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The Age
18 hours ago
- The Age
Homophobia: Melbourne's gay scene defies hate
'These things were almost in our past,' he said. '[But] I think over time we've seen this escalate, where people start to feel a confidence [that they can] shut down these events. And it just builds and builds and builds. And I think there's too much confidence in this far-right activity at the moment.' Loading Ball was part of a forum recently held at The Laird alongside Victoria Police to talk to members of the community about how to stay safe on the back of more than 35 arrests since October for assault, robbery, false imprisonment and even extortion in a new form of homophobic violence in which perpetrators use apps such as TikTok to post and boast about their crimes. Last month, three 20-year-old men pleaded guilty to charges including kidnapping, armed robbery and assault-related offences at the County Court of Victoria, claiming their actions were a case of 'mistaken vigilantism' against men they suspected to be sex offenders. The court heard disturbing details of the trio's crimes including how they lured men into parks or quiet streets after connecting with them on dating sites including Grindr and Scruff, using fake profiles, before brutally assaulting and robbing them. In one incident, a victim aged in his 50s was falsely told that he was meeting a 15-year-old boy after first matching with one of the men who used a fake profile of a 22-year-old man. Graphic video footage of his assault, captured on a smartphone, showed the victim being set upon by the men, who accused him of sexual misconduct and being a paedophile. The man is seen screaming and pleading for his life as he is violently assaulted, choked and then beaten with a metal pole. Loading A Victoria Police spokeswoman said there was 'absolutely no place for this type of concerning behaviour in our society' and urged any victims to come forward – even for historical incidents – when ready. 'It's crucial that the community understands that dating apps are not investigators – police are the only ones able to conduct a criminal investigation and hold perpetrators to account.' While police hunt for the Laird vandals, community leaders are demanding wider government action. Greens state MP for Richmond Gabrielle De Vietri said the attack was part of a 'co-ordinated pattern of far-right, homophobic violence that's becoming increasingly emboldened'. She has requested the premier and minister for equality 'urgently meet with our community who deserve to be heard and to feel safe'. Commissioner Ball says the rise in hateful conduct requires a multipronged government response. He welcomed that Premier Jacinta Allan had discussed expanding the new anti-hate taskforce beyond its initial focus on antisemitism to include attacks on the queer community. He is also calling for a new, independent reporting tool to track incidents for data purposes, separate from the criminal justice system. Loading 'We know already there are far more instances where gay men have been bashed than have been reported, and that's because people are quite afraid [to go to police],' he says. Responding to The Age , Minister for Equality Vicki Ward said in a statement: 'Any violence targeting LGBTIQA+ communities is abhorrent and unacceptable. These are not isolated incidents, and we take them very seriously.' The minister pointed to recently passed legislation. 'We've passed stronger anti-vilification laws, including specifically protecting the LGBTIQA+ community. We've banned the public display of the Nazi symbol and introduced new 'post and boast' laws to criminalise violent, hate-driven crimes being glorified online.' Back at The Laird, business continues as usual and management aren't taking a backwards step. Owner Brett Lasham's staff had the rainbow flags up over the graffiti as soon as it was spotted, and it was scrubbed off by the time patrons rocked up for their first beer at 3pm. Loading Lasham says that as a 53-year-old bloke, he isn't intimidated – he even plans to print T-shirts using the vandals 'fag' tag to wear at the bar – but he is fiercely protective of his patrons and their sense of feeling safe. 'I'd love to sit at a table with one of these people [and ask] what is it that made you want to do that?' Arcuri, who first found the vandalism, has also built up a thick skin after years of being targeted as drag performer. 'It didn't hurt me. It was just like, 'God, this is an annoying way to spend my Sunday morning' … I don't have a key to get the paint,' he says. He's learnt that every instance of hate is an opportunity to reframe the narrative for the gay community on their terms. 'People walk out of this place tall. They don't walk out of this place small,' Arcuri said. 'It's a space that lets them be themselves, affirm who they are.' Anyone with information is urged to contact Collingwood Police Station on (03) 8413 1700, Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or submit a confidential report at Rainbow Sexual, Domestic and Family Violence Helpline: 1800 497 212.
