Latest news with #BritishAssociationforCounsellingandPsychotherapy
Metro
2 days ago
- General
- Metro
Red flag that a dwindling friendship is 'dead' and it's time to move on
It's often said that people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Working out which category your pals fall into can be tricky, and just the thought of admitting your friend isn't meant to be part of your life for the long-haul can be devastating. Relationships might dwindle as friends move away, get married, or start families. Weekly catch ups become few and far between, and getting a text back can feel like more of an accomplishment than winning a Nobel Prize. So how do you work out when it's time to pronounce a friendship as well and truly dead? Metro asked an expert from the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) for their thoughts — and they shared the one key sign it's time to give up and move on. Counsellor Suzanne Cowie claims every friendship differs based on the expectations and needs of the individuals involved — but we should ensure we're fairly managing our own expectations of others, especially if we don't see them regularly. 'Are they being distant or are they just busy?' Suzanne asks. 'Not everyone loves texting or calling every day and it can take time to understand that sometimes when a friend doesn't return a call, it isn't that they are ignoring you, they are simply overwhelmed. 'Ask yourself when a friend doesn't call back instantly: why am I assuming the worst? Sometimes negative thought patterns make us believe situations are happening that are in fact only in our head.' So not getting a text back might not be the end of the world, but there is one worrying behaviour she warns you should keep an eye out for – as it could be a sign the friendship is on its last legs. 'Friendships, like any relationship, require time and effort to thrive. If you feel that a friend is only ever concerned with their own life and never curious about yours, that is a red flag,' Suzanne explains. The expert clarifies that a 'good' friendship should 'lift you up, make you feel supported, validated and heard. A great friendship is someone who values you and isn't afraid to be honest with you'. You have two options. You can either let go and allow the friendship to run its course, or you can reach out to see if you can resolve the issue. Suzanne advises: 'Be honest about how you are feeling; explain that you feel the friendship has drifted. There may be valid circumstances for why your friend has been elusive. 'Try to always explain your feelings rather than blaming your friend, so in texts write 'I feel' rather than 'you've done xyz'. Blaming someone or calling out all what you consider their failings will only make them defensive. Be as congruent and clear as possible. It's ok to be honest about your hurt and confusion. If your friend really wants to save the friendship they will respond and want to resolve your issues; if they don't then at least you know where you stand.' As an example, if you feel you are always the one initiating contact and meet ups with a friend and you're fed up of it, she suggests sending a message along the lines of: 'I have tried reaching out to you in order to catch up but there never seems to be time. I feel disappointed that we haven't met up and I miss you. I want to sustain our friendship and wondered if we could talk about this? Could you let me know if you want to? Take care.' If you reach out and things don't turn out the way you hoped, Suzanne urges you to make peace with the other person's choice to end the friendship. 'We can't control what other people do, only our reactions to their actions,' she says. But getting over a friendship, especially one that has spanned years, can take a long time as you'll be grieving the loss. As part of this, you might find yourself going through the various different stages of grief, such as anger, denial, shock and sadness. 'Allow yourself to feel how you are feeling and remember that in letting go of a friendship that wasn't serving us, we are making space in our lives for friendships that we deserve.' While you might lose a few friends along the way, the good news is that you are never too old to make new ones. Suzanne recommends getting out there and joining a club, the gym or finding some kind of hobby that allows you to meet new people. 'If you repeatedly see the same people in a group setting don't be afraid to strike up conversation. Repeated conversations mean it is that bit easier to then broach meeting up outside the class for a coffee,' she says. More Trending The same applies to co-workers, neighbours and friends of friends, the more social situations you put yourself in, the more opportunity you have to make connections. But none of it will make any difference if you're not being approachable. 'As daunting as it sounds, being relaxed, smiling and asking engaging questions will always draw people to you,' adds the expert. And once you've arranged a successful meet up with a new pal, be sure to check in with them afterwards and arrange a future meet up as consistency is the biggest factor in keeping a friendship alive. Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: My boyfriend suggested a trip – I had to reveal my secret shame MORE: Devastated and broken, I headed to the Himalayas to heal my heartbreak MORE: I ran a sexy chat line while pregnant, it was hideously depressing Your free newsletter guide to the best London has on offer, from drinks deals to restaurant reviews.
Metro
21-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Metro
This woman thinks celebrating your own birthday is narcissistic — is she right?
Be it a birthday, an anniversary or simply surviving a tough week, I've always loved finding an excuse to celebrate. But according to the internet, this makes me a 'narcissist'. Taking to the Am I Being Unreasonable forum on Mumsnet, one woman sparked a heated debate this week when she proclaimed: 'I think celebrating one's birthday is a very narcissistic thing to do.' She confessed she'd never understood the need to celebrate a birthday as an adult, as she thought it was just 'attention seeking' behaviour. 'Look at me…it's my day, make me feel so special blah blah blah,' she continued. 'I find it all so narcissistic. People getting extremely offended if their birthday is forgotten. Do you really care if someone has just got a year older?' For the most part, the comments read like variations of the iconic Come Dine with Me line: 'Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Jane.' Some branded the woman's view 'miserable' and and argued that birthdays were just meant to be 'a bit of fun'. A few also pointed out that getting older is a 'privilege' not everyone is afforded. However, there were some who agreed with the original post, saying adults who celebrate their birthdays were 'childish' and 'cringe'. While others said they didn't want to 'make a fuss' and felt 'awkward' about celebrating themselves. 'I like birthdays but some people do go over the top,' a fellow Mumsnet user posted in response. 'I have a mate who got her whole garden decked out in a certain theme and booked a DJ for her last birthday, which was her 34th, so not even a big birthday. She organised it all herself. A bit self-indulgent, but if it makes her happy that's up to her.' Someone else shared: 'It is one thing, if others decide to celebrate your birthday. Lovely! But to insist on it and winge on if others forget? Get over yourself. I've always thought throwing your own birthday party is very cringe too.' Metro asked registered members of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) for their thoughts. And the good news is celebrating your birthday doesn't make you a narcissist – at least, not in the diagnosable sense of the word. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is estimated to affect around 1% of the population and is characterised by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, an intense need for admiration, a deep envy of others, the belief they're unique and deserving of special treatment, and a preoccupation with brilliance and unlimited power. While many of us display some of these traits from time to time, it's considered pathological when it's a pattern of behaviours which impair a person's daily functioning – with others often caught in the crossfire. According to the NHS, a person with a personality disorder 'thinks, feels, behaves or relates to others very differently from the average person.' Therapist, LJ Jones believes most people who throw around the term 'narcissism' have little understanding of what the disorder actually is. But she's clear that celebrating your own birthday isn't an example of this. 'We all know that certain someone who is elaborate, extravagant or simply stretches their birth date to span the whole month; however, this does not warrant a diagnosis of narcissism.' She adds that celebrating your birthday only becomes cause for concern in 'extreme cases of self-obsession'. 'It only becomes over-indulgent when it's rooted in entitlement or a need for admiration at the expense of others,' she explains. 'For example, expecting everyone to bend over backwards, purchase expensive gifts, or reacting with anger when attention isn't given, or gifts aren't bought. Using your birthday to feel superior in such ways are possible red flags, but still not necessarily an indicator that a person is narcissistic. There are many other considerations, including people's unconscious need to stand out on social media.' Debbie Keenan, a senior accredited psychotherapist, agrees that celebrating your birthday isn't narcissistic. However, she claims there is a line where a person's behaviour could veer towards it. She explains: 'Celebrating your birthday isn't narcissistic, unless it stops being about joy and connection and starts being about attention and entitlement. Clinical narcissism is a deeper pattern of behaviour, constant validation-seeking, lack of empathy, and a sense that the world revolves around you. How you chose to celebrate another trip around the sun could reveal something else about yourself though. For counsellor Georgina Sturmer, it can be an indicator of your attachment style. There are four main attachment styles according to attachment theory, which are Secure, Anxious-Preoccupied, Dismissive-Avoidant and Fearful-Avoidant). These are thought to influence how we form and maintain relationships throughout our lives. Georgina says: 'A securely attached individual is likely be flexible and enjoy the festivities without needing to go over the top. By contrast, someone who has a preoccupied, or anxious, attachment style, might seem quite needy in how they approach celebrations. 'Festivities and attention might be an important part of how they seek reassurance and attention from others. ' At the other end of the spectrum, someone who has a dismissive, or avoidant, attachment style, might shy away from festivities all together. 'The spotlight might feel intrusive or awkward if we feel more comfortable on the outside, looking in,' says Georgina. She continues: 'This isn't black and white, it's about understanding the reasons behind the behaviour.' Experts actually told us it's 'healthy' to celebrate yourself. More Trending LJ Jones adds: It is totally normal and healthy to want to acknowledge your own existence, joy, and milestones,' she tells us. 'Some people might appear to go more 'over the top' but perhaps they weren't made much of a fuss of from caregivers during their childhood or adolescence.' So, as Debbie Keenan says: 'Throw that party, enjoy your birthday week and mark the moment however you like. It's not narcissistic, it's just being human.' Do you have a story to share? Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@ MORE: I bought the online poison that killed my son – it was easy MORE: People are sharing their favourite 'mega walks' — these are the best routes in London MORE: The one phrase that will make your doctor realise there's something seriously wrong
Scotsman
15-05-2025
- Health
- Scotsman
‘I didn't know where to start': a quarter of adults in Scotland lost in the mental health crisis
A new mental health study released for Mental Health Awareness Week has exposed the grim reality facing people in Scotland revealing that thousands are struggling to access the care they need, with many left confused, disillusioned, or prescribed antidepressants instead of being offered therapeutic support. Sign up to our daily newsletter – Regular news stories and round-ups from around Scotland direct to your inbox Sign up Thank you for signing up! Did you know with a Digital Subscription to The Scotsman, you can get unlimited access to the website including our premium content, as well as benefiting from fewer ads, loyalty rewards and much more. Learn More Sorry, there seem to be some issues. Please try again later. Submitting... undefined The research, commissioned by mental health platform Finbogo, found that over 1 in 3 people have sought mental health support in the past five years. However, a worrying 51% admitted they didn't know where to start, and over 1 in 3 (39%) said the NHS support they received did not meet their needs. With 41% of people saying it was difficult to access mental health support through the NHS and 57% citing long waiting times as a major barrier, the strain on the public healthcare system is becoming too much for many to bear. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad Henry Anderson, Finbogo 'This is a silent crisis, and Scotland is not immune,' says Henry Anderson, co-founder of Finbogo. "Too many people in Scotland are being left in limbo, either waiting months for help or being handed medication instead of real, personalised support. That's why we built Finbogo — to connect people directly with therapists they can trust.' One of those therapists is Mahin Hamidi, a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) member. She calls on Scotlands' residents to stop suffering in silence and seek professional help — the right kind of help — without delay. 'I've seen so many people in Scotland stuck in long NHS queues or simply given antidepressants as a quick fix,' says Hamidi, founder of private practice Hamidi Healing. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad Mahin Hamidi, a British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) member Therapy is not one-size-fits-all. The first step is finding a therapist who truly understands your needs.' Hamidi, who also volunteers at a local mental health charity and has supported clients with trauma, grief, neurodiversity, addiction, anxiety, and abuse, says many people still don't realise there are accessible, affordable routes into private therapy — and urges them not to wait until they reach breaking point. "You wouldn't ignore a physical health issue, and mental health is no different. Whether you're facing loss, burnout, or deeper trauma, the right therapist can change your life. But you have to take that first step.' The research also shows a clear shift in public confidence in NHS mental health services: only 18% of people would choose NHS care over private therapy if cost wasn't an issue, and 28% say they find it frustrating and confusing to choose a therapist. Advertisement Hide Ad Advertisement Hide Ad Therapist with client in clinic 'Finbogo is here to support the NHS, not compete with it,' adds Anderson.
Daily Mirror
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mirror
Emmerdale's original cast now from very different career to love with co-star
Emmerdale has been a staple on our TV's for 50 years with the quaint village being home to its fair share of drama The Yorkshire-based soap Emmerdale has been a mainstay on our televisions for 50 years, with the idyllic village playing host to its fair share of drama and a revolving door of characters. But before the Dingle family brought their unique brand of chaos to our screens, a completely different cast of villagers laid the groundwork for the show's current success. These original Emmerdale actors have gone down in TV history, with many continuing in their roles for several years. Some even went on to feature in other classic shows, from Doctor Who to Only Fools and Horses. Let's take a trip down memory lane and see what became of the original cast from way back in 1972. Jack Sugden - Andrew Burt Andrew Burt played Jack Sugden in the original series of the show and was on screen as Jack for four years until 1976. The character was recast when he returned four years later, with Clive Hornby taking on Jack for the next 28 years. For Burt, he would go on to appear on some more classic TV shows, including credits in Poirot, Doctor Who, Warship, The Legend of King Arthur, Campion, Oscar Charlie, I'm Alan Partridge and Doctors. In his later years, Burt retrained as a counsellor, becoming an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy and would go on to open his practice before his death from lung cancer in 2018, aged 73. Annie Sugden - Sheila Mercier Playing the matriarch of the original notorious Sugden family, Mercier played the role for more than 20 years until 1997 and made the odd guest appearance for the following ten years until 2009. Emmerdale was the last acting gig for Sheila as she decided to retire with fellow actor Peter Mercier. The Hull-born actress died in 2019 at the grand age of 100. Joe Sugden - Frazer Hines Playing Annie's second son Joe, the Leeds lad began his acting career in a very different scene alongside the legendary Charlie Chaplin in A King in New York. He would continue playing Joe until 1994 before appearing in Out of Sight, Two Days in the Smoke and a part in Doctor Who. In his private life, Frazer battled bowel cancer for more than 10 years, having first been diagnosed in 1999. In 2010, he disclosed to the public his battle. The tumours were removed in a gruelling surgery. Now, in the 80s, Frazer understandably doesn't act as much but can still be seen in an appearance in Doctors in 2024. Marian Wilks - Gail Harrison Marian was the first character to ever be seen on the show as she was seen riding a horse in the very first opening of the show, and was most known for her romance with Jack Sugden. Leaving the show six years later, Gail would go on to appear in the sitcom Hi-de-hi as well as making appearances in Only Fools and Horses in 1989. Sam Pearson - Toke Townley Sam Pearson, known as Grandad but actually Annie's father, was played by Toke Townley. He sadly passed away from a heart attack during a filming break in 1984 at the age of 71. He also appeared in British spy series The Avengers, and a whole range of films in the 1050s including Lady Godiva Rides Again and Treasure Hunt. Henry Wilks - Arthur Pentelow Playing the retired factory owner who took up the helm of the village's iconic Woolpack pub for nearly 20 years. Arthur Pentelow was "an immediate choice" when it came to casting Wilks. Pentelow wasn't raised in Yorkshire but was in fact from across the Pennines in Lancashire. Before acting he served in World War II doing radar work for the Royal Navy before coming home after the war where he would start acting. He was married and had two sons, one of which Nick Pentelow became the saxophonist for the band Wizard famous for the song I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day. The actor died in 1991 after tragically suffering a heart attack while driving to Leeds to film an episode for the soap.
