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USA Today
30-07-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
'Ellie for the Girls' follows attractive guys around NYC. It's made her a viral sensation.
NEW YORK — The group of film fanatics sporting vintage band T-shirts on an East Village sidewalk. A finance analyst plugging numbers into an Excel spreadsheet at a Midtown Chipotle. A barista with a handlebar mustache serving an oat milk latte at a Bushwick coffee shop. Across New York City, all of Ellie Williams' friends seemed to have the same question: Where are all of these attractive men going out? One day, Williams, 26, approached a guy and asked. 'For the girls, let's go,' Williams exclaims before asking a charming brunette man for his name, age, occupation, and — most importantly — his favorite bar to go out to in the city. 'I work for a French fashion marketplace for moms,' says Vincent, 25, before offering up 'Time Again,' a hip cocktail stop just off Canal Street, as his favorite spot. @vince_cllt 25, NYC #nyc #nycpeople #nycdating #nyclife #men #elliesnycguide The series, 'Where men on the street go out in NYC,' quickly went viral, sparking floods of comments from young women, desperate to leave the dating apps behind and meet these potential partners in the flesh. Williams has made more than 50 videos in her series, which she hopes is helping young people get out and meet in real life — and maybe find romance. 'We've become so comfortable having these conversations online, I feel like the art of conversation has been lost,' Williams says. 'I think that the main reason is honestly the fear of rejection.' More: 'Sexual conservatism,' virginity and why Gen Z is having less sex Why does Gen Z have a harder time dating? Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," says that Gen Z — the cohort born between 1997 and 2012 — is rewriting the dating rulebook. The 'date to marry' mindset has declined, online dating is the default, and mixed messages about gender roles create confusion about how men and women should date. 'The irony is that while it's never been easier to connect, many people feel lonelier than ever,' Chan says. Data from and Hinge find that young people are looking for serious relationships, but simultaneously reporting high levels of dating-related anxiety — more than half of Gen Z Hinge daters say concerns about rejection have dissuaded them from pursuing a relationship. As a result, Gen Z daters are more wary of commitment than older generations. More daters are embracing the area in between hooking up and dating. They may use the label of being 'exclusive' without formally dating, or opt for an undefined dynamic that's often referred to as a 'situationship.' Chan says these situationships offer closeness without pressure, but frequently result in disappointment, guilt, and heartbreak when one partner develops feelings. 'In a way, they're trading the hard work and emotional effort it takes to build real relationship skills for a different kind of hard: the confusion, stress, and emotional toll that comes from living in ambiguity,' Chan says. The 'short-form, swipe-heavy nature of modern dating culture' complicates things further, according to Chan, who says a paradox of choice on apps fosters a 'shopping cart mentality' where daters evaluate users as if they were products. More than half of adults under 30 report having used dating apps like Tinder, Match, Bumble, and Hinge, according to Pew Research. 'People are sick of them,' Williams says. 'People don't really want to meet on them but I think that they go to them by default, because that's what they know their friends are doing.' Gen Z is less likely to approach others romantically in person A nationwide reckoning with the #MeToo Movement, evolving gender roles in the home and workplace, the rise of viral, online cancel culture and steep political polarization have all reshaped the social norms around how men and women engage. Young people are less likely to approach others in person romantically, according to Chan, primarily due to fear of rejection or being perceived as intrusive. 'It feels like there's this men and women disconnect, and people are kind of confused with the roles that they should play,' Williams says. 'Women are still nervous to go up to men, and men are less likely now to go up to women.' Gen Z's dating style reflects a deeper trend of risk aversion — young people are also drinking less and having less sex. While those things can be positive, they're also indicators that some Gen Zers are socially isolated. Much of Gen Z missed out on pivotal years in the classroom or office during the pandemic, impacting their ability to socialize. 'If you're not really forced to be in these social situations and lack the social skills, the path of least resistance is to avoid,' Chan says. It's easy to stay home, play video games, watch porn, even get an AI girlfriend to give temporary hits of dopamine and a false sense of intimacy.' Williams wants her videos to give men and women the inspiration to go offline and out in the real world. Her videos feature men ranging from 23 to 31 and run the gamut from DJs wearing Yankees hats, cigarette-smoking models and bartenders with nose rings to a charming Australian banker. Even Broadway actor Kevin William Paul got in on the action. In follow up videos, Williams shows herself checking out the spots these men suggest accompanied by a lowdown on the vibe and people frequenting them. The series leads her to spots like the East Village's Studio 151, a sushi restaurant in a former speak-easy that turns into a dance hall as the night goes on, and the divey 169 Bar on the Lower East Side, which she describes as 'alternative meets frat boy.' Her substack includes a map with nearly 100 recommendations of where to go out. She's hosted two in-person events at Nublu and Jeans in New York City, and wants to bring her brand and events to other cities across the country. More: Gen Z men, women have a deep political divide. It's made dating a nightmare And yes — there have been some success stories. 'Guys told me that girls will DM them. They've gone on couple dates, and that's kind of fun to see,' Williams says. Rachel Hale's role covering Youth Mental Health at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input. Reach her at rhale@ and @rachelleighhale on X.
