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Hindustan Times
05-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Hindustan Times
Woman writes novel to say goodbye to her ‘dead mother'. Then this happens
Author Stefany Valentine lost all hopes of meeting her mother after not having any contact with her for 25 years and even feared that she had died. But on New Year's eve of 2023, a call from her sister-in-law changed her life. For the first time, in over two decades, in August 2024, Stefany came face-to-face with her mother Meiling Valentine. Speaking to Stefany said she wondered whether she would be able to recognise her mother in the crowd after all these years and safe to say, she added, "I did." "It was just so good to hug her for the first time. I needed that hug," the author said. At the time of Stefany's reunion with her mother at the Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport, the author was working on her debut novel called 'First Love Language'. Her novel is based on Catie, a Taiwanese-American teen and adoptee, who looks to reconnect with her origin roots by learning Mandarin. A 31-year-old Stefany said that she used the novel, in some ways, "to really say goodbye, to close the door" on finding her birth mother. Meiling was married to Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine and had five children with him. The family used to move around a lot because of Todd's career in the Air Force, spending time in Texas (where Stefany was born), Taiwan and South Dakota. When Stefany was five-years-old, her parents got a divorce and all the kids went into Todd's custody. Their father moved them back to the States and their mother, Meiling, who did not speak any English, was cut of their lives. When Meiling lost ties to her children, she told "I almost collapsed." She said that the language barrier, lack of money and work experience, did not help in being able to find solution. "It was unfair treatment." Despite all these years, Stefany notes that her mother did not have the resources that her dad did even though she tries to maintain a "neutral" stance on their relation. Stefany said that she was made to believe that Meiling was "dangerous" and "neglected" her children. However, she said, that was another cultural divide as she didn't feel neglected in Taiwan. The author recalls that her and her siblings left behind their Taiwanese culture in America. "It was 'Go to school, speak English, assimilate, we're not doing that that anymore. And I think that was that. Losing a mother is one thing, and then losing your culture," she told While Stefany initially struggled to get a hold on English, her escape methods eventually led her to a writing career. When Stefany turned 8, Todd remarried. Her stepmother, Cindy, brought into the family her four children from a previous relationship. Cindy became a single mother to nine children when Stefany's father passed away in 2006. But the loss led the author to struggle with depression. Stefany said that growing into her teenage years, the rage from the loss of her father and her birth mother's absence, only increased. She was reportedly sent to live with other family members throughout majority of her high school years by Cindy. She was allowed to move back in her senior year. While looking for answers about Meiling, Stefany sought refuge in writing. She wrote a short story for the young-adult anthology, 'When We Become Ours', which points at the adoptee experience. The experience from this work led her to rework her first novel, First Love Language, into a more adoptee-focused piece. She looked historical and genealogical records in her attempts to find Meiling. But several psychichs indicated that Meiling had died, leading to Stefany putting an end to her search. On New Year's 2023, she got a surprising call. "My sister-in-law calls me and is like 'There is a Taiwanese lady in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you'." Initially, Stefany and her siblings were able to reconnect with Meiling via texting and though her siblings were not as much open to the idea of reunion, Cindy facilitated the author's trip to Taiwan. The author said that since Cindy worked with Delta, she was able to provide her with flight and everything. The day finally came in August, Stefany and Meiling were reunited. In the lead up to their first meeting at the encounter, Stefany said, "Nervous, anxious, scared, excited, everything — what wasn't I feeling? It was like Christmas, when you're going to bed and you're like, 'I'm going to get to open the presents tomorrow?' It was very much that for weeks leading up to it, just like, 'One day closer. One day closer.'" The mother-daughter realized how much similar they looked. The two made up for their long-lost time during Stefany's two-week trip to Taiwan last year. Stefany and Meiling went hiking, visited street markets, spent night in an aquarium and even celebrated the latter's birthday with a cake. 'She was like, 'This is the best birthday I've had in 20 years,'" Stefany said. During the second week, Cindy also visited Stefany and Meiling in Taiwan. The birth mother and the stepmother thanked each other for Stefany. Stefany's Taiwan visit also sparked her desire to learn Mandarin. She has applied for the local Chung Yuan University, where she is all set to start the term in the fall. The author said that with the help of her studies, she wants to facilitate reunions between her mother and the other siblings, and to eventually tell Meiling's story. "I want to write a memoir, for sure. But this memoir, I want it to also be her memoir and I want to be able to tell her story and all the complexities of it as well as I can in addition to writing my story," Stefany told Stefany said that now she does not want to waste any more time.