Sydney Morning Herald
2 days ago
- Sydney Morning Herald
‘People walk out tall': Melbourne's gay scene defies hate
'These things were almost in our past,' he said. '[But] I think over time we've seen this escalate, where people start to feel a confidence [that they can] shut down these events. And it just builds and builds and builds. And I think there's too much confidence in this far-right activity at the moment.' Ball was part of a forum recently held at The Laird alongside Victoria Police to talk to members of the community about how to stay safe on the back of more than 35 arrests since October for assault, robbery, false imprisonment and even extortion in a new form of homophobic violence in which perpetrators use apps such as TikTok to post and boast about their crimes. Loading Last month three 20-year-old men pleaded guilty to charges including kidnapping, armed robbery and assault-related offences at the County Court of Victoria, claiming their actions were a case of 'mistaken vigilantism' against men they suspected to be sex offenders. The court heard disturbing details of the trio's crimes including how they lured men into parks or quiet streets after connecting with them on dating sites including Grindr and Scruff, using fake profiles, before brutally assaulting and robbing them. In one incident, a victim aged in his 50s was falsely told that he was meeting a 15-year-old boy after first matching with one of the men who used a fake profile of a 22-year-old man. Graphic video footage of his assault, captured on a smartphone, showed the victim being set upon by the men, who accused him of sexual misconduct and being a paedophile. The man is seen screaming and pleading for his life as he is violently assaulted, choked and then beaten with a metal pole. A Victoria Police spokeswoman said there was 'absolutely no place for this type of concerning behaviour in our society' and urged any victims to come forward – even for historic incidents – when ready. 'It's crucial that the community understands that dating apps are not investigators – police are the only ones able to conduct a criminal investigation and hold perpetrators to account.' While police hunt for the Laird vandals, community leaders are demanding wider government action. Greens state member for Richmond, Gabrielle De Vietri, said the attack was part of a 'co-ordinated pattern of far-right, homophobic violence that's becoming increasingly emboldened'. She has requested the premier and minister for equality 'urgently meet with our community who deserve to be heard and to feel safe'. Commissioner Ball says the rise in hateful conduct requires a multipronged government response. He welcomed that Premier Jacinta Allan had discussed expanding the new anti-hate taskforce beyond its initial focus on antisemitism to include attacks on the queer community. He is also calling for a new, independent reporting tool to track incidents for data purposes, separate from the criminal justice system. 'We know already there are far more instances where gay men have been bashed than have been reported, and that's because people are quite afraid [to go to police],' he says. Loading Responding to The Age, Minister for Equality Vicki Ward said in a statement that, 'Any violence targeting LGBTIQA+ communities is abhorrent and unacceptable. These are not isolated incidents, and we take them very seriously.' The minister pointed to recently passed legislation. 'We've passed stronger anti-vilification laws, including specifically protecting the LGBTIQA+ community. We've banned the public display of the Nazi symbol and introduced new 'post and boast' laws to criminalise violent, hate-driven crimes being glorified online.' Back at The Laird, business continues as usual and management aren't taking a backwards step. Owner Brett Lasham's staff had the rainbow flags up over the graffiti as soon as it was spotted, and it was scrubbed off by the time patrons rocked up for their first beer as 3pm. Lasham says as a 53-year-old bloke he isn't intimidated – he even plans to print T-shirts using the vandals 'FAG' tag to wear at the bar– but he is fiercely protective of his patrons and their sense of feeling safe. 'I'd love to sit at a table with one of these people [and ask] what is it that made you want to do that?' Arcuri, who first found the vandalism, has also built up a thick skin after years of being targeted as drag performer. 'It didn't hurt me. It was just like, 'God, this is an annoying way to spend my Sunday morning' … I don't have a key to get the paint,' he said. He's learned every instance of hate is an opportunity to reframe the narrative for the gay community on their terms.