Time of India
12-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Time of India
Move over ghosting and breadcrumbing—‘Banksying' is the coldest breakup trend you didn't see coming
A new term is making its way into the vocabulary of modern dating—and it's not one that inspires much hope. The phenomenon, called 'Banksying,' is drawing attention for its emotionally manipulative nature, where one partner checks out of a relationship long before saying a word, leaving the other stunned and heartbroken when the breakup finally comes. Coined in reference to the enigmatic street artist Banksy—known for his unexpected, self-destructive art—the term describes a breakup that unfolds quietly, emotionally, and one-sidedly. Much like the famous Banksy painting that shredded itself moments after being auctioned for $1.4 million, Banksying is a process of slow emotional sabotage. But in this case, the canvas is a relationship. by Taboola by Taboola Sponsored Links Sponsored Links Promoted Links Promoted Links You May Like Walgreens Hides This Cheap 87¢ Generic Viagra from Seniors – Here's Why fridayplans Learn More Undo The term was recently spotlighted in a USA Today report, which described Banksying as a uniquely unsettling way to end a relationship—one that is marked by ambiguity, avoidance, and emotional withdrawal disguised as normalcy. 'The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It's selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance,' said Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, in her comments to USA Today. Live Events An emotional slow fade, not a clean break Unlike ghosting—which is abrupt and unmistakable—Banksying is more covert. It involves subtle changes: decreased affection, vague excuses, emotional distancing. The partner doing the Banksying will often continue going through the motions, assuring everything is fine, even while emotionally withdrawing behind the scenes. This silent unraveling leaves the other person in a state of confusion, often doubting their own instincts. 'Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,' Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at told USA Today. 'Previously, there hasn't been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.' The emotional toll comes not just from the breakup itself, but from the way it unfolds. The ambiguity makes it harder to process and grieve. 'They might lie and say everything is 'fine' but you also have to exert that you're not 'fine' because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance,' Chan told USA Today. 'Don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they're saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that's completely the opposite.' What Banksying reveals about modern dating culture In an era where conflict avoidance is rampant and communication often filtered through screens, Banksying reflects a broader trend of emotional unavailability and discomfort with directness. 'It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become,' Chan told USA Today. 'It seems like there's less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out.' The rise of dating apps and swipe culture may be feeding into this behavior, normalizing poor communication and low accountability in romantic relationships. Relationship experts say the answer lies in having the courage to be honest—even when it's difficult. 'Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,' Hathorn said to USA Today. 'Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner's time.' Banksying is less about artistic flair and more about emotional cowardice—a trend that leaves behind confusion instead of closure. And for the person on the receiving end, that can feel like the worst kind of heartbreak: one they never saw coming.
