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‘None of us got out unscathed': Senator speaks of experience ‘living in very violent home'
Senators applauded a colleague's bravery in the Upper House of the Oireachtas on Wednesday when she spoke about witnessing domestic abuse as a child.
Sinn Féin Senator Nicole Ryan described her mother as a strong woman who was a victim of abuse, the trauma of which passed 'through the generations' to herself and her sibling.
Ms Ryan lived in a very violent home from the age of four to seven. 'As a child, when you're developing through that stage, it shapes how you see the world' and 'how you grow'.
Her mother escaped 'but none of us got out unscathed'.
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The Cork-based Senator was speaking during a debate on the Domestic Violence (Amendment) Bill to change how breaches of domestic violence orders and bail conditions are treated in the criminal justice system.
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Eight domestic violence calls go unanswered by Free Legal Advice Centres every day due to lack of resources
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Ms Ryan introduced an amendment to the Cross Party Group's private member's Bill, that the presence of a child when an offence is being committed 'shall be considered an aggravating factor for the purposes of sentencing'.
'The perpetrator never carries the shame, when they commit an act of violence … The shame is always given to the victim. And that shame gets passed on.'
Her voice breaking, she said it shaped how she saw the world and her trust in people. 'For two decades, I lived in the shadow of the shame.'
As a child she learned how to read people. 'I would know the kind of mood that he'd be in by the way that that his foot crossed the threshold of the front door.
'I would understand that laughing sometimes or playing too loud could be a trigger. Or the fact that if the house wasn't clean enough that would mean my mother would get abuse.'
Ms Ryan became 'very fixated' on having 'everything perfect' and 'that will be with me forever'.
The shame 'makes you hypervigilant and untrusting even of love. You see everything as danger', she said.
'Even if we were never hurt physically, but emotionally … we carry those scars, and that does need to be an aggravating factor' in sentencing, because 'I will still carry those scars with me for the rest of my life', she said.
The Senator said she was grateful for the opportunity to share her story and 'to stand up for all the other young children that are out there that are living in these homes'.
