Latest news with #CarlJung
Indian Express
4 days ago
- General
- Indian Express
UPSC Essays Simplified: ‘Your perception of me is a reflection of you…' — a previous year question that is both psychologically and philosophically unique
Dear UPSC Aspirants, In the UPSC CSE Essay Paper 2021, Commission asked a quote: 'Your perception of me is a reflection of you; my reaction to you is an awareness of me.' This quote is not just poetic—it is psychologically and philosophically rich. As part of your daily routine, even when you're not studying, take a moment to reflect on it. It might quietly reveal something true about you. You may also find yourself looking inward and noticing what is really happening in your inner world. Try connecting it to your own life, or to someone you have closely observed. You'll find that insights begin to surface—starting from the basics and gradually evolving into deeper realizations, examples, and anecdotes you may have heard, read, or witnessed in the distant or recent past. This is an opportunity to connect the examiner to your side of the story. The keywords here—perception (or self-perception), reflection, reaction, and awareness—are not throwaway terms. They require genuine thought and a personal touch to shine. That's what brings in the wow factor. But that is not all. Your solid reading base and general awareness will act as a reservoir of real-world examples to support your reflections. This is also a great chance to show your real self to the examiner—your thinking process, emotional intelligence, and ability to connect abstract ideas with lived reality. So, don't shy away from exploring your thoughts and feelings. However, a word of caution. Don't explore blindly. Quotes like this require atleast two-stage approach: First, deeply understand and interpret the quote. What is it really trying to say? Second, elaborate on it with the right examples — personal, historical, philosophical, or current. Only if you succeed in the first stage is the second worth attempting. But the good news is, preparing for such topics will strengthen your ability to tackle a wide range of essays. It's not just about this one quote—it's about developing a reflective, structured, and authentic approach to any complex idea. Here is a sample essay from our expert on the above mentioned quote. Pranay Aggarwal All of us live our lives as if holding up two mirrors, one facing outward and the other inward. One shows how the world sees us; the other, how we see ourselves. In the theatre of life, we play the dual roles of actor and audience. How others perceive us reveals their internal script. Our reaction, in turn, reveals whether we are playing our part with awareness or ego. We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are. Human perception is rarely objective. For instance, a person prone to suspicion may interpret kindness as manipulation. On the other hand, a generous soul may see goodness in everyone else. One is reminded of the parable of the dog in a house of mirrors. When the lone dog would bark angrily, he would see all other dogs (his own reflection in the mirrors) do the same. When he wagged his tail, other dogs wagged theirs too. Psychologist Carl Jung called this the 'shadow' – the unconscious part of ourselves we project onto others. Many friendships falter, relationships break, and teams fail – not because of actions, but because of perceptions. When someone sees arrogance in another, they are likely projecting their own insecurities or unacknowledged pride. We need to pause, and ask ourselves, 'Is this about me? Or is it about them?' In the prevailing culture of instant gratification and instant reaction, there is a pressing need for introspection and humility. Social media thrives on perception. The curated selves, the selective stories – we are often projecting who we want others to think we are. And we judge others based on equally curated glimpses. It's a dangerous cycle. In today's hyperconnected world of instantaneous communication and reduced attention spans, we are too quick to judge. The antidote? Awareness. The courage to ask: am I being my real self? Or am I responding to an illusion? How we respond to others reveals the depth of our self-awareness. Reacting with anger, jealousy, or judgment often stems from unresolved emotions. But pausing, reflecting, and responding with grace shows emotional maturity. Emotional Intelligence involves knowing one's emotions and regulating them, leading to better relationships and decisions. I recall once receiving unwarranted criticism during a group project in college. My initial instinct was defensiveness, but I took a breath, asked clarifying questions, and responded calmly. That moment taught me the power of restraint over reaction. Our ego loves applause and hates criticism. Consequently, we tend to become puppets – dancing to the strings of external validation. But we need to cut those strings. Spiritual traditions from Vedanta to Buddhism have always warned against being enslaved to ego. To know oneself is to transcend the desire to control how others perceive us. Bhagavad Gita repeatedly exhorts the importance of acting with Samabhava (equanimity) regardless of praise or blame. Lord Krishna advises Arjuna not to be swayed by others' opinions or actions, but to act according to his Swadharma (own duty) and Vivek (discrimination). Perception belongs to others. But action – wise and mindful – belongs to the self. History, too, remembers those who respond with dignity, not reaction. Mahatma Gandhi remained calm in the face of brutal colonial oppression; not because he was weak or indifferent to the plight of his countrymen, but because he chose awareness over quick reaction. His self-awareness made Satyagraha not just a political tool but a moral force to reckon with. In public life, especially in politics, leaders are often judged harshly; praised profusely by admirers and vilified unendingly by their detractors. But these responses say more about the hopes, fears, and ideologies of the people than the leaders themselves. A