Latest news with #CorySpondent
Top Gear
3 days ago
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Exclusive: next Mission: Impossible film to track down rare Mini pedal box
Satire In his toughest mission yet, Tom Cruise will stop at nothing to find a scarce Mini component Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring A ninth instalment of the Mission: Impossible series is officially in the works, can exclusively reveal, with Tom Cruise set to return as disavowed superagent Ethan Hunt in a deadly race against time to locate a rare Mini pedal box. Advertisement - Page continues below Following the events of The Final Reckoning , Hunt swaps his career of saving the world for the quiet life, in which he spends his weekends fixing up a classic Mini and generally behaving like a man in his 60s is expected to. But when he can't get hold of an original pedal box to complete the job, he's left with no choice but to re-assemble his closest allies at the IMF and embark on a breathless worldwide search involving death-defying stunts, hand-to-hand combat and ludicrous prosthetics. You might like 'His mission, should he choose to accept it, is to track down the missing piece of his beloved project car,' said an insider. 'But at what cost? 'Forget that this is a world in which you can synthesise any human face with a briefcase, this is also a world in which you can't 3D print a clutch pedal. So neurgh. Advertisement - Page continues below 'Having taken down shady terrorist networks and single-handedly prevented a global nuclear winter, finding a rare bit of an old car is truly Ethan Hunt's toughest mission yet. 'And if you thought the biplane chase was good, just wait until you see a static 1960s icon shot in IMAX.' A treatment for Mission: Impossible 10 is also being discussed. Plot details are yet to be firmed up, but the entire movie will be based around the line 'This Land Rover will self-destruct in five seconds.' Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox.
Top Gear
23-05-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Exclusive: car runs out of honk
Satire Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Once it honked, now the honk is bust Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring Tributes are pouring in for a blue 2006 Ford Mondeo from Kidderminster, after the much-loved family car ran out of honk last Friday evening. Advertisement - Page continues below Alan, a Mondeo LX 2.0 TDI with a sprightly 147,000 miles on the clock, honked his last around 8pm, surrounded by close friends and family. 'He was a car who just loved to honk,' said Alan's owner, also named Alan. 'He'd honk at other cars that'd pulled over to let him pass. Honk at kids to let them know it was safe to cross. Honk at every 'honk if you're horny' bumper sticker. Honk at cyclists while overtaking, scaring them witless and sometimes causing them to crash. Good times.' You might like Alan (the human), who has owned Alan (the car) for almost a decade, estimates that Alan has emitted over a quarter of a million joyous, car-free honks in his years frolicking along Britain's roads. 'He could convey so much with a simple honk,' reminisced a teary Alan. 'Gratitude. Love. Whimsy. Melancholy. A deep desire to topple a nervous cyclist into a thicket.' Advertisement - Page continues below Alan confirmed the final honk from Alan was a lusty, indomitable parp, tailing to a peaceful toot. 'It sounded like… acceptance,' nodded Alan. Suggestions that Alan could somehow be 're-honked' have been dismissed as 'a crime against all that's good and holy in this world'. 'Who are we to play god with the souls of others?' asked master mechanic Paula Spannering, fixing the horizon with a flinty stare. 'Just because we can, doesn't mean we should.' Spannering also quashed rumours that Alan could continue to serve Alan in some honk-free fashion. Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. 'From an engineering perspective, a honkless car is like an elephant without its trunk,' she confirmed. 'Like a church without its bell. A pub without its jukebox. A fishtank without its tiny castle. A honk is a car's very essence. Its chi. Its karma.' 'Also, Rule 112 of the Highway Code, mate. Horn's a legal requirement, innit.'
