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Yahoo
7 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
What are LAT relationships, and what do they mean for the LGBTQ+ community?
Sarah Paulson has a four-word relationship hack: 'We don't live together.' When the American Horror Story star told the SmartLess podcast in May 2024 that she and longtime partner Holland Taylor 'spend plenty of time together, but we don't live in the same house,' queer Twitter hailed it as the ultimate blueprint for keeping the spark alive without sharing a bathroom. That setup has a name — living-apart-together (LAT) — and, far from being a celebrity quirk, it's a relationship style with deep roots in LGBTQ+ culture, where autonomy and safety have always been prized alongside intimacy. The arrangement has outgrown its origins in sociology seminars. A 2023 U.S. census micro-tabulation counted almost four million American couples who live apart by choice, and a 2024 U.K. study finds LAT is a common cohabitation among daters over 60. For LGBTQ+ folks, the draw is clear: autonomy without sacrificing intimacy, space that feels safe, and a flexible structure. PRIDE asked Ruth L. Schwartz., PhD, a queer relationship coach and Director of Conscious Girlfriend Academy, and Dr. Angela Downey, a lesbian family physician from The Codependent Doctor, to break down how LAT works, the perks and pitfalls they see in practice, and the concrete steps to try it. - Yuri A/Shutterstock 'The term 'LAT relationships' (and the idea of 'living apart, together') originated, to my knowledge, with a Dutch writer in the 1970s, but it's gotten popularized recently because honestly, for a great many people both straight and LGBTQ+, it has a lot of appeal,' Dr. Schwartz tells PRIDE. Dr. Downey puts it in plain sociological terms. 'LAT stands for 'Living Apart Together,' and refers to couples who are in a committed relationship but choose to live separately,' she says. 'It emerged in sociological research from Europe in the early 2000s as a way to describe changing partnership structures that defy traditional living arrangements.' In other words, you can be fully partnered — rings, group-chats, pet-insurance, the whole nine — but keep two sets of keys. Queer folks have never fit neatly inside Hallmark's domestic script. 'LGBTQ people have been forced to — and have also claimed the right to — define our relationships for ourselves,' Dr. Schwartz notes. For many of the lesbians she coaches, especially women 50-plus who've 'already created their own homes or lifestyles the way they like them,' merging closets again feels like giving up autonomy. Dr. Downey echoes that cultural remix impulse. 'LAT relationships are more common in LGBTQ+ communities, where traditional relationship models may feel too restrictive,' she says. Choosing not to cohabitate can protect hard-won independence, reduce gender-role baggage, and soften the crush of 'U-Haul on date two' expectations. These days, LAT relationships are no longer fringe. In the United States, roughly 3.89 million Americans — about 2.95% of married couples — live apart by choice. In all relationships and all ages in the U.K., the 2024 UCL analysis found about one in ten couples maintain separate addresses, with LAT the preferred structure when over-60s start dating. Over-60s specifically: The same study pegs LAT at around 4% of older adults, making it as common as cohabitation in that cohort. Global echoes: Sexologist Pepper Schwartz cites 'over 4 million married couples in America' opting for LAT or long-distance set-ups, a figure repeated in Allure's March 2025 trend dive. The takeaway: LAT moved from quirky outlier to measurable slice of relationship data in under a decade. LightField Studios/Shutterstock Dr. Schwartz let us know all about the upside to these types of relationships. 'When we're not having to navigate all the domestic and financial details of a household together, there are fewer points of conflict,' she says. 'Each time we see each other can be special, and more focused on us and on emotional or physical connection.' Although she notes it can be pleasurable to be invited to someone else's home or vice versa, she also says lesbian couples often 'struggle maintaining sufficient autonomy… getting to have our own home spaces… can give us more of the kind of autonomy which then also makes room for more intimacy. Often, one partner's living space offers some 'goodies' that the other partner's does not.' Dr. Downey adds a clinical spin, noting the uptick in independence but also protecting against enmeshment, which she says can decrease conflict that can come about from living together. 'LAT can be especially healing for people who are recovering from codependency, caretaking burnout, or past relationship trauma,' she says. While some people love the idea of freedom, others don't have the same feelings. 'Some people really crave the intimacy of sharing space… so not sharing those things could feel like a loss,' says Dr. Schwartz. 'Some people have adopted mainstream society notions that it's only a 'real' or committed relationship if you're living together.' At the same time, Dr. Downey flags the emotional logistics. 'There may be more miscommunications and a difference in expectations about time together, future planning, or emotional needs,' she says. If kids, caregiving, or fur-babies are in the mix, the Google Calendar juggling intensifies fast. If you're curious about LAT, start with a brutally honest convo. 