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The Age
14-07-2025
- General
- The Age
After years caring for her family, Monique found a new priority
Monique van Tulder spent most of her life caring for others – putting her career on the backburner for her husband, raising her children and helping with the care of ageing parents. 'My husband was earning a lot more money, so from a family point of view, it made financial sense [to put my career on hold when I had children]. And I thought, 'OK, that's cool. This is just a few years'.' '[But] a few years became decades, and that's when the rot set in. I thought, 'is this it?'' At 54, she made the radical decision to leave her husband and two sons – then in their late teens – and travel Australia and Europe for eight months. The experience, which van Tulder details in her book, A Grown Up's Gap Year, fundamentally changed her life. 'I came alive again. It was as if I was living a life in sepia, and technicolor came into my life again,' she says. Rejecting the mental load Van Tulder's experience of the motherload is not unique. Leah Ruppanner, a professor of sociology and founding director of The Future of Work Lab and the Gender Equity Initiative at the University of Melbourne, says men are starting to take on a greater share of household work. Still, the amount of domestic work done by men in homes with dependent children (under 15) has not increased in the decades since 2002, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics survey.
Sydney Morning Herald
14-07-2025
- General
- Sydney Morning Herald
After years caring for her family, Monique found a new priority
Monique van Tulder spent most of her life caring for others – putting her career on the backburner for her husband, raising her children and helping with the care of ageing parents. 'My husband was earning a lot more money, so from a family point of view, it made financial sense [to put my career on hold when I had children]. And I thought, 'OK, that's cool. This is just a few years'.' '[But] a few years became decades, and that's when the rot set in. I thought, 'is this it?'' At 54, she made the radical decision to leave her husband and two sons – then in their late teens – and travel Australia and Europe for eight months. The experience, which van Tulder details in her book, A Grown Up's Gap Year, fundamentally changed her life. 'I came alive again. It was as if I was living a life in sepia, and technicolor came into my life again,' she says. Rejecting the mental load Van Tulder's experience of the motherload is not unique. Leah Ruppanner, a professor of sociology and founding director of The Future of Work Lab and the Gender Equity Initiative at the University of Melbourne, says men are starting to take on a greater share of household work. Still, the amount of domestic work done by men in homes with dependent children (under 15) has not increased in the decades since 2002, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics survey.
Sydney Morning Herald
03-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Sydney Morning Herald
‘It would be weird if she left': The pleasure and pain of adult kids at home
'It will take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parent's house,' Matthew McConaughey famously says in the 2006 film, Failure to Launch. And while his man-child character was played for laughs, staying in the family home long into adulthood is no longer a far-fetched Hollywood plot. As many as 50 per cent of 18 to 29-year-olds are living at home with their parents, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics (HILDA) survey by Melbourne University's Melbourne Institute. And it's not just the cost of living keeping the generations under the same roof. Demographers claim the milestones of adulthood – graduating higher education, marrying and having children – are now happening later in life. Add to this the financial strain that comes from the rising cost of housing and you find children are entering adulthood, but staying put. For those who have experienced the 'under my roof' lecture, the potential intergenerational tension is real. Loading Mikaela Binns-Rorke, 21 lives at home board-free with her mum, Natalie Binns, and her mum's partner, Jim Shields. The young actor is responsible for keeping her room, bathroom and living area clean and tidy and she helps out on household chores whenever she can. 'I often have to remind her about this side of the arrangement,' says Binns. 'She has witnessed her friends in share housing and that has been an eye-opener for her with all the expenses; I think she knows she has it pretty good here.' Chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, says the organisation is seeing a growing number of family groups seeking guidance around young adults living at home. She says there are ways to reduce the household tension, or eliminate it altogether.
The Age
03-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- The Age
‘It would be weird if she left': The pleasure and pain of adult kids at home
'It will take a stick of dynamite to get me out of my parent's house,' Matthew McConaughey famously says in the 2006 film, Failure to Launch. And while his man-child character was played for laughs, staying in the family home long into adulthood is no longer a far-fetched Hollywood plot. As many as 50 per cent of 18 to 29-year-olds are living at home with their parents, according to the latest Household, Income and Labour Dynamics (HILDA) survey by Melbourne University's Melbourne Institute. And it's not just the cost of living keeping the generations under the same roof. Demographers claim the milestones of adulthood – graduating higher education, marrying and having children – are now happening later in life. Add to this the financial strain that comes from the rising cost of housing and you find children are entering adulthood, but staying put. For those who have experienced the 'under my roof' lecture, the potential intergenerational tension is real. Loading Mikaela Binns-Rorke, 21 lives at home board-free with her mum, Natalie Binns, and her mum's partner, Jim Shields. The young actor is responsible for keeping her room, bathroom and living area clean and tidy and she helps out on household chores whenever she can. 'I often have to remind her about this side of the arrangement,' says Binns. 'She has witnessed her friends in share housing and that has been an eye-opener for her with all the expenses; I think she knows she has it pretty good here.' Chief executive of Relationships Australia NSW, Elisabeth Shaw, says the organisation is seeing a growing number of family groups seeking guidance around young adults living at home. She says there are ways to reduce the household tension, or eliminate it altogether.
