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Yahoo
3 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
The Worst Way to Reply to a Party Invite
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: Gerard Puigmal˘—Getty Images, Liliya Krueger—Getty Images) There are two straightforward—and simple—ways to respond to social invitations: Tell the host you'll be there, or that you won't be. Yet people find all kinds of offensive ways to reply instead. The worst one of all is becoming increasingly common, especially by text, says Jamila Musayeva, an etiquette coach who posts videos about modern manners on YouTube. She's lost track of the number of times someone has responded to an invite by asking who else will be there—which is code for questioning whether it's actually going to be any fun. (It's even more insulting than asking what kind of food will be served.) 'It's usually like, 'I won't come unless there's someone there I want to see,'' she says. 'It's degrading the whole experience to just wanting to hang out with one person,' or a specific group of potential guests who are…not the person issuing the invite. Read More: What to Say When You Forget Someone's Name No wonder hosts take this kind of response personally. Musayeva equates it to saying: 'You're not interesting; I don't want to be entertained by you. I'm more interested in who's coming.' If the guest list doesn't impress, no big deal—a better offer likely awaits. 'It's definitely something you should never, ever say,' she says. If you must find out who's going in advance, do some subtle research on the side: Maybe send a private message to a friend and ask if they're privy to any additional details about the party. Just make sure that detective work doesn't travel back to the host. Implying that there's more fun to be had elsewhere isn't the only way you can botch your response to a social invitation. Being super vague about your plans—'Maybe I'll stop by'—or not bothering to respond at all puts the host in a tough spot, and will likely get you kicked off future invite lists. 'When you RSVP 'no,' you're doing the host a favor,' says etiquette teacher Lisa Mirza Grotts. 'Clarity is kinder than a 'maybe.'' If you're truly not sure if you can make an event, she suggests wording your response like this: 'I'd love to come, but I know what it's like to be a host, and I know you need answers. I don't want to leave you hanging.' See how your friend responds, Grotts says: They might tell you they don't mind if you play it by ear, or agree that it's best to count you out this time so they can finalize the catering order. Either way, you'll be on the same page, and no one will be waiting around, unable to sort out plans. Read More: The One Word That Can Destroy a Friendship Another way to avoid the infuriating question-mark response is to specify exactly when you'll get back to the host, even if they didn't mention an RSVP date. If a neighbor asks your family to come over for a cookout, for example, you might respond: 'Hey, could I get back to you on Friday?' 'Now your host knows they can check in with you on Saturday if they haven't heard from you by Friday,' says etiquette expert Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute. 'You've talked about it, you've had a little exchange, you've acknowledged it. Acknowledgement is such a huge part of playing a good guest, even when you're just in the role of being invited and aren't even at the party yet.' The way you treat an invitation speaks to how much you value your relationships. As Post says, an invite to watch the game, grab a drink, or attend a dinner party is someone's way of asking if you want to spend time together. 'Even if your true, internal reaction is that no, you really wouldn't like to, it is so nice that someone out in the world wants to spend time with you,' she says. Post suggests putting yourself in the host's shoes and proceeding with what she considers the three principles of etiquette: consideration, respect, and honesty. 'It's important to recognize that you would want people to get back to you in a timely fashion, so get back to your host in a timely fashion,' she says. 'We should treat our invitations with care, because they're the start of what connects us. They're the beginning of the way we create community.' Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
How to Reconnect With Friends and Family