Economic Times
12-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Economic Times
Move over ghosting and breadcrumbing—‘Banksying' is the coldest breakup trend you didn't see coming
Live Events An emotional slow fade, not a clean break What Banksying reveals about modern dating culture (You can now subscribe to our (You can now subscribe to our Economic Times WhatsApp channel A new term is making its way into the vocabulary of modern dating—and it's not one that inspires much phenomenon, called 'Banksying,' is drawing attention for its emotionally manipulative nature, where one partner checks out of a relationship long before saying a word, leaving the other stunned and heartbroken when the breakup finally in reference to the enigmatic street artist Banksy—known for his unexpected, self-destructive art—the term describes a breakup that unfolds quietly, emotionally, and one-sidedly. Much like the famous Banksy painting that shredded itself moments after being auctioned for $1.4 million, Banksying is a process of slow emotional sabotage. But in this case, the canvas is a term was recently spotlighted in a USA Today report, which described Banksying as a uniquely unsettling way to end a relationship—one that is marked by ambiguity, avoidance, and emotional withdrawal disguised as normalcy.'The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It's selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance,' said Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart, in her comments to USA ghosting—which is abrupt and unmistakable—Banksying is more covert. It involves subtle changes: decreased affection, vague excuses, emotional distancing. The partner doing the Banksying will often continue going through the motions, assuring everything is fine, even while emotionally withdrawing behind the silent unraveling leaves the other person in a state of confusion, often doubting their own instincts.'Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,' Emma Hathorn, relationship expert at told USA Today. 'Previously, there hasn't been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.'The emotional toll comes not just from the breakup itself, but from the way it unfolds. The ambiguity makes it harder to process and grieve.'They might lie and say everything is 'fine' but you also have to exert that you're not 'fine' because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance,' Chan told USA Today. 'Don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they're saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that's completely the opposite.'In an era where conflict avoidance is rampant and communication often filtered through screens, Banksying reflects a broader trend of emotional unavailability and discomfort with directness.'It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become,' Chan told USA Today. 'It seems like there's less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out.'The rise of dating apps and swipe culture may be feeding into this behavior, normalizing poor communication and low accountability in romantic relationships. Relationship experts say the answer lies in having the courage to be honest—even when it's difficult.'Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,' Hathorn said to USA Today. 'Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner's time.'Banksying is less about artistic flair and more about emotional cowardice—a trend that leaves behind confusion instead of closure. And for the person on the receiving end, that can feel like the worst kind of heartbreak: one they never saw coming.
USA Today
08-07-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
This new dating trend is leaving people baffled and heartbroken. It's called ‘Banksying.'
Look out, daters: There's a new toxic relationship trend taking the romantic world by storm. It's called "Banksying," and it derives its name from the elusive street artist Banksy, known for art that seems to pop up out of nowhere and often comes with a cryptic twist. Like a baffling Banksy art piece, "Banksying" in a relationship involves slowly withdrawing emotionally from your partner, without telling them that's what you're doing. When the time comes to finally break up, the "Banksy-er" often feels better, having mentally checked out of the relationship long ago, while the other partner is left blindsided and confused. When someone "Banksies," they start to destroy the relationship before the other person sees it coming. Some of Banksy's art has famously self-destructed − like one painting that made headlines for shredding itself after selling at auction for $1.4 million. Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," says "Banskying" has been happening for a while − it just has a trendy name now. The solution, she says, is to practice open and honest communication, even when doing so feels uncomfortable. "'Banksying' happens more now, especially with the proliferation of dating apps, where people have developed poor dating etiquette," Chan says. "The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It's selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity and a way of dealing with conflict that is rooted in avoidance." Where did 'Banksying' come from? Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert at says "Banksying" leaves daters feeling stressed, confused and gaslit. Often the person on the receiving end can sense something is wrong, but their partner keeps assuring them everything is fine. "Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another," Hathorn says. "Previously, there hasn't been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out. Emotionally manipulative, emotionally distant – there are plenty of ways that people have tried to define it." What makes "Banksying" so painful, Chan says, is its ambiguity. At least when someone ghosts, it's clear they've abandoned the relationship. With "Banksying," however, people are often left in the dark, wondering if the relationship is actually solid or if their concerns about it are justified. "They might not be using their words to tell you – but their actions are," Chan says. "They might lie and say everything is 'fine' but you also have to exert that you're not 'fine' because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance. Don't gaslight yourself into thinking it's OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they're saying everything is fine, but acting in a way that's completely the opposite." In case you missed: People are paying thousands for 'dating boot camp' with sex experts. I signed up. What does 'Banksying' say about us? Ultimately, the prevalence of "Banksying" further shows how the skills of dating − as well as the skills of breaking up − have degraded in recent years. "It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become," Chan says. "It seems like there's less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out." Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. The solution? Instead of Banksying, tell the person you're dating how you really feel. It's not the easy thing to do, but it is the right thing to do. "Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty," Hathorn says. "Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner's time."
