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Time Magazine
5 days ago
- General
- Time Magazine
The Left Must Reclaim Motherhood
'I had no idea how much you loved being a mom,' my best friend said one day at a park meet-up 15 months after my son was born. At that point, I'd been parenting for over a year, and yet, I'd somehow forgotten to tell her how much this new life-altering experience had meant to me. In fact, one of the first things I decided after my son was born was that I wouldn't write about him or motherhood. I'd felt unable to describe the mixture of joy, rage, love, and exhaustion that consumed me because of it. More accurately, it took me years to feel comfortable with the idea that parenting wasn't a frivolous topic, and 'mother' was a word I actually wanted to be associated with. Since then, there have been other moments of motherhood dissonance. I've found myself baking a cake from scratch (which, for the record, has never turned out quite right!) or cooking a meal for my family, feeling happily domestic, when a suspicious sensation takes over, as if I might turn into a milkmaid-dress donning homesteader who has abandoned all her progressive ideals. But is enjoying cooking food for people you love a conservative endeavor? And why did it take me so long to feel ok to share my experiences as a mother? Sure, I never dreamed of becoming a parent when I was growing up, and I saw the suburbs as a heteronormative hellscape. But it's more than that—recently, it's because the cultural chasm surrounding motherhood has widened, largely because of politics. On one side of the political spectrum, conservatives have adeptly rebranded motherhood as a sanctified identity—stylized, nostalgic, and tightly wrapped in traditional values. From the rise of tradwive s, to the rise of the pronatalist movement, to the homeschooling revival, conservative motherhood has become not only a lifestyle but a political aesthetic. Decorated in gingham and pastels, with references to "simpler times," right-wing influencers have woven a narrative where motherhood is both an ideal and a coveted aesthetic—one that often valorizes the nuclear family, eschews public institutions, and distrusts science. Meanwhile, the left has engaged in a vital act of exposing the harsher and heavier realities of parenting. From economists like Emily Oster and writers Jessica Valenti and Angela Garbes (to name a very few), we have been shown the truth about the gender wage gap's impact on parenting, the way maternal mortality disproportionately affects Black women, and the imbalance of cognitive labor that mothers bear. Social media accounts like TikTok's @momunfiltered share stories of messy motherhoods detailing the exhaustion, the inequity, and the lack of social safety nets. These accounts have helped to destigmatize these experiences and have revealed how parenting in a country with no universal childcare, inadequate maternal healthcare, and no guaranteed paid leave becomes an act of survival for many. This truth is essential—especially in a culture that punishes mothers while feigning reverence for them. But amidst this necessary reckoning, depictions of joy and meaning have been lost. As a queer, progressive mother of two, I know this conflict intimately. I've noticed how quickly I'll make a joke about the stress of parenting, but hesitate to share when something about it feels deeply good. There's a subtle sense that taking pleasure in domesticity might be a betrayal of my values—as if nurturing children, or even enjoying something as benign as baking, plays into oppressive tropes. But why should the right own parenting and caretaking? I was most struck by the recent headline of feminist philosopher Kate Manne, who wrote a piece titled 'Don't Have Children,' where she described her daughter as her greatest joy, but simultaneously wrote that she hopes to never become a grandmother. Is that the best we can offer children and young people in our country, which is rich in money, technology, advanced medical treatments, and resources? This complete give-up cannot be the only solution. . In our efforts to dismantle the idealization of motherhood, the left has struggled to articulate a more complex view of caregiving—one that acknowledges the labor, yes, but also celebrates the connection, creativity, and sometimes radical meaning that comes with raising children. It has also left out a vision for what caregiving has the potential to be under the right leadership. As the conservative right makes motherhood its ideological stronghold, the left risks ceding not just the narrative, but the cultural and political power that comes with it. What would it mean to embrace motherhood not only as a struggle but a site of potential joy and creativity? Our elected officials could, in theory, make positive change should they choose to take on caretaking in a meaningful way. We've seen it happen elsewhere: In 2024, for instance, the UK passed a law attempting to help specifically working and low-income families by allowing access to free childcare for up to 15 hours per week for children nine months and older, and up to 30 hours for three and four year olds. This past April, Singapore added four weeks of mandatory paternity leave (other countries, including Sweden, Japan, and Norway have similar policies), which has the ability to jump-start more equitable caretaking for both parents early on. This does not solve all the issues that come with parenthood, but it's certainly a start. Leftist activists are fighting for childcare funding, reproductive justice, and equitable family leave policies. There are growing grassroots childcare collectives popping up, like Rad Dad Zine and the Parenting for Liberation network, which both model the use of mutual aid, intersectionality, and bring joy to