'Have an open conversation about why you're interested in LAT and what each of you hopes to gain,' Dr. Downey advises. 'Clarify your values, needs, and boundaries. It's not about avoiding intimacy, it's about redefining it intentionally.' Dr. Schwartz models the arc with her own story of how she and her partner moved from cohabitation to separate homes. 'We definitely had more emotional and physical intimacy when we lived separately,' she says. 'It's important to be really clear about what appeals to each person and/or frightens each person about the idea of living separately while in a committed partnership. Obviously, having these conversations from the beginning would be ideal, as there might be more sense of loss involved if people were living together and then one partner wanted to change that.' KinoMasterskaya/Shutterstock A LAT relationship isn't automatically 'long-distance.' You could live in adjacent apartments, across town, or on another continent. Either way, intentionality rules: 'There's a need to carve out time together, because you won't necessarily be waking up in the same bed… So, being conscious and intentional about when it works best for you to spend time together… will be key,' says Schwartz. She recommends rituals — from a nightly 30-minute FaceTime to alternating sleepovers — tailored to distance and bandwidth. Dr. Downey's prescription is just as explicit. 'Prioritize your partner through consistent communication,' she says. 'Schedule regular quality time, share rituals that create connection, and check in about how the arrangement is working for both of you.' Think of it as relationship cross-training: fewer defaults, more reps of active listening. LAT isn't a half-measure; it's a design choice. It lets queer couples keep the spark (and the spare room), sidestep heteronormative scripts, and prove, yet again, that intimacy has never required a white-picket mortgage. As Schwartz sums up, 'Whether a couple lives together or separately, keeping the lines of communication open, and staying out of 'story,' assumption and projection, is key to making the relationship work.' For LGBTQ+ folx weighing the move, the question may be less why live apart than why not, if it safeguards both your autonomy and your heart. This article originally appeared on Pride: What are LAT relationships, and what do they mean for the LGBTQ+ community?
Daily Mail
05-07-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE Beloved sitcom star looks unrecognizable while going makeup free on rare outing... can you guess who?
A notable sitcom star was briefly spotted on a rare outing in Los Angeles over the past weekend. The actress began her successful career in entertainment industry in the late 60s after moving to New York City to pursue her passion. The star has worked alongside a number of celebrities such as Reese Witherspoon, Brendan Fraser, Sandra Oh, Jim Carrey, Michael Douglas and Nicole Kidman. She is familiar not just on the television screen, but has also taken on a multitude of roles in films. The Emmy winner has also been in a romantic relationship with a fellow Hollywood A-lister for a decade. Can you guess who it is? It's Holland Taylor, 82, who's known for portraying Evelyn Harper in the sitcom Two And A Half Men. The star was seen going makeup free while stepping out for a bit of fresh air in sunny LA over the past weekend on Saturday. She opted for a pair of black sweatpants as well as a gray sweatshirt with black stripes on the front. Taylor completed the outfit by draping a light gray cardigan over her shoulders and slipped into a pair of tan-colored slippers. Holland was born in January 1943 in Philadelphia and later majored in Theatre at Bennington College - which she graduated from in 1964. She then moved to NYC to pursue her passion for acting - and thus began her decades-long career on the stage. The star appeared in both Broadway and Off-Broadway productions, such as The Cocktail Hour and Breakfast With Les And Bess. In 1969, she took on a role in the television film J.T. and played Trish Wanamaker in the daytime soap opera Love Is A Many Splendored Thing in 1971. She then moved to NYC to pursue her passion for acting - and thus began her decades-long career on the stage Throughout the 70s, Holland appeared in other shows including Beacon Hill and the mystery soap opera The Edge Of Night. In the early 1980s, Taylor took on a role in the sitcom called Bosom Buddies - which also starred Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari. In the same decade, the star also played minor guest roles in other shows such as The Love Boat and All My Children. In 1984, she portrayed Gloria in the movie Romancing The Stone with Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner. From 1992-1993, Taylor also starred in 20 episodes of The Powers That Be and played Dean Susan McMann in Saved By The Bell: The College Years. She had the chance to also collaborate with Nicole Kidman, Joaquin Phoenix and Matt Dillon in To Die For (1995). Holland joined Brendan Fraser and Leslie Mann in the comedic film George Of The Jungle in 1997, and the following year appeared with Jim Carrey in The Truman Show. The early 2000s also kept Taylor busy - and she played Professor Stromwell in Legally Blonde (2001), which was a box office success and additionally starred Reese Witherspoon, Luke Wilson, Selma Blair and Jennifer Coolidge. Beginning in 2003, she took on the role of Evelyn Harper in the long-running