USA Today
29-06-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
Tinder is testing a height filter. What should short kings do?
Short kings are up in arms over a controversial new feature on Tinder. The dating app has started testing a new feature that allows people who pay for the app to filter potential matches based on height − a move that's sparked discussion online about the challenges short men face while dating. "We're always listening to what matters most to our Tinder users — and testing the paid height preference is a great example of how we're building with urgency, clarity, and focus," Philip Price Fry, vice president of communications at Tinder, said in a statement. "This is part of a broader effort to help people connect more intentionally on Tinder." The feature might be new for Tinder, but it's already part of other dating apps, like Hinge and Bumble, which have long offered height filters for paying users. Dating and relationship experts say dating can be more difficult for short men, especially on apps, where height filters cause them to get overlooked off-the-bat. While this can certainly feel discouraging, it's important not to lose hope: There's still plenty of ways to meet people open to dating a short king. More: People are paying thousands for 'dating boot camp' with sex experts. I signed up. It's also important, they add, for daters to be open-minded. There's nothing wrong with preferring to date someone tall − but it's important to ask yourself how important a specific trait is to you before turning on a filter that will eliminate potential matches. "I understand preferences are important," says Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart." "The problem is when we confuse preferences with deal-breakers." Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men, says it's also important for people to keep their height preferences in perspective. For instance, someone who's 5'4" and wants to date someone taller probably doesn't need their height filter set to 6' and above; they might find someone who's 5'8" to be the perfect height for them. What health & wellness means for you: Sign up for USA TODAY's Keeping It Together newsletter The challenge of dating as a short man News that Tinder is testing a height filter has inspired conversations on social media about the ups and downs dating as a man when your height doesn't start with a "6." "Women aren't ready for this conversation but they need to stop filtering by height on dating apps," one X user wrote. "I met Kyle on Hinge. He didn't lie about his height (5'9") and was filtered out by a lot of women! Many of my friends would have filtered him out! Don't do this." Others cracked jokes: "I set my height as 6'4 on dating apps let it accrue matches for a couple weeks then set it back to 5'10 and message them." Some, like bodybuilder and fitness influencer Jeff Nippard, who's 5'5," offered advice: "This really isn't a big deal. As a short man, if a woman doesn't find you attractive because of your height then why would you want to be with her anyway?" Chan speculates height preferences stem from evolution, going back thousands of years to when physical size and strength were necessary for survival. Now, however, that's no longer the case. "Men's height has been culturally associated with masculinity, power and protection," Chan says. "I joke with my friends that, unless you're planning on getting into bar fights, the guy who has access to a good lawyer is probably going to be able to protect you more than a guy who's tall." Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. Height filters are a thing on dating apps. What should short men do about it? Chan encourages people to find ways of meeting people outside of dating apps, ideally in settings where their personalities can shine. "We know through research that apps cause people to filter very harshly, even if they wouldn't do so in person," Chan says. "I always tell my clients to have three different forms of 'lead generation'. If you're on apps, great, but add two more. Maybe that's joining a club or taking up a hobby where you'll meet other like-minded people and build relationships and community over time." More: Relationship experts say these common dating 'rules' are actually ruining your love life Anderson offers similar advice − and adds daters shouldn't waste their energy feeling frustrated over what they can't control. You can't change your height, but you can work on other attributes to attract a partner. "Rather than getting mad or feeling frustrated about it, accept the reality and control the things you can control," she says. "You can control the number of women you approach in a day or a week. You can control having a great smile and a nice personality when you approach that person." More: 'Tall Girl 2,' Zendaya and Tom Holland and the stigma around tall women dating shorter men And, if you're someone who does use a height filter, you might want to try expanding it an inch or two and seeing what happens, Anderson says. You could be surprised by who you meet.