The Age
2 days ago
- The Age
‘People walk out tall': Melbourne's gay scene defies hate
'These things were almost in our past,' he said. '[But] I think over time we've seen this escalate, where people start to feel a confidence [that they can] shut down these events. And it just builds and builds and builds. And I think there's too much confidence in this far-right activity at the moment.' Ball was part of a forum recently held at The Laird alongside Victoria Police to talk to members of the community about how to stay safe on the back of more than 35 arrests since October for assault, robbery, false imprisonment and even extortion in a new form of homophobic violence in which perpetrators use apps such as TikTok to post and boast about their crimes. Loading Last month three 20-year-old men pleaded guilty to charges including kidnapping, armed robbery and assault-related offences at the County Court of Victoria, claiming their actions were a case of 'mistaken vigilantism' against men they suspected to be sex offenders. The court heard disturbing details of the trio's crimes including how they lured men into parks or quiet streets after connecting with them on dating sites including Grindr and Scruff, using fake profiles, before brutally assaulting and robbing them. In one incident, a victim aged in his 50s was falsely told that he was meeting a 15-year-old boy after first matching with one of the men who used a fake profile of a 22-year-old man. Graphic video footage of his assault, captured on a smartphone, showed the victim being set upon by the men, who accused him of sexual misconduct and being a paedophile. The man is seen screaming and pleading for his life as he is violently assaulted, choked and then beaten with a metal pole. A Victoria Police spokeswoman said there was 'absolutely no place for this type of concerning behaviour in our society' and urged any victims to come forward – even for historic incidents – when ready. 'It's crucial that the community understands that dating apps are not investigators – police are the only ones able to conduct a criminal investigation and hold perpetrators to account.' While police hunt for the Laird vandals, community leaders are demanding wider government action. Greens state member for Richmond, Gabrielle De Vietri, said the attack was part of a 'co-ordinated pattern of far-right, homophobic violence that's becoming increasingly emboldened'. She has requested the premier and minister for equality 'urgently meet with our community who deserve to be heard and to feel safe'. Commissioner Ball says the rise in hateful conduct requires a multipronged government response. He welcomed that Premier Jacinta Allan had discussed expanding the new anti-hate taskforce beyond its initial focus on antisemitism to include attacks on the queer community. He is also calling for a new, independent reporting tool to track incidents for data purposes, separate from the criminal justice system. 'We know already there are far more instances where gay men have been bashed than have been reported, and that's because people are quite afraid [to go to police],' he says. Loading Responding to The Age, Minister for Equality Vicki Ward said in a statement that, 'Any violence targeting LGBTIQA+ communities is abhorrent and unacceptable. These are not isolated incidents, and we take them very seriously.' The minister pointed to recently passed legislation. 'We've passed stronger anti-vilification laws, including specifically protecting the LGBTIQA+ community. We've banned the public display of the Nazi symbol and introduced new 'post and boast' laws to criminalise violent, hate-driven crimes being glorified online.' Back at The Laird, business continues as usual and management aren't taking a backwards step. Owner Brett Lasham's staff had the rainbow flags up over the graffiti as soon as it was spotted, and it was scrubbed off by the time patrons rocked up for their first beer as 3pm. Lasham says as a 53-year-old bloke he isn't intimidated – he even plans to print T-shirts using the vandals 'FAG' tag to wear at the bar– but he is fiercely protective of his patrons and their sense of feeling safe. 'I'd love to sit at a table with one of these people [and ask] what is it that made you want to do that?' Arcuri, who first found the vandalism, has also built up a thick skin after years of being targeted as drag performer. 'It didn't hurt me. It was just like, 'God, this is an annoying way to spend my Sunday morning' … I don't have a key to get the paint,' he said. He's learned every instance of hate is an opportunity to reframe the narrative for the gay community on their terms.
