Latest news with #Deidre
The Irish Sun
21 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Irish Sun
My girlfriend had sex with a man who loves S&M & now she wants me to treat her like dirt and call her a s**t during sex
1 DEAR DEIDRE: MY on-off girlfriend and I recently got back together and everything was going brilliantly until she started to ask me to belittle her during sex. We'd had a good I know she had a couple of flings but there was one guy who she was with for a couple of months and he was into everything - sex parties, S&M, the lot. My So now when she asks me to call her derogatory names - all I can think is that she is imagining this other bloke. It's killing me. The other problem is that she now says she can't get sexually excited unless I call her names, or role play being her pimp, but the whole thing is a complete She literally begs me to call her worthless or a filthy sl*t. She wants me to dominate completely in the bedroom. The last time we had sex, I felt so uncomfortable but managed to call her 'dirty'. Afterwards she told me it wasn't enough. She complains I'm not convincing enough, and I hated every second of it. I love her, so why on earth would I want to treat her like dirt? But what does our long term relationship look like if I can't give her what she wants sexually? I'm MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE DEIDRE SAYS: Your girlfriend has developed a kink after being introduced to being belittled in the bedroom by another partner. Half-heartedly going along with her new demands, in the hope the issue will somehow miraculously resolve itself, is unrealistic. Talk to your girlfriend and let her know why this new development makes you feel so uncomfortable. Dear Deidre: Understanding why your man's gone off sex Explore if there is a compromise to be had while making sure you are outlining your boundaries. But also know there is nothing boring about caring for your girlfriend. You have your preferences and have every right to own them with pride. Nobody - male or female - should ever do anything that makes them uncomfortable just to keep their partner happy. You have a right to refuse to degrade her, and if she loves you she will accept your decision. If she doesn't, it suggests she cares more about her own sexual thrills than your feelings. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, should help. Perhaps you could experiment with other sexual activities which are kinky but not degrading. If you can't find a compromise or other ways to enjoy your sexual connection, I'm sorry but you may have to accept that she is not the girl for you. My support pack Kinky Sex Worries explains more. Dear Deidre's Kinky Sex Files Deidre's mailbag is stashed full with kinky dilemmas. One reader started questioning everything after learning about her husband's disturbing The Kinky Truth No form of sharing physical pleasure and satisfaction is wrong between a loving couple, as long as both are participating willingly and with genuine enjoyment, and as long as neither of you is being hurt, either physically or emotionally. If something is sexually off putting for one partner but a turn on for another, it won't help to tag it as dirty or perverted. What one of us finds erotic, another finds degrading. What one thinks of as stimulating and erotic, another rejects as pornographic and disgusting. It helps enormously when trying to sort out this kind of issue as a couple not to start taking moral standpoints and judging one another, but to see it as a practical problem you need to negotiate your way around. What actually matters here is that you don't want to do it. If you'd only do it under pressure, then it cannot be fun or pleasurable for you. That's not to say it isn't worth trying some new things that might be pushing the boundaries for you. If the rest of your relationship is a strong one then you may surprise yourself and find you are wonderfully turned on by the very thing you have never dared try. At the least, even if you don't enjoy everything you try, you may find you and your partner can now enjoy enough variation to take the heat out of the conflict. In fact, serious conflicts over sex usually come down to a problem in the relationship generally. If you are with a partner who really loves you, they aren't going to want to upset you by pressing for out-of-the ordinary sex that you find distasteful or worrying. If this is causing a great deal of conflict between you, it's well worth while making an appointment to see a counsellor to find out what is really at issue and how it can be resolved. By Sally Land, The Sun's Agony Aunt. Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors. Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women's issues and general features. Passionate about helping people find a way through their challenges, Sally is also a trustee for the charity Family Lives. Her team helps up to 90 people every week. Sally took over as The Sun's Agony Aunt when Deidre Sanders retired from the The Dear Deidre column four years ago. The Dear Deidre Team Of Therapists Also Includes: Kate Taylor : a sex and dating writer who is also training to be a counsellor. Kate is an advisor for dating website OurTime and is the author of five self-help books. Jane Allton : a stalwart of the Dear Deidre for over 20 years. Jane is a trained therapist, who specialises in family issues. She has completed the Basic Counselling Skills Level 1, 2, and 3. She also achieved the Counselling and Psychotherapy (CPCAB) Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Studies. Catherine Thomas : with over two decades worth of experience Catherine has also trained as a therapist, with the same credentials as Jane. She specialises in consumer and relationship issues. Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and You can also send a private message on the deardeidre@
Scottish Sun
3 days ago
- General
- Scottish Sun
I have great sex with lover but she's gone cold on me – is our huge age gap to blame?