NDTV
05-05-2025
- Entertainment
- NDTV
Woman Writes Novel For "Dead Mother", And Then This Happened
A woman who thought her long-lost biological mother was dead and wrote a novel to say goodbye had the surprise of her life, one she least expected. Her mother was alive, and they reunited after 25 years. Stefany Valentine was in the middle of writing her first book, First Love Language, about an adoptee longing to re-establish a connection with her culture and to say "goodbye" to her birth mother, Meiling Valentine. The 31-year-old had given up on the possibility that she would ever get to see her mother. Ms Valentine is one of the five children born to Ms Meiling and Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine. After her parents separated, Ms Valentine and her father relocated to the United States. Meiling eventually stepped away from their lives. But "there has always been a need to know," Ms Valentine told PEOPLE. She said she turned to writing as a coping mechanism, contributing a short tale about the adoptee experience to the young-adult anthology "When We Become Ours". After searching historical and familial records, she eventually gave up looking for her mother after several psychics told her she was dead. Then, on New Year's Eve 2023, she received an unexpected call. "There's a Taiwanese woman in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you," her sister-in-law told her. Ms Valentine and her siblings initially reconnected with Ms Meiling via text and eventually travelled to Taiwan to meet her in person. In August, they finally met for the first time in over 20 years. They reunited at Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport. "I was wondering if I would recognise her in a crowd, and I did. It felt amazing to give her my first hug. I needed that hug," Ms Valentine said. Talking about her experience, Ms Valentine said, "I was feeling anxious, nervous, scared, excited, everything." She claimed the resemblance was shocking. She and her 57-year-old mother made up for lost time during her two-week trip to Taiwan. They went climbing, exploring street markets, spending the night in an aquarium, and even celebrating Meiling's birthday. Ms Valentine noted that working on First Love Language was "very therapeutic." The book is about Catie, a Taiwanese-American adolescent adoptee who wants to learn Mandarin to re-establish a connection with her culture.
Yahoo
04-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
She Thought Her Long-Lost Mom Was Dead and Wrote a Novel to Say ‘Goodbye.' Then Her Phone Rang (Exclusive)
Author Stefany Valentine published her debut novel, , in January While she was writing the book, about an adoptee looking to reconnect with her culture, Stefany coincidentally reunited with her own birth mom for the first time in 25 years Stefany's experience led her to apply to go to school to learn Mandarin and reconnect with her Taiwanese heritage In August, author Stefany Valentine got a hug she'd previously thought was impossible. After not hearing from her birth mother, Meiling Valentine, for 25 years, Stefany had all but given up on the hope that they might one day reconnect — and even feared Meiling had died. Then an unexpected coincidence brought them back together from opposite sides of the world. 'I was wondering if I would recognize her in a crowd, and I did,' Stefany tells PEOPLE through tears. 'It was just so good to hug her for the first time. I needed that hug.' The reunion between Stefany and Meiling, at the Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport, unfolded while Stefany was working on her debut novel, First Love Language, which centers around Catie — a Taiwanese-American teen and adoptee looking to reconnect with her birth culture by learning Mandarin. Stefany, 31, calls the process of working on the book 'very therapeutic,' saying that in some ways, she used it to 'to really say goodbye, to close the door,' on finding her birth mom. Related: Mom Breaks Down Her Unique Open Adoption Story and the 1 Rule She's Established with Daughter's Birth Mom (Exclusive) Stefany is one of five siblings born to Meiling and Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine. Due to Todd's career in the Air Force, the family moved around a lot, spending time in Taiwan, Texas (where Stefany was born) and South Dakota. When Stefany was 5, her parents divorced and Todd took custody of the kids and moved them back to the states. Stefany says Meiling, who didn't speak English, was cut out of their lives. "I almost collapsed,' Meiling tells PEOPLE now of losing her ties to her children. 'I looked everywhere for someone who could help me, but because I had no work experience, no money and language barriers, there was no way to find a proper solution. It was unfair treatment." All these years later, Stefany says she tries to stay 'neutral' when it comes to her feelings about what happened between her parents but notes, 'All of the resources that my dad had, my mom didn't.' While growing up apart from her biological mother, Stefany says she was 'fed' what she believes is a false narrative about Meiling — that she was 'dangerous' and 'neglected' her children. 'I think that that was another cultural divide because I don't remember feeling neglected in Taiwan,' Stefany says. In America after the divorce, Stefany says she and her siblings left their Taiwanese culture behind. 'It was 'Go to school, speak English, assimilate, we're not doing that anymore,' ' she recalls. 'And I think that was that. Losing a mother is one thing — and then losing your culture.' Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Stefany struggled to grasp English, but her escape methods led to her writing career. 