New York Times
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- New York Times
Seeking a Friend, Finding Much More
When Ernesto Apreza and Kyle Labarry met in November 2015, they were both new to Seattle and looking to make friends. After connecting on Grindr, they made a plan to meet up and get to know each other platonically. The two went to a bar in the city's Belltown neighborhood, where they chatted over Blue Moon beers. There was just one snag in the plan: They both found each other cute. Mr. Apreza, who is 36 and goes by Ernie, had come out to his family earlier that year and was searching for his place in the queer community. When he met Mr. Labarry, 39, he felt he had found 'someone within the community that was my kinda same wavelength, so to speak.' One night in December, they went out dancing with friends. They stayed late and ended up kissing on the dance floor. The pair kept their evolving status to themselves for a while. They saw movies with friends and held hands when the theater lights dimmed. On New Year's Eve, they kissed again and officially started dating in January 2016. For their first Valentine's Day, Mr. Labarry took Mr. Apreza to a cabaret show in downtown Seattle. He was impressed. 'I was like, wow, this white boy has game,' Mr. Apreza said, laughing. One day in their first few months of dating, Mr. Apreza woke up early in the morning to leave for a work trip. As he grabbed his bags and headed toward the door, he told a sleepy Mr. Labarry that he loved him for the first time. 'It just came out,' Mr. Apreza said. 'It was just sweet and perfect,' Mr. Labarry said. [Click here to binge read this week's featured couples.] In May 2016, Mr. Apreza went on a trip to Disneyland with some of Mr. Labarry's friends from Reno, Nev., where he grew up. The friends regaled Mr. Apreza with tales of Mr. Labarry's rebellious youth. 'He would hear some of these stories of me being rambunctious, and he's probably like, 'Well, what am I getting myself into?'' Mr. Labarry said, with a laugh. Over the course of their first spring and summer together, they met each other's families. Mr. Labarry said he essentially ended contact with his biological parents when he was 18, and was taken in by the family of a close childhood friend. 'I made a conscious decision to pull away from them,' Mr. Labarry said of his biological parents, 'and have a different kind of family relationship with this other group of individuals.' He added: 'And so for me, relationships are really something that somebody decides to do.' When Mr. Labarry met Mr. Apreza's family, he said he felt welcomed by them — and knew that he had found the right person. In June 2016, Mr. Apreza moved to Denver to work for the Hillary Clinton presidential campaign. Mr. Labarry arranged to work remotely from there for part of the month, allowing him to visit regularly. 'There was that commitment for us, to think that six months in, it made sense for me to travel every single month for us to be together,' said Mr. Labarry, who now works remotely as a product compliance manager at Zynga, a video game developer. He has a bachelor's degree in economics and human resources from the University of Nevada and an M.B.A. from the University of Washington. Mr. Apreza was most recently the press secretary to former Vice President Kamala Harris. He currently works as a principal for engagement for the Climate Pledge, which was founded by Amazon and Global Optimism. He has a bachelor's degree in international affairs from the George Washington University and grew up in Everson, Wash. The couple bought a house together in Seattle's Mount Baker neighborhood, which they moved into in January 2018. That spring, they got a golden retriever named Gigi. In January 2021, Mr. Apreza joined The White House as a senior adviser for public engagement. They moved to Washington, D.C., where they still live. Throughout their relationship, Mr. Apreza said a constant theme has been Mr. Labarry's 'grounding effect' on him. 'Especially in politics, the work is just kind of very intensive and draining, and sometimes emotional, and I can often just have a conversation with Kyle where I'm just kind of put at ease,' he said. On Oct. 2, 2022, Mr. Apreza surprised Mr. Labarry with a proposal on a hike in Red Rock Canyon, near Las Vegas. Weeks later, during a walk around the National Mall, Mr. Labarry proposed to Mr. Apreza in Spanish, using a script he wrote with the help of Mr. Apreza's mother and a friend. On July 5, they were married at Lord Hill Farms, an event space in Snohomish, Wash., by Donald Sims, a family friend who was ordained by the Universal Life Church for the occasion. The celebration included a Chinese tea ceremony as a nod to Mr. Labarry's chosen family, who are Chinese and Korean American. A reception followed at the venue, where 182 guests ate Mexican food catered by Mr. Apreza's parents, who are from Guerrero, Mexico, and own a small food market business in Bellingham, Wash., and tres leches cake. Some friends performed a dance to Chappell Roan's 'Pink Pony Club.' Later, they returned to the site of the bar where they first met — now a different business — for an after-party, celebrating their journey from new friends to newlyweds.
