Latest news with #BreakupBootcamp:TheScienceofRewiringYourHeart
USA Today
27-03-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
They get paid to flirt with other people's partners. Meet the 'loyalty testers.'
They get paid to flirt with other people's partners. Meet the 'loyalty testers.' She thought she was finally in a good relationship. Or was she? The 29-year-old hairstylist in New York had been cheated on before, an experience that left her devastated and heartbroken. She knew her new boyfriend was different, but, still, she couldn't help but wonder: Would he betray her, just as her ex did? She says she needed peace of mind. She needed a loyalty test. So-called "loyalty tests" have blown up on social media, where people offer to "test" each other's significant others by flirting with them, sometimes over social media, sometimes in person. If the person flirts back − or worse, makes plans to meet up − they fail the test, and their partner is left to decide how to proceed. Some TikTok users offer to run loyalty tests for followers. On YouTube, several loyalty test videos have gone viral, racking up millions of views. The trend has even spawned an industry, with the company Loyalty-Test allowing people to make profiles and set their own rates for loyalty testing. After the 29-year-old, Ari, used that company to test her boyfriend (he passed), she was so impressed with the service that she became a tester. She, like several others we interviewed for this piece, asked that we withhold her full name as she uses her real social media accounts to bait potential cheaters, and she doesn't want to tip off anyone she may encounter down the line − or incur the wrath of scorned cheaters she's caught. Ari's main motivation for loyalty testing, she says, is to give people the same peace of mind she craved. "I had felt like I could do this," she says. "I can help people out." Still, she says, it's been hard to see how frequently − and how spectacularly − so many people fail her tests. The loyalty testers USA TODAY spoke with say they have good intentions. Some know the pain of getting cheated on and want to spare others that kind of betrayal. Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," however, advises against loyalty tests. If you suspect your partner's dishonest, she says, doing something deceitful yourself will only make it harder to build trust. "As someone who's worked with thousands of heartbroken individuals, I can tell you that these tests are essentially relationship sabotage disguised as peace of mind," Chan says. "When you hire someone to test your partner's loyalty, you're already operating from a foundation of suspicion rather than trust. This approach doesn't build security − it erodes it. It introduces deception into the relationship, and ironically, makes you the one engaging in dishonest behavior while claiming to seek honesty." Meet the loyalty testers Brandan Balasingham got the idea to start Loyalty-Test about two years ago, after he saw some of his friends do loyalty tests on each other's partners. Business has been steady since, he says, with the website averaging 10-20 tests a day. People can apply to become testers for him by submitting their social media, ID and other information. Balasingham takes a cut of every loyalty test arranged through his website: $35 for tests under $100 and $55 for tests over $100. More: Can your relationship truly recover from cheating? Balasingham says most of the people who order loyalty tests through his website are women. About 20% of those tested, he says, fail unequivocally − meaning their responses to the tester are either obviously flirtatious or express clear intentions of meeting up. Ari says many of the people who hire her for loyalty tests are either engaged or on the cusp of getting married. Some are about to move in with their partners. Others are deciding if they should have kids. Doing loyalty tests "can be a little triggering sometimes," Ari says, reminding her of when she was cheated on. Seeing the lengths some people will go in order to hide what they're doing can also be disturbing. Many people cheat in the summer. How to prevent it and improve your relationship. When testing someone, Ari stays in frequent communication with the person who hired her. One man, she recalls, wrote to her as he cuddled with his significant other. "They will write to their partners, and they will love bomb them. They'll write the sweetest, sweetest message. 'I love you.' " Ari says. "And then, at the same time, they're writing to me, trying to meet up and asking me either for pictures or for things like that." Jermaine, another loyalty tester, says a tough part of the job is reporting back to the customer about their partner's behavior. He became a loyalty tester about a year ago, after his ex cheated on him with a close friend. "Obviously, our job is to try to make them cheat if they're going to cheat, but we don't want them to cheat, you know what I mean?" he says. "At the end of the day, we don't want to break hearts." A woman who goes by the username Vylette, who has appeared as a loyalty tester in viral videos on YouTube, says she understands the criticism loyalty tests receive and doesn't think they're the right choice for everyone. "It's just the same thing as looking through your partner's phone," she says. "Is it a good idea? I don't know. But don't do it unless you're willing to get your feelings hurt." What a loyalty test really means Since starting his business, Balasingham says he's viewed hundreds, if not thousands, of loyalty tests. Many people, he suspects, don't see a point in being faithful when they feel someone better is just a swipe or an Instagram DM away. Chan says she understands the pain that would drive someone to seek out a loyalty test. Still, she doesn't think it's a good idea. "When I discovered my ex was cheating, I went to extreme lengths seeking validation and proof," she says. "But loyalty tests are really about avoiding something more difficult: vulnerability. It's easier to hire a stranger to 'test' your partner than to have an honest conversation about your insecurities and fears." More: 8 signs your significant other is having an affair Rather than get a loyalty test, she recommends "communicating like a healthy adult." "True security doesn't come from constantly verifying your partner's behavior − it comes from building a foundation where both people feel safe enough to be honest, even about difficult topics," Chan says. "The businesses offering these services are monetizing insecurity rather than promoting healthy solutions."
