Latest news with #InstituteForAddressingStrangulation
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
School kids asking for advice on strangulation during sex - as abuse victim issues warning
Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating... I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route, Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me as a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
School kids asking for advice on strangulation during sex - as abuse victim recounts violent assault
Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationship to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating and I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route, Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me as a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
Sky News
09-05-2025
- Sky News
Schoolchildren asking for 'advice on strangulation during sex'
Why you can trust Sky News Schoolchildren are asking teachers how to strangle a partner during sex safely, a charity says, while official figures show an alarming rise in the crime related to domestic abuse cases. Warning: This article contains references to strangulation, domestic abuse and distressing images. It comes as a woman whose former partner almost strangled her to death in a rage has advised anyone in an abusive relationships to seek help and leave. Bernie Ryan, chief executive of the Institute for Addressing Strangulation, has been running the charity since its inception in 2022 after non-fatal strangulation became a standalone offence. "It's the ultimate form of control," she says. She says perpetrators and victims are getting younger, while the reason is unclear, but strangulation has seeped into popular culture and social media. "We hear lots of sex education providers, teachers saying that they're hearing it in schools. "We know teachers have been asked, 'how do I teach somebody to strangle safely?' "Our message is there is no safe way to strangle - the anatomy is the anatomy. Reduction in oxygen to the brain or blood flow will result in the same medical consequences, regardless of context." A recent review by Conservative peer Baroness Gabby Bertin recommended banning "degrading, violent and misogynistic content" online. Violent pornography showing women being choked during sex she found was "rife on mainstream platforms". Ms Ryan says she "wants to make sure that young people don't have access to activities that demonstrate that this is normal behaviour". Strangulation is a violent act that is often committed in abusive relationships. It is the second most common method used by men to kill women, the first is stabbing. According to statistics shared by the Crown Prosecution Service, in 2024 there was an almost 50% rise in incidents of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation - compared to the year before. Domestic abuse victim Kerry Allan has a message for anyone who is in an abusive relationship. Kerry met Michael Cosgrove in September 2022. While she said "at the beginning it was really good", within months he became physically abusive. In August last year her friends found his profile on a dating app. "I confronted him and he denied it. I knew we were going to get into a big argument and I couldn't face it, so I said I was going to my mum's for a few days and take myself away from the situation. "I came back a few days later and stupidly I agreed we could try again and everything escalated from that." In the early hours of 25 August the pair had come in from a night out at a concert and got into an argument. "He was having a go at me, accusing me of flirting with other people, and I was angry. I told him he had a nerve after what he'd done to me in the week and how he humiliated me. "I told him that I wanted to leave, that we were done and that I wanted to go to my mum's and that's when it got bad. "He pinned me to the bed and that's when he first strangled me." Kerry says this was the first time she'd ever been violently assaulted. Cosgrove was eerily silent as he eventually let go and Kerry gasped for air. "I remember trying to get my breath back, I was crying and hyperventilating and I was sick on the bedroom floor and I was asking him to go." Cosgrove strangled her for a second time before letting go again. "He was saying I wasn't getting out of this bedroom alive. I was dead tonight, he hoped that I knew that. Just kept saying how I'd ruined his life." "I remember feeling a sort of shock thinking at this point, I'm not going to get out of this bedroom, he's actually going to kill me." Kerry began screaming and shouting for help as loud as she could. Her neighbours heard the commotion and called the police. While they were en route Kerry was once again being assaulted. "I ran over to the bedroom window and tried to jump out, he grabbed me as I went to open the window, and we struggled. And then I was back in the same position, he was on top of me on the bed, and his hands were round the throat again. But this time it didn't stop. "I remember trying to struggle and trying to kick out and hit him and I just kept thinking that I definitely was going to die, because at this point, it wasn't stopping." The next memory Kerry has is opening her eyes to see police and paramedics in the bedroom. Cosgrove had heard the sirens, jumped out of the bedroom window and went to hide in Kerry's car. Kerry remembers opening her eyes to paramedics caring for her: "I remember thinking, I'm alive. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I was alive and I wasn't dead. My last memory is him being on top of me with his hands on my throat." She gives this advice to anyone who is in an abusive relationship: "Please speak to somebody, whether it's friends, family, a work colleague, whether it's somebody online, whether, it's a charity that you're directed to, any sort of abuse is not okay. "Whether it starts off emotional, they often start off that way, and they escalate, and they can escalate badly. "Take what happened to me is a huge warning sign, because I wouldn't want anyone else to be in the position I've been in the last eight months." Cosgrove was found guilty of attempting to murder Kerry and intentional strangulation. He will be sentenced in July.
