27-06-2025
Why Many Dogs Struggle to Learn Being Alone
Being left alone at home can be unfamiliar or even frightening for many dogs. Young or insecure dogs, in particular, quickly develop separation anxiety, which manifests through barking, whining, or even destructive behavior. This can become a burden, especially for single owners, as PETBOOK editor Dennis Agyemang knows from personal experience.
A few weeks ago, I adopted my first dog, Paco. He comes from an international animal rescue and is still unfamiliar with many things: neither city life nor its noises, but he's coping bravely. However, he doesn't know how to be alone yet. So, I have to organize my daily life well at the moment. Someone always has to be there to watch him when I need to go shopping or to the doctor. Because being alone isn't an option yet.
Taking out the trash has become a real challenge—and surely a sight for the neighbors—when I dash through the stairwell and communal garden with my trash bags at record speed before Paco barks down the whole house. He's quite loud, and my neighbors are noise-sensitive. In short, this can't go on in the long run.
But the good news: With gradual training, patience, and the right preparation, any dog can learn to stay alone calmly and relaxed. That's what I hear from various dog trainers online. The key is for the dog to build trust in small steps and understand: 'Being alone doesn't mean anything bad—my human always comes back.'
But why is being alone such a big deal for most dogs—at least initially? 'Dogs have a strong need for attachment. Once they have built trust, they want to stay with their social partner—and permanently,' explains dog psychologist Marc Ebersbach. Dogs perceive the absence of their owners not as temporary but as a loss of control. 'In nature, there's no situation where a pack member simply disappears, leaving the others behind. On the contrary, dogs follow when they need closeness.'
As a dog psychologist, he often hears the comparison to earlier times when it was no big deal for dogs to be alone. 'The often-cited comparison with the farm falls short: There, the dog is sometimes alone, but never without stimuli. He hears cows, tractors, people. He's in the middle of life—that's calming.' In a city apartment, however, that's usually not the case, explains the dog psychologist. 'Doors and windows are closed, the dog is acoustically and visually isolated. No stimuli, no orientation—he perceives the absence not as temporary but as a loss of control.' For the dog, often a big shock.
'The result: The dog is stressed, often panicked—and in stress, he can't learn. When I come back after five minutes, he can't store the experience as a positive one. That's the core of the problem.' But simply playing sounds against the silence in the apartment is not a cure-all, explains dog trainer Katharina Marioth.
'Of course, it's sensible not to make the apartment completely 'dead'—so leave windows open, play a radio station with soft music or TV noise—the main thing is that there's some kind of stimulus. Because for dogs, being alone is inherently unnatural.' The concentration of scent drops particularly sharply within the first 30 minutes after the person leaves. 'That's the crucial moment. In this phase, it often decides whether the dog relaxes or panics,' says Marioth.
Many make the mistake of directly training being alone, says Marc Ebersbach. 'But that doesn't work—the dog must first learn that spatial separation is not negative.' Therefore, he works with structured 'stay' training. 'The dog first learns to stay in a defined place while I move away—visibly. First spatially, then temporally. I work a lot with body language: hand forward, clear signals, repeated confirmation. This way, he learns step by step to endure distance and experiences the separation in a controlled and stress-free way.' Only then can the dog learn that being alone is not threatening, explains the dog psychologist.
He managed to take away his dog's fear, who was traumatized by previous owners who often left her alone for hours, through stay training. 'With the stay training, she gradually learned to detach from me,' says Ebersbach. It was crucial that he worked through space, not prohibition. 'I didn't tell her: 'You must not follow me,' but: 'This space is now yours—please stay there.' That's a difference dogs understand.'
It's important to proceed gently with training and not to overwhelm the dog, warns Katharina Marioth in the PETBOOK interview. 'The biggest mistake is believing that being alone is about control or 'pushing the dog away.' That's complete nonsense. It's about learning—and learning security in a completely unnatural situation.' Many dog owners make the mistake of quickly closing the door and leaving the dog alone without mentally preparing him first, says the dog trainer.
Training based solely on commands or punishment doesn't work, Marioth knows. 'Because if the dog is in panic, no 'sit' or 'stay' helps. We have to train the first 30 minutes when the dog loses his orientation. Ignoring this condemns the dog to constant stress.' That's not a sign of 'bad obedience,' but of being overwhelmed, warns the trainer.
'You have to see being alone as a process that must be learned step by step—with a lot of patience and careful observation. And you must not treat it as a one-time command but as a real challenge for the dog, which you systematically build up with stimuli and short absences.'
Stimulus Decoupling:Put on a jacket and shoes several times a day to erase expectations. Open/close the door without leaving—this removes the ritual's significance.
Relaxation before training:Daily targeted body massage at the resting place with a drop of lavender oil for 5–10 minutes. This releases oxytocin—a hormone that promotes relaxation.
Build 'Stay' training:Keep the dog in place with clear body language. Initially move away for only a few seconds, gradually increase—but always stay within the success range.
Reinforcement through ritual:Begin and end each exercise with a long massage. In between, short touches as a reward. At the end, give a chew item to reduce stress.
Observation with a camera:Leave the apartment only when your dog is relaxed—and return before he shows signs of stress. Only then can he store positive learning experiences.
Start training in the evening:Begin exercises in the evening when the dog is tired—this lowers the arousal threshold and makes learning easier.
It's always important to consider that being alone is not natural for dogs, emphasizes dog trainer Katharina Marioth. 'Being alone is a human invention. No dog is made to be alone for hours.' Therefore, the first half-hour after the person leaves is the most important training phase. 'During this time, the human's scent is strongest, and the dog still feels 'connected.'' Here, you must work positively, such as with special food toys or calming rituals.
Additionally, regular massages, linked with scent anchors like lavender oil or even the administration of CBD oil, can help the dog relax, says dog psychologist Marc Ebersbach. It's important to discuss the latter with the treating veterinarian beforehand. 'Anyone who simply pushes their dog away without allowing this learning phase shouldn't be surprised if the dog goes crazy. That has nothing to do with a loss of control but with a completely missing learning opportunity,' Katharina Marioth concludes.
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