Latest news with #FraserCahill
News.com.au
04-08-2025
- Entertainment
- News.com.au
‘Loved it all': Aussie man's last act before ending own life
EXCLUSIVE When a popular Melbourne real estate agent was told he had just weeks to live, he very quickly turned his attention to the last three things he needed to do. The first was to take his immediate family and four best friends on an all-expenses paid trip to Lizard Island. A holiday to make lasting memories for those he would leave behind. The second was to host a night of drinking, dancing, laughing – a party to end all parties. A live funeral if you will. The third was to find the perfect location, the perfect day and the perfect time to take his last breath. Fraser Cahill was a mover and a shaker. A dynamic, charismatic, loveable rogue who always achieved what he set out to do. This time was no different. He wanted to 'set sail' on his own terms, with dignity – but first, he wanted to be the life of the party one last time. 'In as far as having things to look forward to, this has been it for me,' Fraser told the close friends and family gathered at his pumping live wake earlier this year. 'A massive thank you to friends and family that have just been so supportive ever since I started getting a bit sick,' he said. 'All the little things. Fridge stocked, people sending around lasagnes, I haven't given the dishes back yet, I'm sorry … getting my medicine, going above and beyond. 'I think ever since I found out I was getting sick …. I realised all you are is the sum of your memories and as I look around this room and look into every single one of your eyes, I know there's been a memory. 'I don't feel scared. I feel nothing but absolutely so happy and so incredibly grateful to every single one of you for all of those memories because it allows me to go. I've loved it all.' Fraser's dad Doug said one of the most amazing qualities about his son was that he wanted everyone else to feel comfortable and at peace with his decision. 'We were sitting there one day and he said 'how old are you Dougie?' 'And I said 'I'm 78' and he laughed and said 'well you're' only a few years behind me, won't be long before I'm seeing you again. 'That was the type of man he was. He made everyone promise that he wouldn't be around sucking our thumb for the rest of eternity, we had to go on living and get on with things, that's what he wanted.' Fraser's big brother Wes agrees. 'He just loved life, he loved adventure, he loved the beach, he loved his family and his friends,' Wes says. When the dreaded diagnosis came confirming that the duodenal cancer Fraser had been battling so fiercely had spread to other organs, he wrote his bucket list. 'He wanted to make as many memories as he possibly could and say goodbye while he was strong enough,' his brother Wes said. 'In the short period of time that he had left, we continued to share jokes, go on adventures, continued to dive and the trip to Lizard Island was hard yet the best holiday we had ever had,' Wes said. 'He didn't want to burden anyone financially, so he funded the whole trip for us. That's what he was like, always giving to others and sharing his best moments. Then his closest friends helped us organise his party, which was the last laughs for him, sort of like a wake I suppose that he could attend. 'It was a big big night and it couldn't have gone any better. He had an auction to raise money for charity. DJs and the energy in the room and on the dance floor was like nothing else. 'He made his farewell speech, and then because of his love of the beach and boating and adventure, he chose Point Lonsdale beach for his final breaths. He wanted to set sail on his own terms and that's basically what happened.' Fraser's mum Mandy, dad Doug, brothers Wes and Quinton, and sister Nellie want to help raise awareness about voluntary assisted dying – a topic often discussed behind closed doors. The conversation can often be a sad, awkward one, but not in the Cahill household. The term VAD brings peace, closure and the most precious of memories. 'We had the best experience and everyone needs to know there are options available to them like we had,' Wes said. 'Fraser really wanted people to know that this sort of thing is an option. People should have the choice to do things their own way, die on their own terms and not suffer. 'And while what he wanted was bloody hard to organise, the remote location, the logistics, it can be done. We did it and it was absolutely worth it to give him what he wanted.' Not everyone agreed with Fraser's choice. The respite care facility where he spent time in his last weeks wanted nothing to do with his planning. 'His oncologist wasn't even allowed to speak of it in the facility where Fraser was an inpatient,' his mum Mandy said. 'This is a big issue, you can't even have those discussions in a facility that is Catholic. It's not their call, it shouldn't be their call.' Mrs Cahill said the family had to sneak Fraser out of the centre to take him for meetings to plan the VAD. Thankfully Fraser found his 'angel' Beth Dineen who was instrumental in making Fraser's VAD at the beach possible, even clearing the way with the local police. For the family the final days were a celebration of Fraser's life – with Fraser, instead of without him, after he was gone. His sister Nellie said everyone had to be brave, just like Fraser was, to give him the send off he deserved. 'I miss everything about him, I miss him checking in on me every day … he cared so much about everyone else and making sure everyone was OK,' she said. Ange misses her brother-in-law who she described as 'a best friend and unbelievable uncle to our boys Archie and Hugo'. 'Despite his life being cut incredibly short he has instilled a lifetime of love and memories for us all to cherish, the greatest being his zest for life,' she said. 'It was a huge relief for us all when we heard we could grant Fraser his last wish at the back beach. It was a long and stressful process to get it across the line and we would love to help make the process easier for others in this very sad situation.' Wes, who stayed with Fraser's side in hospital and during his palliative care, administering pain relief and medication as required, sums up the VAD experience for the family. 'We are lucky to have such fond memories of the end. So many people don't get that. Fraser wants them to have that too. So that's why we are here doing this. For Fraser.'
