4 days ago
'Put HR back in its box': Humiliating plight of Astronomer CEO and Chief People Officer at Coldplay concert highlights absurdity of modern workplace bureacracy
Over the past few weeks, the world was unexpectedly gripped by Coldplay-gate.
It started innocuously enough - a couple caught on Kiss Cam at a Coldplay concert, their faces suddenly beamed across the Jumbotron.
But their reaction gave the game away.
Sheer panic.
She recoils.
He ducks.
Cue Chris Martin's quip: 'Either they're having an affair or they're just very shy.'
Turns out it was the former.
The clip went viral, and Coldplay-gate was officially born.
The pair?
Astronomer CEO, Andy Byron, and Chief People Officer, Kirstin Cabot.
Both of whom are married – just not to each other.
But I'll leave the moralising to one side.
What really lit the match for me was this online post, encapsulating the collective schadenfreude:
"This story is absolutely unremarkable except in how it managed to combine almost everything it's socially acceptable to hate brilliantly: HR, Coldplay, cheaters, CEOs, millionaires."
Despite this happening in the US, the ripple of contempt reached every corner of the Anglosphere.
And the pièce de resistance?
Cabot, the boss lady of Human Resources, sprung in the most public way, fraternising with the boss.
It begs the question: why is HR so widely reviled?
Well, it's the department that goes out of its way to lecture and disparage the mere mortals of the workplace, chiding them about their conduct no matter how trivial.
We haven't all been poorly behaved or underperforming employees, but many of us have, at various times, run afoul of the puritans in HR.
This at times pseudo-profession, innocuously called Human Resources, should be renamed Human Ruination.
A squadron of gaslighting, passive-aggressive bureaucrats, seemingly determined to misunderstand core business in pursuit of their own internal fiefdoms.
It's almost impressive that an industry, virtually invisible 30 years ago, has so thoroughly infiltrated the corporate world.
Revenue generators now answer to these cost centres - ones that pervade but are totally unaccountable.
Productivity and outcomes are secondary - unconscious bias training reigns supreme.
Diversity and inclusion are demanded – so long as everyone thinks the same, drifting through the office in beige formation.
HR's distorted priorities remain unchecked in their rapacious pursuit for influence.
To what end?
No one really knows.
Back to Coldplay-gate.
Both Byron and Cabot have resigned and Cabot.
Expect her to follow in the footsteps of many HR greats before her: launch old mate Andy under the bus, play the victim to save herself.
It's HR's version of career CPR.
Standby for updates.
The same HR malaise plagues Australia.
Just this week, the ABC has reported that almost a quarter of HR professionals consider workers aged 51-55 'older'.
And?
Those of us who run businesses call them experienced and efficient - precisely what the country needs amid a skills shortage and productivity crisis.
Youth isn't always all it's cracked up to be and hiring is not a casting call for 'Project Runway'.
It's about matching skills to needs, not dressing up assumptions as strategy.
Given HR's tendency to misunderstand core business and make erroneous assumptions about people, it's no wonder we ended up here.
Perhaps if we put HR back in its box and let management manage, we'd finally see the uptick in productivity and worker satisfaction that we're all desperate for.
Caroline Di Russo is a lawyer with 15 years of experience specialising in commercial litigation and corporate insolvency and since February 2023 has been the Liberal Party President in Western Australia.