Daily Record
13-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Record
Emmerdale original cast now from co-star's tragic death and Hollywood role
The original cast of Emmerdale have been beamed into living rooms for more than 50 years but what happened to the cast members that first stepped foot in the village of Beckindale For half a century, the Yorkshire-based soap has been a mainstay on our televisions, with its idyllic village setting playing host to an array of dramatic events and a revolving door of characters. However, before the Dingle family's antics became a central part of the narrative, a different set of villagers laid the groundwork for what the show is today. The original Emmerdale line-up holds a special place in TV history, with many of the actors continuing their roles for extended periods. Some even went on to feature in other classic shows like Doctor Who and Only Fools and Horses. Let's take a trip down memory lane and see what became of the original cast from 1972. Jack Sugden - Andrew Burt Andrew Burt was the first to portray Jack Sugden in the series, a role he held for four years until 1976. When the character made his return four years later, Clive Hornby assumed the mantle of Jack for the subsequent 28 years, reports Leeds Live. Burt's career saw him grace several other classic TV shows, with appearances in Poirot, Doctor Who, Warship, The Legend of King Arthur, Campion, Oscar Charlie, I'm Alan Partridge and Doctors. In his later life, Burt transitioned into counselling, becoming an accredited member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. He opened his own practice before succumbing to lung cancer in 2018 at the age of 73. Annie Sugden - Sheila Mercier Sheila Mercier, who portrayed the matriarch of the infamous Sugden family, held her role for over two decades until 1997, making occasional guest appearances for the next 10 years until 2009. Emmerdale was Sheila's final acting role before she retired alongside fellow actor Peter Mercier. The actress, originally from Hull, passed away in 2019 at the impressive age of 100. Frazer Hines played Joe Sugden Frazer Hines played Joe Sugden, Annie's second son. This Leeds-born actor started his career in a vastly different setting, sharing the screen with the legendary Charlie Chaplin in 'A King in New York'. He continued to portray Joe until 1994, later appearing in 'Out of Sight', 'Two Days in the Smoke' and securing a role in 'Doctor Who'. Frazer has been battling bowel cancer since his diagnosis in 1999. In 2010, he publicly shared his struggle after undergoing an intense surgery to remove the tumours. Now in his 80s, Frazer understandably doesn't act as much but made an appearance in 'Doctors' in 2024. Gail Harrison played Marian Wilks: The first character ever seen on the show, famously riding a horse in the opening scene. She is best remembered for her romantic storyline with Jack Sugden. After leaving the show six years later, Gail went on to feature in the sitcom 'Hi-de-hi' and made appearances in 'Only Fools and Horses' in 1989. Toke Townley played Sam Pearson Sam Pearson, affectionately referred to as Grandad despite being Annie's father, was portrayed by Toke Townley. Tragically, he suffered a fatal heart attack during a filming hiatus in 1984 at the age of 71. Townley also had roles in the British spy series The Avengers and featured in several films in the 1950s, including Lady Godiva Rides Again and Treasure Hunt. Arthur Pentelow played Henry Wilks A retired factory owner who became the landlord of the village's renowned Woolpack pub for nearly two decades. Pentelow was deemed "an immediate choice" for the role of Wilks. Although his character was based in Yorkshire, Pentelow hailed from Lancashire, across the Pennines. Prior to his acting career, he served in World War II, working on radar technology for the Royal Navy. After the war, he returned home and embarked on his acting journey. Pentelow was married with two sons, one of whom, Nick Pentelow, became the saxophonist for the band Wizard, known for their hit song 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Every Day'. Sadly, in 1991, Pentelow passed away after suffering a heart attack while driving to Leeds to film an episode of the soap.