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I've fallen for seemed keen at first, but now she's gone cold on me and I fear it's the big age gap between us. I was excited to start a relationship with her, especially after we slept together. Now I feel like a fool. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up I'm a divorced 58-year-old man and she's 20 years younger. She is single and has a teenage son. I met her at a friend's party and was instantly smitten. To my surprise, she flirted with me and later asked for my number. We messaged for a couple of weeks with lots of sexy chat. Then I took her out for dinner and we had a wonderful evening. She came back to my house and we had a passionate session of foreplay on the sofa. After that, we met several times, but always at my place. She didn't want to go anywhere public. The one time I did manage to persuade her to come out, to the theatre, it felt like she was walking ten paces in front of me all night. I now think she was embarrassed about being seen with an old man. We did have sex a few times — which was passionate and fulfilling for both of us — yet she would never stay over. When I asked what was going on, she said her son wasn't happy about us seeing each other and she had to respect that. Cheating and can you get over it Since then, she's messaged less and less. It feels like she's cooled. The problem is, I've realised I'm in love with her. Have I wasted my time? DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound as if you would be better off accepting that this relationship isn't going to progress. It is possible she really did like you at first and wanted to develop something with you. But her son is a teenager, and she has clearly decided, rightly, that his needs must come first. It might not be your age that's the problem. He could have some personal issues, or perhaps he's upset about her break-up with his dad and can't cope with her having a boyfriend. It is also possible she has simply changed her mind about you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, as you clearly care for her. But you can't change someone else's feelings or circumstances. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you move forward. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. I CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS DUE TO CRIPPLING SHYNESS DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I see other people having normal relationships and friendships, it makes me feel so left out and jealous. I'm sick of being lonely, but I'm pathologically shy and don't know how to change. Although I have a good job in IT, I've never had any real friends or a girlfriend. I'm now 32. I find talking to people painful, so I avoid it. People think I'm rude or stand-offish and I give up trying. While I like my own company, I'm tired of always being alone. I envy other people who go out and have fun together. I've had acquaintances, but nobody I could call a real friend. And when girls are near, I turn red and can't speak to them. My family says the problem is that I'm too self-conscious and should stop overthinking it. They tell me to be myself. But it's not that easy. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you have a job and acquaintances shows you can cope around other people. Presumably, you passed an interview and have to communicate at work. I think your family is right – you are overthinking things. My support pack, Raising Self-esteem, should help. Severe shyness can be a medical problem. It is worth talking to your GP, as there may be medication or therapy that can help. Also read my support pack, Shyness And Social Anxiety. Practise talking to people in the mirror. Asking lots of questions is a good start. SON'S ANXIETY IS ALL MY FAULT DEAR DEIDRE: MY son suffers from panic attacks and terrible anxiety – and it's all my fault because I didn't leave his horrible dad sooner. I feel so guilty that I didn't protect him and now I want to make everything better. But I don't know how to. I'm a 44-year-old divorced mother with a boy aged 19 and a girl of 17. My ex-husband wasn't ready to be a father when I got pregnant with our son, and as a result he was distant with him. He was always a sensitive, sickly child, and my ex-husband treated him like he wasn't good enough. From his early teens, our boy developed anxiety, which only seems to get worse. He is convinced bad things will happen, is a hypochondriac – the slightest pain must be cancer – and he can't hold down a job. He dropped out of school because he couldn't get through his exams. He finds it very difficult to sleep, he's frightened of his vivid nightmares and often has the most debilitating panic attacks, where he can't breathe. All I want is for him to be happy. I know I should have left his dad when he was little, but I was stupidly in love and didn't realise the long-term effect of his behaviour. DEIDRE SAYS: Please don't blame yourself. Your son's anxiety disorder is not your fault and may have developed regardless. Leaving a spouse is never easy. You love your son and want to do what's best for him. You can help him to seek help and show him you are there for him. Encourage him to see his GP, who can refer him for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is highly effective in dealing with anxiety disorders. Keep talking to him and reassuring him. My support packs Coping With Panic Attacks and Living With Anxiety contain useful information and sources of help. HE JUST LAUGHS IF I TELL HIM TO LEAVE DEAR DEIDRE: I'M trapped in a relationship with a man who laughs when I ask him to leave. After three years together, I've realised he is just using me for my flat and my money. I'm 36 and he's 42. When we first met, he was charming, kind and so attentive. I was sure he was the love of my life. He quickly moved in with me, and that's when everything changed. The charm went and he became selfish and started lying. I'm pretty sure he's cheating with other women. He's certainly not interested in sex with me any more, saying I've put on weight. Although we earn the same, he spends all his money on treats for himself, leaving me to buy food and pay the mortgage plus all the bills. I've told him I'm not happy and asked him to leave, but he laughed in my face. I don't know what to do. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: So often, people like this with an unreasonably high sense of their own importance are charming at first. That's how they manipulate people. Now he's shown his true colours. Your relationship sounds abusive and you're right to want to end it. See my support pack, Abusive Partner, for help. As you own the flat and are paying the mortgage, he has no legal right to stay. Seek legal advice on how to get him out. Contact (020 7251 6577) for free support.
