4 days ago
Are you having an early mid-life crisis?
Here's why so many young people in their 20s and 30s say they're experiencing a 'quarter life crisis'
We are all familiar with the term 'midlife crisis'. It's often joked about in films and TV, but recent studies found 38% of people in their mid-twenties and early thirties are experiencing what they themselves are calling a midlife crisis. But how can this be and what does it mean? Behavioural psychologist Pádraig Walsh joined RTÉ 2FM 's Emma Power to talk it through. (This piece includes excerpts from the conversation which have been edited for length and clarity - you can hear the discussion in full below).
The mid-life crisis stereotype is a lad in his 50s ditching the family for a red sports car. Is that a myth or a fact?
" James Bond and Thelma and Louise have so much to answer for! That idea of just taking off in your sports car was so alluring, particularly in the 1970s and 1980s, where people predominantly had their life course set out by their late twenties, but that isn't really backed up by research. Most people kind of go through a period of transition, so it's more Hollywood than psychology. What you have is people being really interested in this idea of throwing it all away. In reality, most of us tend to make those slight transitions as we go through life."
From RTÉ 2FM Morning with Laura Fox, behavioural psychologist Pádraig Walsh on the early mid-life crisis
Do we have more choice and freedom to try different things now?
We do - and that can be a blessing and a curse. "There's the whole concept we use in psychology of the paradox of choice. So if you go onto Netflix and you have no guiding light whatsoever, if there's no pathway set out, you're going to spend all your time scrolling through stuff without actually selecting a movie.
"The idea of having too much choice can paralyse us so it's nice quite often to have some sort of guiding path for us, some rules of thumb that kind of make life a little bit simpler. But if we stay too close to those and we don't tune into, well, actually what is it that I really want for myself? That's when it can get tricky and difficult. So we do have more choice now, but sometimes we have to be really conscious of how we navigate those choices."
What might people be experiencing during a quarter life crisis?
"There's some really interesting research coming out about this idea of a 'quarter life crisis'. People in their early-mid twenties going 'you know what? I have tried to follow the rules here, I have been told to study hard, work hard, get a qualification, and live my life by certain rules that were laid down to me, and now suddenly I have no stake in society. I am not able to afford somewhere to live, I'm not even able to afford somewhere to rent. I'm left with really difficult choices here.'
From RTÉ 2fm's Louise McSharry Show in 2020, career psychologist Sinéad Brady on the quarter life crisis
"In the 1970s and 1980s and 1990s, there would've been difficulties getting a job and people would emigrate for that. Now, we have almost full employment in Ireland, but it's very, very difficult to get accommodation that's affordable so you have this gap between what people are earning and what they can actually afford. This makes people go 'well, what's this all about?'
"And that's what a midlife crisis really is, that point where you're going o reevaluate things and make an adjustment. If I don't have a stake in society, if I feel like the rules, the social contract, has somewhat been broken, then we're going to have to really lean into this idea of change or a crisis".
Can we see this in pop culture?
" CMAT 's Euro-Country is a good example. She is talking about her experience as somebody from Gen Z reflecting on the financial crisis. A lot of the narrative was 'this bypassed the really young generation". She's saying, absolutely not. We were surrounded by this worry, by this angst, if it was from our parents, and we weren't really sure what was happening.
"You move forward from and suddenly we're into the likes of Covid and the cost of living and the housing crisis. Put all that together and the wild west of social media coming on stream in 2008 and 2009, and it just has really emphasised any angst, any kind of worries that somebody would've had. We're in the turbocharged comparison era. That can be really difficult if you're trying to navigate your twenties and figure out 'what am I doing?' Suddenly you're seeing somebody else getting on in life and that can amplify those feelings of inadequacy."
How do we know the difference between a 'crisis' and normal feelings of young adulthood?
"I suppose you take your evidence from other people and you go 'OK, well how do I feel in all of this? Am I comfortable in making these changes? Am I feeling grounded?' I use that term grounded a lot for ourselves, that somebody can live a life of their choosing where they have lots of different careers, live in lots of different places, have lots of different relationships, but they're fully grounded with that, that they feel OK - It's about feeling grounded in yourself and how do you feel? That idea of checking in on yourself and reflecting and going 'am I doing OK here?' A crisis is only a crisis if you label it one."
From RTÉ Brainstorm, why micro-retirement has become a new workplace trend for Gen Z & millennials
"There are no rules to life that say you have to have a relationship, a career or any of these other arbitrary markers in our life at a particular age. We have much more control than we had before, and we can make choices with that. Money gives us those choices. Money is that opportunity to give you self security or choice. But the cost of things versus the salary that you have can limit your choices or your sense of control and your feeling of having a stake in society. That's where the difficulty can land and where it can feel a little bit overwhelming or feel like tending towards a crisis."
At what point should you reach out for some professional help?
"If you are noticing it taking away from other aspects of your life. If this is consuming you, and you're noticing changes in yourself, or maybe you don't notice them yourself. One of the things about a crisis or burnout is that it's quite often somebody else who knows you very well who notices something in you and says 'maybe you need to seek some help for this'. Maybe you're noticing that it's taking away from other elements of your life and it's taking away from who you are. That's the point where you start to look for help."