News.com.au
03-08-2025
- Health
- News.com.au
Fraser Cahill wanted to die with dignity - and he did that
EXCLUSIVE As 37-year-old Fraser Cahill sat rugged up, looking out to the ocean, surrounded by those he loved, he sipped on the liquid mixture his nurse prepared for him and then he gave her a wink. 'With that wink I knew what he was saying,' community palliative care nurse Beth Dineen recalls of that special day looking out over the ocean at Point Lonsdale, a scenic coastal hideaway in southern Victoria. 'He was saying 'we did it, we made this happen'. He was saying thank you.' The liquid would soon seep its way through Fraser's body, first putting him to sleep and then slowly and gently shutting down his vital organs. Fraser had already said his last goodbyes, listened to his favourite songs, hugged those he loved, and he was ready to take his last breath. The popular high-end real estate agent from Melbourne had battled a rare and aggressive form of duodenal cancer, keeping his diagnosis a secret for as long as he could while undergoing chemotherapy. He thought he had won the battle but the cancer returned after Christmas last year – this time it was more ferocious and doctors agreed Fraser had just weeks to live. 'When Frase said he wanted to come down to Point Lonsdale for his final days, the hospital put a referral into Bellarine Community Health Palliative Care. That's where I came in,' Beth told 'When I first met Fraser at his home I had the doctor with me, and you could just tell he was someone who did things his own way,' she recalls. 'He was just very full of life despite his situation, his circumstances. And one of the first things he had said was that he wanted to do Voluntary Assisted Dying (VAD) down at the beach. 'And I remember getting back in the car saying to the doctor, 'It's fine. We've got a bit of time to talk him out of it', because conventionally, logistically that doesn't normally happen. 'As I got to know Fraser and his family more, it became a case of 'We've got to make this happen no matter what it takes. They're going to do it anyway. So let's just, let's help them do it, and let's sort of break some of those barriers with VAD'.' Fraser, with the help of nurse Beth and his brother Wes, began scoping out locations and soon settled on the perfect spot. Not everyone was on board with his decision – the Catholic respite care facility taking care of him would not allow conversations about VAD to take place within their four walls. Fraser's mum Mandy recalls the family having to sneak Fraser out for appointments with VAD facilitators. 'The doctors and the staff weren't allowed to talk about it. We found that quite incredible. This was Fraser's choice after all.' Go Gentle Australia's CEO Dr Linda Swan told that VAD 'eases suffering and gives dying people comfort in their final days'. 'It's therefore disappointing that a faith-based facility made Fraser's choice harder than it needed to be. While a facility can elect not to participate in VAD, they should not stand in the way of someone's legal choice. Their objection should never become obstruction and it should never cause harm.' Wes says the attitude in the care facility was just one of the many challenges along the way but he was 'stopping at nothing' to make Fraser's wish come true. Once the location was chosen – a lookout at Point Lonsdale's back beach – Beth and Wes set about alerting authorities that there would be an 'unusual gathering'. 'We had to think about how we could get Fraser's body down the steep hill afterwards so we looked into where we could get a stretcher,' Wes said. Beth spoke to the local police. 'I explained that this really is no different to someone going to the beach and taking a substance and waiting for someone to find them because that's the reality of what happens,' she said. 'So we explained that this way, we were going to control the situation as best we could. 'We also decided to use a family vehicle that we could safely put him in so yes, there was a lot to manage and navigate.' Fraser decided on a Tuesday in March that he would die the following Friday, knowing his health was declining rapidly. After a family dinner on Thursday night, when Friday came, he had no second thoughts, no tears. Not once did he question 'why me?' instead telling his mum it was just bad luck and he'd had a good run. He walked up the hill, side-by-side with his siblings, to his chosen spot, just like he had planned. 'He had cuddles and last chats with everyone. He sat in his chair and shared those last special moments with the ones he loved, and then when he was ready he drank his drink,' Wes said. 'I think because he was such a positive person and so uplifting, he didn't ever really want to talk about being scared or anything. 'He was just so positive and brave. Maybe internally, he was worried about getting sicker and not having control of his body, so he wanted a nice passing, he wanted to make the most of his last few months and die with dignity and he did that.' Both Beth and Wes are passionate about breaking down barriers and stamping out stigma associated with VAD – which is legal in all six Australian states and the ACT. Northern Territory is expected to soon follow suit. According to Go Gentle Australia, residents strongly back voluntary assisted dying laws, with support in most recent polls running between 70 and 90 per cent. Each state though has different requirements and supporters argue accessing the process should be more streamlined. Beth said it was an honour to help Fraser leave the world the way he had planned. She urges people with terminal illnesses – in situations like Fraser – to ask questions, find out what the rules are in their own state. 'Fraser used to talk about not contributing to the circle of life anymore, and I think he would be very proud to see how much he's actually still contributing despite him not being here anymore. He should be very proud.'
