01-08-2025
How a Letter to the Editor Can Forge a Friendship
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In April 2023, Bernadine Berry of Salmon, Idaho, read an essay in The New York Times Opinion section with the headline 'There's No Road Map for Aging Lesbians.'
The writer of the article, Cris Beam, described coming to terms with her sexual identity as she grew older. Ms. Berry, then 90, was struck by the story and Ms. Beam's candor.
'Well, I sure have something to say about that,' Ms. Berry said in an interview in March as she recalled reading the essay. She had publicly identified as lesbian in 2021, a late-in-life decision that wasn't easy to make in her conservative corner of the country. So Ms. Berry decided to email a letter to the editor, something she had done many times before, about growing up without gay role models and meeting her partner.
More than 2,000 miles away in New York City, Beth Rosen read the same Times Opinion essay and felt a similar resonance. She had also struggled for years to come out as gay, and was compelled to email her own letter to the editor. When her letter was published in The Times next to Ms. Berry's on April 26, 2023, Ms. Rosen decided to write again — to Ms. Berry.
She looked up Ms. Berry's address and sent a letter in the mail, which led to daily correspondence and, in September of that year, a visit to Ms. Berry in Idaho.
Ms. Berry died at 92 in April, the month after she had been interviewed for this article. Ms. Rosen reflected on their friendship in a conversation after Ms. Berry's death, remembering how thoughtful she had been, and how quickly they felt like kindred spirits. Until Ms. Berry's death, the two wrote emails to each other every day.
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