24-07-2025
Psychologists Say These 9 Habits Make You Seem Insecure Without Realizing It
Psychologists Say These 9 Habits Make You Seem Insecure Without Realizing It originally appeared on Parade.
You might stroll through life feeling pretty sure of yourself—confident, composed and certain that you're giving off all the right vibes. But here's the catch: the way you feel and the way you come across aren't always in sync. Sometimes, without meaning to, people send out subtle signals that quietly suggest they're not self-assured, even if they think what they're doing promotes the opposite. These little habits tend to slip under a person's radar, but they still speak volumes to everyone around you. If you want to find out what those actions are, you're in luck because we found out nine habits that psychologists say can make you seem insecure without you even realizing spoke with not one, but four psychologists to get a clearer picture of what these sneaky behaviors can be. Together, Dr. Caitlin Slavens, Dr. Jenny Shields, Dr. Lisa Larsen and Dr. JJ Kelly break down the kinds of everyday mannerisms that might seem harmless—or even go completely unnoticed by you—but can quietly shape how others perceive you. With their insight, you can start to fine-tune the energy you give off with the way you truly want to be seen, both in your personal life and at out all the ways you might be giving off insecure vibes below. You may be surprised by how many of these things you actually do. But don't let that get you down, thanks to this list, you'll not only spot them more easily, you'll be able to work on them so you can kiss your subtle self-conscious behaviors
9 Habits That Make You Seem Insecure Without Realizing It, According to Psychologists
1. Constantly Apologizing
'Saying 'sorry' for things that don't require an apology, like asking a question or needing a moment of someone's time, can make you appear insecure," explains Dr. Shields. "This habit can signal a core belief that your very presence is an inconvenience and it inadvertently trains people to see your contributions as less important, which can make you seem insecure without you knowing it.' Dr. Larsen reveals that there are many reasons why someone does this unknowingly. 'A person who does this may have had very harsh, critical parents growing up and may not realize that one sincere apology is all that is necessary in most situations,' she opens
2. Over-Explaining Yourself
'Offering a long-winded justification for a simple 'no' suggests you don't trust your own decision and are insecure because it turns a simple boundary into a negotiation, signaling that you need the other person's approval to feel valid in your choice,' Dr. Shields shares. 'For example, when declining an invitation, providing a five-minute story about all your competing obligations instead of a simple, 'I can't make it, but thank you for inviting me!' gives off the impression that you aren't confident with your decision."Related:
3. Hiding Behind Humor
'When everything becomes a joke (especially about yourself), it's hard to know who the real you is and people can't connect with someone who's always deflecting,' Dr. Slavens tells Shields adds, 'Using jokes, especially self-deprecating ones, as a shield against any real emotional depth is a classic defense mechanism. It communicates that you're uncomfortable with sincerity and are unwilling to let people see the person behind the persona, which can come off as you being an insecure person. Even a nervous giggle in a serious moment does the opposite of putting people at broadcasts your own anxiety and insecurity about the situation. Instead, it tells others you're unable to handle the weight of the conversation and aren't secure.'
4. Fishing for Reassurance
'Constantly seeking validation by asking questions like, 'Was that okay?' or 'Did I do a good job?' outsources your self-worth,' Dr. Shields states. 'It can shift the dynamic, making others feel responsible for managing your self-esteem. For instance, if after giving a presentation, you immediately ask a coworker, 'Was that terrible? I feel like I rambled,' you make yourself appear insecure without realizing it.'Dr. Slavens tells Parade this is something people do too often.'When someone does this over and over, it can quietly tell people they don't feel confident, even if they actually know what they're doing," she notes. She reveals that 'this is fairly common when a person wants or needs admiration from others' and says 'secure people have enough confidence to allow people to compliment them or not. They don't need to influence other people into reassuring them.'Related:
5. Avoiding Speaking Up
'This behavior can show a lack of confidence in oneself, especially in the workplace or at school,' Dr. Larsen addresses. 'Even if a person knows the right answer or needs to set a limit with someone else, they might feel frightened of the consequences they imagine will happen if they do speak up. It shows they lack the assertiveness to demonstrate what they know and show their self-worth.'Dr. Slavens agrees and says, 'Staying quiet doesn't always mean you don't have something to say—often, it means you've been taught not to trust your voice or you feel anxious about those around you, which then gives off insecure vibes.'If you keep avoiding speaking up, Dr. Kelly says your habit will get worse. "Avoiding any behavior that requires courage not only appears anxious, it comes from fear and insecurity which, in turn, creates more fear and insecurity," she tells Parade.
6. Nervous Body Language
'Your body tells a story before you even speak,' Dr. Shields shares. 'Slouching, fidgeting or crossing your arms are ways of physically retreating from a situation. Even if you're just trying to be unobtrusive, this body language undermines your confidence.'"This habit screams insecurity, even if you don't feel that way deep down," Dr. Kelly says. "People read those physical cues as, 'I don't want to be here' or 'I'm not confident in myself.' It's often unconscious, which is why it's so powerful. The fix? Build awareness and practice grounded presence."
7. Overcompensating With Bragging
'Sometimes people brag not because they feel confident—but because they're worried about someone not thinking they're worthy. So they try to say it first, louder and more,' Dr. Shields explains. She says doing this makes you look insecure to others even though you don't think it does, sharing, 'This is the opposite of a 'polite' habit, but it's born from the same insecure root. The attempt to prove your worth with a list of accomplishments often backfires, as it can signal a larger fear that you wouldn't be valued without them. Such as dominating a conversation by listing recent promotions, expensive purchases or important people you know, can make you look insecure to others without you intending to do so.'Dr. Kelly seconds that and reveals, "Outright bragging and 'humble bragging' have a repelling 'ick' to most people, and is the behavior of someone who lacks the confidence to validate their achievements to themselves—and internal validation process that builds self-esteem and self-confidence, innately."Related:
8. Deflecting Praise Onto Others
'There's nothing wrong with being a team player, but if you never accept credit, people might wonder if you believe you've earned any and feel insecure. A simple 'thank you' can be powerful and make you appear more confident,' Dr. Slavens Larsen tells Parade a person may unknowingly do this as a result of their childhood.'Deflecting praise can show one's insecurity without them realizing it, however, it may be a result of them being told by their caregivers 'not to get a big head,'' she reveals. 'It may feel unsafe for these folks to accept ownership of a compliment, because others have been jealous and treated them poorly as a result.'
9. Being Overly Agreeable
'While wanting to get along is positive, agreeing with every opinion without offering your own can make you seem like a social chameleon and insecure unknowingly to you. Instead of being seen as 'nice,' you may come across as lacking a core identity or being too afraid of rejection to state your true feelings,' Dr. Shields points Slavens agrees and says, 'Being over agreeable doesn't make you easygoing; it can make you seem like you don't care or you aren't confident in your own opinion without you meaning to.'
Up Next:Psychologists Say These 9 Habits Make You Seem Insecure Without Realizing It first appeared on Parade on Jul 23, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 23, 2025, where it first appeared.
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