The Sun
3 days ago
- General
- The Sun
I have great sex with lover but she's gone cold on me – is our huge age gap to blame?
DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I've fallen for seemed keen at first, but now she's gone cold on me and I fear it's the big age gap between us. I was excited to start a relationship with her, especially after we slept together. Now I feel like a fool. I'm a divorced 58-year-old man and she's 20 years younger. She is single and has a teenage son. I met her at a friend's party and was instantly smitten. To my surprise, she flirted with me and later asked for my number. We messaged for a couple of weeks with lots of sexy chat. Then I took her out for dinner and we had a wonderful evening. She came back to my house and we had a passionate session of foreplay on the sofa. After that, we met several times, but always at my place. She didn't want to go anywhere public. The one time I did manage to persuade her to come out, to the theatre, it felt like she was walking ten paces in front of me all night. I now think she was embarrassed about being seen with an old man. We did have sex a few times — which was passionate and fulfilling for both of us — yet she would never stay over. When I asked what was going on, she said her son wasn't happy about us seeing each other and she had to respect that. Cheating and can you get over it Since then, she's messaged less and less. It feels like she's cooled. The problem is, I've realised I'm in love with her. Have I wasted my time? DEIDRE SAYS: It does sound as if you would be better off accepting that this relationship isn't going to progress. It is possible she really did like you at first and wanted to develop something with you. But her son is a teenager, and she has clearly decided, rightly, that his needs must come first. It might not be your age that's the problem. He could have some personal issues, or perhaps he's upset about her break-up with his dad and can't cope with her having a boyfriend. It is also possible she has simply changed her mind about you. I know this isn't what you want to hear, as you clearly care for her. But you can't change someone else's feelings or circumstances. My support pack, Mending A Broken Heart, should help you move forward. I CAN'T MAKE FRIENDS DUE TO CRIPPLING SHYNESS DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I see other people having normal relationships and friendships, it makes me feel so left out and jealous. I'm sick of being lonely, but I'm pathologically shy and don't know how to change. Although I have a good job in IT, I've never had any real friends or a girlfriend. I'm now 32. I find talking to people painful, so I avoid it. People think I'm rude or stand-offish and I give up trying. While I like my own company, I'm tired of always being alone. I envy other people who go out and have fun together. I've had acquaintances, but nobody I could call a real friend. And when girls are near, I turn red and can't speak to them. My family says the problem is that I'm too self-conscious and should stop overthinking it. They tell me to be myself. But it's not that easy. What can I do? DEIDRE SAYS: The fact you have a job and acquaintances shows you can cope around other people. Presumably, you passed an interview and have to communicate at work. I think your family is right – you are overthinking things. My support pack, Raising Self-esteem, should help. Severe shyness can be a medical problem. It is worth talking to your GP, as there may be medication or therapy that can help. Also read my support pack, Shyness And Social Anxiety. Practise talking to people in the mirror. Asking lots of questions is a good start. SON'S ANXIETY IS ALL MY FAULT DEAR DEIDRE: MY son suffers from panic attacks and terrible anxiety – and it's all my fault because I didn't leave his horrible dad sooner. I feel so guilty that I didn't protect him and now I want to make everything better. But I don't know how to. I'm a 44-year-old divorced mother with a boy aged 19 and a girl of 17. My ex-husband wasn't ready to be a father when I got pregnant with our son, and as a result he was distant with him. He was always a sensitive, sickly child, and my ex-husband treated him like he wasn't good enough. From his early teens, our boy developed anxiety, which only seems to get worse. He is convinced bad things will happen, is a hypochondriac – the slightest pain must be cancer – and he can't hold down a job. He dropped out of school because he couldn't get through his exams. He finds it very difficult to