BBC News
13-03-2025
- Health
- BBC News
'He strangled me without asking': The dangers of choking during sex
Warning: This story contains descriptions of sexual assault "He was on top of me - we were kissing and having sex, then suddenly he put his forearm on my neck and pressed hard with his full weight. I just froze."Rachel* had never slept with the man before. Speaking to the BBC, she says while the sex was consensual, the man began choking her without warning and without her consent - and that was deeply frightening."He just did it like it was normal and it caught me by surprise, so I just went with it," the 26-year-old says. "I didn't lose consciousness, but this numbness came over me and I just waited for it to stop."It happened again a fortnight later, Rachel says, with another man whom she had met on a dating site. Like the previous occasion, there was no discussion about choking beforehand."The actual strangling is a blank in my memory," she says. "His hands were round my neck, and then I disassociated with it until it ended."You go from feeling safe to losing control of the situation. I didn't have sex for a year afterwards because of how it made me feel alienated from my body."Both incidents were distressing for Rachel, who assumes the men who choked her must have seen it in pornography. "It felt like it was - in their minds - just a normal part of sex."A recent government review found porn involving non-fatal strangulation (NFS) was "rife" and that its prevalence online was contributing to choking filtering into some people's sex lives - particularly among young people. The BBC has spoken to women who've experienced choking during sex - both willingly and not - and to experts who say, while it may be more common, it is illegal and highly dangerous. When someone is strangled, pressure on the neck cuts off the blood supply to the brain, which can lead to feeling dizzy and light-headed. The level of oxygen in the body suddenly drops, while the build-up of carbon dioxide significantly increases. This can cause brain damage or even risks include loss of consciousness, strokes, seizures, and speech disorders. Choking can also lead to psychological problems such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and contribute to depression. Despite the health risks, a recent survey by the government-funded charity the Institute For Addressing Strangulation (IFAS), suggests strangling is most common in the 16-34 age group, with 35% of respondents reporting they had been choked by a partner during consensual sex. Only half who had experienced it said they had not agreed to being 16% of all UK-based respondents (385 out of 2,344) have been strangled once or more during consensual sex, and the data shows a slightly higher proportion of women have experienced it compared with people who engage in sexual asphyxiation say it intensifies pleasure - like Amanda*, who told the BBC she is regularly strangled by her boyfriend during what she calls rough sex."It gets us both off," the 28-year-old says. "I find the idea of turning him on a turn on, and I trust that he won't go too far and put lots of pressure on."It's an intimate thing with the person you trust the most, so you feel safe." A quick search on a mainstream adult website, and it takes just seconds to find a series of porn films featuring long sequences of non-fatal strangulation (NFS).The influence of pornography has resulted in strangulation becoming "standard behaviour" according to Prof Hannah Bows, from Durham University's Centre for Research into Violence and Abuse."What we've seen in the last 10 to 15 years is that it's become a glamorised, fantasised and celebrated form of 'normal' sexual encounters," she conclusions are reinforced by the findings of the porn industry review commissioned by former Prime Minister Rishi Sunak. It found content involving NFS was "rife on mainstream platforms", and recommended making, possessing or publishing porn showing women being strangled during sex, a crime. It isn't currently illegal to depict online. The government also said further action is needed to address the findings that graphic strangulation is becoming normalised in real life. Details of help and support with sexual abuse or violence are available in the UK at BBC Action Line NFS was made a specific offence in England and Wales in 2022, with a maximum prison sentence of five years. About 700 offenders were sentenced for non-fatal strangulation or suffocation offences between July 2022 and June 2023, crime statistics shared with the BBC show. There are no statistics on the number of people who have died from strangulation while having sex. The latest femicide census shows of the 2,000 women aged 14 or above who had been killed in the UK since 2014, strangulation was used in 550 (27%). Some 372 were strangled by an intimate National Police Chiefs' Council (NPCC) warns NFS can be used to control and coerce a partner by using physical strength to create fear - and studies suggest victims are seven times more likely to be murdered by their partner if there had been non-fatal strangulation beforehand. Amanda didn't know choking could be an offence in England and Wales, even if done consensually and for pleasure. "I had no idea," she says, "but it's our business and it's our sex life - and it's not like we both haven't talked about it."Her boyfriend agrees: "It's hot. We watch it on porn and so you think, 'if they do it and it works, why not us?' I might be more careful now though."However, Harriet Smailes, from the IFAS, says there is "no safe way to strangle". "We also know that consent for these acts is not always sought in advance, and an individual's ability to provide ongoing consent can be impeded by being strangled." Kama Melly KC, who specialises in prosecuting sexual offence cases, says NFS often occurs as an act of domestic violence, and can be difficult to prove due to a lack of visible injuries, eye witnesses, CCTV or forensic findings."The fact that there can be a loss of consciousness after just a few seconds - that means the victim doesn't have a very clear narrative of events," she Melly says defendants can claim strangulation during sex was consensual, although such a defence is not possible if the victim suffers serious harm. Assistant Commissioner Louisa Rolfe, the NPCC's lead for domestic abuse, wants people to think twice before engaging in sexual asphyxiation."I would say get yourself informed and really understand, because you're not a medical expert," she says. "You may feel that you're doing something that's safe, but all the research and evidence would suggest it's not."It's incredibly dangerous, so think through the consequences."*Names have been changed