the forefront. During the COVID-19 pandemic, we saw families lean on each other for pod schooling and collaborative use of resources. Despite these boots on the ground movements, we don't see our elected Democratic officials take these needs on in a meaningful way that would put people over profits. The left doesn't need to replicate the tradwife stylings, however relaxing and visually appealing it seems, but it does need its own vision—one that affirms the possibility of caregiving without erasing the hardship. To reclaim motherhood, the left must do more than critique. We must dream and share what caregiving could look like in our world of more than plenty. We must push our elected officials to champion meaningful public policies like universal childcare and paid parental leave. I've also realized that I can do a better job of making more visible the joy and radical meaning that comes not despite caregiving, but because of it. I have become more vocal in claiming the title of mother and discussing the varying ways motherhood has changed me for the better. Above all, since all moms feel so differently about each stage, day, and moment, I try to make sure that I am just sharing my point of view. Motherhood and joy are not inherently conservative. It's time for the left (and me) to reclaim this truth—and with it, to imagine a future where parenting is not a battleground but a common ground.
Daily Mail
16-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
I'm a parenting expert, this is why I won't send my kids to birthday parties
A mother has come under fire revealing she often doesn't allow her children to go to birthday parties. Emily Oster, 45, who write books on parenting, appeared on the We Met At Acme podcast last month to discuss motherhood, and said she didn't allow her children, aged 10 and 14, to attend parties. The economist and author, from the US, is known for voicing her sometimes controversial opinions on motherhood said she'd rather prioritise 'family time'. Emily, who is also CEO for the ParentData blog, told the podcast, hosted by Lindsey Metselaar, that she wasn't 'categorically opposed' to parties, but that she would turn down invitations if they clashed with family plans. A video recording of the conversation shared to the podcast's social media channels racked up more than 234,000 views, with thousands of parents left seething by Emily's divisive remarks. Viewers accused her of being 'controlling' and making a 'bad parenting choice'. Explaining her view, she said: 'For our family, this idea of prioritising some time that the four of us can spend together that is family time, that's very central, and that's not everybody's thing, but that's our thing. And once we have that, it sort of rules out many other things.' 'It's not that I'm categorically opposed to the concept of a birthday party,' she clarified, adding that she would rather take the opportunity to spend time together as a family unit. Only if they weren't 'generally doing things as a family', would she allow her children the chance to attend the birthday celebrations of other 'If there were a Sunday afternoon birthday party, which is a time at which we don't generally do things as a family, I would be happy to let my kid go if they wanted,' 'But if the birthday party is Sunday morning, which is a time that we like to go hiking or do other stuff together, it's just no. 'It's just like we decided a thing that was important, and this other thing is less important because we said this first thing was the most important.' Viewers were less than impressed by Emily's comments, with many accusing her of 'excluding' her children and for making 'bad parenting choices'. One furious parent wrote: 'I'm a teacher. Kids talk about their birthday parties all week and after the weekend. You're excluding your child not just from the party, but from the whole experience around it. It's isolating.' A second said: 'Hate this but thanks for sharing your bad parenting choice.' Others pointed to the value of 'friendship' and 'community' in allowing their children to socialise at parties. Viewers were less than impressed by Emily's comments, with many accusing her of 'excluding' her children and for making 'bad parenting choices' 'But I want my kids to value friendship, community, showing up for people! And I have to teach them that by example. And parties are what, an hour? Two?,' another pointed out. Another insisted she had 'control issues' for refusing her to allow her brood to take part in birthday celebrations. After amassing a slew of negative backlash, Emily later told Good Morning America, where she told hosts that she hoped more people would listen to the podcast in it's entirety to full understand her position. 'If you just said, 'My family likes to spend time together on Sunday morning,' I don't think that's a very controversial statement,' she told the publication. 'My kids go to birthday parties. My kids spend time with other students [and] kids. We have play dates, etc. It is just about, in this particular example, a way in which a family might prioritise or think about their time.' The parenting expert said she and her husband have long held a commitment to 'family time', and that they enjoy a range of activities with their children, who are aged 10 and 14. Acknowledging that not everyone would agree with her take on the matter, she told the media outlet said she hoped parents could look decipher their own priorities according to their individual needs. 'The idea that we would like to spend some time together as a family, that is part of the core values that my husband and I share, and I think it's very similar to many other families,' she said. 'What I urge people is to think about what you want your weekends to look like … so then you can make the life that you love.'