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Image: MamiEva/Getty Images) Sometimes the most important relationships are the hardest to maintain. If you fall off track—and many people who were once close do—it's possible to find your way back to each other with time and effort. 'I have so many clients who have strained emotional relationships,' says Jenny Shields, a psychologist and bioethicist in Houston. One of the most common refrains she hears: 'I used to be so close with mom or dad, and now I don't even know how to talk to them in a happy, healthy way.' If you want to rebuild and reconnect, Shields suggests starting by asking the other person these five questions. Shields recalls clients who thought their parents were perfectly content with the widening chasm between them—only to discover that mom or dad didn't know how to express they actually longed for a closer bond. Until you talk about what you both want out of your relationship, hold off on any assumptions. Once you've communicated your intentions, work on devising what Shields describes as a 'future game plan,' or a way to ensure that you both remain dedicated to reviving the relationship. 'If you don't plan,' she says, 'good intentions fall apart.' Maybe you can vow to get less defensive, while your mom pledges not to offer unsolicited advice and your dad commits to actually asking you questions. Talking candidly about specific behaviors to prioritize "acknowledges the humanity in us,' Shields says. 'It's the humility of, 'I don't always get this right, and neither do you, and sometimes we're going to fumble.'' Read More: 10 Questions to Ask Your Parents While You Still Can Yet you're also going to keep striving to be better. As Shields puts it, 'We both have room to grow, and we both want to grow, because having a close relationship matters to us.' Staying in touch is hard even for those most dedicated to it. It can be helpful to talk through ways of nurturing connection that feel doable—which doesn't necessarily mean a scheduled phone call or video chat. Maybe you could go on a walk together every Sunday morning, collaborate on a shared Spotify playlist, or read the same book at the same time once a month. Make sure whatever you opt for feels fulfilling and feasible on both sides, because that will help ensure enduring gains in closeness. There are things each of us do that (we think) let our loved ones know we care. But are they the right use of our time and energy? There's one way to find out: Ask your family member what they value the most, Shields suggests, and then prioritize doing much more of it. Read More: 9 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Parents That might mean remembering to ask your sister how her presentation at work went, complimenting your mom's cooking, or offering to babysit your grandkids so their parents can have a night to themselves. Inevitably, time and space and other obstacles will start to gnaw away at your relationships. 'Life happens, things get in the way, and there will be conflict and tension, because we're humans,' Shields says. Acknowledge that—and make it clear that you care about each other and are committed to being in each other's lives. Remind your friend or family member that hard times are a normal part of healthy relationships, and then talk through how you'll navigate them in the future. Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
8 Polite Ways to Decline a Party Invitation
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: MirageC/Getty Images, Liliya Krueger—Getty Images) When you get invited to a wedding or a party, 'yes' might feel like the only socially acceptable response. If your RSVP is something short of that, you might put off responding at all—or stumble into a response that's unintentionally rude. 'We're raised to be polite or not rock the boat and to avoid hurting someone's feelings, and yet in trying to be nice, we end up being vague and unclear and often more hurtful than if we were just candid,' says Priya Parker, a conflict resolution facilitator and author of The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters. 'There are so many ways to decline with grace, but instead of saying we'd rather not, we flake, or we're ambivalent and say 'maybe,' which is horrible for the host.' When opting out of a gathering, Parker recommends following this formula: acknowledge the invitation; honor something about it, like the host's creativity or vision; express gratitude for the fact that they thought of you; and then clearly decline, without putting the weight of your reasons on the person inviting you. Here's what that might look like in action. If you can't swing an event, say so confidently and directly: "What a lovely invitation! Thanks for thinking of me.' 'All invitations are nice, even if you don't want them,' says Lizzie Post, co-president of the Emily Post Institute (and great-great-granddaughter of renowned etiquette expert Emily Post). That said, 'You have the agency to decline them. They're requests, not demands—they're hopeful wishes.' Instead of sticking to a simple 'yes' or 'no,' some people turn their RSVP into a soliloquy about why they can't attend. Parker recently heard from a woman who, while planning a 30th wedding anniversary celebration, received a surprising number of emails from invitees who weren't sure if they could make it or not. 'She was getting these responses, like, 'If I come to your party, I'll miss X, Y, and Z,'' Parker recalls. 'Or, 'I'll have to move mountains to get there, but I'm trying.'' These types of notes made the host feel so badly, she second-guessed even having the party. In some cases, she felt compelled to apologize for causing them distress. 