Latest news with #JSMUS
Boston Globe
25-04-2025
- Boston Globe
Was I single long enough?
Advertisement MY COUPLED SELF Related : A. I happen to believe we can grow, change, and learn lessons while in a relationship. One of the ways we do that is by doing stuff on our own — and with friends. I'm not asking you to force yourself to be alone on a day you might be with your partner, but I am saying … maybe challenge yourself to explore a new city without companionship. Spend a weekend visiting a friend on occasion. We had a podcast episode about our own travel writer, in which he admits he has spent very little time being single (he coupled up young, then coupled up again). He winds up missing out on single-person lessons, but learns them when he gets the Globe travel job. At that point, even though he was coupled, he had to go around the world alone, talk to strangers, navigate other languages, and spend time with his thoughts. It winds up teaching him plenty. (I Advertisement We all wonder what we might be doing if we traveled another route. If I had gone back to Maryland after college, I might have a very different life — and a strong Baltimore accent. I didn't do that, and now I'm here. You're where you are. No matter what path we've chosen, if we try new things, we're still learning. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: You know you are ready to move to another relationship when you are completely over your last relationship and you are excited to meet someone new. Otherwise there is no set way to grow and to know yourself and to move to new relationships. It's all different all the time. You say you are happy in the new relationship? I wonder. If you were I don't see you wanting to be anywhere else but with your new person. But you're questioning it. So take a look at why you are questioning it. JSMUS You can grow and learn things about yourself just as well as you can grow and learn things about yourself alone. It's a trap that people fall into thinking they can only grow when they're by themselves. It's not like you wake up one day fully formed; growth happens all the time. The problem you're having is with the relationship you're in, not your own growth. You seem uncertain and if you're pining for single life that should be a giant flag that you aren't fully committed to the person you're with. Advertisement SURFERROSA Providing your age would have been helpful; it's completely different stories to be 18 with your entire life ahead of you than in middle age. Obviously personal growth can occur anytime, but I don't believe you'd be writing a letter if you didn't have doubts that being in a relationship is holding you back from something. Do you know what that something is? PENSEUSE Related : Let me check my Dating Rules and Regulations manual, version 439. Yup there it is, page 276, section 4, Guidelines for Dating After a Breakup. Says right here: There are no rules about when to start dating after a breakup. Sarcasm aside, this isn't about time, it's about emotional healthiness and readiness. You don't want to bring baggage from old relationships into new ones. That said, you are spending a decent amount of time thinking about being single in your 'head over heels' relationship. Maybe you should take a break. Either from thinking about being single or your relationship. ASH We're supposed to figure out the meaning of life next? Where the sky ends? Why the chicken crossed the road? Seriously, stop contemplating what-ifs and live the life you've chosen. But if you really feel like shaking things up again, show this letter to your current gf. She'll likely give you all the what-ifs straight to the curb LUPELOVE Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from . Advertisement
Boston Globe
16-02-2025
- General
- Boston Globe
Found someone from my past
Related : It was just before Christmas. Eventually he told me his year was so depressing that he suffered from major mental health issues. I decided to put the brakes on the feel-good hormones. He has teenage kids, and he's only separated from his wife. There's still a lot to work out in his marriage. I haven't heard back from him and I haven't reached out either. But I want to. Do I? Advertisement CONTACT Related : A. If you owe him a text, sure, go for it, but for now, consider this is a friendship. If you don't owe him a message, leave it alone. He told you his life is complicated right now. He didn't ask for help or company. This whole thing started with a google session that led to a fact-finding mission . I'm guessing you did all that because you want real connection right now. You're trying to find people from your past because you're seeking … something . Companionship. Things to look forward to. You can find that without hopping into a time machine. It's amazing how quickly we can develop a shared history with someone new . All you have to do is find the right people. That's not always easy, I know. But if you go out, join groups, volunteer — all the things we talk about every week in Love Letters — your world starts to grow. Little by little. My advice is to look for someone who's available and detached from your history. If you do reach out to this former friend one more time, let him know you're around if he's ever in a good place to welcome company. MEREDITH Related : READERS RESPOND: I think what all of this means is that you are definitely interested in some sort of relationship (or just a romance), and that you really should be bending your energies to finding someone who is available, who is ready, and who is close. Advertisement JSMUS Lonely, middle-aged people do enjoy the time machine as it takes them back to the glory days when their fellow friends/students knew them at their peak of perfection. So they kind of want to coast on that foundational memory. Meeting someone new is more difficult but honest and rational. AUNTTIGGYWINK What happens when one's adrenaline stops rushing? One crashes. You gave him what he wanted … a sounding board. You aren't his caretaker so let him be himself. And when you start an interest in someone and he reveals that he has major mental health issues, it is perfectly acceptable to move on to someone else. BIGSIGH Leave this guy alone. He's had a rough year and more importantly, he's separated not divorced. I mean if you really just want to have a friend-with-benefits, nothing is stopping you, but it sounds like you see stars in the eyes and want more. He's NOT in that place. Use this as a sign that you're ready to date other people and get to know other people. I get it that you were excited to connect with someone from the past, but this doesn't sound like it will be something solid, given his current situation. Let it go. BKLYNMOM Ball is in his court and doesn't seem like he wants to play at this point. LEFTYLUCY7 Send your own relationship and dating questions to or Catch new episodes of wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from . Advertisement
