21-05-2025
Holy smoke! Could Hamilton be doubling as Gotham City?
While dining out, David noticed a large group at the next table, and couldn't help overhearing a complicated tale involving a woman who had apparently dressed up as a nun.
"She wis quite old," explained the narrator of the story. "And she'd a face that wid scare cats oot o' a midden".
Our impressed correspondent marvels at this memorable turn of phrase, and says to the Diary: 'See Glasgow? See poetry?'
Difficult for dummies
Wise words from reader James Nester: 'A smart person can fake stupidity, but a stupid person can't fake smartidity.'
Rocky road
The infuriating aspect of the glorious weather is that you end up feeling guilty if you don't trudge out of the house every morning to experience the great outdoors, even though you'd rather stay at home with the curtains drawn, slumped on the sofa and snaffling an entire pack of Choc Ices.
The teenage son of Chris Graham was packing a rucksack so he could climb Ben Lomond with some chums the following day, and he was clearly in a grumpy mood about the forthcoming adventure.
'It's rocky and it's bumpy and I'm not interested in the view from the top,' he snarled. 'I don't even want to see the view from the bottom.'
'Text your pals and tell them it's not your kind of thing, so you don't want to go,' suggested Chris, believing this was a reasonable position to take.
'No way!' said his shocked son.
'Why not?' asked Chris,
'Because,' his son patiently explained, 'it was my idea to climb Ben Lomond.'
Cloth ears
During a church service, reader Karen Hall heard the minister quote the biblical phrase: 'Don't store your treasures on Earth'.
Karen's husband, who had clearly been catching some shut-eye during the service, woke and whispered to Karen: 'I don't get it. Why shouldn't you store your trousers on Earth?'
Bobbing around
While studying law at Glasgow University, reader Steve Buchan shared a flat with a bloke who rarely washed, and spent his time in bed strumming an acoustic guitar.
Perhaps inevitably, he was known to one and all as Slob Dylan.
Mum's the word
'I bought a lettuce from a grocery store called Mamas and Papas,' reports reader Nicola Williams. 'Unfortunately I can't eat it because all the leaves are brown…'