wise public servant does not react impulsively to criticism or adulation. Rather, he responds with awareness – measured, thoughtful, and anchored in his own set of abiding principles. This self-awareness is what becomes the bedrock of authentic, resilient leadership in a democracy. In contemporary politics and governance, imagine the strength of a leader who listens, reflects, and then acts – not impulsively, but with inner clarity. In a pluralistic society like ours, divergent perceptions are inevitable. All the more reason why, at a societal level, we need to develop tolerance. The ability to respond with awareness (at the level of individuals as well as communities), grounded in Constitutional values of fraternity and secularism, is what can sustain our unity in diversity. At closing, here is a quiet invitation: let us not attempt to control how others see us, but instead strive to better understand how we see ourselves. Let us move from projection to reflection, and from reaction to awareness. After all, we cannot shape every perception others hold of us, but we do hold full authorship over our responses. And in that space between stimulus and response lies our growth, our freedom, and perhaps, our inner peace. About our Expert: Pranay Aggarwal is an educator and mentor for aspirants preparing for UPSC Civil Services exam. With more than 10 years of experience guiding civil service aspirants, he is acknowledged as an expert on civil service exam preparation, especially on subjects like Social Issues and Sociology. He is the India representative on the Research Committee on Education, Religion and Political Sociology for UNESCO's International Sociological Association and a committee member of Indian Sociological Society and its committee on social movements. He is also the Convenor of Indian Civil Services Association, a think tank of senior bureaucrats. Subscribe to our UPSC newsletter and stay updated with the news cues from the past week. Stay updated with the latest UPSC articles by joining our Telegram channel – Indian Express UPSC Hub, and follow us on Instagram and X. For your queries and suggestions write at Manas Srivastava is currently working as Senior Copy Editor with The Indian Express (digital) and leads a unique initiative of IE - UPSC Essentials. He majorly writes on UPSC, other competitive exams and education-related projects. In the past, Manas has represented India at the G-20 Youth Summit in Mexico. He is a former member of the Youth Council, GOI. A two-time topper/gold medallist in History (both in graduation and post-graduation) from Delhi University, he has mentored and taught UPSC aspirants for more than four years. His diverse role in The Indian Express consists of writing, editing, anchoring/ hosting, interviewing experts, and curating and simplifying news for the benefit of students. He hosts the YouTube talk show called 'Art and Culture with Devdutt Pattanaik' and a LIVE series on Instagram and YouTube called 'You Ask We Answer'.His talks on 'How to read a newspaper' focus on newspaper reading as an essential habit for students. His articles and videos aim at finding solutions to the general queries of students and hence he believes in being students' editor, preparing them not just for any exam but helping them to become informed citizens. This is where he makes his teaching profession meet journalism. He is also the editor of UPSC Essentials' monthly magazine for the aspirants. He is a recipient of the Dip Chand Memorial Award, the Lala Ram Mohan Prize and Prof. Papiya Ghosh Memorial Prize for academic excellence. He was also awarded the University's Post-Graduate Scholarship for pursuing M.A. in History where he chose to specialise in Ancient India due to his keen interest in Archaeology. He has also successfully completed a Certificate course on Women's Studies by the Women's Studies Development Centre, DU. As a part of N.S.S in the past, Manas has worked with national and international organisations and has shown keen interest and active participation in Social Service. He has led and been a part of projects involving areas such as gender sensitisation, persons with disability, helping slum dwellers, environment, adopting our heritage programme. He has also presented a case study on 'Psychological stress among students' at ICSQCC- Sri Lanka. As a compere for seminars and other events he likes to keep his orating hobby alive. His interests also lie in International Relations, Governance, Social issues, Essays and poetry. ... Read More
Irish Independent
25-05-2025
- Science
- Irish Independent
The evolution of astrology: Once used for the fate of kings, now it's a life roadmap for all
In its earliest forms, astrology focused on collective and societal matters. It wasn't until around 2,500 years ago that we find the first recorded personal horoscope — a birth chart created for an individual. This marked the beginning of a shift toward more personal interpretations of the cosmos. Thousands of years ago, people were understood more as part of a collective, with identity and fate closely tied to the community. Accordingly, astrology was used to interpret omens for cities, rulers, or empires — not individuals. It's only in the last few centuries that astrology has become available to the broader public. This shift was supported by rising literacy rates, expanded access to knowledge, and, importantly, cultural movements that emphasised personal growth, free will, and psychological self-understanding. One of the most influential figures to bridge astrology and psychology was Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and founder of analytical psychology. Jung used astrology in his work, viewing it as a rich symbolic language that mirrored the unconscious mind. He believed that the alignment of the planets at a person's birth could reflect deeper archetypal patterns at play in the psyche. In our modern age, the way we use astrology continues to evolve — but its core purpose remains the same: to help us understand our place in the cosmos and perhaps, ourselves.