sleep, he's frightened of his vivid nightmares and often has the most debilitating panic attacks, where he can't breathe. All I want is for him to be happy. I know I should have left his dad when he was little, but I was stupidly in love and didn't realise the long-term effect of his behaviour. DEIDRE SAYS: Please don't blame yourself. Your son's anxiety disorder is not your fault and may have developed regardless. Leaving a spouse is never easy. You love your son and want to do what's best for him. You can help him to seek help and show him you are there for him. Encourage him to see his GP, who can refer him for cognitive behavioural therapy, which is highly effective in dealing with anxiety disorders. Keep talking to him and reassuring him. My support packs Coping With Panic Attacks and Living With Anxiety contain useful information and sources of help. HE JUST LAUGHS IF I TELL HIM TO LEAVE DEAR DEIDRE: I'M trapped in a relationship with a man who laughs when I ask him to leave. After three years together, I've realised he is just using me for my flat and my money. I'm 36 and he's 42. When we first met, he was charming, kind and so attentive. I was sure he was the love of my life. He quickly moved in with me, and that's when everything changed. The charm went and he became selfish and started lying. I'm pretty sure he's cheating with other women. He's certainly not interested in sex with me any more, saying I've put on weight. Although we earn the same, he spends all his money on treats for himself, leaving me to buy food and pay the mortgage plus all the bills. I've told him I'm not happy and asked him to leave, but he laughed in my face. I don't know what to do. Please help. DEIDRE SAYS: So often, people like this with an unreasonably high sense of their own importance are charming at first. That's how they manipulate people. Now he's shown his true colours. Your relationship sounds abusive and you're right to want to end it. See my support pack, Abusive Partner, for help. As you own the flat and are paying the mortgage, he has no legal right to stay. Seek legal advice on how to get him out.
Scottish Sun
4 days ago
- Scottish Sun
I went on husband's phone and found naked photo of my daughter in a secret folder – I'm disgusted and saddened
There were also sordid snaps of him with different men, having sex with them or them performing sexual acts on him DEAR DEIDRE I went on husband's phone and found naked photo of my daughter in a secret folder – I'm disgusted and saddened DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has behaved in the most depraved way and wants me to keep his seedy secret to myself. We tied the knot seven years ago but it's a second marriage for us both. We are in our mid fifties and he has daughters aged 22 and 20, while I have a daughter of 19 and a son who is almost 16. My husband got a new phone and I was having a clear out and decided to see whether I could sell some old mobiles online. I thought I should check if they were clear of any data, but what I found on my husband's recent phone shocked me to the core. There was a file called 'private' and, when I opened it, the first thing I saw was a photograph of my daughter — naked. He had obviously taken it without her knowledge. There were also sordid snaps of him with different men, having sex with them or them performing sexual acts on him. There was film footage as well. I feel so disgusted and saddened. When he came in from work, I confronted him immediately and his whole world came crashing down. He said he didn't know how my daughter's picture had ended up on his phone. He claimed she must have put it there. There's no way she knew he had taken this photo. I could tell he was lying. At his request, I have agreed not to tell his girls about him meeting other men, but why should I protect him? He has hurt us all. DEIDRE SAYS: I'm so sorry. He's not the person you thought you married. He has betrayed all of you – especially your daughter. There is no acceptable reason that would explain why he has a naked photograph of her. I'm sorry, but you have to assume he has behaved as a voyeur and taken photos without consent, which is illegal. I would urge you to talk to an organisation called Stop It Now ( 0808 1000 900), which can give you advice. You need support to work out your next steps but, as you are already realising, this man does not deserve protection. Family secrets have a habit of coming out, so put your focus on your daughter rather than worrying about him. This is his mess to get out of. My support