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What is the ‘soulmated so hard' TikTok trend?
Our pets are our most trusted, treasured companions. So when they die, our lives are never quite the same. We cry. We mourn. We grieve.
Perhaps that's why the "soulmated so hard" trend has been popping up on TikTok, where users are posting tributes to their dearly departed furry friends (and making people cry in the process). On one such video, the choked-up comments kept coming: "The worst part of having a dog. They're just not here long enough." "Great, now I'm going to bed crying." "Remember that as long as (you) did your best as a pet parent, your pet had the best life possible!"
Grief experts often talk of disenfranchised grief, or a loss not openly acknowledged, socially mourned or publicly supported, according to Loree Johnson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. They say it is valid, and this trend highlights its possible impact and catharsis.
"This is a more modern reflection of how people are learning to tend to either deep anticipatory grief or a sense of disenfranchised grief," says Gina Moffa, LCSW, grief and trauma therapist in New York City, and author of "Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss." "It normalizes pet loss, and the importance of our beloved pets in our lives in a way society sometimes fails to recognize or honor."
Heartbreaking: My dog died two months ago. Pet loss causes deep grief that our society ignores.
'Unconditional love we revere'
No, pets aren't humans. But for some, they are indeed like soulmates. Who else do you take on a whimsical walk every day, or cuddle with under a cozy, comfortable blanket at night? Sure, a family member or a friend, but pets offer that special kind of unconditional love.
"One thing we often overlook is how animals 'get it right,' Johnson says. "They offer the kind of unconditional love we revere as humans, but often struggle to live up to because of our complexity and limitations."
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What is 'empowered mourning'?
There's nothing wrong with watching these videos nor posting them. It's more than OK to call your pet your "soulmate." Not everyone will understand, but it's not about them. It's about you and your animal.
"Losing a pet is a significant loss, so with 'soulmating so hard,' we get to normalize the importance of the pets in our lives, our soul family with deep emotional bonds to us," Moffa says.
That normalization is partially thanks to TikTok and other social media app scrolling. "This trend may be resonating so deeply because it provides people with a way to publicly honor the love and loss of a being who meant so much to them," Johnson says.
The TikToks offer something called "empowered mourning" – taking back the narrative of an invalidated or shamed grief journey.
"It flips the script of shame into honor that conveys to the world, '"'yes, this being mattered deeply,' and gives permission for others to do the same," Moffa adds. "In this way, we educate the world about grief and loss, and we get to validate and honor the grief process in a more authentic and supportive way."
And the more education about grief – all kinds – the better.
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