Daily Mail
24-05-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
What your favourite colour really says about you, according to a psychologist
Can a person's favourite colour reveal an insight in their personality? According to Swiss psychologist Max Lucier, there is a correlation between someone's favourite hue and their character. As far back as the 1940s, he was formulating a test, based on his theory that if two people share the same favourite colour, they may share personality traits. Now, these qualities have been shared by TikThought in a series of videos on TikTok. According to one of the clips: 'The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said that colour is the mother tongue of the subconscious. Colours can directly convey our latent emotions in the code of our character.' However, not everyone agrees with this: a study published in 2021 - titled What Does Your Favourite Colour Say About Your Personality? Not Much - looked into whether there was a connection between the two things. Following their testing, the authors concluded: 'Favourite colours appear unrelated to personality, failing to support the practical utility of colour-based personality assessment.' But the theory is still popular among some people, who believe that knowing which hues someone likes means you can gauge what they may be like in terms of character. Green According to TikThought: 'Green is the base colour of nature symbolising vitality and hope. It makes people think of lush trees and a peaceful forest.' The video added that those who like green 'usually have a calm and composed personality and firm willpower'. In addition, it claimed, they have strong self control and the ability to withstand pressure. Fans of green are rational thinkers who are 'not easily swayed when facing things', and who can always maintain a balanced and stable emotional state. People who like the earthy hue are good at planning tasks, and at self-management, always conducting themselves in an orderly manner. When it comes to social settings, they dislike flaunting themselves, and prefer to be quiet and trustworthy. In a similar vein, they provide people with a feeling of security and stability. They are also patient. They strongly believe in things they care about and are not easily swayed when it comes to beliefs they hold close to their hearts, which can come across as stubbornness. Green is connected to jealousy in some cultures, and some green personalities may feel possessiveness in close relationships. 'Overall, those who prefer green are like evergreen trees, giving people a sense of steadfastness and reliability,' said the video. 'They balance their lives with reason and perseverance, but they also need to be careful not to be overly stubborn.' Blue According to TikThought, blue evokes feelings of peace and reliability, and the majority of blue lovers are calm and steady-tempered, seeking harmony and tranquility within themselves. They approach situations with their own set of values and beliefs. People who prefer blue are frequently trustworthy individuals who value honesty and dependability in their interactions with peers. Because they are always there to listen patiently and provide comfort, friends are willing to confide in them. They prefer environments that are steady and well-organised, and similarly, everything they do is done in a systematic way. Such individuals have a deep-seated desire for peace and security: if the world is too chaotic and tense, they will feel uneasy or even in pain. However, despite all these positive characteristics, blue-lovers can occasionally come out as too traditional, inflexible, and unyielding. They can also appear aloof, uninteresting, or even depressed in social settings. The video concludes: 'However, overall, those who prefer blue are like a quiet lake, nourishing the people around them with reason and sincerity, making people feel steadfast and trustworthy.' Purple People who like purple 'have a rich imagination and delicate emotions', according to the video, which added that they 'often pursue uniqueness, don't follow the beaten path, and are full of love and sensitivity towards art and beauty'. Reflecting that purple is a blend of red and blue, those who favour the colour are, the video claimed, on the one hand sentimental, sensitive and delicate, and on the other hand, they have passion and fantasy and hope that their lives are full of romantic surprises. 'Such people often have a bit of a poet's temperament and long for unique experiences,' the clip continued. 'They may show outstanding talents in music, art, literature and other aspects'. In addition, they can appear very charming. However, the purple personality can sometimes seem emotional and unrealistic, with those who love the colour perhaps 'indulging in romantic fantasies and being impatient with the ordinariness of reality'. They can be immature, and their excessive idealism can mean they are sometimes divorced from reality, as they fall into the dreams they have imagined. 'However, it is precisely this yearning for an ideal realm that makes those who prefer purple romanticists in life,' the video said. 