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First Post
3 days ago
- First Post
AI-generated wingman on dating apps? Why you should swipe left
Many online dating apps are incorporating generative AI into their products with the hope of creating 'more healthy and equitable relationships'. But this has raised certain red flags read more Feel like you need a little wingman action on dating apps? AI is here to help. Representational image/Pixabay Many dating app companies are enthusiastic about incorporating generative AI into their products. Whitney Wolfe Herd, founder of dating app Bumble, wants gen-AI to 'help create more healthy and equitable relationships'. In her vision of the near future, people will have AI dating concierges who could 'date' other people's dating concierges for them, to find out which pairings were most compatible. Dating app Grindr is developing an AI wingman, which it hopes to be up and running by 2027. Match Group, owner of popular dating apps including Tinder, Hinge and OK Cupid, have also expressed keen interest in using gen-AI in their products, believing recent advances in AI technology 'have the power to be transformational, making it more seamless and engaging for users to participate in dating apps'. One of the ways they think gen-AI can do this is by enhancing 'the authenticity of human connections'. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD Use of gen-AI in online dating is not just some futuristic possibility, though. It's already here. Want to enhance your photos or present yourself in a different style? There are plenty of online tools for that. Similarly, if you want AI to help 'craft the perfect, attention-grabbing bio' for you, it can do that. AI can even help you with making conversation, by analysing your chat history and suggesting ways to reply. Extra help It isn't just dating app companies who are enthusiastic about AI use in dating apps either. A recent survey carried out by Cosmopolitan magazine and Bumble of 5,000 gen-Zers and millennials found that 69 per cent of respondents were excited about 'the ways AI could make dating easier and more efficient'. An even higher proportion (86 per cent) 'believe it could help solve pervasive dating fatigue'. A surprising 86 per cent of men and 77 per cent of the women surveyed would share their message history with AI to help guide their dating app conversations. It's not hard to see why AI is so appealing for dating app users and providers. Dating apps seem to be losing their novelty: many users are reportedly abandoning them due to so-called 'dating app fatigue' – feeling bored and burnt out with dating apps. Apps and users might be hopeful that gen-AI can make dating apps fun again, or if not fun, then at least that it will make them actually lead to dates. Some AI dating companions claim to get you 10 times more dates and better dates at that. Given that men tend to get fewer matches on dating apps than women, it's also not surprising that we're seeing more enthusiasm from men than women about the possibilities AI could bring. Talk of gen-AI in connection to online dating gives rise to many ethical concerns. We at the Ethical Dating Online Network, an international network of over 30 multi-disciplinary academics interested in how online dating could be more ethical, think that dating app companies need to convincingly answer these worries before rushing new products to market. Here are a few standout issues. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD Gen-AI can make dating apps fun again, or if not fun, then at least that it will make them actually lead to dates. Representational image/Pixabay Pitfalls of AI dating Technology companies correctly identify some contemporary social issues, such as loneliness, anxiety at social interactions, and concerns about dating culture, as hindering people's dating lives. But turning to more technology to solve these issues puts us at risk of losing the skills we need to make close relationships work. The more we can reach for gen-AI to guide our interactions, the less we might be tempted to practise on our own, or to take accountability for what we communicate. After all, an AI 'wingman' is of little use when meeting in person. Also, AI tools risk entrenching much of dating culture that people find stressful. Norms around 'banter', attractiveness or flirting can make the search for intimacy seem like a competitive battleground. The way AI works – learning from existing conversations – means that it will reproduce these less desirable aspects. Instead of embracing those norms and ideals, and trying to equip everyone with the tools to seemingly meet impossibly high standards, dating app companies could do more to 'de-escalate' dating culture: make it calmer, more ordinary and help people be vulnerable. For example, they could rethink how they charge for their products, encourage a culture of honesty, and look at alternatives to the 'swiping' interfaces. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD The possibility of misrepresentation is another concern. People have always massaged the truth when it comes to dating, and the internet has made this easier. But the more we are encouraged to use AI tools, and as they are embedded in dating apps, bad actors can more simply take advantage of the vulnerable. An AI-generated photo, or conversation, can lead to exchanges of bank details, grooming and sexual exploitation. Stopping short of fraud, however, is the looming intimate authenticity crisis. Online dating awash with AI generated material risks becoming a murky experience. A sincere user might struggle to identify like-minded matches on apps where use of AI is common. This interpretive burden is annoying for anyone, but it will exacerbate the existing frustrations women, more so than men, experience on dating apps as they navigate spaces full of with timewasting, abuse, harassment and unwanted sexualisation. Indeed, women might worry that AI will turbo-charge the ability of some men to prove a nuisance online. Bots, automation, conversation-generating tools, can help some men to lay claim to the attention of many women simultaneously. STORY CONTINUES BELOW THIS AD AI tools may seem like harmless fun, or a useful timesaver. Some people may even wholeheartedly accept that AI generated content is not 'authentic' and love it anyway. Without clear guardrails in place, however, and more effort by app companies to provide informed choices based on transparency about how their apps work, any potential benefits of AI will be obscured by the negative impact it has to intimacy online. Natasha McKeever, Lecturer in Applied Ethics, University of Leeds and Luke Brunning, Lecturer in Applied Ethics, University of Leeds This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. Read the original article.
