Latest news with #DanielleJackson
Yahoo
11 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
How many times is too many times to flake on someone?
We've all been there: You've made plans with a friend and been looking forward to the get-together all day. Maybe you turned down other invitations to keep this commitment or you're just excited to spend time with someone you like. You're standing in front of your closet deciding what to wear when suddenly your phone dings: 'Hey. I've had the longest day and I feel like I just need to be in my pajamas,' a text message from your friend reads. 'Let's try again soon!' Oof. You've just been flaked on and it hurts. 'It feels like rejection and nobody wants to feel that,' said Danielle Jackson, a friendship coach in Tampa, Fla., and author of the book 'Fighting for our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships." 'You wonder if the person is invested in you or respects your time. And you may feel you are not going to put yourself in that situation again.' Read more: Can straight married men and women be friends? I went on a quest to find out It's totally understandable to feel angry, hurt or embarrassed when someone flakes on you, and you might want to write that person out of your life entirely. But not all flaking is the same. I talked to some friends about flaking, asking them how many times is too many times for someone to cancel a plan, and found that, as with everything in life, context matters. One friend shared that when it comes to one of her best friends from childhood, there is no limit to the number of times they cancel on each other. 'Every time we make a plan I know there's only a 50% chance it will actually happen,' she said. 'But I've known her for 30 years. We will be friends forever.' Molly, who, like me, is in her late 40s and is the busiest person I know, said the older she gets, the less upset she feels when people cancel on her, even when it means derailing her carefully arranged schedule. 'I've come to realize that when somebody flakes, it's usually not about me,' she said. 'People can't keep plans for so many different reasons — they probably just have some [stuff] going on.' My friend Carol offered a similarly nuanced take. 'It depends on the background of the friendship and if they earned the right to flake,' she said. 'And that's tenure and showing up for the big things.' I respect these friends' patience and understanding, but personally, I agree with my friend Laura's perspective. "My time feels very valuable to me, and I'm very discerning about how much of it I give and who I give it to," she told me. "Generally speaking it's hard for me with my personality to get really close with unreliable people." Stephanie took an even more hard-line stance: "I tend to feel like grit and effort are admirable traits and I feel a little allergic to self-indulgence in general," she said. "So if someone is a self-care queen, we're not going to be a good match." Figuring out how you feel about flaking — whether you're thinking about flaking or if you're the person being flaked on — is hardly trivial. A growing number of studies over the past two decades have demonstrated that healthy friendships play an important role in both well-being and longevity. They have shown that people with close friends are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression. They are also less likely to die from all causes including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases. If making and maintaining close friends are a pathway to health and happiness, then it's useful to understand how canceling on people and being canceled on by others impacts these relationships. Researchers have also noted that at the same time that Americans, and particularly young Americans, are experiencing high amounts of loneliness, the ease with which people cancel plans to tend to their own well-being appears to be growing. TikTok is filled with Gen Z guidance on setting boundaries and the internet has no shortage of memes touting the joy of canceling plans. Read more: How to help a friend after a breakup? Your first instinct is wrong But while there may be a real personal cost to keeping a dinner date with a friend when you're tired, overwhelmed or emotionally spent, there can be serious costs to breaking that commitment as well. 'Yes, you can always change your mind when you make a plan, but you may not like what happens as a result,' said Mia Schachter, an intimacy coordinator and consent educator. 'If it's important to you that your friends think you're reliable and a person of your word, then even if you don't have the energy right now, you may need to push yourself beyond your capacity for the greater good of something you ultimately believe is important.' It's also true that no matter how dedicated we are to our friendships, there are times when we have to cancel plans. When that's the case, friendship researchers say there are ways to cancel that are less likely to damage the relationship. In a survey of 1,192 people, Michigan State University Professor Bill Chopik and his students asked respondents to share how upset they feel when someone cancels on them and which cancellations are the least hurtful and annoying. In a 2023 paper, they shared the following takeaways: If you have to cancel plans with someone but want to preserve the friendship, don't cancel at the last minute, don't lie about it and make sure you have a good reason for canceling. And for those times when we are canceled on ourselves, experts say we might offer our friends grace, especially if they apologize and try to repair the situation. As Jackson, the friendship coach, explained, if someone cancels on you and says, 'I'm the worst, this is a weird week, but does next Thursday at 6 work?' this person is acknowledging they probably put you out and disappointed you, and also demonstrating that they really do want to see you another time. "That's a completely different tone than 'Life happens,'' she said. Sign up for The Wild newsletter to get weekly insider tips on the best of our beaches, trails, parks, deserts, forests and mountains. This story originally appeared in Los Angeles Times.
Los Angeles Times
11 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Los Angeles Times
How many times is too many times to flake on someone?