'They believe that life needs a sense of ritual and a touch of fantasy.' Yellow 'Yellow represents the energy of happiness and an optimistic attitude. People who like yellow often have a childlike innocence and creativity,' according to the video on this hue. Those who favour the bright tone have 'a rich imagination [...] beautiful expectations and longings for life'. In addition, their personality is cheerful: people whose top colour is yellow 'love to laugh and have fun, are a bit abstract, and are eager to make friends in social situations', the clip added. They are described as being like a warm light illuminating the surroundings. And they are not afraid to display their personality and talents, and are very willing to share happiness with others. In fact, they actually want to convey these feelings of happiness to everyone around them. However, there is a 'shadow side' to people who love yellow, according to the video. and that is being overly optimistic, sometimes ignoring the details and practical problems in life. 'Having a preference for yellow sometimes reveals a sense of dependence,' the video added. 'For example, they long for the attention and care of others when they are in a low mood.' Pink According to the video, people who like pink 'often have a childlike innocence in their hearts [...] an easy going and kind personality and are innocent and lovely, giving people an impression of being pure and harmless'. It added that those who like pink are friendly to others, compassionate and have a natural instinct to take care of others. Most people who favour the rosy hue 'yearn for pure and beautiful emotions [...] and long for a life full of love and harmony'. In line with this, they 'often pursue a fairy tale like love'. In the same way they hope to be treated gently by others, they are willing to treat others with tenderness and kindness. Those who like pink are described as being delicate, sensitive, vulnerable, and extremely sensitive to the words and deeds of others. As a result, a neglect or criticism may make them feel hurt and sad. 'Sometimes they are prone to immerse themselves in their own fantasy world and escape reality when they are alone,' the video said, adding: 'People with a pink personality are used to filling themselves with beautiful imaginations. They have longings for romantic love and a perfect life in their hearts.' The downside to this is that excessive idealisation may also lead to disappointment and when reality is not as good as expected, they will feel at a loss. 'It can be said that those who prefer pink are like a crystal ball that needs to be carefully cared for,' the video noted. 'They are crystal clear but fragile, they touch people's hearts with their kindness and simplicity, but they also need to learn to be strong and take good care of their sensitive souls.' White 'People who like white often pursue pure ideals and perfect results and have an obvious tendency towards perfectionism, whether in life or at work, they are strict with themselves and go all out just to meet the almost demanding standards of perfection in their hearts,' the video said. It added that people who like the colour have 'a gentle and kind side in their character'. They are described as being honest and friendly, and they stride to 'establish sincere and simple relationships with people'. In addition, they don't like grandiosity and complexity - rather, they value sincerity and kindness more, and advocate a simple and plain life. In line with this, they are described as having 'firm principles and a sense of morality in their hearts'. However, the downside to this is that they can make high demands when it comes to both themselves and others, and will often brood over small mistakes. They fear making these small errors, and so can appear cautious and sensitive when the external environment is not as expected or they are misunderstood by others. 'Those who like white are prone to feelings of loneliness and loss because there is a gap between the whiteness of their inner world and the complexity of reality,' the video noted. 'They need to learn to accept the imperfections of life, understand that occasional dust on the white clothes is also a part of growth.' Grey Red With red being a dazzling and vibrant colour, those who are drawn to it are 'often natural focal points', according to the video. 'They have an outgoing and lively personality, full of confidence, as if they have an inexhaustible supply of energy and are always full of vitality and drive,' it added. Red personalities usually don't hide their emotions, it continued, claiming that they 'dare to love and hate and act resolutely'. They are competitive and ambitious, and have a strong enterprising spirit, desire for leadership and fondness for being the centre of attention. The downside of this can be having a hasty side, and potentially being overly competitive. Those who like red may also have a quick temper and little patience. 'Overall, the hearts of those who prefer red are as hot as fire,' the video concluded. 