'Do not transfer your guilt onto the host,' Parker says. Read More: 9 Ways to Set Healthy Boundaries With Your Parents On the flipside, the woman received one denial that was so lovely, she told Parker she read it multiple times, including to her husband, and shared it with others. It read, in part: 'I was waiting to RSVP for your celebration because I was hoping to resolve a conflict we had. Unfortunately, the timing just didn't work out on that exact weekend. I want you to know that we're really touched you invited us. It's so important to mark special occasions with people you love and who love you back, and we consider ourselves in that last category.' Aim to compliment something about your host that you genuinely admire. Maybe they always throw the most epic birthday parties, know exactly which restaurant to book, or reliably plan out-of-office mixers for colleagues in a lonely profession. The point, Parker says, 'is to honor and see what it is they're trying to do.' That will make it clear you appreciate them and cushion the blow of the fact that you can't attend. If you genuinely feel bad about declining an invite, and hope it doesn't preclude you from being included in the future, don't refrain from expressing your enthusiasm. You might tell your friend: 'I want to say yes so badly.' Read More: 9 Things to Say When Someone Asks Why You're Not Drinking 'Let them know this isn't you faking it,' Post adds. 'My cousin does this a lot. He's like, 'I can't say yes today, but ask me again any time you think of it. I really want to do this with you.' It works.' No matter what, a short and to-the-point response is better than fibbing about why you can't make it to a gathering. 'Saying you're committed to something else when you're not is unnecessary,' Post says. 'Why do it when there's potential to get caught later on?' The host, after all, will be much more likely to forgive you for sitting out her second cousin's baby shower than for lying about why you can't be there. You don't have to share that you're declining an invite due to financial reasons, but if you have a close relationship with the person, it might make sense to provide context. Post's friend, for example, is traveling to New York City this summer, and Post hopes to meet her there—but can't swing a whole week in a hotel. Post told her how much she'd like to attend, and then added: 'For me it would have to be a budget trip, and I'd need to really look into it to make sure I could commit.' From there, the two brainstormed solutions, like a shorter stay in the city. By wording your response like this, you're making it clear that you're setting a boundary, which can be useful if someone keeps pushing you after you've said 'no' once. It's best used when you don't want to leave anything open for negotiation. 'It's short, clear, and calm,' says Cheryl Groskopf, a therapist in Los Angeles. 'You're not apologizing. You're also not being rude—just honest.' Consider this approach if you often get talked into doing things you don't want to do, she suggests. 'Directness isn't cruelty,' Groskopf says. 'It's clarity.' This option makes sense for those who feel they have to justify why they're not attending a gathering, Groskopf says. It's an especially good choice 'if you're the kind of person who's always been the helper, the listener, the one who shows up even when they're drained,' she adds. It focuses on your capacity, rather than the event or person, which is key. You're simply saying, 'I don't have it in me right now.' 'This one also gives the other person something they can understand,' Groskopf says. 'Most people get 'I'm maxed out,' even if they don't know what's behind it.' Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
Yahoo
24-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
Why the Three-Day Weekend Is the Best Time to Date
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: t_kimura/Getty Images, Klaus Vedfelt—Getty Images,) So many people genuinely want to start dating, but are reluctant to actually put themselves out there. Whether it's because of fear of rejection or the allure of an evening in with a good book, favorite show, or a beloved pet, getting started dating when you've gotten comfortable being single can be a big hurdle. I don't see dating success as a result of playing a numbers game, but it's clear that if you don't actively try to meet new people, you'll never find the kind of relationship you want. As the unofficial beginning of summer kicks off with Memorial Day weekend, it may be helpful to think of this as the start of your next dating season, too. Because believe it or not, a three-day weekend is the best time to date. Of course, Memorial Day is a day of remembrance for those who we have lost to combat and war, but it is also one of the very few nationally recognized long weekends we get in the U.S. People tend to also take additional time off to enjoy good weather and time with friends and family. With an increase in invites to social engagements and gatherings that bring lots of