Axios
07-05-2025
- Health
- Axios
Utah moms are having babies later than ever
Utah women are waiting longer than they did two decades ago to have children. Why it matters: Increased access to fertility treatments and reliable birth control are helping more women delay parenthood, although obstacles remain to getting pregnant later in life. By the numbers: On average, moms in Utah are 29 when they give birth — up from 26.7 in 2003 and slightly younger than the national average of 29.7, according to provisional CDC data. Between the lines: Utahns are also getting hitched later. The median age of Utahns getting married for the first time was 26 in 2023, up from 24.5 in 2010, per census data. Zoom in: In 2012, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints began allowing 19-year-old women to serve 18-month missions, potentially delaying marriage and childbirth, according to research from the Utah Women & Leadership Project at Utah State University. Research also suggests that parents may delay having children by three to four years in a pricey real estate market. Utah is the seventh most expensive state to buy a house. The big picture: Nationally, the birth rate for teenagers and women in their early 20s dropped to record lows in 2024, as the birth rate for women over 30 rose, per the CDC data. And women ages 30 to 34 had a higher birth rate (95.4 per 1,000 women) than those in their late 20s (91.4). What they're saying: "Fertility declines with age, but 35 is not a cliff by any stretch," Emily Oster, an economist and bestselling author of pregnancy and parenting books, tells Axios. "Plenty of people have kids in their late 30s, but it might take a little more work and you might want to be thoughtful about your timing," says Oster, who recently launched a "trying to conceive" (TTC) section on her ParentData website. Between the lines: Knowing about fertility barriers before trying to get pregnant could encourage hopeful older parents to address potential medical issues and perhaps freeze eggs for IVF — giving them a better shot at pregnancy.