'They use passion as fuel to drive themselves forward. The colour, a person likes determines the nature of their character.' People who like grey generally 'don't like to get involved in disputes and tend to view problems from an objective and neutral position'., according to the video. It continued: 'They are low key and cautious in their dealings with others, don't like extreme emotions, and are even less willing to show a clear stance in social situations.' Additionally, those who favour the colour were described as 'quiet onlookers', who 'neither stand in the centre of the stage to attract attention, nor pretend to be mysterious to arouse curiosity'. They were further described as being well educated and polite, making others feel stable and reliable in their company. However, there are downsides too. According to the video: 'Having an excessive preference for grey may also mean evasion and suppression. Some psychologists point out that people who like grey the most may have a tendency to feel inferior in their hearts [...] in key decisions, they may seem indecisive and lack assertiveness.' Passively going with the flow, and being reluctant to invest too much emotion means they can avoid risks, but can miss opportunities. Those who prefer gray are like a quiet cloud,' the clip concluded. 'They neither actively cater to the outside world nor resist it too much. They pursue a peaceful state in their hearts, but they also need to remind themselves to make bold choices occasionally, so that their lives can have more colour.' Orange 'Most people who like orange have an outgoing personality, are energetic and are sincere and straightforward in treating others,' the video said. 'They are usually people who are emotionally expressive and can't hide things in their hearts. They are not afraid to make new friends or adapt to new environments. Their cheerful and generous personality enables them to quickly integrate into unfamiliar teams.' In addition, Orange personalities are good at building interpersonal relationships, as they are good at dealing with people. This means that when they attend events like parties, their presence means it is extremely unlikely that there will be an awkward silence. Even when they have their own problems, those who favour orange are always proactive and willing to help others. In a team, they will 'often play the role of a joker'. However, while they usually have excellent social skills, they may not be good at maintaining long term and deep relationships: while they good at making a wide range of friends, making a relationship deep and stable may be a bit of a challenge for them.'
Hamilton Spectator
25-04-2025
- Entertainment
- Hamilton Spectator
Is the rise of TikTok self-help actually helping us?
Forget movies , music or fashion : If you want to understand a generation, look to its self-help . The massively bestselling 'How To Win Friends and Influence People,' published in 1936, peddled corporate-style people-pleasing tactics to those terrified of losing their jobs or desperate to get one at the height of the Great Depression. In 1992, 'Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus' offered a (flawed) sense of order to a world trying to navigate gender politics in a post-sexual revolution, pre-Girl Power feminism era. 'The Secret,' which popularized manifestation as a cheat code to prosperity and abundance, had us chanting 'ask, believe, receive' as the 2008 financial crisis dissolved faith in traditional mechanisms for a comfortable life. A decade later, 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck' sold like hotcakes, speaking to our collective disillusionment with the toxic positivity of the 'Lean In' self-help era — just try harder, be more assertive; never mind those structural inequalities holding you back — that came shortly before. The self-help of today has just as much to say about our world now. Born-and-bred in the viral petri dish of TikTok, it's delivered to its audience in that most 2025 of postures: Staring at a screen and scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, blurring the line between access to information and total overwhelm. It's also typical of our 'everything old is new again' era, where existing ideas are rebranded in the same way that 'Latte Girl makeup' is basically the Nineties fad for tonal brown everything. One very popular example of this is the viral self-help concept 'shadow work.' It has its roots in founding analytical psychologist Carl Jung's notion of 'the shadow self,' which is that often unexplored part of our consciousness where our deepest feelings reside. Content creator Keila Shaheen — who was dubbed 'the new empress of self-help' by the Atlantic — helped popularize it on TikTok, which propelled her self-published book on the topic, 'The Shadow Work Journal.' This spring, Simon and Schuster published her guide to unlocking 'the true you,' 'The Book of Shadow Work.' 'The first book was my passion project. I was going through a really dark night of the soul, and I had a lot of low moments,' said Shaheen, a Texan behavioural therapy practitioner, certified sound healer and founder of the 'self-discovery' app Zenfulnote. 'The one thing that helped me get through that was doing my own form of shadow work.' This took the form of journaling, she said, 'diving into my psyche and branching out from what was on the surface of my mind, and really digging deep.' She felt called to 'alchemize' this work and share it with others. 