different people together, you can begin constructing your new dating strategy, one that takes into account how much time and energy you actually have for dating. More and more people want to meet potential partners 'in the wild', and that means making the most of any social time you get. An extra weekend day gives people enough free time to run any necessary errands and be refreshed enough to attend an event or two. Just getting together with people and starting to flex that muscle can be a good change of pace from staying in and being isolated. Besides helping to solidify existing relationships, socializing has health benefits like improving cognition, reducing stress, improving mood, and even increasing longevity. You also don't have to have a big social circle to reap these benefits. It's easy to show up to a Memorial Day gathering and stick close to people you already know, but approaching the long weekend with the intention of expanding your social circle means that you'll need to talk to a few new people. While you're out, connecting with strangers can boost your odds of meeting someone you may want to date. This doesn't have to happen directly, though it might. You can befriend someone who ends up inviting you to hang out with other people, which will widen your social circle. Meeting someone to date through friends is still a tried-and-true method, but it requires some effort on your part. Dating apps are full of inactive profiles of people who tried and either were successfully matched with someone or let their accounts go dormant. This might even be you. If you've been curious about jumping back into dating, don't just open the app and start swiping away; take a moment to look at your old profile and give it a refresh. Read More: Cringe Is Part of Dating. Embrace It Each time we decide to date, our goals may be different from the last time we tried. We may have thought we wanted one thing, gotten it, and learned it wasn't right for us. Maybe you even have a new photo where you feel like your best self that you want to update! If you return to dating apps, make sure that the person you present yourself to be aligns with how you want to date now. Think about what kind of relationship you are open to (casual, long-term, both) and how you would like to spend time with someone. Update your interests and absolutely include new photos of you enjoying your life. These updates will help make the matches you make more meaningful. During a long weekend, you have time to indulge in activities that maybe you've always wanted to try but never made time for. Thinking about these as ways you could meet new people is also a plus. In fact, if you're not sure how to use this extra time and are prone to inertia when you don't have a plan, consider signing up for an activity that will guarantee you will meet at least a handful of new people, like a team sport, a class, or a local cultural event. If it's in your budget to travel, go somewhere that sees an influx of people over the holiday. Bring a single friend or two so you can be each other's wing person and focus on trying new things and having experiences that you can't have back home. If the thought of starting to date sounds a little daunting, you can focus on using the three-day weekend as a jump-off to being more social. You don't have to go from staying in every night to scheduling five dates a week. You'll find your stride and avoid burning out before the end of summer by doing things you love, trying something new, and widening your circle of friends. It's amazing what one extra day off will do. Contact us at letters@
Yahoo
20-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
7 Questions That Can Instantly Boost Your Work Relationships
Credit - Photo-Illustration by Chloe Dowling for TIME (Source Images: Antonio M. Rosario—Getty Images,, Olha Danylenko—Getty Images, Jeffrey Coolidge—Getty Images,, Javier) A company can offer all the free snacks and on-site massages in the world—but if the people don't make you feel supported, you're probably still not happy at your job. To an increasing extent, 'the corporate world is understanding that relationships and the culture of relationships at work is the new competitive edge,' says Esther Perel, a psychotherapist who hosts the popular couples' therapy podcast Where Should We Begin? In May, Perel shifted her focus from improving relationships at home to bettering those at work. She released a 100-question card game with prompts designed to get people to open up and share stories, in hopes of improving team dynamics and fixing a workplace's culture. Each prompt targets one of her four pillars of healthy workplace relationships—trust, belonging, recognition, and collective resilience—and it's designed to be played at an off-site meeting, while onboarding a new employee, during a one-on-one check-in, or at an after-work happy hour. 'This goes way beyond your typical icebreaker,' Perel says: Telling personal stories at work can make people feel less siloed and improve collaboration. At the average all-hands meeting, for example, 'You see where the eyes go, you see who's listening, you see the blank stares, you see people on their phone,' she says. 