06-05-2025
- Entertainment
Mom explains why she says 'no' to some kids' birthday parties
One mom is defending her recent take on RSVPing "no" to other children's birthday parties. In a late April appearance on the "We Met At Acme" podcast, "The Family Firm" author Emily Oster, an economics professor and mom of two, explained that she and her husband actively prioritize family time, adding that they sometimes say "no" to non-family activities, such as a kid's birthday party, if they're held at previously agreed upon times. "You have to decide for your family, what are the things that are important? And one way to do that is to think big picture, like, 'What are our values?' and so on, and another is just to be like, 'What do we want our days and weekends to look like?'" Oster explained in a podcast clip shared on TikTok, which has since picked up over 223,000 views. "If there were a Sunday afternoon birthday party, which is a time in which we don't generally do things as a family, I would be happy to let my kid go if they wanted. But if the birthday party is Sunday morning, which is a time that we like to go hiking or do other stuff together, it's just 'no,' and I think for me, that kind of simplicity is so important," Oster continued. Hundreds have weighed in on the TikTok post, which now has over 700 comments, with some parents agreeing with Oster's viewpoint and others strongly disagreeing. "I wasn't a no all the time but agree here, majority no's on bday parties. All of mine played very serious travel sports, time felt sacred, had to sacrifice somewhere & happy we did," one person commented. Other parents pointed out that the general rule of making collective time to spend as a family doesn't have to come at the expense of other values. "I have the opposite philosophy. If my kid gets invited, they will go. It's such an easy thing and you never know how your kid showing up will be important to the birthday kid," one TikTok user commented. "You can't hike on a Sunday afternoon instead of Sunday morning? Like yes family time but it doesn't have to be static," another person wrote. Oster, who is also the CEO of the online platform ParentData, told "Good Morning America" she hopes people listen to the podcast in full to better understand her position. "If you just said, 'My family likes to spend time together on Sunday morning,' I don't think that's a very controversial statement," Oster said, adding, "My kids go to birthday parties. My kids spend time with other students [and] kids. We have play dates, etc. It is just about, in this particular example, a way in which a family might prioritize or think about their time." She said she and her husband have kept their family time commitment with their two kids, who are now 10 and 14, "for a long time," and over the years, they've enjoyed doing a variety of activities together, from hiking and spending time outdoors to bowling. "The idea that we would like to spend some time together as a family, that is part of the core values that my husband and I share, and I think it's very similar to many other families," said Oster. Oster said she doesn't expect every parent or family to agree with her perspective but that she hopes fellow parents can take a closer look at the choices they're making for their families, and prioritize what's best for them. "It's really valuable to think about the choices that you make and that the choices that are right for you might not be the same choices that are right for everybody," she said. "What I urge people is to think about what you want your weekends to look like … so then you can make the life that you love."
New York Post
06-05-2025
- Lifestyle
- New York Post
I don't let my kid go to birthday parties — family time is more important
Prioritizing what's important as a family can be a tough gig, but for Emily Oster there's one childhood activity that'll never come first. Children's birthday parties. Advertisement The economist and mom of two says her family prefers to forego social occasions to instead focus on family time. 'That's not everybody's thing, but that's our thing' Oster explained her anti-party stance in a recent episode of the podcast 'We Met At Acme', which was posted to TikTok. 'The idea of prioritizing some time that the four of us can spend together that is family time, that is very central,' she explained. Advertisement 'That's not everybody's thing, but that's our thing. Once we have that, it sort of rules out many other things.' She says she's not entirely against the idea of parties, but there's lots of factors that play into the decision of letting her kids attend. 'It's not that I'm categorically opposed to the concept of a birthday party. If there were a Sunday afternoon birthday party, which is a time at which we don't generally do things as a family, I would be happy to let my kid go if they wanted,' Emily continued. 3 Prioritizing what's important as a family can be a tough gig, but for Emily Oster her family will never prioritize birthday parties. TikTok / @wemetatacme Advertisement However, should a party were to clash with time often put aside for family it would be a hip hip no way! 'If the birthday party is a Sunday morning, which is a time that we like to go hiking or do stuff together, it's just no,' she explained. The weekend is when her family reconnects and it's an agreement within the family unit that isn't going to change. We decided a thing that was important, and the other thing is less important, and this other thing is less important because we said this first thing was the most important,' she said. Advertisement 3 'The idea of prioritizing some time that the four of us can spend together that is family time, that is very central,' she explained. Getty Images for Emily Oster 3 The comment section had some strong opinions about Oster's views. Getty Images 'Mom doesn't want to change her lifestyle' The comment section had some strong opinions about Oster's views. 'Sounds more like mom doesn't want to change her personal lifestyle for her kids. She wants to hike, the kids would likely rather be at a birthday party for a friend,' one commenter criticized. 'My mum was like this. Eventually if you deny enough parties, people will just stop inviting your child. It was very sad for me,' a second person agreed. A third wrote 'I'm a teacher. Kids talk about their birthday parties all week and after the weekend. You're excluding your child not just from the party, but from the whole experience around it. It's isolating.'
