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Yahoo
25-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Grandparents Who Make the Biggest Impact on Their Grandkids Usually Do These 10 Things, Psychologists Say
Grandmas and grandpas are far more than just people who come bearing Butterscotch candy and harrowing tales of walking to school in 40-foot-deep snow."Grandparents often hold a unique and powerful role in a child's life," shares Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "Unlike parents, who are typically responsible for daily structure and discipline, grandparents can offer a steady, nurturing presence that feels less pressured and more emotionally available. Grandparents also help pass down cultural values, traditions and family history, and this gives children a deeper sense of identity and belonging."He adds that grandparents can be emotional anchors for kids, especially if they're stressed at home. If you are a grandparent, Dr. Lira de la Rosa's words may be equal parts heart-warming and pressure-filled. You (understandably) want to get a powerful role "right."Psychologists share that there are no perfect grandparents, but there are some pretty great ones who have long-lasting effects on their grandkids. Here, they share more about grandparents who make the biggest impact on their grandchildren—including the 10 things these individuals usually Rule No. 1: Remember that, at the end of the day, Mom and Dad will get the final decision (unless you have custody of the grandchild)."One of the most impactful things a grandparent can do is support their own children as parents," says the co-founder of Phoenix Health. "When grandparents respect the parents' boundaries and choices, it strengthens the entire family system."Another psychologist shares similar sentiments."Even if you disagree, modeling respect for the parents teaches the children respect and consistency," reports , a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. As cheesy as it sounds, just being there can make all the difference to a child."One of the most impactful things a grandparent can do is spend quality time with their grandchild," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "This doesn't have to be anything elaborate—just being together, whether reading a book, gardening or chatting during a car ride, can help a child feel valued and loved. Time and attention show a child that they matter."Related: Dr. Lira de la Rosa says grandparents can significantly impact their grandchildren by listening openly and with patience."When a grandparent listens without immediately offering advice or judgment, the child feels heard and respected," he explains. "This builds emotional closeness and encourages the child to keep communicating." Dr. Lira de la Rosa loves it when grandmas and grandpas understand the power of words, which he says can make a lasting difference."Grandparents who notice and affirm a grandchild's efforts, whether in school, sports or just being kind, help build that child's self-confidence," he explains. "It shows the child that their hard work and who they are as a person are appreciated." You don't need a teaching degree to help a child develop into a lifelong learner."Grandparents can help encourage a child's love of learning and introduce them to new things that they otherwise may not have been exposed to," Dr. Guarnotta adds that reading together, doing crafts and connecting through other activities help promote curiosity and a desire to "Keep calm" isn't just a meme-friendly phrase. It's a trait to embody when you're with your grandkids—even the rowdy ones (especially the rowdy ones)."When life feels chaotic or stressful, having a grandparent who is consistently supportive and unshaken can be very reassuring," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Children often remember the sense of comfort and safety they felt just being in their grandparents' presence." Children have numerous career and educational options these days. However, developing kind kids is more important than developing kids who can code or use AI."Modeling kindness and compassion in everyday life teaches children how to treat others," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "Whether it's showing respect to a store clerk, helping a neighbor or talking about others with empathy, these moments shape a grandchild's understanding of how to move through the world."Related: Dr. Guarnotta says grandparents serve as the keepers of family history, culture and traditions. Sharing this wisdom with grandkids can have a profound impact."It can give children a sense of identity and belonging," she stresses. "When grandparents tell stories about their own lives or teach cultural values, they give grandchildren an understanding of where they came from, which strengthens the family bonds and supports healthy development." Dr. Saidi says that grandparents continue to share family traditions with grandkids and create new ones. Think ice cream on Friday afternoons, after-school FaceTimes, or arts and crafts on Saturdays."These rituals can provide comfort, structure and a sense of identity," she explains. We can overcomplicate things as we try to raise the next generation of humans. However, the simple act of meeting a child where they are with love is perhaps the most important thing you can do."Love them for who they are," Dr. Saidi says. "This kind of unconditional love is the most powerful way to build self-esteem."Related: All three psychologists agree: Grandparents should not undermine the parents. "Grandparents should try to avoid disagreements in front of the children, to avoid creating any loyalty conflicts or confusion," Dr. Saidi stresses. "Respecting boundaries is best for the child's sense of security."Now, this tip goes against the cliche that grandparents are the ones who bring sugar to no-sugar households and let their grandkids stay up late. "While it may seem harmless to 'bend the rules' sometimes, this can be confusing for children and drive a wedge between grandparents and their own children," Dr. Guarnotta warns. "This behavior also models to grandchildren that withholding information from parents is OK, which can have a negative impact on the grandchild's relationship with their own parents."Speaking of negative, Dr. Lira de la Rosa shares that it's important to avoid criticizing a child's parents in front of them."Even small comments can make children feel caught in the middle or uncertain about who to trust," he points out. "It can also create tension in the family and send mixed messages about rules and expectations." Up Next:Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Dr. Emily Guarnotta, Psy.D., the co-founder of Phoenix Health Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks Grandparents Who Make the Biggest Impact on Their Grandkids Usually Do These 10 Things, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on May 24, 2025