Top Gear
16-05-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Man informed that F1 swearing fines are being backdated
Man informed that F1 swearing fines are being backdated FIA set to make gazillions Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring A man has entered a state of blind panic after being told that the FIA will backdate its swearing rules by several years in order to turbocharge its income. Advertisement - Page continues below Earlier this week F1's governing body announced that its eye-watering fines for bad language would be drastically reduced, but failed to mention its penalties would now be applied to previous seasons. The stewards will listen back to every single team radio message since Multi 21-gate, and active drivers will be stripped of their F1 super-licence if their historic swear jar isn't paid off in a single lump sum within 28 days. One man, who is known for his colourful choice of words and is quite popular because of it, said: 'Oh ****. Wait, not that! Oh bother. 'I got promoted a few weeks ago and was going to put my pay rise towards new brake pads for my NSX, but now I'll just have to sell it. Advertisement - Page continues below 'And that won't even scratch the surface. Have they said if you can pay in crypto? 'No? F-... fiddlesticks.' It's not clear how the FIA plans to use the funds generated by its retroactive fines, but in an entirely unrelated development its hospitality suite in Imola now features carbon fibre cutlery and a water cooler made entirely of 24-carat gold. Meanwhile, reports indicate the news has forced Guenther Steiner into hiding. Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
Top Gear
09-05-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Report: Peak District to send illegally parked cars to Alcatraz
Report: Peak District to send illegally parked cars to Alcatraz Authority to tackle irresponsible parking with extreme new measure Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring Cars parked illegally and irresponsibly in the UK's picturesque Peak District will be detained and then shipped to Alcatraz, according to sources. Advertisement - Page continues below The revolutionary new project to curb the county's congestion plague comes as authorities grapple with expanding numbers of motorists unable to deploy the most basic tenets of common sense when parking. The proposed reopening of the notorious American prison piqued the interest of local leaders because its secure island location off the coast of San Francisco was the perfect place 'to send all those bloody SUVs'. 'We've tried the gentle, softly-softly approach: some signs, a few friendly social media posts, a couple of parking wardens directing the flow of traffic, that sort of thing,' a source close to the project said. 'Literally none of it worked. Humankind's propensity to block major road arteries by parking carelessly for the sake of a terrible TikTok video knows no bounds, and we are doomed as a species. Advertisement - Page continues below 'No longer will our beautiful Peak District be plagued by those who will never in our lifetime learn the ability to park sensibly, coherently and with respect for the surrounding environment. 'A two-tonne crossover will need more than a bent spoon and a papier-mâché head to escape from that abandoned hellhole,' they added. Alternative plans involved building a really massive wall to block the stunning landscape from view. 'Let's be honest, this is not the most unhinged thing you've heard, is it,' the source said. Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
Top Gear
07-05-2025
- Automotive
- Top Gear
Hollywood tariffs: Brad Pitt's F1 movie to be refilmed in Walmart car park
Hollywood tariffs: Brad Pitt's F1 movie to be refilmed in Walmart car park Producers move quickly to reshoot non-US scenes using American assets Skip 1 photos in the image carousel and continue reading Turn on Javascript to see all the available pictures. Here's roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring Producers on Brad Pitt's upcoming F1 movie have announced hasty plans to reshoot pivotal racing scenes in the car park of a Walmart. Advertisement - Page continues below Following the bombshell imposition of 100 per cent tariffs on all movies 'produced in foreign lands', senior executives were hastily scrambling plans to replace every one of its international locations with something more recognisably American. As such, stunt coordinators will mark out historic racing circuits like Monza, Silverstone and Spa using bright orange cones dotted around the famous supermarket's parking areas, while the trolley return stations would double up as pit boxes. 'Strapping Brad Pitt into an F1 car and watching him absolutely send it through Silverstone's Maggots, Becketts and Chapel sequence at 180mph is what everyone on this production signed up for,' a source said. 'However. Silverstone's Maggots, Becketts and Chapel sequence is very much a production in England. England is very much not in the United States. Advertisement - Page continues below 'Suzuka? We've got some of the finest wheel-to-wheel action ever committed to film. However. Suzuka. Bit Japanese. You see where we're going with this. 'Same goes for Monza. All well and good being the 'Temple of Speed' and home to the tifosi. Quite Italian, though. 'Yes, none of this makes even the slightest bit of sense, but you know what makes even less sense? The 1981 Caesar's Palace GP,' the source added. Top Gear Newsletter Thank you for subscribing to our newsletter. Look out for your regular round-up of news, reviews and offers in your inbox. Get all the latest news, reviews and exclusives, direct to your inbox. Success Your Email*
