08-03-2025
Chris Kelly Opinion: When ‘Crackers' and I agree, the apocalypse must be nigh
Even in a county apparently confused about its form of government and a country being ransacked by a criminal president and a chainsaw-wielding charlatan, it was a weird week in politics.
Lackawanna County judges kicked the task of selecting candidates to replace departed Commissioner Matt McGloin back to the county Democratic Party Machine, essentially restarting a suspect process and setting up a potential legal battle over the preeminence (or impotence) of the county's Home Rule Charter.
Meanwhile, in what's left of Washington, D.C., President Donald Trump followed up his traitorous shakedown of Ukraine with an interminable speech that amounted to pornography for Putin and introduced a new false example of frivolous government spending — 'transgender mice.'
Congressional Democrats answered Trump's firehose of lies and crackpot claims by 'virtue-signaling' with pickleball paddles imprinted with pithy slogans and T-shirts stamped with 'RESISTANCE.' They responded to the ongoing chainsaw massacre of Our Republic by raiding the bargain bins at Target.
Back to Lackawanna County, where an ongoing coup attempt is uniting the strangest of allies. During the public meeting at which the two surviving commissioners accepted McGloin's resignation, Bob 'Cro-MAGA Man' Bolus defended the county Democratic Party Machine's back-door plot to choose McGloin's successor.
Then former commissioner and devout MAGA Republican Laureen 'Crackers' Cummings stood up and said this, which I swear I am not making up:
'I am not a Democrat, as everybody knows, but I have to say, and I don't usually agree with anything in The Scranton Times, as everybody knows as well, but Chris Kelly was spot-on,' she said, referring to (last) Sunday's column. 'I see a coup, just as you do.'
After the room stopped spinning and the gasps died down, I thanked Cummings for her unexpected but welcome support. We agreed it was likely the last time we would agree on anything.
From the start of this farce, county Democratic Party Chairman Chris Patrick has defended the Machine's closed-door selection process by saying, 'We're just following the county's Home Rule Charter.' This is true. To an extent.
The section of the charter that addresses vacancies requires the executive committee of the party of the departing official to select three candidates. The party did that, and will do it again, after the court ruled the party jumped the gun. The new deadline is Tuesday. Expect the same old Machine candidates to be on the list.
According to the Home Rule Charter, the court appoints one of the candidates to serve out the term temporarily pending 'a special election according to the Laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania' to be held 'at the next primary municipal or general election to permanently fill the vacancy (unless the open term is in its last year).'
McGloin's term doesn't expire until 2028. The next primary election is May 20. If the party is 'following the county's Home Rule Charter,' why hasn't Patrick called for a special election?
Maybe because of the clause, 'according to the Laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.' Said laws contain no provision for a special election and give the court sole power of replacing a commissioner as long as the appointee is of the same party as the departing official.
This conflict between the county's Home Rule Charter and state law was key in the 2000 court case sparked by now-Judge Andy Jarbola's appointment as district attorney after Michael Barrasse left for the bench. The Republican Machine didn't want a special election, either. The Commonwealth Court upheld Jarbola's appointment despite its conflict with the provisions of the Home Rule Charter.
I have neither the space nor the legal expertise to explore it deeply here, but it seems the county Democratic Machine is cherry-picking parts of the charter and state law. If they are truly following the county's Home Rule Charter, a special election is in order. If we're not going to follow the county's Home Rule Charter, why have one?
Neither the county's Home Rule Charter nor state law contains any mention of 'transgender mice.' They don't exist and only a lunatic could think they do, let alone say so in front of an audience of millions.
'Transgenic mice' do exist and are genetically modified with hormones to study the effects of diseases and vaccines. Either no one in the White House knows how to google, or they saw 'trans' and said, 'Let the Big Guy roll with it.' (FUN FACT: The $8 million Trump claimed he saved by cutting funding for fake 'transgender mice' is $2.7 million less than the $10.7 million his very real golf habit has cost taxpayers this year.)
The same reflexive bigotry behind 'transgender' mice reared its pointy head at the Pentagon. Secretary of Defense and DEI Hire Pete Hegseth's ordered purge of 'diversity, equity and inclusion content' from military websites targeted images of the aircraft that dropped the first atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Its name is 'Enola Gay.'
Hegseth is living proof that MAGA Republicans are all for DEI, as long as a mediocre white guy is catching a break.
And the mess over replacing McGloin is empirical evidence that the county's Home Rule Charter is as outdated and regressive as the Machine politics that continue to place power above the public good. Any time Laureen Cummings and I agree, it's time for a change.
I like Laureen. I get along with Bob Bolus, too (in brief encounters). While I abhor their politics as much as they abhor mine, I see them as fellow Americans and children of God who, despite our many differences, want the same thing I do.
Attention.
CHRIS KELLY, the Times-Tribune columnist, thinks a special election is the best way to replace McGloin. How about you? Contact the writer: ckelly@ @cjkink on X; Chris Kelly, The Times-Tribune on Facebook.