'Once a person starts to tell a story, everybody's eyes lift. Now you come to life, you're interested, and you elicit curiosity.' We asked Perel how to level up your workplace relationships—and she suggested starting with these seven questions. Asking a colleague to share exactly what helps them excel is a 'beautiful' way to grow your connection. 'It demands some form of self-knowledge and self-awareness,' Perel says. To answer candidly, your colleague will need to understand what encourages, motivates, and pushes them. When you have that information, you no longer have to guess what they prefer; for example, you might learn that when they're receiving feedback, they want you to get right into it rather than mincing your words. If a colleague asked Perel this question, her response would 'tell you what I know about myself, what you should know about me, and how we can work better together,' she says. 'It's a question that builds trust and tells you what recognition is for me.' This is a way to zero in on the discrepancy between what a company needs from someone and what that person would like to contribute. 'It's the hidden talent I have that you don't know I have,' Perel says. And who knows? It might fill an important gap. Talking about skills is a boon for the company and for the person who gets to stretch a different muscle and utilize their full skillset, she says. For some people, asking for help is 'inconceivable,' Perel says—they're simply too independent. 'It means defeat; it means they have to depend on other people and trust other people.' By digging into how a colleague feels about reaching out for a hand, you might learn it makes them nervous that they'll be seen as incompetent, that someone else will end up taking all the credit for their work, or that they'll be rejected by the person they turn to. The question shines light on how someone thinks about 'dependency, generosity, cooperation, collaboration, competition, and shame,' she says. Read More: Are Protein Shakes Good for You? Plus, Perel notes, it takes the temperature of company culture: Do employees feel like they have to pretend to know something they don't? Or is turning a task into a team effort encouraged? The answer might inspire introspection among company leaders. Initiating a conversation about the harsh words your colleague has on repeat—the ones that deflate and devalue them—requires vulnerability. If they feel comfortable opening up, it's a clear sign you've created a sense of psychological safety; they have faith that you're not going to weaponize the information against them in the future. 'The more I expose myself, which is a risk I'm taking, the more I trust [my colleagues],' Perel says. Plus, imagine how enlightening it would be to hear, for example, your manager or another executive describe the way their inner critic taunts them. In addition to humanizing them, it's an exercise in building empathy—and can improve the way you show up for and encourage one another. Before remote work became so prevalent, you could walk into an office and see the pictures on someone's desk or exactly what they were sipping on throughout the day. 'Then if you ever wanted to surprise them, you could bring them a green juice or the kind of coffee they like,' Perel says. Now, however, 'we're decontextualized so often in our remote work,' she says. 'The intent of this question is to ask somebody for their context: 'What's on your table? What does your table even look like?' All we see is an upper body that doesn't move.' Read More: The Best Way to Interrupt Someone Learning what a colleague holds dear enough to keep within eyesight while working can help you understand them better and take your relationship to a more meaningful level, she adds. Being recognized by a colleague helps workers 'feel seen,' Perel says. Acknowledging someone isn't limited to celebrating their accomplishments, either: Maybe you noticed they couldn't squeeze a word in during an important meeting, and afterwards, you pulled them aside and let them know you saw what happened. 'That feeling of being acknowledged says, 'I'm not alone,'' Perel says. 'It gets into the issue of recognition, it gets into connection, it gets into trust. To me, it is an amazingly important question.' Your colleagues can probably rattle off a number of times they felt comfortable with their work situation—maybe finding their daily tasks interesting and even genuinely enjoyable. But pride takes those positive feelings to a deeper level. It demonstrates a belief that your contributions matter to and elevate the team, which is usually associated with a sense of belonging. Plus, 'If you feel proud to work there, then you like the people you're connected with,' Perel says. 'If you work with people you can't stand, you usually don't feel proud.' Wondering what to say in a tricky social situation? Email timetotalk@ Contact us at letters@