'I spent a lot of time daydreaming,' she says. 'And I think that's ultimately what also led me down the path to becoming an author is because to this day, I am just constantly daydreaming.' When Stefany turned 8, her father remarried and her stepmom, Cindy, blended their family with Cindy's four children from a previous relationship. Several years later, in 2006, Stefany's father died of colon cancer. Cindy legally adopted Stefany and her siblings, becoming a single mother to nine children. 'I was struggling with a lot of depression,' Stefany says of the time after her dad's death. As she grappled with her loss and her biological mother's absence, Stefany says her anger only grew as she went into her teenage years. Related: Thinking About Adoption? Here's What to Know 'That rage that had gotten buried over time came right back up because I lost my mom, that's where the anger came from and now I'm losing my dad,' Stefany says. 'I was kicked out of my house for speaking out of turn, speaking my mind and everything.' Cindy sent Stefany to live with other family members throughout most of high school, allowing her to move back in for senior year, Stefany says. For decades, she yearned for answers about Meiling. 'The need to know has always been there,' she says. Stefany sought refuge in writing, writing a short story for the young-adult anthology When We Become Ours, which highlights the adoptee experience. 'To see an entire community of people who have similar feelings and similar traumas and complicated backgrounds and everything, I was like, 'Where have you guys been my entire life?' ' Stefany says. 'I felt like I was trying to farm some land with my bare hands and they were like, 'Here's a hoe.' Like — oh, cool, I can actually get to work now." The experience led Stefany to rework First Love Language, her first novel, to be more adoptee-focused. While she had looked into genealogy and historical records, trying to find Meiling, multiple psychics indicated that Meiling had died and Stefany eventually stopped searching. Then on New Year's Eve 2023, she got a surprising call. 'My sister-in-law calls me and is like, 'There's a Taiwanese lady in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you,' ' Stefany says of the unlikely series of events. She and her siblings were initially able to reconnect with Meiling via text and while, she says, her siblings were less open to a reunion, Cindy later facilitated Stefany's trip to Taiwan 'I think she understood how much it meant to me,' Stefany says of her stepmom. 'She provided us the flight and everything, because she works with Delta.' And in August, Stefany came face-to-face with Meiling for the first time in more than two decades. 'Nervous, anxious, scared, excited, everything — what wasn't I feeling?' Stefany says of the lead-up to their first encounter at the airport. 'It was like Christmas, when you're going to bed and you're like, 'I'm going to get to open the presents tomorrow?' It was very much that for weeks leading up to it, just like, 'One day closer. One day closer.' " Stefany says she was shocked by the physical similarities between herself and Meiling.'Growing up, I've always felt like I look really White, or I look more White than my siblings do. And then when I saw her, I was just like, 'Dude, we look like twins,' ' Stefany says. 'It's not a race thing, it's a feature thing. We just have the exact same features.' Meiling also noticed the similarities, telling PEOPLE, 'The first time I saw Stefany at the airport, I was shocked because she was no longer the cute little girl I often dreamed of. She had grown up and looked so much like me, which touched me." Stefany and Meiling, 57, made up for lost time during Stefany's two-week trip last year, going hiking, visiting street markets, spending the night in an aquarium and even celebrating Meiling's birthday with a cake. 'She was like, 'This is the best birthday I've had in 20 years,' ' Stefany says. During the second week of the trip, Stefany and Meiling spent time with another special visitor — Cindy. 'We got hot pot together,' Stefany says of the meeting between her birth mother and her adopted mother. 'I was like, 'Oh, please be civil with each other. I hope there's no anger.' I think for Meiling, she was very much like, 'You raised my kids. Thank you for that. I appreciate that,' and I think Cindy was very like, 'Well, you gave birth to my daughter, so thank you for that.' I think it was just this handshake, this unspoken handshake that they had for each other.' Stefany adds that being in Taiwan with Cindy was 'healing' for her. 'It was a good way to bury or to begin burying a lot of the past, make peace with what is and not what should be, that sort of thing,' she says. Visiting Taiwan also sparked Stefany's desire to properly study Mandarin after practicing online while working on First Love Language. She successfully applied for the local Chung Yuan University and will start there in the fall. 'The money that I made from my advance from First Love Language, I now get to put toward my tuition, it's so cool,' Stefany says. 'It's so full circle.' She plans to use her studies to help facilitate reunions between Meiling and her other siblings, to 'uplift adoptee voices' in the literary community and to eventually tell her and Meiling's story. 'I want to write a memoir, for sure,' she says. 'But this memoir, I want it to also be her memoir and I want to be able to tell her story and all the complexities of it as well as I can in addition to writing my story." Stefany doesn't want to waste a moment. 'I've already lost her. ... And I don't want regrets," she says of Meiling. "Very rarely do people get a second chance like I'm getting.' Read the original article on People