sitcom Two And A Half Men. The series aired on CBS for 12 seasons, and also starred Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones. She garnered four Emmy nominations for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series for her performance in the show. Taylor had previously won an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series for the show The Practice in 1999. In 2020, she played Ellen Kincaid in the miniseries Hollywood - which also earned her another Emmy nomination. The next year, Holland joined Sandra Oh in The Chair, which was canceled after one season. Taylor reunited with Reese Witherspoon in the critically-acclaimed Apple TV+ series The Morning Show, which also stars Jennifer Aniston. Earlier this year, she also starred in the comedy Fantasy Life which premiered at the 2025 SXSW Festival in March. She has also been cast in the upcoming series Brothers - which is set to additionally star Matthew McConaughey, Woody Harrelson and Natalie Martinez. When it came to the start of her career, she previously told the Huffington Post: 'I hustled when I was very young because I did not go to Yale or Juilliard, so I had no society when I came to New York. 'I knew no one. I just came blind and I had no idea what to do or how to make my way. And I was lucky. I had small roles in a number of off-Broadway shows and a number of Broadway shows.' She further refle4cted, 'I worked fairly steadily, but it is true that I've gotten some really fantastic roles later in my career...' Since 2015, Taylor has been in a relationship with actress Sarah Paulson, who is known for her roles in shows such as American Horror Story. Despite being together for a decade, the pair confirmed that they still do not live together - which Paulson clarified last year during an interview with Entertainment Tonight. 'I have to clarify this. We don't live together meaning we don't own a home together, but we're together more often than we are not. So, we live together, but we don't live together.' Holland also joined in on the conversation to add, 'In one home or the other, back and forth. A lot of variety.' Sarah continued, 'I think they thought they meant like we saw each other like once a month or something, it's not like that.' And last year while talking to Andy Cohen for his SiriusXM podcast, Taylor opened up about whether both she and Paulson have plans for marriage in the future. 'I don't think so. We've never... no. We've never talked about it with any interest. It doesn't seem to mean to us what it means to a lot of people.' In regards to their over 30-year age gap, the actress added, 'I mean, we have a big generational difference between us, which worries me for her sake. But, you know... what can I do?'
Daily Mail
26-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Sarah Paulson shows off new darker cropped locks as she stuns in a chic oversized suit at Ami Alexandre Mattiussi's men's show in Paris
Sarah Paulson showed off her new darker cropped locks as she attended Ami Alexandre Mattiussi's Paris Men's Fashion Week show on Wednesday. The actress, 50, was sure to turn heads as she rocked a chic oversized taupe suit while posing outside the venue. Sarah teamed her baggy blazer and trousers combo with a white shirt and light brown tie, accessorising her head-turning ensemble with a cream clutch bag and pointed black heels. Though Sarah has been sporting a significantly shorter style for the past few months, her recent outing in the French capital show's the star has seemingly had a fresh colour and trim, making for a striking new look. Her cropped style is in stark contrast to the longer locks she sported at the beginning of the year when she wowed at the 82nd Annual Golden Globe Awards in January. While just weeks before, Sarah showed off her lengthy tresses while celebrating her 50th birthday with a star-studded bash. Sarah Paulson showed off her new darker cropped locks as she attended Ami Alexandre Mattiussi's Paris Men's Fashion Week show on Wednesday Seemingly held at the Los Angeles home Paulson shares with longtime girlfriend Holland Taylor, 81, the lavish party played host to a number of big names. The American Horror Story alum cozied up to Real Housewives star Kyle Richards in a photo-booth before hitting the dance floor with The Last Of Us ' Pedro Pascal. Also on hand was Wicked's Cynthia Erivo, who was seen singing happy birthday to Paulson while gathered around a cake with lit candles. For the party, Paulson looked glamorous wearing a billowing black dress with shiny gold accents. A sparkly 'This is 50' crown sat atop the actress' head of silky brunette hair. Her longtime bestie Leslie Grossman — who also stared on American Horror Story — documented the festivities on her Instagram Story. She captured footage of Paulson doing a little dance before greeting her many guests at the party. Paulson looked extremely happy to be celebrating the milestone with her closest Hollywood pals. Ozark star Jason Butler Harner called the party 'perfection' as he shared a photo-booth snap of himself, Paulson and Pascal. In the shot, Paulson and Pascal are seen erupting with laughter while Harner smiles at the camera lens. Pascal proved to be the life of the party as he ended up posing for photos with countless people inside Paulson's home. Eagle-eyed fans also spotted him dancing up a storm while Amanda Peet showed off her moves to Paulson's girlfriend Holland Taylor, who shared the video to Instagram.