We've all been there: You've made plans with a friend and been looking forward to the get-together all day. Maybe you turned down other invitations to keep this commitment or you're just excited to spend time with someone you like. You're standing in front of your closet deciding what to wear when suddenly your phone dings: 'Hey. I've had the longest day and I feel like I just need to be in my pajamas,' a text message from your friend reads. 'Let's try again soon!' Oof. You've just been flaked on and it hurts. 'It feels like rejection and nobody wants to feel that,' said Danielle Jackson, a friendship coach in Tampa, Fla., and author of the book 'Fighting for our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women's Relationships.' 'You wonder if the person is invested in you or respects your time. And you may feel you are not going to put yourself in that situation again.' It's totally understandable to feel angry, hurt or embarrassed when someone flakes on you, and you might want to write that person out of your life entirely. But not all flaking is the same. I talked to some friends about flaking, asking them how many times is too many times for someone to cancel a plan, and found that, as with everything in life, context matters. One friend shared that when it comes to one of her best friends from childhood, there is no limit to the number of times they cancel on each other. 'Every time we make a plan I know there's only a 50% chance it will actually happen,' she said. 'But I've known her for 30 years. We will be friends forever.' Molly, who, like me, is in her late 40s and is the busiest person I know, said the older she gets, the less upset she feels when people cancel on her, even when it means derailing her carefully arranged schedule. 'I've come to realize that when somebody flakes, it's usually not about me,' she said. 'People can't keep plans for so many different reasons — they probably just have some [stuff] going on.' My friend Carol offered a similarly nuanced take. 'It depends on the background of the friendship and if they earned the right to flake,' she said. 'And that's tenure and showing up for the big things.' I respect these friends' patience and understanding, but personally, I agree with my friend Laura's perspective. 'My time feels very valuable to me, and I'm very discerning about how much of it I give and who I give it to,' she told me. 'Generally speaking it's hard for me with my personality to get really close with unreliable people.' Stephanie took an even more hard-line stance: 'I tend to feel like grit and effort are admirable traits and I feel a little allergic to self-indulgence in general,' she said. 'So if someone is a self-care queen, we're not going to be a good match.' Figuring out how you feel about flaking — whether you're thinking about flaking or if you're the person being flaked on — is hardly trivial. A growing number of studies over the past two decades have demonstrated that healthy friendships play an important role in both well-being and longevity. They have shown that people with close friends are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression. They are also less likely to die from all causes including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases. If making and maintaining close friends are a pathway to health and happiness, then it's useful to understand how canceling on people and being canceled on by others impacts these relationships. Researchers have also noted that at the same time that Americans, and particularly young Americans, are experiencing high amounts of loneliness, the ease with which people cancel plans to tend to their own well-being appears to be growing. TikTok is filled with Gen Z guidance on setting boundaries and the internet has no shortage of memes touting the joy of canceling plans. But while there may be a real personal cost to keeping a dinner date with a friend when you're tired, overwhelmed or emotionally spent, there can be serious costs to breaking that commitment as well. 'Yes, you can always change your mind when you make a plan, but you may not like what happens as a result,' said Mia Schachter, an intimacy coordinator and consent educator. 'If it's important to you that your friends think you're reliable and a person of your word, then even if you don't have the energy right now, you may need to push yourself beyond your capacity for the greater good of something you ultimately believe is important.' It's also true that no matter how dedicated we are to our friendships, there are times when we have to cancel plans. When that's the case, friendship researchers say there are ways to cancel that are less likely to damage the relationship. In a survey of 1,192 people, Michigan State University Professor Bill Chopik and his students asked respondents to share how upset they feel when someone cancels on them and which cancellations are the least hurtful and annoying. In a 2023 paper, they shared the following takeaways: If you have to cancel plans with someone but want to preserve the friendship, don't cancel at the last minute, don't lie about it and make sure you have a good reason for canceling. And for those times when we are canceled on ourselves, experts say we might offer our friends grace, especially if they apologize and try to repair the situation. As Jackson, the friendship coach, explained, if someone cancels on you and says, 'I'm the worst, this is a weird week, but does next Thursday at 6 work?' this person is acknowledging they probably put you out and disappointed you, and also demonstrating that they really do want to see you another time. 'That's a completely different tone than 'Life happens,'' she said.