pack, How Counselling Can Help, will show you where to find emotional support. Get in touch with Deidre Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays. Send an email to deardeidre@ You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page. CRUSHED BY HIS GUSHING LOVE LETTER TO OLD FLAME DEAR DEIDRE: A LETTER my husband wrote to an ex-girlfriend 30 years ago has broken my heart. I stumbled across it when we were clearing through some paperwork. Our children have grown up, so we are selling up and buying a smaller property nearer to our daughter. I saw an envelope with his writing on the front, addressed to his ex. After showing it to my husband, who is 58, he told me he never had the courage to send it, but he had written it to her after they'd broken up, just before he met me. In the letter, he described how wonderful she was, how intoxicating her perfume was and how empty he felt when she left his bed in the morning. He has never written anything like that to me or ever expressed such romantic feelings. I feel so upset. Am I overthinking this? DEIDRE SAYS: You can't deny your own feelings. You've now seen a side of him that you might not have experienced yourself, so you are bound to be comparing yourself to her – even if it was many years ago. Be open and honest with him about how the letter makes you feel. He may be able to reassure you that he was a very different person then and his ex is history – and you are the love of his life. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, will help you and show you where to find support. WRONGLY CHARGED IN HI-TECH CAR PARK DEAR DEIDRE: I HAVE been fined for parking in my local car park when I didn't even find a space. The ticket machine had been replaced with cameras. I'm a man of 76 and I have used this car park for years without any issue, but that was when you could put money in the machine. Now, cameras record visits and apparently you need to type in your registration plate on the machine instead. There was a fete in the town so it was very busy that day. I drove up the three floors and couldn't find anywhere to park, so I drove out again. There were a lot of cars ahead of me, so it took a little while, but I didn't register my car in the machine. I have now received a letter about me staying in the car park for 17 minutes and not paying the fee. I don't know how to fight it. DEIDRE SAYS: You have a right to challenge a parking ticket if there was no parking space. If you have another receipt from an alternative car park around that time, it might help substantiate your case. You can write back to the issuer of the fine explaining the circumstances, or use a template from To find the template, put 'parking fines' in the search bar. Or you can make an appointment to go in and see someone if you prefer – but take your paperwork with you. LOVER WANTS TO LIVE IN UKRAINE DEAR DEIDRE: THE love of my life might have to move back home to Ukraine. I met her when she came over here under the Government's programme to help Ukrainian civilians after Russia's 2022 invasion. I work as an account manager and she joined our workplace in our logistics department. Her English is excellent and we hit it off when we were introduced. She is 38 and I'm 41. I was single, so I offered to show her around the local area at the weekend. From there, we started dating, then she moved in with me. It's been amazing to love her and feel loved by her, and I could really see a future together. She worries about her parents, though. They're now in their seventies and not in good health. She has been back to see them twice since she first arrived in the UK. But now she has decided she has to go back to Ukraine for longer, to help look after them. Although she has asked me to go too, I have a comfortable life here and I don't want to go to a war-torn country. I don't want to lose her, though. DEIDRE SAYS: Of course you don't, and moving to Ukraine would bring up all kinds of difficulties, not least because of the war. Your girlfriend is being pulled in two directions, and going back to see her parents might help her feel more connected to them, but in time she may even decide to return to the UK. Even if she were to stay there permanently, you could visit her to see if you can envisage yourself living there. If you can't, you're going to have to make a decision about whether you want to have a long-distance relationship, or accept this won't work. Discuss your options with a counsellor through the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy ( 01455 883 300).
