14-05-2025
EXCLUSIVE The surprising 1930s origin of the word 'gaslighting' revealed
It's a term every internet user has likely heard countless times, used to describe manipulative behaviour that leaves someone questioning their own reality.
But 'gaslighting' is far more than just a buzzword thrown around online - its chilling origins lie in a 1938 play that explored psychological torment with eerie precision.
The term comes from Gas Light, a stage play by British playwright Patrick Hamilton.
Set in Victorian London, the story centres on a husband, Jack Manningham, who convinces his wife Bella that she is going insane.
While he searches their attic for hidden jewels belonging to a woman he murdered, he repeatedly dims the gas lights in the house.
When Bella notices and questions the change in lighting, her husband insists she's imagining it.
This sinister act of manipulation, along with his other lies and dismissals, chips away at her grip on reality.
The play was later adapted into the 1944 Hollywood film Gaslight, starring Ingrid Bergman, which solidified the concept in the cultural imagination.
The story follows a husband as he slowly convinces his wife of her insanity by dimming the gaslights in their home and then denying it
But it wasn't until the 1960s and 70s that it began to appear in psychological literature.
Mental health professionals used 'gaslighting' to describe a specific form of emotional abuse, often in intimate relationships, where one partner systematically undermines the other's confidence and perception of reality.
And the term gained further traction in discussions of narcissistic abuse and controlling behaviours.
Multi-award winning narcissistic abuse recovery coach Ronia Fraser told FEMAIL that gaslighting is a highly effective form of 'manipulation and psychological torture.'
'The abuser distorts and undermines the victim's reality to such an extent that they think they are losing their mind, which in some cases literally happens,' Ronia said.
'Everything they remember doesn't seem to be true, leading to potentially severe confusion and self-doubt.'
And while it may start out with small instances and appear initially harmless, it can very quickly snowball.
'Once destabilised, it becomes very easy for the abuser to erode the victim's boundaries and even identity, to a point at which they not only lose their mind but themselves.'
Fast-forward to the social media age, and 'gaslighting' has exploded in popularity - so much so that Merriam-Webster declared it the Word of the Year in 2022.
From TikTok relationship advice to impassioned X threads, it's become shorthand for everything from subtle deceit to outright lying.
But as its use has spread, so too has concern that it's becoming watered down.
Today, accusations of gaslighting can be found in contexts as mild as disagreements over dinner plans - diluting the gravity of what is a serious form of psychological manipulation.
GASLIGHTING IN RELATIONSHIPS
Gaslighting is a term that refers to trying to convince someone they're wrong about something even when they aren't.
Most commonly, it takes the form of frequently disagreeing with someone or refusing to listen to their point of view.
Many of us might be guilty of some mild form of gaslighting from time to time – refusing to hear what our partner has to say even if they're in the right or persistently disagreeing over some minor quibble, even when you aren't sure of your position.
It can be a real form of abuse. When it's done repeatedly, over a long period of time, it can have the effect of making someone doubt their own ideas about things – or even question their sanity.
Source: Relate
According to Ronia, gaslighting is very common and can be found in abusive romantic relationships, as well as in dysfunctional family dynamics, friendships and the workplace.
'In the age of pop-psychology and social media terms like gaslighting, narcissist and trauma are mindlessly thrown around,' said Ronia.
'The terms are often used completely out of context and as an excuse for people's own issues and behaviours, so they don't need to take responsibility for themselves, which is ironically a very narcissistic thing to do.'
But the effect of minimising such terms is felt most profoundly by victims.
'The consequence of this is that people are getting fed up with it, they lose interest, they stop listening,' Ronia continued.
'Words lose their true meaning and therefore it diminishes the importance of the topic to the very detriment of actual victims.'
Although the stigma surrounding abuse has drastically lessened since the inception of the term 'gaslighting', public awareness is not always positive.
'Not much in the real world has changed since I started this work as the UK's first Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach back in 2017,' Ronia said.
'Real survivors are still struggling with their mental health. Real survivors are still finding it impossible to get help.
'They are still fighting for their lives, they are still labelled "crazy" and put on medication for the rest of their days.'
Ronia says the first indication of gaslighting is starting to feel like you're losing your grip on reality.
'Narcissistic abuse remains one of the most common, yet least acknowledged, forms of abuse with very little effective support available.
'It's emotional and psychological abuse on the most sophisticated level.'