BBC News
11-05-2025
- BBC News
Bempton Cliffs: The Yorkshire hotspot for nature where puffins thrive
Every year, from April to July, thousands of puffins fly across the Atlantic and return to the same spot in RSPB Bempton Cliffs on the east coast, 3,000 of the distinctive seabirds settle in the crags to nature reserve welcomes visitors from across the region and as far afield as Australia and Jackson, visitor experience manager at the site, says it is the perfect spot to see puffins."It is a spectacular area of the coastline," she says. "When the puffins are back and the other seabirds, we do get a real uplift in visitors. "It's what everyone wants to come and see. Everyone loves coming here and finding their puffin of the year or seeing a puffin for the first time." Puffins mate for life and return to the same nesting site every spring, so many visitors can spot the same pairs each year."If you've got a good reliable spot within the cliffs and you know you've seen that puffin year after year, you have the opportunity to come and see it again and again. So it's really fantastic to be able to spot that," Ms Jackson says. "They are quite tricky to spot though. You have to search for them. They make you work for it but once you find them you feel like you've achieved something."I absolutely love that and I love how much people adore them."Unfortunately, the birds are an RSPB Red List species, meaning they are among the species most at risk and of highest conservation concern. According to Ms Jackson, the UK has lost about a quarter of its puffins since 2000, and monitoring their numbers is tricky because of their elusive nature."They're a really hard one to be able to monitor but we've been keeping sort of an approximation on how many numbers there are since the millennium," says Ms Jackson."Some of the other seabirds, for example the kittiwakes, feed on the same food source as the puffin, so we monitor them and their productivity - how many chicks they raise out of their nest each year - and we can kind of get a guess at how the puffins are doing."The reasons for their decline are wide-ranging, but include overfishing, climate change and increased risk from non-native predators."There's a whole combination of things that could impact the puffin numbers," says Ms Jackson."So it's like you're fighting a battle on all fronts really. Then there's things that we can't really control much like bird flu that could have an impact on those puffin populations."It would be really heartbreaking if people come to Bempton and there weren't any puffins there. So it's definitely something that we're trying to keep an eye on."This year has seen a number of suspected bird flu cases across Yorkshire, including at North Cave Wetlands and at poultry farms in Easingwold and Bridlington, the town closest to Bempton to Ms Jackson, the disease has had an impact on seabird populations across the UK, especially among species such as the the National Trust has said there are signs puffins in Northumberland are building an immunity to the said in April that while rangers on the Farne Islands had collected almost 10,000 dead seabirds in 2022 and 2023 due to bird flu, all seabirds there remained free of the disease this flu has previously affected the gannet population at Bempton, they have fared a bit better but since 2023, says Ms Jackson. As well as puffins and gannets, the site is also a popular location to spot seals and even dolphins from the accessible clifftop viewpoints."We've got amazing wildlife here," says Ms Jackson. "We've got gannets, which are the biggest seabird you can see in the UK, and it's the only mainland colony here in England."It's a really special place for them but you also have things like dolphins that come past, there are seals as well, so the sea here is so productive, but there is a lot of wildlife around."On top of the cliff we've got things like barn owls, we had short-eared owls just recently, so it is a really special place for nature and wildlife."Of course, for many people puffins remain their favourite species to spot."People absolutely love them," says Ms Jackson. "They just look cute. They've got a massive orange beak. There are some species of wildlife that people just love generally and I think puffins fall in into that category."They're known as the clown of the sea and when you see a group of puffins together it's called a little circus of puffins, so I think it all adds into the cuteness factor that people just absolutely love." Listen to highlights from North Yorkshire on BBC Sounds, catch up with the latest episode of Look North.
The Independent
11-03-2025
- General
- The Independent
Fears for thousands of seabirds after North Sea oil tanker and cargo ship explosion
There are fears for hundreds of thousands of seabirds on the East Yorkshire coast following an explosive collision between an oil tanker and a cargo ship. Bempton Cliffs, near Bridlington in East Yorkshire, sees around 500,000 seabirds gather there between March and August to breed on the towering white cliffs that overlook the North Sea. The Independent visited the wildlife site, home to puffins, gannets, kittiwakes and guillemots on Tuesday, just a day after the collision. Visitor experience manager Danielle Jackson said: "The next few weeks will be critical. After this collision our focus will be using the volunteers and staff that we already have here to monitor the seabirds from the cliff tops. "We will watch them as they are coming in and we will monitor the number of chicks they have and the number of eggs they lay, which we do usually, but on top of that we are going to be looking at signs of oiled birds and signs of birds that are potentially in distress.' A 59-year-old man has been arrested on suspicion of gross negligence manslaughter after the collision between a tanker and a cargo vessel in the North Sea. The Portuguese vessel Solong is still ablaze after the collision with US tanker Stena Immaculate off the east coast of Yorkshire on Monday. One crew member from the Solong is still missing and presumed dead, after a search and rescue operation was ended on Monday evening. The team at RSPB Bempton Cliffs will take photographic evidence of the birds and keep records of what they see, while working alongside other organisations to establish the full impact. Ms Jackson said: 'If needed, there are wildlife charities that will be able to rehabilitate the birds, and if possible, look at releasing them back out, but at the moment we just don't know what the situation is going to look like.' Ms Jackson added: "We are highly concerned about the impact the collision will have on our seabird population here and what this could mean for their futures. "We don't know exactly how long it's going to take for the birds and the wildlife and the nature to recover from this kind of incident. I think partly because we don't really know exactly all the details. It's developing hour by hour, so we don't yet know what we're working with. "I think as we see things over the next couple of months develop, we're going to have a better idea on what we're dealing with, and how the wildlife is going to be able to adapt or not to this kind of situation."