USA Today
27-03-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
They get paid to flirt with other people's partners. Meet the 'loyalty testers.'
She thought she was finally in a good relationship. Or was she? The 29-year-old hairstylist in New York had been cheated on before, an experience that left her devastated and heartbroken. She knew her new boyfriend was different, but, still, she couldn't help but wonder: Would he betray her, just as her ex did? She says she needed peace of mind. She needed a loyalty test. So-called "loyalty tests" have blown up on social media, where people offer to "test" each other's significant others by flirting with them, sometimes over social media, sometimes in person. If the person flirts back − or worse, makes plans to meet up − they fail the test, and their partner is left to decide how to proceed. Some TikTok users offer to run loyalty tests for followers. On YouTube, several loyalty test videos have gone viral, racking up millions of views. The trend has even spawned an industry, with the company Loyalty-Test allowing people to make profiles and set their own rates for loyalty testing. After the 29-year-old, Ari, used that company to test her boyfriend (he passed), she was so impressed with the service that she became a tester. She, like several others we interviewed for this piece, asked that we withhold her full name as she uses her real social media accounts to bait potential cheaters, and she doesn't want to tip off anyone she may encounter down the line − or incur the wrath of scorned cheaters she's caught. Ari's main motivation for loyalty testing, she says, is to give people the same peace of mind she craved. "I had felt like I could do this," she says. "I can help people out." Still, she says, it's been hard to see how frequently − and how spectacularly − so many people fail her tests. The loyalty testers USA TODAY spoke with say they have good intentions. Some know the pain of getting cheated on and want to spare others that kind of betrayal. Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," however, advises against loyalty tests. If you suspect your partner's dishonest, she says, doing something deceitful yourself will only make it harder to build trust. "As someone who's worked with thousands of heartbroken individuals, I can tell you that these tests are essentially relationship sabotage disguised as peace of mind," Chan says. "When you hire someone to test your partner's loyalty, you're already operating from a foundation of suspicion rather than trust. This approach doesn't build security − it erodes it. It introduces deception into the relationship, and ironically, makes you the one engaging in dishonest behavior while claiming to seek honesty." Meet the loyalty testers Brandan Balasingham got the idea to start Loyalty-Test about two years ago, after he saw some of his friends do loyalty tests on each other's partners. Business has been steady since, he says, with the website averaging 10-20 tests a day. People can apply to become testers for him by submitting their social media, ID and other information. Balasingham takes a cut of every loyalty test arranged through his website: $35 for tests under $100 and $55 for tests over $100. Balasingham says most of the people who order loyalty tests through his website are women. About 20% of those tested, he says, fail unequivocally − meaning their responses to the tester are either obviously flirtatious or express clear intentions of meeting up. Ari says many of the people who hire her for loyalty tests are either engaged or on the cusp of getting married. Some are about to move in with their partners. Others are deciding if they should have kids. Doing loyalty tests "can be a little triggering sometimes," Ari says, reminding her of when she was cheated on. Seeing the lengths some people will go in order to hide what they're doing can also be disturbing. Many people cheat in the summer. How to prevent it and improve your relationship. When testing someone, Ari stays in frequent communication with the person who hired her. One man, she recalls, wrote to her as he cuddled with his significant other. "They will write to their partners, and they will love bomb them. They'll write the sweetest, sweetest message. 'I love you.' " Ari says. "And then, at the same time, they're writing to me, trying to meet up and asking me either for pictures or for things like that." Jermaine, another loyalty tester, says a tough part of the job is reporting back to the customer about their partner's behavior. He became a loyalty tester about a year ago, after his ex cheated on him with a close friend. "Obviously, our job is to try to make them cheat if they're going to cheat, but we don't want them to cheat, you know what I mean?" he says. "At the end of the day, we don't want to break hearts." A woman who goes by the username Vylette, who has appeared as a loyalty tester in viral videos on YouTube, says she understands the criticism loyalty tests receive and doesn't think they're the right choice for everyone. "It's just the same thing as looking through your partner's phone," she says. "Is it a good idea? I don't know. But don't do it unless you're willing to get your feelings hurt." What a loyalty test really means Since starting his business, Balasingham says he's viewed hundreds, if not thousands, of loyalty tests. Many people, he suspects, don't see a point in being faithful when they feel someone better is just a swipe or an Instagram DM away. Chan says she understands the pain that would drive someone to seek out a loyalty test. Still, she doesn't think it's a good idea. "When I discovered my ex was cheating, I went to extreme lengths seeking validation and proof," she says. "But loyalty tests are really about avoiding something more difficult: vulnerability. It's easier to hire a stranger to 'test' your partner than to have an honest conversation about your insecurities and fears." Rather than get a loyalty test, she recommends "communicating like a healthy adult." "True security doesn't come from constantly verifying your partner's behavior − it comes from building a foundation where both people feel safe enough to be honest, even about difficult topics," Chan says. "The businesses offering these services are monetizing insecurity rather than promoting healthy solutions."