'I was already on TikTok and couldn't get enough of it. So, I started speaking about it and talking about my own personal journey and then sharing this concept of shadow work that isn't often surfaced in schools and institutions,' said Shaheen. 'That sparked a snowball effect of other creators being curious, and their followers being curious. It was very grassroots. TikTok was my own safe space, and it sprouted from there.' Shaheen thinks this particular concept has resonated because it pairs the practice of journaling with question-based prompts. 'Vocalizing our pain and trauma can be very difficult. We innately want to keep it inside. The mere act of pen and paper writing is transformative for people.' This analog practice — which has ironically found so much traction online — can help the writer enter a 'flow state' where deep feelings can emerge, Shaheen said. 'People would have this experience of looking back and realizing, 'I didn't know that was in there.'' She describes comments from people who said they have been in therapy for years and couldn't reach the same insights they found within 20 pages of the journal. 'It all resides in you,' said Shaheen. 'You need to find those ways that work best for you to pull it out and come face to face with it.' 'There's so much chaos going on in the world right now. I think a lot of people are yearning for growth, meaning and connection.' It's notable that shadow work, which turns our gaze inward, is having a moment when we are bombarded with endless external information and unsolicited opinions. 'There's so much chaos going on in the world right now. I think a lot of people are yearning for growth, meaning and connection,' said Shaheen. 'We're looking for ways to tend to and nurture ourselves.' The impulse to create meaning in a chaotic world is echoed in many self-help strategies often served up on FYPs. There's 'Lucky girl syndrome,' which encourages us to behave as if we live in a universe that bends towards us kindly, sort of like 'fake it till you make it' mixed with 'perception is reality.' Then there's the enduring popularity of therapy-adjacent astrology, which has spawned endless gurus with their guides to surviving this retrograde or making the most of that eclipse. This lives at the other end of the personal agency spectrum, where we're all just riding the waves of foreordained cosmic movements; there is comfort to be found in hearing that what feels endless roller-coaster of upheaval is just the planets doing their thing. It's not unusual for people to pull out a TikTok video during a therapy session and say that it describes them so well, said Toronto qualifying registered psychotherapist Madison Furgiuele. 'My clients are regularly citing TikToks. I get a lot of clients talking about 'eldest daughter syndrome,' for example,' says Furgiuele, who also has a following online as @mentalhealthwithmaddy. 'In that sense, it's a really great tool because it's describing things that people aren't necessarily able to name themselves. It helps me get a better understanding of their perspective, and what they're going through.' But Furgiuele does have some reservations about social media self-help. Namely, 'people thinking they have every problem,' or identifying with every single video served to them. 'There's a lot of self-diagnosing,' she said. 'I have to remind people that just because you don't like wearing socks, it doesn't mean you have autism. There is misinformation that is spread.' Lucky Girl Syndrome, for example, is the kind of viral self-help that gives Furgiuele pause. 'If you're working with a client that is not very well off, is really struggling in life or has had a lot of very adverse experiences, the last thing they're going to want to hear is something about Lucky Girl Syndrome — because they're not lucky,' she said. The same goes for posts that insist you should trust your gut; your gut knows best. 'Try telling that to someone with anxiety. That's the worst thing you could say to them,' she said. 'There's a time and a place for it, and there are certain people where that is so helpful for them. Therapy is not a one size fits all, and it's the same thing with TikTok. You've got to take what works for you and leave everything else.' A post shared by Madison Furgiuele Registered Psychotherapist (Qualifying) (@mentalhealthwithmaddy) The self-help that's resonating now helps us feel understood by categorizing and classifying how we feel. 'People are looking for answers: 'That's why I do this,' or 'That's why I am the way I am,'' Furgiuele said. She cites the success of a viral TikTok video in which she asked, 'To the kids who were told they were a pleasure in class, How's therapy going?' People loved it, she said, because it reflected what they thought was a unique experience back to them. But when the algorithm is geared to show you more of what you pay attention to, you can get caught in an endless scroll of self-help that may do more harm than good. 'I saw this quote — yes, on TikTok — that said, 'You're not a self-improvement project,'' said Furgiuele, who often cautions clients that there is more to their life than the pursuit of self-optimization. 'Yes, you want to work on yourself, be the best version of you, but you don't have to do it all the time. It's OK to just be a human.'
