Found someone from my past
Related
:
It was just before Christmas. Eventually he told me his year was so depressing that he suffered from major mental health issues. I decided to put the brakes on the feel-good hormones. He has teenage kids, and he's only separated from his wife. There's still a lot to work out in his marriage.
I haven't heard back from him and I haven't reached out either.
But I want to. Do I?
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CONTACT
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A.
If you owe him a text, sure, go for it, but for now, consider this is a friendship.
If you
don't
owe him a message, leave it alone. He told you his life is complicated right now. He didn't ask for help or company.
This whole thing started with a google session that led to a
fact-finding mission
. I'm guessing you did all that because you want real connection right now. You're trying to find people from your past because you're seeking …
something
. Companionship. Things to look forward to.
You can find that without hopping into a time machine. It's amazing how quickly we can develop a shared history with someone
new
. All you have to do is find the right people.
That's not always easy, I know. But if you go out, join groups, volunteer — all the things we talk about every week in Love Letters — your world starts to grow. Little by little.
My advice is to look for someone who's available and detached from your history. If you
do
reach out to this former friend one more time, let him know you're around if he's ever in a good place to welcome company.
MEREDITH
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READERS RESPOND:
I think what all of this means is that you are definitely interested in some sort of relationship (or just a romance), and that you really should be bending your energies to finding someone who is available, who is ready, and who is close.
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JSMUS
Lonely, middle-aged people do enjoy the time machine as it takes them back to the glory days when their fellow friends/students knew them at their peak of perfection. So they kind of want to coast on that foundational memory. Meeting someone new is more difficult but honest and rational.
AUNTTIGGYWINK
What happens when one's adrenaline stops rushing? One crashes. You gave him what he wanted … a sounding board.
You aren't his caretaker
so let him be himself. And when you start an interest in someone and he reveals that he has major mental health issues, it is perfectly acceptable to move on to someone else.
BIGSIGH
Leave this guy alone. He's had a rough year and more importantly, he's separated not divorced. I mean if you really just want to have a friend-with-benefits, nothing is stopping you, but it sounds like you see stars in the eyes and want more. He's NOT in that place. Use this as a sign that you're ready to date other people and get to know other people. I get it that you were excited to connect with someone from the past, but this doesn't sound like it will be something solid, given his current situation. Let it go.
BKLYNMOM
Ball is in his court and doesn't seem like he wants to play at this point.
LEFTYLUCY7
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