USA Today
19-02-2025
- Entertainment
- USA Today
This ‘dating hack' is going viral on TikTok. It's called 'sticky eyes' and it actually works.
This 'dating hack' is going viral on TikTok. It's called 'sticky eyes' and it actually works. Is there a surefire way to get any person to flirt with you? This TikToker thinks so − and her method for it is going viral. The tactic is called "sticky eyes" and Chelsea Anderson, a TikToker and self-described "professional life hacker," breaks it down in a video with over 6.7 million views and 800,000 likes. The first step, she explains, is to make eye contact with the person you're interested in. As soon as you make that eye contact, you "look away, like you've been caught." This, she says, will make the person intrigued and, honestly, a little confused. Then, you go in for the kill. "The next time that you look at them and they meet your eyes again, don't look away. Let them break first," Anderson says. "Once you look away, you never look at them again. And, in about 45 seconds, they will be right in front of you, as if they had been summoned psychically by you." Anderson swears by this method and warns people to use it wisely and responsibly, as it's easy to accidentally sticky eyes someone you didn't mean to while trying it out. So, is there any truth to this? Yes, quite a lot, actually. Dating experts say "sticky eyes" − which isn't actually all that new − is a great way to signal openness and interest to a stranger at a bar, party or other social setting. They add, however, that the method does come with some important caveats. "The TikTok explaining 'sticky eyes' is essentially repackaging a classic flirting technique − combining different types of eye contact to signal romantic interest," says Amy Chan, a dating coach who hosts breakup retreats and dating boot camps. She adds that "sticky eyes," as well as other nonverbal cues that signal interest to potential partners, encompass a practice she calls "greenlighting," which she writes about at length in her book "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart." More: She applied to Harvard as a joke and got waitlisted. Now she's championing 'rejection therapy.' The effectiveness of sticky eyes also says a lot about us. Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and the author of "F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story," says it's indicative of "the communication crisis" we're currently in: We are in constant communication with each other thanks to technology, yet we don't connect as meaningfully, she says. How to do 'sticky eyes' for real Eye contact has always been a powerful aspect of dating and attraction − yet, it's a skill that's taken a backseat to sliding in the DMs (For those not obsessively online, that means sending someone a direct message, usually on social media). Anderson tells USA TODAY she came up with sticky eyes while playing a game of "dare or dare" with friends, where they'd challenge each other to harmless stunts. One of those stunts was holding eye contact with a stranger. While doing it, "sticky eyes," Anderson says, was born. "I also think a lot of people found the whole concept hilarious — or a bit ridiculous — because it's essentially eye contact, and I joked about inventing it," Anderson says about her video's virality. Eye contact doesn't just signal interest in someone and give them the green light to hit on you; it also makes you more attractive. Chan says that "prolonged eye contact can make someone appear more likable, confident and charismatic." "It's not necessarily the most attractive person who gets approached," she adds. "It's the one who signals they're open to connection." I searched the country for a Valentine: Here's who I picked. According to Hoffman, the digital age has made true eye contact even more effective when done correctly. "In a world in which people's eyes are often glued to their phones, eye contact holds even more weight," she says. "It's hard enough to catch someone's eye contact today but to be persistent about maintaining eye contact is even more rare and will really make you stand out from the crowd." 'Chronically single' TikTokers go viral for sharing horrible dating advice It's also something equally important for everyone, regardless of gender. Blaine Anderson, a dating coach for men and the creator of the flirting course Approach Academy, says she tells her clients all the time to look for eye contact first when trying to meet women open to conversation. There are, of course, ways for sticky eyes to go wrong. Anderson warns that staring intently at someone with a cold expression could make them uneasy at the least and creeped out at the worst. To avoid this, she says, make sure your eye contact is accompanied by a soft smile. "You don't want to be just directly staring at someone if you look unhappy," Anderson says. "That goes for both men and women, so it is apparent that it is friendly and positive." More: People are paying thousands for 'dating boot camp' with sex experts. I signed up. What the 'sticky eyes' phenomenon says about us Ultimately, experts say the fact that something as simple and obvious as eye contact has gone viral as a "dating hack" says a lot about what modern dating has come to. To Chan, it shows just how far in-person social skills have regressed since the pandemic. It also shows the toll dating apps have taken on singles' ability to connect with each other in real life. Have you heard of 'relation-shopping'? It might be why you're still single. Chan encourages people to remember that a lot more goes into dating and building attraction than just sticky eyes. She also says daters should stay mindful of not just their eye contact, but their body language overall: Uncrossing your arms, tilting your head slightly, touching the other person's forearm and positioning yourself so your feet point in their direction all also signal interest, availability and curiosity. "Remember, whether you use sticky eyes or some combination of eye gaze, use it as an opener, not the whole strategy," Chan says. "Genuine connection requires conversation and engagement beyond just eye contact."
