
Woman Writes Novel For "Dead Mother", And Then This Happened
A woman who thought her long-lost biological mother was dead and wrote a novel to say goodbye had the surprise of her life, one she least expected. Her mother was alive, and they reunited after 25 years.
Stefany Valentine was in the middle of writing her first book, First Love Language, about an adoptee longing to re-establish a connection with her culture and to say "goodbye" to her birth mother, Meiling Valentine.
The 31-year-old had given up on the possibility that she would ever get to see her mother.
Ms Valentine is one of the five children born to Ms Meiling and Lt. Col. Todd Merrill Valentine. After her parents separated, Ms Valentine and her father relocated to the United States. Meiling eventually stepped away from their lives.
But "there has always been a need to know," Ms Valentine told PEOPLE.
She said she turned to writing as a coping mechanism, contributing a short tale about the adoptee experience to the young-adult anthology "When We Become Ours".
After searching historical and familial records, she eventually gave up looking for her mother after several psychics told her she was dead.
Then, on New Year's Eve 2023, she received an unexpected call.
"There's a Taiwanese woman in our Mormon church, and she grew up with your mom, and she's going to find her for you," her sister-in-law told her.
Ms Valentine and her siblings initially reconnected with Ms Meiling via text and eventually travelled to Taiwan to meet her in person. In August, they finally met for the first time in over 20 years.
They reunited at Taiwan Taoyuan International Airport.
"I was wondering if I would recognise her in a crowd, and I did. It felt amazing to give her my first hug. I needed that hug," Ms Valentine said.
Talking about her experience, Ms Valentine said, "I was feeling anxious, nervous, scared, excited, everything."
She claimed the resemblance was shocking. She and her 57-year-old mother made up for lost time during her two-week trip to Taiwan. They went climbing, exploring street markets, spending the night in an aquarium, and even celebrating Meiling's birthday.
Ms Valentine noted that working on First Love Language was "very therapeutic."
The book is about Catie, a Taiwanese-American adolescent adoptee who wants to learn Mandarin to re-establish a connection with her culture.
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Hindustan Times
2 hours ago
- Hindustan Times
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After your first book of personal essays [One Day We'll All Be Dead and None of This Will Matter (2017)] was published, you married your long-term boyfriend, moved to New York, became aware of your husband's affair, spent the early pandemic months anxious as your parents were stuck in Jammu during India's lockdown, got divorced, lost your job at Buzzfeed, and your mom was diagnosed with cancer. You signed the book deal seven years ago, before the two major events it's about — your divorce and mom's cancer — unfolded. What was the book you were intending to write originally? When did you finally start working on the first draft of Sucker Punch? It was supposed to be an essay collection about the utility and futility of conflict, so I was still trying to mine this thing. You're already laughing because you can imagine me banging my head against a wall like, 'Why can't I write this book about fighting?' And meanwhile, my marriage is on fire. 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Then I felt like I was being hidden through this strange relationship with this woman. Even her confronting me about it and telling me the information felt like a way to kind of obfuscate my existence in it. I really resent non-fiction books that don't tell you what happened... I promised you a story. I'm also not embarrassed by any of this. I didn't do it. I'm a passenger on a lot of this. You deleted most of your Instagram posts and later some tweets. You cringed re-reading your first book. Tell me about the act of writing this very vulnerable memoir while also experiencing this need for erasure or distance from the past. I'm okay with the decision about how public I am. I'm good at it. If I was bad at it, if the work was bad, then for sure, send me away. But if I'm going to do it, then I have to be really honest. So, I'm slower. I take longer, I think a little harder about it... The funny thing is, the criticism the second book gets is 'Oh, this is mundane. Everybody's had stuff like this happen.' And, yeah, you're right. You're totally right. Sexual assault is incredibly common. Divorce is sooo boring. Cancer? Oh my god. My mom got one of the most common forms of breast cancer. ABSOLUTELY, you're right. And still, nobody's saying anything. Shutting my mouth and dealing with the consternation privately just doesn't work for me. But also, Sucker Punch is 25 percent of what happened. It's only my version, and then it's maybe half of what I want to tell you. There's lots in there that isn't in there... because I don't really want to do if I don't need to do it. Maybe one day I will. I've also gotten more comfortable with the fact that the work will feel outdated eventually. It should. I want it to feel outdated. If I read One Day We'll All Be Dead Again today and was like, yeah, I still feel like this. Oh my god, kill me! I don't want to be 34 and relate to work that I wrote at 22. No, no, no, no, no, NO. In 10 years, I hope I read Sucker Punch, and I'm like, what a stupid little girl. You write that you'd rather 'punch my cat in the face, eat a leech... allow someone to watch me try to pluck an ingrown hair from the most tender part of my groin…' in public than 'write about my body and, specifically, my struggle for self-esteem.' But you do write about it. How did you let go of your body to write about your body? I think it's a daily decision. Every day you wake up and it's really like, am I going to obsess over this today, or can I just be a person? Can I get through the day? The first thing I had to get over was the idea that I was hiding, because I wasn't. Everybody could tell that I was tugging at myself and feeling uncomfortable. If you're stuck, even hiding that you're not happy about something, that's its own fight and everybody can tell. I also think the worsening political environment has made it easier for me to not think so much about my body. It feels hard to me to wake up and be like, 'Ooh, my abs, I don't have any' when many people got murdered in a drone strike while you were sleeping. But it was when my mom got sick, I started to not think about my body at all. It was very forgotten. Caretaking will do that. She's had, in the last three years, three major surgeries. And because I've been with her in some of these, I've seen that the body is remarkable; it really bounces back. That's not a great lesson: to caretake for someone you love, and then you will appreciate your body. What a morose way to go through life... My relationship with food changed a lot, too, because when my mom got radiation, she lost her appetite. That's really what I'm still trying to get back for her. All of these things are, to me, remarkable privileges. And I hope I can hold on to that feeling as long as possible. 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