Yahoo
23-05-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
6 Signs of 'White Knight Syndrome'—Plus, How To Respond, According to a Psychologist
Heroes star in fairy tales and action movies, and it's natural to aspire to be one. However, when these aspirations go too far, they can develop into something called "white knight syndrome." While white knight syndrome is not a diagnosable mental health condition, it can still wreak havoc on interpersonal "hero" may not seem so appealing when you frame it like that. Understanding the signs of white knight syndrome in someone you know—and how to respond—can save you from unnecessary heartache in the workplace, your family or the dating scene. Here's what psychologists want you to Something Feels a Little Off, Make Sure You're Watching Out for These 40 Relationship Red Flags It's essentially behaviors and personality transformations used to describe someone with a compulsive need to "fix" or "save" someone, explains , a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor."At times, these behaviors come at the expense of the fixer, AKA the 'white knight,'" Dr. Hormats tells Parade. "It has also been called 'saviorism,' 'the messiah complex,' 'the damsel in distress complex,' 'heroism' and 'white knight narcissism.'" Dr. Hormats says people often don't feel "pure love" when a white knight gives them something."Rather than feeling supported by the knight's giving, you feel controlled, managed or manipulated," she explains. "In the case of a white knight, their saviorism is based on a fantasy of getting something in return. It's usually to alleviate some form of emptiness from years past: abandonment wounds [and] parentification."Related: The "gift" or "favors" aren't about making you feel good when dealing with a white knight."It's more about the giver," Dr. Hormats points out. "For example, you may receive a gift you never asked for, unsolicited advice or something you never wanted or needed. The nature of the gift itself is misattuned to who you are and what you need in the moment." White knights act like they're doing you favors, but you don't feel seen at all."You feel like you don't have much agency," she reveals. "Sometimes, you feel like you don't even exist. Your emotions don't matter. They give whether you ask for it or not."Related: Dr. Hormats says that the white knight's acts of giving don't bring you closer as a couple, colleagues or friends. "In fact, knights may unconsciously use giving as a way to create distance and push away their partners," she explains. "In this way, they may be unconsciously reenacting their early abandonment wounds or attachment traumas with early caregivers. By making you feel controlled or smothered, you may be unconsciously encouraged to pull away." White knight syndrome is a form of co-dependency."You become psychologically and neurologically dependent on the giver," warns Dr. Hormats. "Addictive neurological systems typically work based on the law of diminishing marginal returns. This means that the early acts of giving may have left you feeling excited, attended to and cared for (think: dopamine, adrenaline, cortisol)."Over time, she says you can become reliant on the "high" of the person's caretaking and rescuing."This is one sign that you may be taking on the role of the 'damsel in distress' who needs more and more rescuing in order to feel secure in the relationship," Dr. Hormats shares. "You may also develop or have a love addiction. Healthier patterns of relationship involve an overall balance of give-and-take. They stimulate neurotransmitters like serotonin and oxytocin." Dr. Hormats warns that relationships with white knights can get worse over time."As time ensues, you may have entirely abandoned your own feelings," Dr. Hormats says. "You lose sight of your own needs or question your ability to meet them because you become so dependent on the rescuer. You feel especially helpless or broken and question your sense of self and your reality. You may even develop depression or thoughts of suicide because your level of self-doubt is so intense."Related: Clarity can help you step into your power—seek it out."Whenever the white knight tries to encroach on your ability to take care of yourself, ask them if that is their intention," Dr. Hormats shares. "Ask them about their deeper motivation in the behaviors they are demonstrating for you. Get underneath the 'why' of the rescuing behaviors."Related: Dr. Hormats shares that communicating and setting boundaries early and often is critical, especially if they're crossed."White knights are often not aware of the degree to which they may be crossing personal or professional boundaries by overextending themselves in your space," she instance, Dr. Hormats is also an executive coach who regularly sees employees who stay late or pick up everyone else's work off-hours (often before they even know they've been assigned to something)."It's important to explain what about that behavior undermines the health of the team," Dr. Hormats instance, she shares that you might say, 'When you do my job before I've had a chance to start the assignment, it makes me feel like you want to manage and control the tasks I'm responsible for. I would appreciate it if you would stick to the work that you are assigned and allow me to do my job on my own timeframe.'Related: Your feelings matter."If a white knight is trying to encroach on your boundaries and makes you feel like you are weak, incapable, helpless or dependent, you might consider naming what is happening for you based on their behavior," Dr. Hormats suggests trying to discuss the situation, behavior and the impact it is having on instance, you might tell a white knight that you feel frustrated when they pick up takeout for dinner even though you've decided you want to eat more home-cooked meals. It makes you feel like they aren't supporting your goals to improve your health and the environment. Up Next:Dr. Catherine Hormats, Psy.D., a psychologist, psychoanalyst and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor
