlap, executive director of Take This, provided a list of resources at He recommended them because one of their specific areas of interest is games for mental health, focusing on players, but also on challenges faced by game developers in the world of game development. Bipolar Resources Crisis Resources General Mental Health Resources Vibrant Emotional Health ( National Alliance on Mental Illness ( Mental Health America ( About 60,000 people read the post on LinkedIn. 'I want to get the word out about why now, and that's there are two reasons. We've had how [35,000] people laid off in the last two years. And I don't want to get into the the sense of that, or lack of sense in that, but that's got to raise anxiety. That's got to turn what may be a minor problem into a major.' He noted game development has always been stressful. At Origin, some of us used to talk about the Origin divorce because we were working people so hard, or they chose to work so hard, or both,' he said. He said that he has had people show up at the office naked at 11 o'clock at night and scare the security guards. He said he has had people disappear without telling anybody what was going on. 'People flip over desks and storm out. I've had at least three people show up in the office with guns, and throw in [35,000] people getting laid off.' He added that some people told him about their suicide attempts and how stressed out they are. Dunlap noted that we'll take written questions during the roundtable so she can filter the questions and make sure they're appropriate for the group discussion. Spector said that he also suffers from imposter syndrome, and what drove him to therapy was that there were moments in his life when he was not in control and professionals told him that. He said he is glad that he came out and talked about it as it has been liberating and amazing to have people share their own stories with him. But he noted this may not be suitable for everyone, as there is stigma associated with being bipolar and some workplaces are not as understanding. Spector said that it's important for companies to provide support for employees who have mental health conditions, and that help can be expensive. 'But what is more important than taking care of your staff? They're the people who make you the money that you say you're not making. Taking care of people is important, because if they're not taking care of themselves, they're not operating in peak efficiency.'