The Guardian
04-02-2025
- General
- The Guardian
Why middle-aged people have a duty to be self-centered
Last year, I described being an author to my child's third grade classroom as 'doing homework and writing reports all the time'. I often write personal narrative, and it occurred to me that I am constantly researching and expounding on myself. I might have felt self-conscious about this in my twenties or thirties, afraid of seeming narcissistic. But now, nearing 50, I don't care – because, following an interest that grew into enthrallment, I've been reading the works of the psychologist Carl Jung. 'For a young person it is almost a sin, or at least a danger, to be too preoccupied with himself; but for the aging person it is a duty and necessity to devote serious attention to himself,' Jung wrote in his 1931 essay The Stages of Life. This sounds like navel-gazing. But it's important because in middle age, the life I thought I was living and the life I was actually living were suddenly incongruous. Since I turned 40, my reactions to life events have been surprising, and sometimes disturbing. The birth of my second child and the publication of my first book – both happy occasions – left me feeling empty, seeking external validation. Covid-19 isolation led me to substance use disorder, which jeopardized my health and family life. My dismay at all of this made me take a hard look at myself. Over the last five years I've committed to therapy, a 12-step sobriety program and other emotional work. I now have a much more honest understanding of who I am, what I have been through and the coping mechanisms I've used. I accept my flaws and feel more capable of being the person I want to be. While I've come a long way, it's occasionally disheartening to be reminded that healing is a nonlinear, lifelong process that requires vigilance and continued effort. You could call all this a 'midlife crisis', but I find Jung's description much more accurate: an 'inexorable inner process' that 'enforces the contraction of life'. Turning inward and narrowing focus onto myself has given me clarity. Jung believed that too many of us proceed through midlife holding fast to ways of being that no longer serve us. His metaphor for the course of our lives – the sun rising and setting – is so basic that it's revelatory. 'We cannot live the afternoon of life according to the program of life's morning; for what was great in the morning will be little at evening, and what in the morning was true will in evening have become a lie,' he writes. More from Angela Garbes' Halfway there: No sex drive and a 'tanking libido': how I redefined intimacy in midlife First my left knee, then my right: my middle-aged body's betrayal Perimenopause has brought chaos to my life – but also peace Dreams I held in youth – to be an artist, to be celebrated for my writing and ideas – have come true. Honestly, they have wildly exceeded my expectations. A younger version of myself would charge forward, seeking more success and recognition. But confronting difficult truths about myself has led me to a different place. Here, the life I have created is enough. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion One of the gifts of midlife is realistic self-evaluation, sans bravado and hyperactive self-criticism. It can turn even fundamental values and beliefs upside down. My immigrant parents told me that in order to be successful, I had to assimilate and make myself legible to white people. As a student, I excelled in written communication and was rewarded for it. Making money by formulating and expressing my ideas about culture and identity seemed almost too good to be true. Creativity, imagination and values are essential to my work, but being articulate, accessible and acceptable drove my work for years. Recently I read the sociologist Bianca Mabute-Louie's book Unassimilable: An Asian Diasporic Manifesto for the 21st Century, a personal and political examination of identity within the Asian diaspora. I related strongly to Mabute-Louie's experiences as a woman navigating and succeeding in primarily white institutions. She also argues that assimilation and the identity marker 'Asian American' are no longer politically viable or useful ideas – and this challenged me. I agree with Mabute-Louie, but I also realized that her ideas are more forward-thinking and relevant to this moment than mine. This was destabilizing. I still love my work; writing is my vocation. But I also long to spend time with my friends, spouse and the children in my life. I want to take creative risks and leisurely pursue hobbies without the pressure of needing to be good: mend and sew poorly, semi-successfully grow vegetables and propagate houseplants, paint decent watercolor portraits. It is nice to be listened to, but now I plan to make room for others, learn from them, and grow quietly into the next phase of my life. I don't want to do what I see some from older generations doing: refusing to stand down, clinging feebly to power and old ideas. 'After having lavished its light upon the world, the sun withdraws its rays in order to illuminate itself,' Jung writes. 'Instead of doing likewise, many old people prefer to be … applauders of the past or else eternal adolescents.' I shudder at the thought of holding on to what was. So I let go. The golden hour before sunset bathes us in gorgeous light, and I plan to luxuriate in this new view.