The Sun
6 days ago
- Entertainment
- The Sun
The woman I'm in love with is caring, sexy and completely gorgeous – but she's also an escort
DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman I'm in love with is caring, sexy and completely gorgeous. She is also an escort. We have the most wonderful times together and I can't believe she is like this with every other customer. I'm 32 and she's 26. I've used escorts for sex numerous times but I've never felt like this. She blows my mind. I met her a couple of weeks ago on an adult site. She didn't advertise that she was an escort but agreed to meet me after I sent her a photo. We met at her flat and instantly there was a connection like I've never experienced before. We sat and talked and she explained how she became an escort. She was open and honest and told me she had a two-year-old son. I felt so comfortable talking to her. It was as if we were old friends catching up after knowing each other for years. We talked for a couple of hours before we had sex. It was the best I have ever had. She was awesome and so passionate. The next time we met, we even spent the night together and she refused the extra money I wanted to give her. Since that night I can't stop thinking about her or the time that we spend together. Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships I dream about being with her permanently. But I know I wouldn't want her to work as an escort any longer. I can't decide whether I should tell her how I feel. This is the first time that I've wanted to make a commitment to any woman. I really just don't know what to do. DEIDRE SAYS: She might feel the same way but I need to impress upon you that she may also see you as no more than just a lucrative client. She could be playing you along. And I'm sorry to burst your bubble but she is unlikely to see you as a life partner. She is doing a job. However, you need to have a serious talk and ask her what she wants from all this. An escort gives you intimacy, but it is nothing like the sex with a woman who you know well, care for and, most importantly, who cares for you. If she admits she does not see a future together with you, you need to be firm with yourself and rearrange your life to give yourself the best chance of meeting someone who wants to have a proper relationship with you. In that case my support pack on Finding The Love Of Your Life can help. HE'S OFF SEX SINCE THE BABY DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband hasn't wanted sex since our son, who is now three, was born. The passion has dwindled to nothing. I am 31 and my husband is 34. We have been married for eight years. At first, everything was great and we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We have had our fair share of money problems which put a strain on our relationship, but we have recently been able to pay off our debts and I thought everything was good. However, my husband is still not interested. I know he pleases himself because I can hear him when he thinks I am asleep. It makes me feel worthless and unloved. I have tried to talk to him about it but he always becomes angry and defensive and storms off. I feel as though I am pestering him if I suggest having sex. The constant rejection is really starting to get to me. DEIDRE SAYS: He may find it hard to see you as both a mother and a desirable woman. It is a known form of sexual inhibition. He might also find it difficult to get the image of childbirth out of his head, or feel guilty about having put you through a painful experience. Tell him how hurt and rejected you feel. It is important to resolve such a fundamental issue in your relationship, if only for your son's sake. My support pack, Sex Problems After A Baby, will help you both better understand and resolve this. NIGHTMARE OVER NOISY NEIGHBOUR DEAR DEIDRE: OUR neighbours have ruined the peace in our road with their noisy all-night parties. It keeps me and my children awake. We are exhausted. I don't object to them having dos, but it is the noise level and the duration that I feel is unacceptable. I am a 34-year-old single mum. My girls are six and eight. Our road was quiet until a young couple moved in a couple of doors down. Sometimes they will have parties in the week which go on until sunrise. I hear their friends arriving in the early hours. They shout and laugh and slam their car doors, which wakes up me and my children. My kids have become really grumpy in the mornings, and I'm struggling to get them to school. Their teachers have reported they are finding it hard to stay awake. I have tried asking the neighbours to quieten down but they just tell me to get lost and the parties continue. DEIDRE SAYS: This is unacceptable. Speak to your other neighbours. If you get together as a group to ask this couple to cut down the noise they may take notice. Suggest they keep their partying to occasional weekends. Call the police when the noise is at its worst if they ignore you and keep a diary of every party. My support pack Nuisance Neighbours may help but if you've exhausted all channels, make a complaint through your council. JEALOUS BLOKE DRIVING ME MAD DEAR DEIDRE: I'M dreading going away with my boyfriend and some of our mates as I know that it will become a holiday from hell. I don't want to spend that much time with him. I am 28 and he is 29. We have been together for three years but I can't stand how jealous he gets. It makes my blood boil. He constantly brings up historical issues and makes nasty comments, like the time I went travelling with a pal a few years ago. It's only because he has never done it. He can't stand me having friends. He was very mean to me recently when I went into town to have lunch with a pal. A few days later, we visited his family and he was making sarcastic comments about my friend the whole time. Now, we have a holiday booked for New Year with eight of our friends. We were out with them a few nights ago and my sister rang me. She has just come out of hospital after having a minor operation. I popped outside where it was quieter, to speak to her, but even then my boyfriend wasn't happy. He does my head in. Despite insisting he has changed, he clearly hasn't. I am beginning to think that I can't go on this break with him. DEIDRE SAYS: His jealousy and controlling behaviour are totally unreasonable, but the reason may lie in a family background which left him feeling unable to rely on anyone he loves. Tell him that he needs to face up to his insecurity and unless you see a real change in his behaviour, perhaps with the help of a counsellor, you worry about the holiday and for the future of your relationship. Explain that his actions are killing your love for him and will eventually drive you away. It will only get worse if you don't address the problem. My support pack, Dealing With Jealousy, explains self-help for you both.
